I don’t get a chance to ask until I’m off the team bus back at Jewel and in their car.
“That was some quick thinking, getting between that man and the Sovereign,” Dad says. “It was obvious he intended her harm.”
“No kidding. You didn’t see his face. The guy was totally crazed. And Echtran, by the way.”
Mom turns around in her seat to stare at me. “Echtran? Really? What did he say?”
“Not much. I didn’t give him a chance. Then Mr. Cormac took over. Did you know our vice principal is the Sovereign’s Bodyguard? Sean told me. Worked out well tonight.”
“It would have worked out better if he’d been close enough to stop her attacker before you had to intervene.” Dad sounds pissed.
“Yeah, well, he can’t exactly stay glued to her side without looking like a perv. But hey, looks like some of my Bodyguard training stuck, even if I don’t remember getting it. Did I stay glued to the Sovereign’s side after they made me Bodyguard? If so, no wonder Sean was jealous.”
Mom shoots a glance at Dad. She looks worried again. “Did Sean tell you he was jealous?”
“He told me he was last year, at least at first. He hasn’t had any reason since I got back.” Only because he doesn’t know how I’m starting to feel about M. Which I don’t plan to tell him, since it can’t go anywhere anyway. “How long was I her Bodyguard, anyway?”
“The Council made the appointment official just before you left for Ireland. However, her current Bodyguard replaced you as soon as you reached Nuath. So less than two weeks, I suppose.”
Not really long enough to make Sean jealous—unless I was unofficial before that? “Why was I replaced?”
But at that, Mom stiffens. “I don’t think we should tell you that, Rigel. It’s the sort of information the Mind Healers warned against. Sean shouldn’t have told you about being her Bodyguard at all.”
“Or about me going to Mars. I know.” Yeah, I’m still bitter. I’m guessing I was replaced because of that classified stuff I’m not allowed to know. I doubt the Mind Healers have anything to do with why my parents are afraid to tell me.
I’d nearly talked myself out of meeting M at that arboretum she mentioned. Because of Sean. Now I abruptly decide to go after all. Not only do I really want to know what that attack was about, it’s also time to man up and ask her once and for all if she’s the one who had my memory erased. And why.
* * *
“I think I’ll go for a bike ride this afternoon, start re-learning my way around,” I say as I finish lunch the next day. “Especially downtown Jewel. When the guys talk about the places they go, I want to know where they mean.”
Both my parents seem to think that’s a reasonable idea. Mom even digs a little map out of one of the kitchen drawers and hands it to me. Even though I already Googled the arboretum, I take it.
“We have maps of Indianapolis and all of Indiana, too, if you want to study them later,” she says.
“Thanks,” I reply, though I feel more like saying, Gee, you mean that’s allowed?
Downtown Jewel—what there is of it—is about five miles from our house, which is out in the boonies, surrounded by farmland. Easy enough on a bike. The arboretum is right where M said, on Diamond, Jewel’s main street, a few blocks past the post office.
It’s not quite one when I get there. The arboretum turns out to be a sort of walled garden, maybe two acres, with all different colored roses straggling over the walls and on trellises. And…it seems vaguely familiar.
Huh. First time I’ve had that reaction to a place. Or anything, really. I stand near the entrance, taking in the gravel paths winding between flower gardens and trees. The people walking dogs and pushing strollers. Then I feel M’s brath behind me, like last night at the game, and turn around.
“You came!” She gives me a big smile. I notice she’s a little sweaty—on her it smells disturbingly good—and is carrying some kind of duffel.
“So did you. What’s that about?” I nod at the bag she’s holding.
“Oh.” She glances down at it. “Taekwondo class. After five months away, I have a lot of catching up to do. So…do you want to sit down, so we can talk? I forgot it would be crowded this time of year, sorry.”
I follow her to a metal bench by the opposite wall and sit next to her. Not too close. “It’s cool you do taekwondo.”
