One book catches my eye so I pull it off the shelf. It’s not modern by any means, but it’s one of my favourites.
Little Women — now this is a book I love and l will easily get lost between each page.
Chapter Six
Alekzander
Today is turning out to be another shit day. Half of the people we have visited haven’t got the means to pay, so my knuckles ache with the amount of times I have had to punch someone. It’s not helping that I can’t get what happened with Emma out of my mind. I had hoped that she would understand, but there is just too much for her to take in. I hope she doesn’t reject me because of it.
I know my flaws and my weaknesses, but I just can’t seem to help myself. I want to be happy and guilt free, but while I’m suffering in my own head, I can’t see how that’s ever going to happen. She needs better than the likes of me.
I don’t understand how she thinks she isn’t worthy of me. That girl has survived worse than hell and has become so much stronger, with more fight than anyone I know. But she doubts herself way too much, and if it’s me she wants then I’m just going to have to show her that she is worth it. That she deserves to rule the world and have everything she wants out of life.
“Alek, we ready to hit the road?” I hear his words but don’t respond. Vlad is the guy I’m with today. Malc is in the office with Damien sorting out paperwork, apparently. I don’t think they like to include me in what’s really going on. I can see it in his eyes whenever Damien looks at me; mistrust, doubt, it’s all there, and it’s not something I can escape. It’s my own personal hell.
Vlad is ok; he is the one who carried Emma to safety out of that hell hole so I respect him for that, though I can’t help but feel jealous that he was the one who held her and had her admiration for saving her. He has become quite close to her, but not in a romantic way. He treats her like a kid sister who needs someone looking out for her, defending her when no one else will.
“Yeah sure. Sorry, let’s go,” I answer him, but my mind is not really on the task in hand today. She has me all sorts of messed up.
“You ok, man? You seem distracted today, like your head is in a totally different place.” The note of concern from Vlad is touching. I know he has my back; I mean, how many men do you know who would walk into a situation part blind, and take out half of the gang that’s hunting you like a dog? Not many, that’s for sure. He is the strong and faithful kind of man that has a brother’s back no matter what.
“Yeah I’m ok, just got a lot going on at the moment. It will work out though. Well, I’m sure it will in the end,” I tell him, trying to be vague, but I give him what he needs.
“Let me guess … Emma?” What the fuck? Is it that obvious to everyone that I get a boner every time she’s in a bloody room with me?
“What the hell, man? Yeah, it’s Emma amongst other things.”
I look out of the window of the car as he drives along the road. I think about her again; her soft skin, her sexy as sin smile, and her eyes that shine as bright as a star when she’s happy. I see it a lot when she’s with the little ones, helping out and making them smile. She does anything for anyone, but that’s just the sort of person she is; kind and caring, but most of all she has a big heart, and no matter what she has been through she doesn’t let it go black and cold like most people would.
“If you need to talk I’m here for you, Alek, just say the word. Look, it’s not my business, but if there is anything you need, just ask.” I nod at him as he makes his way back towards the house.
We open the door to the house, and the scene that greets us is not something we would normally see. The girls are in the living room with drinks in their hands, dancing around to Madonna’s Like a Virgin. I try to suppress the smirk that’s threatening to escape, but one look at Emma in her little pyjama shorts and tight little vest top has me hard. I want to take her straight to my bed and worship her all night long, but not right now. We have to talk, but I’m thinking now is not the best time to start this; she’s having fun and she deserves it.
The girls stop dancing and giggling when they notice us staring at them from the doorway. I can’t help but wonder where Damien and Malc have gone. Surely they don’t like their wives prancing around like this when anyone can just walk through the door.
“Alek!” Emma squeals as she runs towards me, her arms outstretched wide. It takes me a second to realise I need to catch her as she leaps into my arms and wraps her legs around my waist. Her mouth descends onto mine quicker than I’m prepared for. But as soon as the warmth of her mouth hits me, instinct takes over. I wrap my arms tighter around her back, not caring who’s watching. She opens for me and I don’t hesitate. My tongue collides with hers and I take what I want. It’s not a sweet kiss. It’s one of ownership. As soon as she submits in my arms it feels like all my dreams have come true in an instant.
I pull away and look into her eyes. I see the glazed look that covers her stunning jewels, and I can still taste the margarita on my lips.
“Emma. Well that was unexpected … but nice,” I tell her, and I let the smile that has been threatening to escape since I set eyes on her tonight show just for her.
“I missed you,” she whispers into my neck.
“I missed you too. I haven’t stopped thinking about this morning all day.” And I’m truthful with her. I haven’t stopped thinking about this goddess that’s in my arms, looking at me as if I’m her everything. And right now I want to be just that. Today I haven’t thought about gambling once. It’s not even crossed my mind. I haven’t felt the impulse to go and bet on something, or open the laptop and risk all this week’s wage on Blackjack or Poker.
No, all I’ve thought about today is her. Wanting to be back in her arms, but to earn the right to be there, not demand or have her think that she has to do it out of obligation to Damien and Faith for letting her stay here, and not have to face her family back home.
