John lowered his eyes and picked at the fringe of the blanket, fraying it between his fingers. “Because I’ve always liked you, Blake. Always. I’ve grown attached to you in a way I’ve never grown attached to anyone else.” He met my eyes then. “And I think you’re life is worth saving, even if it’s not the same life that you’re used to.”
My mouth went dry and I licked my lips. “And who turned you?” I whispered, stunned by his admission. I still didn’t think being a vampire was all that great, even when certain death was the alternative. “Who thought your life was worth saving?”
July 28
“But I don’t understand,” Zach said for what had to be the millionth time.
I closed my eyes and pounded my fist against my thigh. “I’m sorry, Zach.” I sounded like a broken record myself and wondered how many more times I could apologize for breaking up with him.
“But you still haven’t given me a reason. Did I do something wrong?”
I had to be, hands-down, the most horrible human being on the planet. “I already told you, Zach. You didn’t do anything wrong. I just . . . I need some space, or something, for a little while. I need to think about things.”
“Is there another guy?”
“No!”
Zach’s stony silence proved he didn’t believe me. But how could I expect him to, especially when I was lying?
“I love you, Blake.” His voice cracked with emotion. “Doesn’t that mean anything?”
“I love you, too.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I really do, Zach, and that will never change. But I don’t know . . . I don’t know why . . . I’m just really confused.”
“You’re not thinking straight,” Zach said. “Maybe you’re, I don’t know, about to get your period. You know how weird you get right before that happens.”
I ignored his comment about my menstrual cycle and instead tried to come up with a plausible explanation for why I was breaking things off with him, but it all kept coming back to John. I’d had a crush on him for years, but no way in heck was I about to divulge that little secret to Zach. I hadn’t even told Olivia. And anyway, I loved Zach! It’s just that . . . I couldn’t seem to get John out of my head.
“You’re right,” I said. “I’m not thinking straight. Which is all the more reason why I need some time to figure things out.”
Zach’s sniffles carried over the phone. “Fine, Blake. You take some time. But not too much time,” he added in a rush. “I miss you already. Call me when you’re ready to talk, okay?”
My chin quivered and I swiped the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. “I’ll talk to you later, Zach.”
I hung up the phone and fell back on my bed. Then I rolled over and smashed my face into my pillow. I seriously wanted to die.
I couldn’t understand what had possessed me to break up with Zach. I wasn’t lying when I said I loved him, and yet my mind kept drifting back to the few blissful hours John and I had spent together. But crush or no crush, I didn’t know him. Not like I knew Zach. So what if there’d been a spark between us? So what if his kiss had made my knees wobble? That didn’t change how I felt about Zach deep down in my gut.
But that kiss . . .
I groaned and lobbed the pillow against the opposite wall.
That darn kiss!
I licked my lips, my entire body buzzing with the memory of it. I brought my hand to my mouth and, closing my eyes, recalled John’s face in perfect detail—the mossy green eyes, the sharp slope of his nose and high cheekbones, the perfect Cupid’s bow of his mouth. Unfortunately, the side of my hand felt and tasted nothing like John’s lips, and I let my arm flop back at my side.
“What is wrong with me?” I yelled out loud.
I had yet to call Olivia, so I picked up the phone and dialed her number. “How’s Eleanor?” I said when she answered, stalling before I got to the heart of the matter.
“Three stitches. Not too bad. Mom’s got a migraine. She’s threatening to take away their big-kid beds and reassemble their cribs.” She laughed and then added, “Mom says I never got into so much trouble when I was their age. She can’t handle the stress of always worrying about what they’ll do next.”
I opened a bottle of pearl-pink nail polish and began touching up my toes. “What does she expect? They’re toddlers. And there are two of them.”
“Mom says she’s definitely too old for twins. Sometimes she wonders why she ever let Dad talk her in to having more kids. I heard her yelling at him once that the in vitro cost them their savings and her sanity.”