She smiles again. “You said almost the exact same thing the first time I mentioned it, last fall.”
“Yeah?” I wonder if I’ve been repeating myself a lot. “So, what was the deal with that guy who attacked you last night?”
“He claims to be a hard-core anti-Royalist who’s been watching for a chance to get rid of me once and for all. But Cormac and the others think he was really sent by someone else, though they couldn’t get him to admit it.”
“Others?”
“The O’Garas and a couple members of the Echtran Council. Cormac took the guy back to Jewel, to the O’Garas’ house, so they could decide what to do with him.”
I’m curious about logistics, given how everything has to be kept secret from the Duchas. “Mr. Cormac’s your Bodyguard, right? How does that work, if your folks—aunt and uncle?—don’t know about Martians or who you are or anything?”
“He’s staying across the street from me. Mrs. Crabtree rents out the room over her garage.”
Convenient. Too convenient to be chance—someone must have arranged it somehow. “But he doesn’t drive you to school or anything? I know you take the bus.”
“It would look pretty strange if the vice principal drove me to school. He’s got a bunch of Nuathan surveillance gadgets, though, to monitor my house and the perimeter of the school. And when I go out, like to the O’Garas’ for meetings, he usually follows at a discreet distance.
“Even so, he gets frustrated that he can’t stick close enough to protect me the way he’s been trained to, without blowing my cover. Like at the game last night. Thanks again, by the way. You probably saved my life. Cormac thinks the guy was planning to break my neck.”
That crazy dude was big enough to have done it, too. I shudder. “Just glad I saw him in time to stop him. So, did the Council decide what to do with him?”
“They’re shipping him off to Montana, to the Echtran compound there, Dun Cloch. Supposedly there are Healers there who can, um, get more information out of him whether he’s willing to talk or not.” She looks suddenly uncomfortable. I think I might know why.
“You mean they’ll pull stuff out of his brain? Then what? Wipe his memory?”
She flinches.
“Not saying he doesn’t deserve it,” I add quickly, because he totally does. Then, in a rush, “Will you tell me what I did to deserve that?”
Her eyes go wide. “You… How did you know—?”
“Dad mentioned it might be dangerous for me to remember some stuff, which got me thinking. When I asked Sean point-blank, he admitted my memory had been erased and it was no accident. Don’t get pissed at him for telling me, okay?”
“I won’t. I’m the one who told him not to lie to you. There’ve been way too many lies already and you deserve to know the truth.”
“Which is?”
She holds my gaze, a crease forming between her eyebrows. “Your memory wasn’t erased because of anything you did wrong, Rigel. It was because of something I did.”
An ice cold stone drops into my belly. “You mean…you really did order them to wipe out the whole last year of my life?”
“No!” She forgets to whisper and a few heads turn our way. Her face has gone several shades paler. “Of course I didn’t order it! Did Sean tell you I did?”
I shake my head. “I just figured, since you’re, y’know, Sovereign, nobody else would have the authority—”
“No, they didn’t have the authority, but that didn’t stop them. Your memory was erased because I told you about…about something I’d promised not to, something nobody’s supposed to know about. At least, that’s the
excuse they used. I didn’t even know they’d done it until, well…it’s all kind of complicated.”
She’s so upset, I have to believe her. Even if I don’t understand. “Can’t you just tell me everything? Except that big classified secret?”
For like five seconds she just looks at me, like she’s trying to decide. Then she sighs. “I want to, Rigel, but there’s so much. It would take hours and hours. Plus…I’m not sure if I should. The Healers—”
“Yeah, my mom has gone on and on about how the Healers say it could somehow screw with my recovery if they tell me stuff, but I’m pretty sure that’s just to keep me from asking too many questions. Isn’t it?” I’m being borderline rude—to the Sovereign—but I’m more frustrated than ever.
