“It’s Mike!” he said, breathing rapidly. “He saw it on TV! He wants to know…if Chris’ll do it!”
Wade looked back down at Chris and bit his lip to the point of pain. There was no going back now. Set up or no, he knew one day it would all come down to this. After a few moments of agonizing silence, Wade spoke to Joe while keeping his eyes firmly on Chris.
“Tell Pete to set a course for California. And tell Mike we’ll hit as many venues on the way as we can. We’ll be there in three weeks.”
Joe screamed at the top of his lungs into Wade’s phone while bouncing his way out of Chris’ room. Distinct cries of “We’ll fucking be there man!” rang throughout the bus.
When they were alone, Chris looked up at Wade and smiled.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Wade smiled as best he could to support Chris. But he couldn’t shake the odd feeling he had.
As they drew closer to the competition date, the tension was so thick on the bus you could cut it with a knife. Wade spent most of his time on the phone with Mike, scheduling a line-up and a spot for Chris, but he didn’t make much eye contact with her or anyone else. Wade was stressed - that much everyone could see.
After Chris had been accepted into the competition, it forced Heretic to cancel several shows. Wade wound up on the phone some nights for hours on end with the other bands, venues, radio stations, and even Mike, trying to stick to their original schedule as much as possible.
All of the rearranging that he did made Chris feel selfish. Some nights, the entire bus would be completely quiet save for the low rumble of the engine as they sped along the road. But when only days were left between Chris and the competition, Wade’s phone rang again.
Wade recognized the number and brought it to his ear.
“Yeah, Mike. What’s up?”
Chris stared at the table in silence while she strained her ears to Heretic’s agent, but she couldn’t make out a single word. She heard Wade say “Yeah” and “Uh-huh” several times and then, a long, deep-seated silence.
“No, it’s okay. Its fine, man. It’s fine. Thanks for trying,” he said.
But when she finally grew a spine and looked at him, he tossed his phone on the counter and rubbed his forehead much too hard.
Wade got up from his seat and walked over to a window while he ran his hands through his hair. His entire body seemed to swell and shake as if he would explode at any minute. And then he did.
“Dammit!”
Wade slammed his fists on the small kitchen counter causing the dishes in the sink to bounce in response. The sudden noise even made Os look with concern at this brother. But no one was brave enough to speak. Eventually, Joe decided to bite the bullet.
“What’s up, man?”
“The projectors,” he confessed after several agonizing moments. “They’ll be zoning in on every competitor whether we want them to or not.”
Chris sunk into her seat a little further at such news.
“We’ll just have to deal with it,” he finished.
Never before had Chris been so unsettled at the prospect of being seen. She always relied on Wade and Mike to take the magnifying glass off of her. However, Wade’s request was out-trumped by Dark Water.
“It’s outta my hands,” he said, but then promptly faced Chris. “Now, it’s in yours.”
Without another word, he turned and disappeared into his room.
Chris sighed at the frustration of it all. She brought her knees into herself and let her head fall a little bit too hard against the window. After a while, she peered over at Joe and found him staring back at her in concern.
“Do you think I’m doin’ the right thing, Joe?”
He sighed, making his cheeks exceptionally large.
“I think…that no matter what happens…things will always work themselves out.”
She grew teary-eyed and smiled, but when she looked over at Os, he broke eye contact with her as fast as he could and pretended to mess with his guitar.
“Just remember,” Joe added. “You’ll always be my little buddy!”
Chris laughed and shook her head, but took the seriousness of his previous statement to heart. It was rare that Joe displayed any words of wisdom and when he did, it just made perfect sense. She was also grateful at Joe’s ability to make her feel better, no matter.
“Thanks, Joe.”
Chapter 19
As the bus barreled past the sign welcoming them to California, Chris found herself thinking back on her first performance with Heretic: the flashing lights, the pounding music, the screams of so many people. She was so excited that first night that she couldn’t wait to get on stage. She was just beginning her new life then. But California meant so much more to her now than it did over a year ago.
She hoped that after she won, she would get to leave California as a girl - ending once and for all, all the secrets and the lies that they fought so hard to protect. Less than forty-eight hours remained until Chris Rebman would play alone in front of thousands of people.
She knew she would win hands down, but winning over Heretic’s fans as a girl was something else entirely. Rarely had any rock band in the metal community taken a girl under their wing, but she was determined to prove that she could play better than any guy. But she wasn’t stupid.
She knew she needed to turn up her game one hundred percent. She had the perfect plan that would have people in the metal community talking about it for years to come. She thought about the ace she had up her sleeve - the one that she had been hiding all along - saving it for the perfect time. And that time was now.
She grinned evilly at the flawless perfection of it all. But no matter what, she couldn’t tell anyone - especially Wade. Not until it was said and done.
As the bus moved passed the familiar buildings she’d once seen over a year ago, every thread of nervousness disappeared from her entirely. She stared out of the window with deadly conviction. She’d show them. She’d show every last one of them. Christine Rebman was the best and no one else even came close.