I recapped the polish and wiggled my toes to dry them. “Ouch. I see her point, though. Your dad isn’t the one who’s stuck home taking care of them all day long. To him, children are this abstract concept that’s good in theory only. He has no clinical knowledge of how to raise kids.”
Olivia laughed. “Okay, Dr. Ehlert. I wonder what my mom would say if she heard that? Maybe you should give her free therapy.”
I laughed, too. “Don’t ever let me get involved with a guy who compromises my mental well-being.”
“Deal. Speaking of guys,” Olivia said, “What was up with you and John Kelly this afternoon? That was weird. I’ve never seen you say more than two words to the guy. Should Zach be worried?”
“Nothing is up with me and John Kelly.”
“Hmm. Well, don’t go doing anything stupid like break up with Zach.”
My silence must have spoken volumes because Olivia gasped and said, “You didn’t, Blake! Please tell me you didn’t break up with him.”
“I did,” I said in a horrified whisper of admission. “I just got off the phone with him.”
“But why? No. Hold that thought. I’m coming over.”
The line went dead with a click. I plucked a tissue from the box and blew my nose, which had started to run like a faucet with my fresh tears.
My door swung open a few minutes later and Olivia planted herself in the middle of my bed. “Lay it on me,” she said. “Tell me everything.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, Libby. Everything was fine between Zach and me when I woke up this morning. And now it’s not!”
Olivia scowled and pointed a finger at me. “This is all John’s fault. I should never have left you alone with him at that party. Hot bod plus shrouded in mystery equals smarmy.”
I rolled my eyes and sniffed. “He’s not smarmy. He’s actually very nice. He bought me lunch at The Market.”
“Not chili and cornbread.”
I blotted the corners of my eyes with the tissue. “Yeah. Why does that matter?”
Olivia let out a deep, agitated breath as though I had used up all of her patience. “That chili and cornbread is your kryptonite, Blake. It’s your weakness! You can’t be held responsible for what happens when you’re under the influence. He took advantage of you.”
I sat back against the headboard and crossed my arms over my chest. “If you’re trying to make me laugh, it’s not going to work.”
“Oh, really? Then why is the corner of your mouth twitching.”
I did laugh then, but it felt very wrong, like I was betraying Zach’s feelings yet again. I still hadn’t figured out what possessed me to break up with him when there was no logical reason for doing so. There wasn’t a reason at all! What I had was this inexplicable crush on John. And it wasn’t like he was the first. I’d had plenty of crushes on guys while dating Zach. I mean, I was only human.
Seeing me squirming on the hook, Olivia went to my desk and came back with a spiral notebook and pen. “So you broke up with Zach, right?”
I nodded, wondering what she had in mind.
“And you seem pretty miserable about it.”
I nodded again.
“Okay. Let’s make a pros and cons list. Maybe this will help determine whether or not you should stay broken up.”
“All right,” I said, figuring it was the best idea anyone had had so far.
Olivia bit off the cap and spit it
out on the duvet like a wad of chewed gum. I looked meaningfully at it and flicked it away, but Olivia just rolled her eyes and cleared her throat.
“Okay. Let’s start with the pros,” she said. “What did, or rather, do, you like about Zach?”
“Well, he’s nice,” I said without hesitation.
And it was true. Zach was easily the nicest guy I knew. Everyone at school adored him. His parents were convinced he could do no wrong. My parents thought he hung the moon.
Olivia waved her hand. “That’s way too general, Blake. Be more specific. What about him is nice?”
I picked up Brown Bear and put him on my belly, drawing strength from his big vacant eyes. I rubbed the remnants of his paper-thin tag between my thumb and middle finger for inspiration. It was something I’d done for as long as I could remember, like how some kids suck their thumb or twist their hair.
Olivia grabbed Bear and chucked him over her shoulder. “Stop that and pay attention.”
“Hey!” I scooted off the bed and found him, paws-over-head, in the corner. I hugged him close to my chest. “Did that mean old wady hurt you? Poor widdle, biddy baby.”
