Long Hot Summoning

by Tanya Huff

  “No.” Claire measured the distance between their hiding place and the guardhouse and decided a sprint across open ground with a Bystander in tow was just too dangerous—no matter how much she would dearly love to lose said Bystander. They hadn’t seen any actual guards, but that didn’t mean there weren’t any actual guards.

  “But…”

  “Would you please shut up.”

  “But why is it dark?”

  “It’s night.” She didn’t know why the magic word wasn’t working—whether it was her, or him, or a combination of them both—but only an urgent need to return to the mall kept her from trying out a few more words. Any delays at this point would only serve the segue.

  “It wasn’t night at the beach.”

  Any delays at this point…“No, it wasn’t.” She’d be willing to detour and take him back to the beach, but that didn’t seem to be possible. That path had closed behind them. And taking him back to the real world would take far too long. Time she—and the world—didn’t have.

  “This is Meryat’s…”

  “No, it isn’t. Shut up.”

  On the other side of the lean-to, the wall curved out to the left. Wet skirt clinging to her legs, she crept forward, stumbled as Lance grabbed hold of the fabric, and managed to regain her balance without doing anything Lance would regret for the rest of his very short life. She followed the wall into a shallow alcove and began running her hands over the stone.

  Lance crowded in with her. “What are you looking for?”

  “A door.”

  “Why?”

  “So we can go through it.”

  “And then we’ll be on the other side of it!”

  “Yes…no.” She didn’t know what the alcove was for, but it wasn’t an access to anything. “Didn’t I tell you to shut up?”

  “Yes!”

  Turning brought them almost nose to chest. Claire glared up at the oblivious grad student. “How many times am I going to have to say shut up before you actually do it?”

  Lance looked thoughtful. “I don’t know.”

  * * *

  “So you used this budgie mirror to contact a magic mirror in the Emporium…” Frowning at his reflection, Arthur turned the tiny mirror between long fingers. “…which is both the store nearest to the darkness anchoring the segue and the place where you and the Keepers crossed through to this side.”

  Sam hooked his claws on the crossbar of the crate and stared at Arthur—who’d crouched just out of paw reach, his sword point on the floor, pommel jutting up at a sharp angle over his left shoulder. “Yes.”

  “And this mirror said it saw Diana and Kris pass through the store?”

  “Yes.”

  “But that it later heard gossip suggesting they had been captured?”

  “Recap much? Get on with it!”

  “And this…story isn’t merely a ploy intended to secure your release so that you can run off after Diana?”

  “No.” In all the time he’d been a cat, he’d never realized just how satisfying a good tail lashing could be. If he moved it any faster, he was afraid it might come off his butt. “Would I do something like that?”

  Arthur straightened, reached back, and adjusted his sword. “As I understand cats, yes, you would.”

  “But I’m not!”

  “And you heard this conversation with the mirror?” Arthur asked, flipping his hair back off his face as he turned to Stewart.

  The mall elf froze in mid squeak of a rubber fire hydrant. “No words, sire, ’cause the mirror’s real small and it was down by him, not up with me, but I heard the talking.”

  “Hey!” Sam drew the attention of both the Immortal King and the elf back to the crate. “You know I suck at lying. If I was any good at it, would I be in here?”

  “You have a point,” Arthur acknowledged after a moment’s consideration.

  “I have a whole lot of points,” Sam muttered, “and I know where they’ll hurt the most.”

  Sapphire-blue eyes narrowed. “What was that?”

  “Nothing. Look, it’s real simple. The bad guys have Diana. We have to rescue her.”

  “We?”

  “I’m smart enough to know when I need help. You can’t just leave her there! And what about Kris. You can’t leave her! You’re supposed to be this great leader, but isn’t abandoning your people a bad thing?”

  “Yes.” Arthur bent and opened the crate.

  “Finally.” Sam raced out and up onto a stack of dog food, reclaiming the high ground. “What convinced you?”

