His voice went soft as he took my shoulders and gently squeezed them. “I thought you wanted this too.”
“I do, but not when I have a screaming headache. It’s my first time. It’s a big deal.” I finally looked back at him.
His smile was sweet as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. “It’s just sex, babe.”
Mom’s words rang through my head, “There’s no such thing as just sex. I hate the way people cheapen it like that.” And I couldn’t help asking. “Do you love me?”
“What?” He looked incredulous and about ready to gag.
“Do you love me?” I repeated the words slowly.
His chuckle was filled with nervous energy as he rubbed my arm and gently lowered his hands, shoving them into his jean pockets. “We’ve only been together a couple months, it’s a little early to start pulling out the L word, isn’t it?”
“But it’s not too early to be screwing each other?” I retorted.
“What is your problem today?” Once again his voice and face didn’t match. He looked so much more annoyed than he sounded. I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temples, feeling the onset of another throbbing headache.
“We’re teenagers, Caitlyn. Of course we want sex.” I couldn’t help noticing the way his eyes trailed down my body, hunger obvious in his dark expression.
Hugging the blanket to my chest, I looked at the grass. “You know what? Maybe I’m not ready. I thought I was but...I’m sorry, okay?” I shook my head.
“Yeah.” Chase nodded, looking away. “Whatever. Cool. We can wait.” I saw straight through his shrug. He was super pissed and totally lying to me.
For some reason his inability to hide his true feelings really irked me. I snapped and retaliated with my standard sarcasm. “Well if you want it so bad, maybe you should go hook up with someone else.”
His face lit with pleasant surprise. “You’d be okay with me doing that? Sleeping with other girls while we were still together?”
My eyes bulged before I could stop them. I stepped away from him, not knowing whether to cry or punch him in the face.
“Babe.” He grinned. “That was a joke.”
“No it wasn’t.”
He looked confused, surprised that I was able to see that. Guilt flashed over his features and then scuttled away to be replaced by confusion again. I could see his disbelieving smile. He was opening his mouth to no doubt convince me I was seeing things.
And maybe he was right. I was seeing things.
Real things.
Things I had never noticed before.
All of Chase’s sweet comments...the tone of his voice...were all a farce. He wanted me for sex...and that was it. He had been willing to put in a few months of his time to get it, but if I wasn’t going to put out then he wasn’t going to wait around.
“You know what...” I passed the picnic blanket back to him. “You go sleep with whoever you want, because we’re not together anymore.”
He didn’t really look that disappointed as he took the blanket off me and let me walk away on my own.
5
I crossed my arms tightly around my body and stumbled over the grass. As soon as I hit the pavement, I ran. I reached Stella’s house ten minutes later. I wasn’t usually out of breath after running for ten minutes, but I had been crying most of the way, so when Stella opened the door I was a huffing, puffing mess.
“What happened?” Her green eyes were wide as she grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.
“I just dumped Chase.” I finally hiccupped when she sat me down on her bed.
Flicking the door shut, she spun around to face me. “Why?”
“Because he only wanted me for sex.” I sniffed and wiped at my tears. The crying fit was so not helping my headache.
Stella perched on the bed next to me with a Kleenex in her hand. I snatched it off her and blew my nose, dabbing my puffy eyes. My best friend stayed silent as I pulled myself together. Finally I drew in a long, slow breath.
“I mean I know he’s been around a little. I know it was unrealistic for him to actually like me, but I really thought he did. We got on great, you know? I thought sex would have been an added bonus for us, not the be and end all.” I looked up, forcing a watery smile.
Stella sighed, her hand running slow circles over my back. I looked into her eyes and felt my stomach sink.
Was she smiling?
I blinked and looked at her again.
No, she was sad for me, but...but the longer I looked, the more I saw the sadness slip away. It was like a layer of falsehood fell off her expression and I could see the quiet glee. I gasped and sat back from her.
“Caity, are you okay?” Her voice sounded concerned, but her irritated frown told me something completely different. She didn’t want to have to deal with her upset friend. She didn’t even care that Chase was being a jerk...she was happy about it.