“That’s probably part of the reason, but not all. After I found out…what they did to you, I made the Mind Healers give me all their research on restoring erased memories. They have kind of a lot, because Faxon erased memories from most of the Royals he captured on Mars. They discovered—the hard way—that giving too much information too quickly, just telling people what they’ve forgotten, can have side effects. Like messed up short-term memory.”
“And you believe them?”
She nods sadly. “I met enough so-called ‘cured’ Royals to see it firsthand. I’m not sure any of them will ever be completely normal again. I…I don’t want you to end up like that, Rigel.”
I suddenly remember something else Sean said. “Is that what happened to Sean’s other sister?”
“He told you about Elana? Yes. They say she’s slowly improving, but…”
“Yeah, Sean didn’t really want to talk about it.” Now I get why. Also why everyone’s so reluctant to tell me even everyday, non-secret stuff. Which totally sucks.
Trying to swallow my disappointment before it chokes me, I turn away from M and look out across the arboretum. And again get that sense of déjà vu. “It’s weird, but…I almost feel like I remember this place.”
“You and I used to come here a lot.” M’s voice is soft. Cautious. “It was one of our, um, special places.”
I turn back to her, frowning. “So we really did spend a lot of time together last fall?”
She nods, her green eyes searching mine. Something niggles, then I get another of those flashes—image without emotion—of her with Sean, his arm draped over her shoulders.
“What?” She looks concerned and I realize my face must have given it away.
“I just got another of those memory flashes—I’ve been getting more and more of them lately.”
“What kinds of things are you remembering? Besides that one with Trina, I mean. Can you tell me?”
I lift a shoulder, try to smile, but it feels crooked. “I’ve had others with her—me dancing with her. And you dancing…with Jimmy Franklin. And with Sean. Holding hands with Sean. Mostly stuff like that.” I don’t mention the one of her and Sean kissing. Even if the memory didn’t come with emotions attached, thinking about it now bothers me. More than it should.
“Nothing about…you and me? Together?”
I shake my head. “Nothing.” Except for my dreams, but they’re way too crazy to be real. “You say we spent all this time together, had this special…thing together. If that’s true, shouldn’t most of my memories be about you? Us?”
Her eyes narrow and her lips press into a thin line, like she’s pissed. At me? “Not necessarily. Not if they specifically blocked them. I knew they’d done that with the ones about the…the big secret, but they must also have blocked your memories about us. Our bond. I’d hoped maybe they didn’t have time, but…”
“What do you mean, blocked? Blocked how?”
“I don’t completely understand the process, but apparently they can…can bury certain memories deeper than others, overlay them with other memories, even fake ones. In your case, they chose memories they considered safe, then stuck those on top of the ones they especially didn’t want you to get back.”
My head is starting to spin. “Wait. So you mean these…these flashes I keep getting are things they put there? So I would remember them? Why? And who the heck are “they,” anyway? Who did this to me?”
“People who claimed—maybe even believed—they were acting for the good of Nuath. Only one is in Jewel now, and I’m not sure I…” M bites her lip. I try to ignore the effect that has on me, stay focused on her words instead.
“Someone here in Jewel? Who? Someone I know?”
“Sort of.” I can see she’s really struggling over whether to tell me. Because of who it is? Or because of what she thinks it could do to my brain or something?
“Look,” I say, “if there’s somebody right here in Jewel who’s got it in for me, shouldn’t I know who?”
She gives a little sigh. Which I tell myself is not sexy at all. “Okay. Sean’s father.”
“Whoa. Seriously?” And all this time I thought Sean was my friend! “So Sean—?”
“Sean didn’t have anything to do with it.”
“But he knows? That it was his dad?”
M nods. “He and Molly were really upset when I told them. Even though he’s their dad, they both thought what he did was terrible. Mr. O’Gara realizes it now, too, and has apologized like a hundred times. Of course, that was after I found out and went ballistic on him and the others.” She looks pissed just remembering it.
“Anyway, you don’t have to worry he’ll do anything else to you now. And it was Sean who helped me figure out how to keep you safe until I could get back to Jewel. To you. I’ve…really missed you, Rigel.”