  “With one Keeper taken and the other gone, the darkside will want to close the segue as soon as possible, before the light has a chance to send other wizards. In order to succeed, they must remove us. They will, therefore, be massing to attack. I have always preferred to attack on my terms, not the enemy’s.”

  “I didn’t say any of that.”

  “I know.”

  “But Diana…”

  “Will be freed when we defeat the darkside.”

  Sam opened his mouth to ask what would happen if they didn’t defeat the darkside, but he closed it again when he realized he already knew the answer. And he didn’t like it much.

  * * *

  “What a lovely cat.”

  Dean glanced down in time to see Austin pointedly cross to the other side of the dining room—as far from Meryat as he could get and still be contained within the same four walls.

  “I don’t think he likes me.”

  “Foolish kitty,” Dr. Rebik murmured, bringing the blackened tips of the mummy’s fingers to his lips.

  Trying not to shudder, Dean developed a sudden interest in cleaning nothing off a spotless floor. He was doing his best to be open-minded about this—he was involved with an older woman himself—but he just couldn’t get past the reanimated corpse part of the relationship. When he straightened, all ancient digits were back within the masking folds of Meryat’s cloak and Dr. Rebik was finishing his oatmeal.

  “As Meryat would like to remain here until your Keeper returns,” the archaeologist began, setting his spoon aside, “I was wondering, Mr. McIssac, if you could do me a favor.”

  Ignoring Austin’s warning twitch, Dean nodded. “I’d be happy to.”

  “It’s just I don’t have a lot of clothes with me and, were I to go out to a coin laundry, I’d have a choice of either not washing my trousers or not wearing them while they washed. And they do need washing.”

  From what he could see of the cream-colored chinos, that was an unfortunately accurate observation. “I’d be happy to do a load for you. Put everything you want washed in one of the pillowcases and set it out in the hall.”

  “Thank you, Mr. McIssac.” He set both palms against the tabletop and pushed himself to his feet, then tucked a hand under Meryat’s elbow to help her stand.

  “Yes, Mr. McIssac.” The morning light illuminated the depths of her hood as she turned and Dean got an unwelcome education in what bits rotted away even in a very dry climate. The dark eyes looked out of place amidst the lack of cartilage and fat. “Thank you.”

  He assumed she was smiling although the words “rictus grin” couldn’t help but come to mind. “You’re welcome.”

  “You know, I was wondering something myself.”

  All three heads rotated toward the cat, the new angle throwing Meryat’s face back into shadow.

  “Why is it that you want to see the Keeper?” Austin continued, suddenly sitting at the end of the long table. Dr. Rebik looked startled, a ripple traveled the length of Meryat’s cloak, and Dean tried to pretend that he didn’t usually let the cat sit with the breakfast dishes. Not that “let the cat” was in any way pertinent to cats in general and this cat in particular. “She’s on assignment. You could have quite the wait.”

  “I am willing to wait.” Meryat folded her hands into her sleeves. “I am hoping she will be able to give me back all I have lost.”

  “You seem to be doing fine without her.”

 
“But so, so slowly. I look forward to the day when I can…”

  “Rule the world?”

  “Go out in public.”

  Shooting a “now see what you’ve done” look at Austin and another at Dean, Dr. Rebik slipped his arm around Meryat’s bowed shoulders and led her from the room. During their slow shuffle down the hall and up the stairs, Dean loaded the dishwasher, swept the dining room floor, polished the table, and did his best to ignore the expression on Austin’s face.

  The distant sound of a door closing on the second floor brought the cat to his feet. “Convinced? It’s going too slowly and she needs to suck the life out of Claire to finish rebuilding herself.”

  “I thought you said she was after sucking the life out of me.”

  “Yeah, but slowly. She doesn’t want to spook Claire the moment she gets in the door. Trust me, Claire’ll notice if you’re a desiccated corpse propped up in the corner, but a couple of missing years’ll slip on by.”

  “That’s reassuring.”