“Stella...” I didn’t know what to say to her. I shook my head, bile surging in my stomach.
“Caitlyn?” Stella patted my back. “You look kind of pale. Please don’t puke on my carpet, okay?” She said it with a giggle, but her expression told me otherwise.
What the hell is wrong with people today? Why is everyone so mad at me?
“I gotta go.” I jerked off the bed and nearly crashed into the door. Wrestling with the handle, I finally yanked it open and made a beeline for the front door.
“Caity?” Stella rushed after me. I didn’t want to, but couldn’t help myself; I paused at the door and turned to look at her. Her brow was creased with worry, her lips slightly parted. There she was. The Stella I knew and loved, but once again, the longer I looked, the more I could see. As her worry slipped away, I saw it all—her irritation with my pathetic, crying self, and her complete lack of concern for me.
Bereft of words, I flung the door shut and raced down the path. The day was only getting weirder. Why were the people closest to me acting like selfish jerks?
Finding a steady rhythm, I made it back to the beach quickly. Nature and exercise usually calmed me. It sort of worked, but by the time I hit the sand, my head was killing me. I slowed to a walk, stopping to whip off my shoes, so I could feel the grains between my toes. I scanned the beach, hoping not to see Chase. Thankfully I didn’t spot him amongst the scattered faces.
Not wanting to catch anyone’s eye, I kept my head down and focused instead on the lumpy sand and the sound of the ocean.
I made it to the section of beach that was parallel to my house. We were about eight blocks inland and I was more than happy to walk that. I didn’t want to go home yet. I needed the fresh air kissing my skin and I certainly didn’t want to talk to anybody.
I headed up to the road, not taking notice of those around me. I did spot one surfer hustling up the beach out of the corner of my eye, but I ignored him, hunching my shoulders and keeping my eyes on the ground.
“Hey, Caitlyn.”
I jolted at his friendly greeting and couldn’t help looking up.
Eric? Why was he talking to me? I stared at his friendly smile and waited...waited for it to slide away and be replaced with something else...like anger or frustration.
But nothing.
His smile stayed in place only transitioning slightly to a look of genuine concern.
“Hey, are you okay?” He pushed his surfboard into the sand and held it to his side.
“No.” I have no idea what compelled me to be honest. I think it was utter confusion at the friendly expression on his face.
“What’s up?” He tipped his head, his expression and voice matching perfectly.
I squinted up at him, my sore eyes and head making me unaware of his luscious form. Maybe I had imagined Chase and Stella’s reactions to me. Maybe I had just projected what I thought they might feel.
No, wait a sec. That didn’t work. If the day had been normal then Eric Shore would not be looking at me as if he were interested in what I had to say.
“You’re not an asshole
.” I shook my head, rubbing at my aching temples.
“Um...” He frowned, but not a mean one, more like a confused, comical one. “Okay, uh thank you? I think.” His brows dipped together and he grinned. “How am I supposed to respond to that?”
“You’re not.” I waved my hand, feeling out of it. “It’s just...why are you being nice to me?”
His hazel eyes softened. “Because I’ve never seen you look so pale. Plus I’m a nice guy.” He shrugged, putting on a nonchalant air, but I saw straight through it. Was he blushing?
“No, you’re not a nice guy.” I murmured.
Wait. What did I just say? Where is this honesty coming from?
I cringed and shook my head. “You’re always ignoring me.”
He pursed his lips and looked out to the ocean, wrinkling his nose. “That’s only because you’re always with your friends...and all they seem to want to do is drool over me. I’m not a huge fan of being mentally undressed every time I step out my front door.”
I loved his answer and if I hadn’t been feeling so sick I would have smiled and no doubt giggled like his little sister always did. Instead I went for sarcasm and rolled my eyes. “It must suck being so good looking.”
“Well, you should know.” He grinned.
I don’t know how I remained standing. He was flirting with me. My eyes must have totally bugged out, because he kind of snickered and looked to the ground, trying to hide the fact he’d just blown his cover, but I saw it. He thought I was cute.
