by Carlos King
“I beg to differ,” Mike spoke up. “There’s been a few occasions when I took a less than cute chick back to the crib to get a little action. Shit, as long as nobody knows about it, what’s the worst that could happen? It’ll just be between me and the ugly bitch.”
Jovon looks over at Mike. “I’ma tell you why it’s not cool to talk to an ugly bitch, neither in private nor public. Let’s take this current situation for example. Now this fat bitch already knows she’s not the pick of the litter, and that’s why she sent me this drink. She’s trying to butter me up. So let’s say I entertain her and whatever thoughts she has in her head, even if I was just doing it to be polite. There’s a possibility one of two things will happen. The first being she could possibly take my kind hearted gesture in the wrong way and actually start believing I’m interested in her, which clearly isn’t the case.”
“And the second?” Lewis asked.
“Second, I entertain her little crush on me and she goes back and tells her friends. Now when you have a porker like that, it’s all but certain she’s gonna have some fine ass friends. Fine bitches always stick at least one horrible looking girl in the group just so they can feel better about themselves, but that’s beside’s the point. My point in this instance is once the porker goes back to her friends and tells them I’m into her, which I’m not, that’ll automatically cuts me off from every fine bitch in the group, and that’s fucked up because technically, all I did was be polite to the big bitch.”
Lewis asks, “So how do you avoid that situation?”
“You address it ASAP. You let the girl know what’s up as boldly and as harshly as you possibly can to make sure she gets the picture.”
“But if you hurt the ugly girl’s feelings, wouldn’t that make you look like a royal dick to the rest of her friends?”
Jovon picks up his drink. “Of course, but that shit will only last for as long as they’re trying to console the bitch. Once that period is over, their curiosity will begin to build and they’ll soon find themselves asking, “Who is this guy?”. No matter what you heard, females love a guy who partially treats them like shit. I mean don’t be a complete dick, but whatever you do, don’t be a complete softy either. It’s a known fact that women eat good guys for breakfast.”
“So cut their ass off ASAP?” Lewis reiterated.
“I’ll tell you what. I’ll demonstrate what you need to do.” Jovon finishes his drink and places the empty glass back on the table.
“On who,” Mike asked, “the girl who just sent you the drink?”
“Yeah. Why not?” Jovon answered briskly. Jovon calls out to the waitress. “Excuse me, sweetheart. Could you tell the young lady who ordered this drink to come sit with us please?”
Looking shocked that Jovon’s requesting Ebony’s presence, the waitress hesitantly walks back to the bar and delivers Jovon’s message. Ebony gets up and walks over to Jovon’s table, smiling from ear to ear. Once she arrives at his table, she can’t help but feel a little anxious, but Jovon does his best to make her feel comfortable.
“How you doing, Miss…I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.”
“My name is Ebony—Ebony Brooks. We go to the same gym.”
“Oh really?” Jovon asked, seemingly fascinated. “I’ve never noticed you before.”
“Yeah, well I’ve only been there for a week and I kind of keep to myself. But I have noticed you up there on several occasions.”
Jovon smiles charmingly. “You did, huh?”
“Yeah,” Ebony answered, shedding her shyness. “I’ve actually wanted to approach you for a while now, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It took me a minute to build up enough courage to send you a drink. I thought I was going to pass out when the waitress told me you wanted to talk to me.”
Jovon scrunches his lips. “Damn, hearing all that just made this all the more difficult.”
Slightly confused, Ebony says, “I’m sorry…I don’t understand.”
Lewis and Mike exchange odd glances with one another. They know this conversation is about to take a very ugly turn.
“Ebony, I’m not interested in you,” Jovon admitted crudely. “I’ve never seen you before, don’t care to ever see you again and in all honesty, I seriously fucking doubt you’ll ever be anybody I would ever even be remotely interested in. Sorry.”
Shocked and hurt by his blunt admission, Ebony can only think to say, “What?”
“Don’t take it personal, baby, but you’re just not my type. I’m more into the superficial type. You know, cute as hell and thick in all the right places. Hate to sound like a prick, but you’re just not that type.”
Ebony tries to hold back her tears.
Don’t cry, sweetie. I’m sure there’s somebody out there for you. And just so there’s no hard feelings, take this”—Jovon places two twenty dollar bills on the table. “Have a few rounds on me.” Jovon rises to his feet, grabs his jacket from the back of his chair and turns to Mike and Lewis, who are still seated, dumbfounded by what they’ve just witnessed. “Come on, y’all. Let’s go.”
As Jovon, Lewis and Mike make their way towards the exit, Jovon’s glances at his watch. As he and the guys pass by the table where Vinny and the woman in black are seated, Jovon stops and taps Vinny on the shoulder. “Yo’ Vin, we gotta go, man.”
“Okay, J,” Vinny replied, turning back to the woman in order to put the final play of the game-plan into motion. While Vinny is wrapping up his conversation with the lady in black, Jovon looks back at his table and notices the girl, who he just embarrassed, is still sitting there crying. Being the carefree person he is, he shrugs it off and continues heading for the exit. Once outside, Jovon, Lewis and Mike wait for Vinny to join them. Vinny finally emerges from the lounge and immediately hugs Jovon.