The look in her eyes twists at my heart, making me feel something I have absolutely no business feeling. “I, uh… Thanks? I wish I could say the same, but—”
“But you can’t miss someone you don’t even remember knowing.”
She sounds sad again, making me want to comfort her. But I don’t dare.
Instead, I check my cell phone for the time and jump up. “Wow, we’ve been here longer than I realized. I should get home and you probably should too, huh?”
“Oh. I guess so.” She stands more slowly, looking like she wants to say more. But I’m afraid it might be something I’d be better off not hearing.
“Hey, thanks for filling me in about that guy last night and…and everything else. And don’t worry, I won’t say anything to Sean about his dad, since it sounds like he feels bad enough about it already.”
I also don’t plan to tell Sean about this hour in the arboretum. In fact, I don’t plan to tell anybody. Because much as I want to remember everything, what I want even more is to spend more time with M. And that’s dangerous on a whole different level.
20
Minimum approach distance
The arboretum looks a lot different covered with snow. I look around at the gardens, buried under a blanket of white. The gravel walks have been shoveled or swept, so they’re walkable, barely. I’m alone, but keep looking eagerly toward the arched entrance, waiting…
I feel her even before I hear her—my M! A moment later she rushes into the arboretum, her taekwondo bag swinging at her side. Even sweaty and flushed, she looks like heaven. As soon as we’re out of sight from the street, her duffel hits the ground with a thud and we’re in each other’s arms, kissing like there’s no tomorrow. It’s been way too long!
Strength and well-being flow into me from her touch and I know she feels the exact same thing. I slide my hands inside her coat, rub them up and down her back, pull her closer. She runs her fingers through my hair, doing her part to mesh us into one.
“Mmm. I will never get tired of this,” I whisper against her mouth when we come up for air. “I’ve missed you so much, M.”
She answers silently, since we’re already kissing again, that this is the only thing that really makes her feel right. Whole.
I totally agree, even if I can’t form whole sentences in my head right now. She pulls my body so tight against hers I feel like I might explode. I let my hands drift lowe
r and she doesn’t stop me. If only—
A loud voice right by my ear shatters the mood. I lurch away from M, drawing back my fist to deck the intruder…then groggily realize it’s my alarm clock, with some obnoxious car commercial on the radio. I smack the off button so hard the whole clock flies off my nightstand and crashes to the floor. Serves it right.
My pulse is still pounding. Not only from the shock of being jerked awake. The after-effects of my dream—the best one I’ve ever had—are still surging through me. I lie there for a minute, reliving the bits I remember, savoring them. Then I remember why that’s a bad idea.
It takes every bit of my willpower to shove the lingering images—and feelings—out of my head. After a few deep breaths, I jump up and head to the bathroom for a much colder shower than I normally take.
When I get off my bus, I catch myself craning my neck to see if M’s is here yet. It is, and it’s already empty. Just as well. Not that I can exactly avoid her, since we have practically all the same classes.
As I approach first period, it’s like her brath reaches out to drag me forward, making me speed up. Which is ridiculous. I square my shoulders and slow back down. Still, the instant I’m through the door, I can’t seem to keep my eyes from turning her way.
Unfortunately, she looks every bit as hot as she did in my dream. Hotter, even, since she’s wearing a tank top and shorts instead of the jeans and heavy coat from the dream. No, I will not think about how she felt under that coat. It was just a dream!
Wasn’t it?
I’m busy lambasting myself for totally inappropriate thoughts when she turns her head and smiles at me. I smile back, but stiffly. And suddenly feel like I could use another cold shower.
I sit down in my seat with a thump, vowing not to look her way again. A vow I can’t keep for five minutes, much less the whole class. Every time I let my focus drift from Pre-Cal stuff, scenes from that dream assail me again. Get me all worked up again.
Starfall: A Starstruck Novel Page 18