“Take me upstairs,” she says in a low seductive voice. “I need you,” she adds. How the hell am I supposed to answer that? On the one hand my cock is straining to be free, to be buried back inside her, have her chase the demons away a little longer, but on the other hand my head is telling me that she has had a drink and would probably regret it in the morning, and I don’t ever want her to regret me. How do I tell her this without upsetting her?
“We need to talk first, baby, and then we can go to bed. How does that sound?” I say to her, hoping that it’s the right choice. I’m not going to do anything with her tonight other than put her in my bed to sleep.
“Then let’s talk. Whatever needs to be said can be said now in front of everyone. I’ve got nothing to hide, unless you have, or is it that you’re ashamed of me? Is that it? Don’t want people knowing you had sex with a whore, is that it?”
My temper builds quickly, not at her reaction but at what she just called herself. I would never think that or call her a whore, and no, I don’t care if everyone in this house knows I fucked her. I want them to know but I don’t want them knowing I gave in to temptation and have been gambling again. Damien would kill me, he has already told me as much; that if I ever put his family in danger again then he won’t hesitate to ‘put me down like the sniveling dog I am’, his words, not mine.
“Not here, Emma. You want to talk, fine let’s talk, but we do it someplace else,” I command. I don’t give her a chance to reply as I still have my arms around her, hugging her close to me. I make my way out of the living room and head up the stairs to my room, kicking the door closed behind me and dumping her unceremoniously on my bed.
I watch her land with a bump, her luscious breasts bouncing in the little vest top. It’s like a hardwire straight to my cock.
“Ouch … Alek … what the hell are you doing?” she says in her ever so tipsy voice. The tone is a little slower but still as seductive.
“We need to talk, Emma. I told you this morning that we would pick this up later,” I say as I gaze down at her in the cen
tre of my bed. I’m trying so hard to stop my cock from bursting out of my trousers at the sight of her here; legs open, holding her weight up on her elbows, hair falling down her back. It would be so easy to climb in between her legs and lose myself.
“Fine. What do you want to talk about, your lack of communication? Or you being a complete and utter arsehole?” she spits at me.
Well fuck me sideways! She is feisty when she’s had a drink. I look at her, puzzled for a minute, before taking stock of myself.
“Yeah, you know damn well I want to talk. I had to work this morning. But I don’t think that now’s the time, do you?” Her eyes blaze pure fury at my words. What else am I supposed to do? Bare my soul to a woman that won’t remember half of what I’ve said come morning?
“You’re just a fucking chicken! You shut everyone out when all they want to do is try to get close to you,” she yells at me.
I don’t have the strength to walk away from this. I need to fuck her or talk, and right now I’m teetering on the edge of doing both.
“I have to,” I scream back. “I lose everyone who I love. One way or another they all fucking die or abandon me.”
I turn away from her, not wanting her to see how much of what I just revealed ripped me open.
“I’m still here, aren’t I?” she says in a much softer voice.
“Yeah, but for how long? You will soon realise you’re too good for me and walk away like everyone else,” I say. I feel her grip on my arm. It’s not tight, though you can tell she is using a lot of strength to pull me back to her. Do I give in and turn around, letting her see me exposed, or do I pull away and risk losing her for good?
“When will you see that I want you? That I have craved no one but you since I came here. Do you not see that this is just as hard for me? The self doubt, the guessing, every look you give me, trying to decipher if you think I’m a whore or if I repulse you.”
Her eyes are filling with tears as she speaks. I don’t want to be the one to make her hurt even more. I want to make her happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted since the first time I set eyes on her.
“How can you even think like that? Have I ever given you any reason to think like that? No. The best feeling in the world for me is when my cock is buried deep inside of you. Feeling your pussy contract tight around my dick,” I tell her truthfully. No point hiding it now, is there?
“Then show me, Alekzander. Show me how much you want me.”
I don’t hesitate. I spin myself around to face her, bending lower down to the bed, crawling up in between her legs.
“Take it off, and I will show you how much I fucking want you,” I instruct.
Her response is instant. She pulls the vest top up over her head, exposing her perfect breasts to me. I suck her peaked nipples and bend my head to take one into my mouth, swirling my tongue around the nub before gently grazing my teeth against the sensitive spot. I do the same on the other side, not wanting to leave one feeling left out, showing her that it’s her pleasure that’s paramount to me. The moans and hitches in her breath tell me that I’m doing something right. Next, she strips free from her pyjama bottoms and panties. I gaze down at her, wanting to taste and savor this moment. I don’t want to rush this. I trail my kisses down her body, leaving a burning path in my wake. Her body is so responsive to my touch. I can feel myself becoming addicted to her. She is my addiction when times are bad.
I rest my mouth above her clit, but instead of a kiss, I lightly nip her soft skin whilst peeking up to gauge her reaction. I get even harder when her eyes close in pleasure and she moans. I run my tongue from slit to clit, enjoying the juice that slips onto my tongue each and every time I do it. I bring my fingers down lower, not wanting to waste any opportunity to draw a reaction from her.