Olivia stuck her finger in her mouth and made a gagging sound. “Concentrate, Blake. Do you want my help or not? ‘Cause I really think you need it.”
I put Brown Bear back in his spot of honor on the shelf and sat down on the bed again. “All right, I’m being totally serious now. The pros. Let’s see.” I rubbed my hands together in thought. “For one thing, John is really cute.”
Olivia stopped writing and looked up at me, her blue eyes wide. She tapped the end of the pen on the paper. “Did you hear what you just said? We’re not talking about John. We’re talking about Zach. The boy you claim to love? The boy you’ve been dating since the ninth grade?”
“Right. That’s what I meant to say. Zach is really cute. And another thing,” I added quickly to compensate, “is that Zach is smart. He’s in the top ten-percent of our class. I like intelligent men, and who knows what kind of grades John makes?”
Olivia looked up at me again and shook her head, her forehead wrinkling. “Blake, we’re not trying to decide which guy you should choose. We’re trying to decide if you should get back together with Zach. Is there something else going on here?”
I huffed in exasperation. “No. Maybe. I don’t know!”
Olivia put down the notebook and pen, and then folded her hands primly in her lap. “Did something happen between you and John today other than what I saw with my own two eyes? Did you two, you know . . . make out?”
I huffed again and stood up at once, beginning to pace the floor of my room. “He kissed me, all right?” I said, my voice rising in indignation. “I didn’t ask him to. He just did it!”
Olivia made a face like she didn’t really believe me. “Usually people give off signals that they want to be kissed.”
I stopped and stared at her. “Are you saying it was my fault?”
Olivia held up her hands. “I’m not saying it’s anyone’s fault. All I’m saying is that he kissed you because he most likely thought you wanted him to.”
I turned away from her, my face burning with anger. How dare she suggest such a thing! And yet . . . she was right. I had wanted John to kiss me out there on the patio. I had wanted him to kiss me more than anything in the world.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked Olivia, facing her head on.
“Mad at you? Why in the world would I be mad?”
I splayed my hands. “Because I’ve ruined our group. It was always you and Gabe, and me and Zach. But if Zach and I are no longer a couple, things will be weird. We won’t be able to double-date anymore.”
Olivia threw back her head and laughed, the slight Adam’s apple in her long, slender throat bobbing up and down. “Gabe and I will get along just fine without you and Zach, not that we don’t love you,” she said, when she’d finally recovered enough to talk. “But thank you for thinking of us.”
“It’s more than just that,” I said. “I’ve really made a mess of things.”
Olivia quirked an eyebrow. “You haven’t made a mess of things. The problem is you feel guilty for having feelings for John, which is completely normal. Although I can’t understand why him. He’s kind of a strange duck.”
“He’s not,” I muttered under my breath.
“Whatever. The thing is that you and Zach have been together for a long time. And while you two are, like, the cutest couple ever, you’re only seventeen. You should be dating as many guys as possible right now and having fun. Don’t settle down yet. Do you honestly think Gabe will be the last guy I ever date?” She snorted. “God, I hope not.”
“But we were going to go to college together,” I said. “We were going to get married and buy a house.”
Olivia waved her hand again and sat down at the vanity. She unsheathed a tube of red lipstick and rolled it up all the way before applying a heavy coat to both her upper and lower lips. I watched in fascination as she leaned forward and kissed the mirror, leaving a perfect impression of her generous mouth.
“Get real,” she finally said to my reflection, as she ran her fingers through her long white-blonde hair. “Happy endings like that only happen in the movies. If it’s meant to be between you and Zach, you’ll get back together. In the meantime . . .”
Olivia swiveled on the stool. She grinned, the redness of her lips against the pale white of her skin giving her a sinister, vampire-like appearance. “You might as well have a little fun, right? Now, tell me all about John.”