Chris yawned as the sun stretched over the horizon. She slept little the night before and now the only people at the front of the bus were her and Pete. Everyone else was sound asleep although the only snoring she couldn’t make out was Wade’s.
After going over the plan in her head for the umpteenth time, she decided to try and get some sleep. So she got up and tip-toed quietly back to her room and drew apart the partition.
“Wade?”
Wade sat on the edge of her bed as if he’d been waiting for her all night. He looked tired and his hair was completely disheveled. There was hardly any light coming in through her window, but Chris didn’t need it to see how bloodshot his eyes had become. He got up to meet her but looked ready to fall over at any moment.
“I didn’t even see you come in here.”
Wade didn’t answer but looked down at her as he held onto her shoulders.
“I just…wanted to tell you something.”
One of Chris’ eyebrows rose. “Okay?”
“I’m not mad or anything…about all this.”
Chris steadied him as he teetered back and forth between sleep and consciousness. But she sighed and did her best to pat down his wrinkled clothes.
“Wade, it’s okay. You’ve done a lot for me. You’ve got every right to be upset. You, Mike, and everyone else had to change their schedules because of me. All because of me…”
Wade shook his head.
“No, listen: I wanted everyone to know who you were since the beginning…there was just so much shit going on...”
Chris dropped her head ashamedly. For a brief moment she almost wished there wasn’t a drummer’s competition - that they could all go back to their regular routine and play badass songs from coast to coast.
“But not once…have I ever regretted taking you with us.”
“Wade, I-."
“No, no, no - look at me.”
She did, but w
ished she didn’t have to stare directly into his bloodshot eyes. Come to think of it, she couldn’t remember the last time either of them got any solid sleep.
“If you win this…if you…no - when…you win this…we both know that there’s a chance that you won’t have to hide what you are anymore. I guess a part of me is scared to death of losing what we have.”
Of course Chris thought about that. She thought about that a lot. Truth be told, neither of them knew the outcome if she chose to reveal herself, even if she did win. Worst case scenario, she’d get booed off the stage and she’d never play drums in front of anyone ever again.
But the thought alone made her defensive and she resolved it would be a cold day in hell before she’d ever allow that to happen.
“You really need to get some sleep, Wade. I got this. Easy. You’ve got nothing to worry about. I…"
She stopped, coming so close to revealing her plan, but she bit her tongue.
“I’m telling you,” she came back after collecting her thoughts. “I can do this with both hand tied behind my back.”
Suddenly, Wade’s face brightened just a little.
“Mmmm…don’t give me any ideas.”
Chris rolled her eyes and tried to maintain a serious sentiment. She just couldn’t stand to look at Wade anymore in his state.
“Wade, here. Let’s get you back to bed-.”
“No, I wanna stay here with you. Please…please just lay down with me…”
Suddenly, Wade lost his balance and practically fell onto Chris.
“Whoa-whoa-whoa!”
Chris cried out as she and Wade crashed onto the mattress. She tried moving Heretic’s hulking front man, but he was already deep in sleep, using Chris’ lap as a pillow.
She sat stroking his hair for the longest time while she stared off into space. She thought again about how her life would change in the near future - for better or for worse.
Half of her already wished all of this was over. The other half teemed with excitement as they drew closer to the amphitheater. She smiled again as she laid her head fell back against the hard wall and she soon fell asleep.
“Hey! Hey - wake up you two! We’re here!”
Joe’s voice broke through the air - abruptly snapping Chris out of her sleep. She rubbed the back of her sore head while she used her other hand to rock Wade from his coma.
“Waaade…” she said, yawning his name.
“Hmm?”
“We’re here. C’mon.”
It took a few minutes to get him to come to, and when she did, she followed him to the front of the bus in a tireless stupor. But when they both spotted the same view just outside the window, they became awake in no time.
“Whoa,” she sighed.
Chris parked herself next to Wade as the two of them stared outside at a sea of band buses and other vehicles. Wade could already see the back of Joe’s head as he talked with other musicians from other bands out in the parking lot.
“Looks like we’re late,” Wade said just as his phone began to ring.
It was Mike again.
“Yeah, hey Mike. What’s up?”
“Hey man, you here yet?”
“Yep, just pulled in. Looks like it’s a full house,” Wade commented, scanning the competition.
He saw buses as far as the eye could see and the massive amphitheater in the distance.
“You got about fifty other competitors lined up but I’m afraid I got some bad news for ya.”
“I don’t need that shit, man,” Wade said, looking at Chris briefly.
“No, no. Everything’s fine. But it looks like calling in three weeks ahead of time still wasn’t soon enough.”
“Whaddya mean it wasn’t ‘soon enough’?”
“I’m sorry man, but I couldn’t get him in any earlier. Chris has to go last.”
“Fuck, man. Are you serious? They do know who Chris Rebman is, right?”
“You can thank your buddy, Rick, for that one. I gotta feeling he had something to do with this.”
“No shit. This whole competition reeks of Dark Water.”