Lifting Jovon of the ground, Vinny exclaims, “You beautiful son of a bitch, it worked! I can’t believe how smooth that shit went. I was polite, sincere, caring and I acted like I wasn’t even interested in her. It’s crazy, too, ‘cause the whole time I was sitting there I kept wondering if me and her ever had sex, would I be able to last more than seven minutes…And to be honest, as fine as she is, I don’t think I could. Jovon Smooth, you are the man!”
“I know,” Jovon huffishly concurred, fixing his jacket.
“I told you Jovon knows his shit,” said Lewis, placing a hand on Jovon’s shoulder.
“Stop kissing his ass, Lew,” Mike stepped in. “He already said he’ll teach yo’ ass when he’s done with Vinny. Stop swinging from his testicles.”
“Fuck yoself, bitch” Lewis retorted.
“I’m serious, Jovon,” Vinny continued. “The shit you know about women is amazing, man. We could probably travel the country and have seminars on the shit you know. Do you know how many guys settle for prostitutes and ugly bitches all around the country? With all you know about broads, every guy, whether good looking like you or—or—fuck it—I’ll say it…Funny looking like me...They, too, can have a woman that’s as fine as pubic hair. Do you know how much money that shit could be worth?”
Jovon laughed. “It’s not about the money, Vin. It’s all about doing what others can’t. It’s about pulling the type of females that most men could only dream of. You can’t put a price on something like that.”
“Damn, J, you always kicking that deep shit,” said Lewis. “Are you ever wrong about anything?”
Jovon smugly says, “What do you think?”
Back inside the bar, Ebony is still sitting at the table, heartbroken. In between wiping her eyes and sipping her drink, she notices one of the guys left their hairbrush behind. She picks the brush up and studies it. She turns the brush over and spots an engraved name on the back it. The name reads JOVON. Realizing what she has in her hand, Ebony no longer has a pained expression on her face. Her frown quickly morphs into a devilish smile. What she holds in her hand is all she’ll need to get revenge against the one who crushed her heart with callous disregard.
Chapter 5
Within the hour, Ebony is entering her pitch black apartment. She walks through her darkened domicile, heading straight for the bedroom. She proceeds to place a number of candles on the floor, setting them up so they form a large circle. She uses a lighter to ignite the wick on each candle. Once the final candle is lit, she grabs Jovon’s brush and pulls several short strings of hair from it. Kneeling in the center of the candle-lit circle, she begins speaking in tongues as she drops the tiny hairs in a bowl of thick, dark liquid. She then pours the dark liquid out into tiny droplets, surrounding herself. By the time she completes this step, she has poured out a total of thirty droplets of the mysterious liquid. After a few more incomprehensible chants, Ebony has finally completed her objective.
With a fiendish grin, she says, “We’ll see what type of girls you get now, Mr. Jovon.”
THE NEXT MORNING: DAY 1
Jovon is lying in bed with the covers pulled over his head. As soon as his clock hits 6 a.m. the alarm sounds. Jovon reaches from under the covers, aims the remote at the clock and shuts it off. After a few seconds pass, Jovon forces himself out of bed and heads straight for the bathroom. Once inside, he walks pass the medicine cabinet mirror, heads straight to the toilet and urinates. When he‘s done relieving himself, he re-approaches the mirror. It doesn’t take long for Jovon to notice something out of place.
“What the hell is that?” Jovon rubs a finger across the area of skin under his eyes. Blemishes have formed under both. “Where the hell did these dark ass rings come from? Looks like I ain’t slept in days.”
Not really giving his condition too much thought, Jovon shrugs off his newly formed blemishes as typical bag lines and attributes them to a sleep deprived night. Before walking out of the bathroom, he stares in the mirror and says, “You still look good, though.”
Jovon goes on with his daily preparation for work. He throws on another fancy suit, adds another expensive watch to the mixture and tops off the ensemble with an expensive pair of sunglasses. He hops into his luxury car and heads out to work.
Jovon still captures the same amount of attention as any other day as he moves through his law firm’s building, heading for his office. But unlike every other day, Jovon is somewhat self-conscious about the rings under his eyes, so he keeps his sunglasses on. Once Jovon enters his office, it doesn’t take long before Vinny comes trailing in behind him.
“There’s the man of the hour,” Vinny said as he crossed the threshold of Jovon’s office. “How are you, you wonderful bastard?”
“Good, I guess.”
“What’s up with the shades? You do know you’re inside now, right?”
“That’s not why I’m wearing them.”
Vinny stands in front of Jovon’s desk, his hands tucked in the pockets of his slacks. “What’s the matter with you? You hung over or something?”
“It ain’t that, either.” Jovon takes off the sunglasses.
“Whoa!,” Vinny stared at Jovon, perplexed. “Shit, did you get any sleep at all last night?”