I couldn’t help but smile as his name conjured a heat that flooded my entire body. But the truth of the matter was I still didn’t know much about him. “He works at The Marauder’s Cove.”
“Does he now?” Her eyes twinkled with something sinister. My defenses went up at once.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
She leaned forward, as though about to impart some juicy morsel of gossip. “My cousin used to date the bartender. I went there once with her to play pool. Total Freakville.”
“Really?”
“All I know is the place gave me the creeps. You couldn’t pay me enough to go there again.”
I blew a raspberry. “John only buses tables. I don’t think that makes him much of a freak.”
There was a knock at my bedroom door, and my mom poked her head inside. “Are you staying for dinner tonight, Olivia? We have plenty of food.”
Olivia glanced at me as she rose from the chair. “I’d better get going. Mom had a really rough day with the twins, so I should get back and help her put them to bed. But thanks for the invitation. Maybe some other time?”
“You know you’re always welcome. And tell your mom to give me a call if she ever needs an extra pair of hands. I’m happy to help.”
“I will,” she said. “I’ll talk to you later, Blake. I hope you get it all figured out. Work on that list, okay?”
“What list?” Mom said to me once Olivia had left.
I threw myself back on my bed and covered my face with my hands. “It’s nothing, Mom.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Sure. Only that my life completely sucks at the moment.”
The bed sank as Mom sat down next to me. She put her hand on my thigh and gave it two quick pats. “Your life does not completely suck, I assure you. Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. Really, Mom. I’m fine.”
She patted my leg again. “If you say so. Oh, you might want to change out of that,” she said with an air of distaste, indicating my wrinkled cover-up, “and into something a little nicer. Zach and his parents will be here in an hour. And do something about your hair, will you?”
I sat up suddenly. I had completely forgotten about our weekly dinner. His parents and mine were pretty tight. “That’s tonight?”
“It’s Saturday, isn’t it?” She put her hand on my forehead. “Are you feeling okay? You don’t usually forget plans that include Zach.”
&nbs
p; I latched on to the not-feeling-well bit, hoping I could play the sick-card and get out of dinner. I wrapped my arms around my middle and groaned.
“Now that you mention it, I am feeling a little off tonight. I think I may be coming down with a stomach bug. Or food poisoning. Maybe it was something I ate at the party today.”
Mom put her finger to her chin, her forehead creasing in thought. “Probably an undercooked burger. You have a stomach ache? What about diarrhea?”
“Mom!”
“No need to be embarrassed, Blake. I’m your mother. But I’ll take that as a yes.” She slapped her hands on her thighs and stood up. “That settles it. I’m just going to have to cancel our dinner plans. Truth be told, I’m somewhat relieved. I’m tired from all that shopping Daddy and I did today.”
I breathed a sigh of relief but kept the pathetic expression plastered on my face. “Maybe I’ll take a bath and go to bed early.”
“How about I bring up a nice bowl of broth for you later? I don’t want you getting dehydrated.”
I gave her my best I’m-sick-so-please-take-pity-on-me smile. “That would be great. Thanks, Mom. You’re the best.”
She bent down and kissed the top of my head. “I know.”
I was on my way to the bathroom when I heard Mom’s voice on the other side of her closed door. I paused, listening in on the one-sided conversation.
“No, I didn’t hear a word about that,” she said.
Little alarm bells went off in my head and I pressed my ear against the door, crossing my fingers that by some miracle she was not hearing the news about Zach’s and my breakup.
“Blake told me she was sick. She didn’t look at all well. Surely she would have told me if she had broken up with Zach. I mean, why would she do that anyway? Those two are like peanut-butter and jelly. They just go together.” She chuckled.
I clutched my pj’s to my chest and held my breath. Crap.
“Well, yes. Of course, Helen. I’ll talk to her and find out what’s going on. We’ll get this whole misunderstanding straightened out right away.” There was a slight pause. “I know. It is devastating. Give Zach a hug from me.” Another pause. “Okay. Bye-bye.”
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