  “Yeah, well she’s not going to be too happy that another woman’s su…”

  His ears scarlet, Dean clamped a hand over the cat’s muzzle. “There was no one in the bedroom last night and you said Meryat was asleep when you heard something moving around the night before. Drop it. You’re imagining things. You’re some worried about Claire and it’s stressing you out. Giving you nightmares.”

  He removed his hand.

  Austin shook his whiskers back into place. “Cats don’t have nightmares,” he hissed. “Cats have premonitions of disaster, and I’m having one now. Gag me again, and you’ll lose the hand.”

  * * *

  “Stop touching me!”

  “Sorry. It’s just this is a little…” Lance waved a hand at the milling herd of purple hippopotamuses. “…weird.”

  “Yes, it is. But it’s only weird because you seem to be incapable of doing what you’re asked.”

  “You told me to think about nothing.”

  Claire slapped a hippo on the rump and moved it out of her way. “These aren’t nothing.”

  “I tried to think about nothing, but that made me think of how difficult it was to think about nothing and that made me think about that whole ‘don’t think of a purple hippopotamus’ thing.”

  “You know, I figured that out without the explanation.”

  “How?”

  She exchanged an exasperated look with a lavender cow. “It wasn’t hard. We’re in a herd of purple hippopotamuses. Who usually live in water. And aren’t purple.”

  “I don’t see any doors.”

  “Shut up and keep walking.” On the one hand, they were definitely back in the right Otherside so if nothing else, the last path took them closer to the mall. On the other hand, there was nothing like walking through a herd of herbivores in bare feet to put a person in a really, really bad mood.

  * * *

  “Where did you guys find armor in a department store?”

  “Sporting Goods.” Will flipped his braid out from under the edge of his shoulder pads. “There’s enough hockey gear in there to outfit the entire NHL.”

  “In June.”

  The elf shrugged. “End of season sale?”

  “Okay. That makes as much sense as anything else around here.” Sam tucked his tail carefully out of the way as more and more elves wearing hockey equipment returned to the area by the fire pit. “Now correct me if I’m wrong, which I’m not, but didn’t you guys used to be twenty-first-century street kids?”

  “Yeah. So?”

  “So how do you even know what armor is?”

  “It’s all in the book, man.” Reaching behind him, he pulled out a familiar orange-and-blue book.

  “The Dumb-ass Guide to Elvish Armor,” Sam read, squinting a little in the uncertain light.

  “Kris found a bunch of these in the bookstore back in the day. You know, while we were still getting stomped by the bad guys. She used The Dumb-ass Guide to Not Getting Your Butts Kicked to start bringing us into one group. Then, when Arthur showed up, she checked him out against The Dumb-ass Guide to Leadership. Lately, we’ve been using The Dumb-ass Guide to Living in a Magical Freakin’ Shopping Mall as a kind of Bible.”

  “Really?”

  “Nah, I just like saying dumb-ass. We figured out the whole living in a shopping mall thing on our own.”

  “What’s the skateboard for?”

  “Sort of our version of cavalry.” He flipped the board up on end. “Makes us a lot faster than the meat-minds, more mobile. And it comes straight out of The Dumb-ass Guide to Making the Most of the Skills You Got Handy.”

  Orange stripes folded into a “w” between Sam’s ears. “Really?”

  Will grinned. “Man, you are one gullible cat.”

  “Ow! Try walking on your own feet, why don’t you!”

  “Sorry.” Adjusting her grip on Kris’ arm, Diana continued moving them as quickly as possible along the wall. As long as she didn’t lose the signature of her stuff, they were fine. Well, maybe fine was stretching it a bit.

  “I don’t see how you can be so freakin’ calm about this!” Kris ground out through what were clearly clenched teeth. “Fact, I don’t see! I can’t see! We got shadows from Hell coming after us—really from Hell, not just from some bad-ass place people are calling Hell—and we can’t see squat because it’s pitch-black down here!”

  “That’s one of the reasons I’m calm.”

  “What is?”

  “Shadows are impotent in total darkness. They lose all definition, all ability to act. In order to actually do anything to us, they’ll have to turn the lights back on. If I can see them, I can fight them.”