Wade knew the lead singer from Dark Water but he was no friend of Wade’s. Rick Delanost had been Wade’s rival since they both scored record labels but Heretic became an overnight success first. Every time they met, Rick never failed to be less than ‘pleasant’. And whenever he was interviewed on TV, it seemed he thrived off of Heretic’s bad luck with Hess and rubbed salt in the wound claiming his music was better, but Wade shrugged it off. He knew the truth. Heretic may have had more talent, but Rick’s father was a wealthy bastard.
“Lemme guess: daddy owns the building, doesn’t he?”
“And half the buildings in Anaheim,” he sighed. “Sorry, man.”
“Don’t sweat it, Mike. It doesn’t matter any way. First or last, we got this.”
“Glad to hear it. They’re going to start the competition tonight but Chris isn’t scheduled to go until tomorrow night at ten exactly. Good luck. And don’t be late.”
Mike hung up while Wade looked down at Chris trying to glean whatever information he could from her calm expression. To Wade, she appeared no different than what she did on any of their other gigs. She appeared neutral and utterly indifferent to everything else that went on, and that made Wade’s gut do back flips.
“There’s something you should know,” Wade began.
“I’d rather go last anyway,” Chris finished, unable to drop the partial smile from her face. But try as he might, Wade couldn’t sate the nervousness in his stomach that made him want to vomit. He wasn’t the one playing drums yet he couldn’t remember the last time he felt this anxious.
“Look, as far as I’m concerned, your biggest threat is Dark Water’s drummer.”
“Are you serious?”
“You’re not worried?” Wade asked.
“Worried about Geoffrey Henz? Please. He always starts off too strong. He uses too much energy at the beginning and ends up making the last half of his performance sound like shit. He gets going too fast and he misses a beat. No one else notices, but I do. Believe me, I’ve listened to him play longer than you have. I’m more worried about getting jock itch.”
Wade snickered and marveled at her inner strength and confidence yet he sensed something else entirely. He narrowed his eyes and studied her closely and as if in response, his gut stirred again.
“Is there something going on that you wanna tell me?”
“Yeah,” she fired back with playful vigor. “Go in there and tell the judges to give that fat check to Heretic and save everyone a lot of time.”
Wade laughed out loud and for a moment he almost forgot how tired he was. He picked her up and squeezed her while she squirmed and giggled.
“Gah! Put me down! I need to take a shower!”
“Ohhhh - okay!”
“Alone!”
“Awe, but-!”
Chris wriggled free, but when Wade tried following her into the bathroom, she shut and abruptly locked the door.
He laughed again, but turned his attention to the parking lot that was jam-packed with band buses. Some of them he recognized right away; E.O.P., Strife, and way in the distance, he could clearly make out Dark Water’s bus. It was by far the biggest and most immaculate. He didn’t mind coming face to face with his rival but it was Chris he worried about most of all.
When he heard the showerhead turn on, he began rummaging through the kitchen cabinets to find some antacids.
Chapter 20
Wade protested without end but he found that he was no match for a woman with Chris’ persistence. Despite objections from both him and Joe at being seen, she insisted that she watch the competition from the audience - as a girl.
“Just let me go by myself. I’ll be fine! Besides, if the crowd says anything, I wanna hear it.”
“What do you expect to gain by this?” Wade asked, watching Chris put on makeup. At that moment, he hated how stunning and shapely she looked in her skinny jeans
and didn’t want to admit that he was more nervous than he let on about exposing her to a sea of balls and testosterone.
“I want to size up the competition and I wanna know what to expect when I step on stage, y’know? Like a recon!”
Chris finished putting her black hair up into a ponytail and allowed her bangs to hang over her eyes that she filled with more mascara. To Wade, she was mouth-watering.
“C’mon, Chris! Lemme go with you! You’re not the only one who looks good with a ponytail!”
Chris laughed as she gave her hair a final tug, but Wade interjected.
“Absolutely not. Chris is one thing, but if just one person spotted you, it would raise too much commotion!”
“Will you guys relax?” she groaned. “I won’t be gone that long!”
“Jesus…” Wade palmed his face yet again. Another sick feeling slammed into his gut, and at that moment, it was all he could do to keep his lunch down. “Alright look - if you’re gonna go, then at least make sure you have your phone.”
She slapped the back of her jean pocket playfully. "Already ahead of ya."
“If you’re not back in one hour-!”
“Alright, alright!”
Chris rolled her eyes as she walked out of the bathroom. She scanned the parking lot through the windows, but it was nearly devoid of people. She assumed they were all inside the amphitheater as well.
“Hey, where the hell is Os?” Wade asked Joe.
Come to think of it, as soon as they arrived, Wade hadn’t seen hide nor hair of his older brother.
“The hell should I know? Maybe he found a hot dog stand…”
As much as Wade wanted to laugh at his friend, he wrinkled his forehead and punished Joe with a deafening stare. But it didn’t matter; Chris laughed for the both of them and continued to scan the parking lot.
“Okay, now’s a good a time as any," Chris guessed. "I don’t see anyone.”
“Alright, you ready?”
Wade took his position behind her - ready to give Pete the signal to open the door and release Chris. He looked over her head one last time before he banged on Pete’s plastic partition.
No Holding Back Page 22