I push two fingers deep inside and curl them forward while my teeth nip her clit. I don’t expect the scream I hear, but I feel her contract around me, her cum coating my fingers and my tongue. Watching as she floats back down to me, I undress quickly, not wanting to waste another second of not being buried deep inside of her.
“I’m going to show you how you should be fucked,” I say to her. Reaching down, I grip her hips and pull her closer to me. Her legs are like jelly in my arms. Her body is in that space where only pleasure matters. Giving her release after release is now my aim. I’m going to have her boneless in my arms, never wanting to leave my bed. On that thought I thrust all the way inside, listening to the gasp as it leaves her lips when I’m buried to the hilt. I feel her tight pussy stretch around my cock, taking everything I have to give her. I pump my hips, spreading her legs wider, holding them open with my hands, pressing hard into the soft flesh.
It feels like hours later when I find my release, letting myself go, but only after I made her scream my name. My tip feels like it expands to twice the size as I release my seed deep inside of her, loving the way she moans my name as she feels every drop.
I pull out of her and go to the bathroom. Grabbing a wash cloth, I clean her up. Dumping the cloth in the wash basket, I turn to see her sleeping, her hair fanned out on the pillow next to mine. She has a peaceful look on her face. Right here, in this moment, is heaven. The feeling claws up at me again; I want her to be mine, I want the love that I know she can offer. I push it down. I can’t get too attached because once she sees I’m no good for her she will leave. The thought turns my mood sour. I turn away from her. Putting on my boxers, I head over to my desk, knowing I shouldn’t. I can’t help it. I need to forget about the pain. I need to stay detached. And the only way I can do that right now is by getting my fix. The laptop on the desk is calling me. I open it and type in my password, watching with rapt attention as the machine comes to life.
I open up the internet and go to one of the many betting sites that I have accounts with. I add credit to the account and start to make my little bets, trying my hardest just to bet small, not wanting to go overboard. See, I can control what I gamble.
The hours pass and it’s the same conclusion as always: I kept adding to the balance and lost it all. This is the time when I feel dejected and worthless. If I can’t beat a computer, how the hell am I going to manage in real life?
I’m supposed to return the money back to him this week, and I was counting on brushing up on my skills before I go into the Poker match tomorrow night.
I slam the lid shut and quickly look back to the bed to make sure Emma is still sleeping. Burying my head in my hands, I sit and reflect a little on the fuck up that is my life.
I crawl into bed and pull her close to me. If this is the only time I get to have her in my bed, content and happy, then I’m going to make the most of it.
Chapter Seven
Emma
I feel the heat encase my body. My head is pounding. His strong arm is wrapped tightly around me. I relax and smile into my pillow, wanting nothing more than to stay in his embrace.
I pull myself up and walk to the bathroom. I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I look like shit; last night’s make-up smeared on my face, my hair all over the place in a knotted mess. I walk over to the shower and turn it on, jumping back a little when I feel the first spirt of cold water hit my arm. Within minutes the shower screen has misted over. Opening the door, I step inside and lean back against the cool wall, allowing the warm spray to flow over my weary body.
I stand under the spray for God knows how long, letting the heat seep into my tired muscles. Don’t get me wrong, I love what Alek does to my body, the ache is delicious. I grab his shower gel from the shower rack and pour some onto my hand. It has that distinct smell of Alek as it lathers up all over my body, and I get lost in the memories that the soap evokes.
I step out and wrap myself in the fluffy towel that’s on the warmer. Now I must find something to wear. Alek is still sleeping on the bed. He looks so peaceful I don’t really want to wake him. It’s Saturday and neither of us have anywhere else to be.
I take out one of his t-shirts from the drawer and pull it
over my head. I don’t see the point of putting dirty clothes back on. I tiptoe over to his side of the bed and lean in, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. His hand wraps around me and pulls me down onto the bed.
“And where do you think you’re going, Em? I’ve not had my fill of you yet,” he whispers into my ear. I playfully smack at his chest pretending to struggle free, but I can’t stop giggling. He looks down at my face and smiles before placing sweet kisses on my neck.
“So, what do you want to do today? We have the whole day to ourselves?” he asks. I see a darkness in his eyes for just a second, but it passes as quickly as it came.
“I think I want to go home. Would you be able to take me?” I know that it’s something I have to do. I don’t want my parents suffering anymore not knowing whether I’m dead or alive. I need to go home and face the music.
“Are you sure you’re ready, Emma? You don’t have to rush, but if it’s what you want then yes, I will take you. We can spend the day in London and crash at the penthouse.”
I nod my head, scared that if I speak right now then I will crack, like the emotional wreck I am.
“Go and get ready. We need to set off to make it to the city in time. I will meet you downstairs in half an hour.”
See, that’s what I like about Alek. He doesn’t avoid the subject or try to talk me out of it. He’s supporting my choice to do this, and he’s staying with me every step of the way no matter how much I want to crumble.
Redemption (The Volkov Mafia Series Book 4) Page 5