Eric Shore thought I was cute.
“This day could not get any weirder,” I mumbled.
His steady gazed pierced me, his concern obvious. I didn’t think he’d be that interested in me explaining it all and to be honest, I didn’t even know if I could. I had no idea what was going on. I was freaked out, tired, aching and confused. All I wanted to do was crawl into bed and forget the day had even started.
I turned to leave, not even bothering with a goodbye, which was so unlike me. My parents were all about the manners.
“Hey, Caitlyn.” Eric’s soft voice was consistent with his tender touch on my arm. “Seriously, if you do ever need someone to talk to, I’m here, okay?”
I could barely comprehend what he was saying, so I just nodded like an idiot. His smile was sweet and true as he tucked his surfboard under his arm. With a short wave, he headed back toward the ocean. Normally I would have stayed and watched his divine body hit the water, and admire the way his arms moved as he paddled out past the break. But it was not a normal day, so instead, I crossed my arms and headed home.
6
I crawled into bed and stayed there, refusing dinner. I kept my head under the covers when Mom came in to talk to me. She didn’t seem overly fazed. I’d had migraines before and she knew the best cure was sleep and lots of water. She brought me a big glass of ice and a pitcher of water then left me alone.
It was a relief. I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to look at her face and see her soft expression slip away to reveal something I didn’t want to know.
I didn’t want to see people differently. I wanted things to go back to normal. Why was this happening to me?
My plan was to spend the rest of eternity locked in my room, but unfortunately a new day dawned and brought with it a fresh wave of Stella.
She called and texted me relentlessly until I finally answered my phone. I should have just switched the damn thing off and was annoyed I only thought of that when I answered.
“Caitlyn.” Her voice was crisp. “I don’t know what the hell was up with you yesterday, but you need to get out and come with me to the beach. We can sit in the sand, watch the guys try to impress us with their sporting skills and you and Chase can sort it out.”
“I don’t want—“
“We’re all meeting at Will Rogers Beach. See you in thirty minutes.”
And she was gone.
I checked my watch. Eleven-thirty a.m. Stella time meant I had until at least twelve-fifteen. I could probably pull that off. I sat up slowly, expecting my headache to kick in the second I moved, but it didn’t. Rubbing my forehead, I blinked a few times and had the fleeting thought that yesterday must have been a nightmare, one I had finally woken from.
That made me feel better and helped me get my body moving. After a shower and a big glass of water, I bounced down the stairs. I was still a little nervous about bumping into Mom. What if she looked different?
Pausing at the landing, I drew in a slow breath, trailing my hand along the wall as I walked towards the kitchen. She was out on the deck, her feet perched on the table, a magazine in her hands. The wind was ruffling her hair as she sipped her steaming cup of herbal tea.
“Morning,” I mumbled, taking a seat beside her and pulling her leftover fruit towards me.
“Hey, sweetie. How are you feeling this morning?”
Popping a grape into my mouth, I squinted in the sunlight and nodded. “Okay.”
She ran her hand over my head, smoothing down my drying frizz. I tried to read her expression, but with shades on it was hard to tell what she was thinking. I liked that. I didn’t want to look into her eyes just then.
“You weren’t drinking on Friday, were you?” Her tone was light, but I could see the tightness of her smile.
“Mom, really? You have to ask me that?”
“Well, I don’t want to, but I feel like it’s my parental duty to check.”
I sighed and reached for some apple. “No, Mother. I was not drinking. I don’t know what brought the headache on, but it’s gone now. I’m heading to the beach with Stella soon.”
“The fresh air will do you good.” She smiled, lifting her glasses. At first I was afraid to look, but I had to check. Gazing into her eyes, I searched for any trace of falsehood, but what I saw was real. Mom’s expression didn’t waver as she grinned at me. I smiled back, relief flooding through me. The headache must have been messing with me. Everything that happened yesterday was just a warped reality…although the Chase thing still seemed pretty real.