“Yeah. I got put to bed by twelve and I didn’t wake up until 6 this morning. That’s about how much sleep I get on any given night.”
“What do you mean you got put to bed?”
“Oh,” Jovon smirks, “I had one of my lovely’s come over for a couple hours when I got back home.”
“Oh yeah,” Vinny sat on the edge of Jovon’s desk. “Which one?”
“Lisa,” Jovon answered.
“You mean the one with the kickball booty? God, I’d love to be you just for one day. Just so I could have an all access pass to at least three of the females in your black book.”
“What are you talking about? You don’t need to be me for a day. You got that fine ass chick from last night getting ready to join your team. You don’t need none of mine. By the way, what’s baby girl’s name?”
“Natasha!” Vinny said with a wide smile. “Oh, I meant to tell you that she called me last night. She called so I could store her number in my phone.”
“What,” Jovon enthusiastically grinned.
“That’s good right?”
“Hell yeah, that’s good,” Jovon readily answered. “That means y’all conversation was so good it left her wanting more. That’s a huge move when a woman is willing to take a chance and give a complete stranger her number…Especially when that stranger sounds like a hitman.”
“Hey, forget about it,” Vinny said proudly. “So when do you think I should call her?”
“Give it about 4 days.”
“Damn, ain’t that a bit long?” Vinny asked.
“No, that’s actually a perfect time frame. There’s a good chance she’s gonna call you before the four days are up anyway. But just in case she doesn’t, four days is a short enough time period to let her know you haven’t forgotten about her and it’s also a long enough period to keep her from getting the impression you might be a potential bug-a-boo. Women hate that shit.”
“Genius…Fucking genius,” Vinny grinned. “So what are you about to do?”
“I think I’m gonna clear my schedule for the day and go back home. I obviously need to catch up on some beauty sleep.”
“You know that’s not a bad idea. You look a little too much like Edward Scissorhands over here…But hey, that’s just my personal opinion.”
“Yeah, I really don’t feel like I’m being the sexiest Jovon I can be right now.” Jovon reaches across his desk and hits the intercom button on his office phone.
“Yes, Mr. Smooth,” Julie, Jovon’s secretary, came back.
“Hey, Julie, can you please clear my schedule for today? Just push everything up to tomorrow.”
“No problem, Mr. Smooth. Will there be anything else.”
“No, that’ll be all. Thanks, Julie.”
Vinny adds, “Yeah, thank you, Ju”—
Vinny is abruptly cut off when Julie hangs up her phone.
“Shit,” Vinny said. He looks over at Jovon. “Is what I did really that damn horrible? From the way she’s acting you’d think I whacked or something or something. Damn, all I did was take her best friend out.”
“I don’t think it was the taking her friend out part that pissed her off most. I think it was when you had sex with her friend that threw her off. Or maybe it’s because they were roommates, and she actually walked in and caught you two having sex on her couch. And I’m fairly sure that you asking her to join in didn’t help the situation much.”
“Well excuse the hell outta me for getting caught up in the moment.”
Jovon puts his glasses back on as he heads for his office door. He and Vinny exit his office. As they approach Julie’s desk, Jovon asks, “So what’re you and the fellas getting into tonight?”
Vinny stops at Julie’s desk and looks her square in the eyes. In a soft, seductive tone, he replies, “I’m getting into Julie tonight if she’ll let me.”
“No thanks, Tiny Tim,” Julie snapped back. “In case you’ve forgotten, you slept with my roommate. She told me in detail how she didn’t even know you two were having sex until you started moaning and asking her if she was enjoying it.”
Vinny glances over at Jovon with an obvious look of embarrassment. Jovon, on the other hand, acts as if he’s heard nothing. Vinny turns back to Julie. “What?”
Julie smirks. “Yeah, she told me you’re only carrying a pack of Now-and-Laters down there.”
Jovon tries to hold back his laughter. Vinny immediately goes on the defensive, trying to save face. “That’s bullshit!” Vinny exclaimed.
“It’s okay,” said Julie. “I mean, that’s something that’s completely out of your control. If all men could select their penis size, no one would pick the extra smalls.”
“Extra small!?” Vinny repeated, clearly offended. “I’ll whip my shit out right now!”
Jovon quickly interrupts. “Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Now you my boy and all, but ain’t no way in hell I’ma let you whip your manhood out in front of my damn office. In case you’ve forgotte
n, this is a law firm. Does the words ‘sexual harassment’ mean anything to you?”
“Yeah, you’re right,” said Vinny, calming down. “That would be very unprofessional of me. I’m a lawyer and I know better than to do something like that. Besides, they have cameras hidden all over this place.”
Jovon appears to be caught off guard by that last tidbit of information. “Wait, they do?”
Jovon’s memory instantly flashes back to the numerous times he’s had sex in his office with several of his female clients. Jovon nervously asks, “If they caught someone on camera doing something they probably should’ve been doing, how long do you think it would take for them to bring it up?”
“Huh?” Vinny asked, lost.