  “’Cause you’re the most powerful Keeper in the world.”

  “Yeah.”

  The mall elf snorted. “Like I’m so impressed.”

  “Look, you’ve got every right to be scared, but don’t take it out on me just because I’m the only one here.”

  The only sound for a few long moments: the pounding of their hearts, the whisper of their breathing, the shuffle of shoes against a stone floor, the soft hiss of fingertips against a stone wall.

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I understand.”

  “I still shouldn’t have said it.”

  “I’m not arguing.”

  “So what’s the other reason?”

  “What?”

  “You said that shadows what can’t get it up is one of the reasons you’re calm. What’s the other reason?”

  Diana worked “shadows what can’t get it up” back to impotent and grinned. “Just that I’ve been training for this my whole life.”

  “This?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Your whole life?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Damn. You must’ve gone to one bitch of a nursery school.”

  “Fine. Not my whole life.” Her right fingers ran out of wall. She braced her knee and reached around the corner. “Doorway.”

  Kris leaned close enough to breathe a question into her ear. “Throne room?”

  “With any luck.”

  “Oh, yeah. And our luck has been so good.”

  Reaching back, Diana stroked two fingers down the other girl’s cheek. “I’m not complaining.”

  “Man, you are one cheap date.”

  But she traced a smile before she took her fingers away. The silence on the other side of the doorway felt bigger, like it was filling more space. She counted thirty heartbeats, then sighed in relief. “I don’t hear anything. If we follow the wall around, we’ll eventually trip over the dais. Once I have my stuff, we’ll make a run for the access corridors. If we can get into the Emporium, I think we’ll be safe.”

  “You think?”

  “Jack said the big boss has never come out into the store.” Careful not to lose contact with the stone, she moved them through the doorway and along the wall of the room.

  “Always a first time.”

  “Here’s a thought. Wh
y don’t you say something positive?”

  “Positive?”

  “Yeah, like not negative.” Diana rolled her eyes as the pause lengthened. Three steps. Four. Five…

  “If memory serves, you got a wicked ass in those pants.”

  Ears burning, she stumbled, recovered, and mumbled “Thank you.”

  “So, about that training,” Kris prodded, sounding much happier. “Any actual experience?”

  “I was with Claire when she closed Hell down the last time, I helped integrate a demon into a small town in northern Ontario, and I…”

  “Hawaiian pizza!”

  “That wasn’t me. And besides, what’s wrong with…”

  “No! I can smell Hawaiian pizza!”

  All at once, so could Diana. Spinning around, she scooped Kris’ feet out from under her and followed the mall elf to the floor.

  Which was when the lights came on…

  …and the Shadowlord smacked a large club against the wall right through the space they’d just vacated.

  From her position half sprawled over Kris, Diana could see all four bugs and half a dozen meat-minds waiting motionless in front of the dais. Nearly motionless. One of the meat-minds was chewing in a decidedly guilty way.

  Three guesses about what he’s eating, and the first two don’t count. Diana was fairly certain there were stranger things than feeling grateful to ham and pineapple in tomato sauce, but right at the moment she couldn’t think of any.

  Grateful wasn’t even close to what the Shadowlord seemed to be feeling.

  Pivoting away from the wall, he heaved his club at the chewing meat-mind and screamed, “I don’t care what your union says about lunch breaks!”

  “Union?” Kris asked as the gnarled wood smacked meat-mind skull and the two girls scrambled to their feet.

  “Otherworld Pan-dimensional Service Employees Union.”

  “You’re fucking kidding me.”

  “Yes. Run!”

  * * *

  “I’m glad to see you’re taking me seriously.”

  Dean dropped the pillowcase into the washing machine. “How’s that?”

  “I just saw you go through Dr. Rebik’s pockets.”

  “And how is that taking you seriously?” he asked, reaching for the laundry detergent.

  Austin jumped onto the dryer, walked over, and peered into the tub. “You’re looking for clues.”