I stood from the table and muttered something about getting my stuff. I was nervous about seeing Chase again...and Stella, even though Mom had just proved to me that yesterday might not have been real. Grabbing my keys and a towel, I stuffed everything inside my bag and headed for my car. Well, it wasn’t my car. It was Holly’s hand me down. She threw me the keys the day she moved to Hawaii. I had only been fourteen at the time. My father had snatched them off me and told me he’d keep it in good knick until I was old enough. It would never be the nicest car in the lot, but I liked it. My 1999 Mini Cooper. I tried to imagine that I was in the Italian Job when I was driving it. It didn’t make my car any shinier, but it definitely made me feel cooler.
I made it to the beach at twelve-ten and to my surprise, Stella had beaten me there. She was waiting for me on the brown grass. I smiled at her and she waved back with a grin. My static nerves began to settle as I hitched my bag up on my shoulder and walked toward her.
She was wearing shades, like me, but that was okay. I didn’t need to see her eyes to know things were back to normal. Her whole demeanor was friendly.
I was about to give her a warm hello when she lifted her shades. Her eyes were alight with lust. That was the only way to describe it. Glancing over my shoulder, I followed her line of sight and saw Eric jumping out of his jeep with his two little sisters in tow. Poppy and Lacey were squabbling over a frisbee, which Eric quickly snatched off them. They jumped and tried to reach it, giggling and pushing each other while yanking on his shirt. He grinned and ran ahead of them.
I turned back to spot Stella watching the exchange. Her hungry eyes were on fire and I couldn’t see a scrap of her usual subtle flirting. Eric took the trail that led straight toward us. His eyes were down, obviously trying to avoid coming in contact with Stella’s leering gaze. Were we that obvious? No wonder he hated it. Stella was repulsing me too.
“Hey, Eric,” she said in a husky voice, running her tongue
over her top lip.
Oh she didn’t.
I grimaced.
He nodded politely, lifting his hand with a short wave. He wouldn’t look at either of us and I didn’t blame him.
“Hi, Caitlyn.” Lacey grinned as she bounced past me. I waved, unable to form any words. I was still too grossed out by Stella’s mental undressing of Eric.
“Come on, Stella, let’s go.” I tugged on her arm.
“Just one more minute.” She spun to watch Eric’s sleek frame make it all the way to the sand. I mean I got it, I enjoyed watching him too, but Stella looked ready to eat him alive.
“Do you have to leer at him like that? I don’t think he likes it very much.” I kept my voice light, hoping not to offend her.
“What do you mean?” She whipped around to face me, looking guilty and surprised. “I wasn’t leering.”
An innocent veneer swept across her face, but it didn’t take a second for it to fall away. She was totally exposed to me…and she had no idea. She shrugged; smiling with what she obviously thought was her adorable grin. To me it just looked forced and weird.
Yesterday was clearly not going to be a one off.
I tried not to let it bug me as I made my way to the sand. I noticed Eric had taken his sisters as far away from my crowd as possible. Part of me wanted to go and join him and his sisters. Playing frisbee with them seemed so much more appealing than what I was about to do. But my friends would never get it and Stella would kill me, assuming I was flirting with a guy she had her eye on.
Dragging my feet a little, I forced myself to catch up with Stella, dumping my bag on the ground next to Audi and Indie. I greeted both of them, but didn’t really want to get into a conversation. Instead I kept my eyes on the ocean.
Audi was going on about Kurt and their night of clubbing. I so didn’t want to hear about it. Friday night was the beginning of the end for me. Stella started giggling as Audi went on about Sean and Chase getting drunk off their faces and dancing like fools.
My mood grew blacker by the second. I wanted to get out of there. I wanted to go back to bed. It didn’t help that I had spotted Chase. He was playing volleyball with the guys. They were all shirtless and looking mighty proud of themselves as they spiked the ball and jumped around heroically. They made it look so dramatic. I rolled my eyes before taking in different facial expressions, frowning as every emotion was laid bare before me.
True Colors Page 4
