by Tawny Weber
Alexia winced. Her heart wept as she forced herself to finish securing the coat.
Good thing she hadn’t bared her heart. It looked as though he was finished here.
13
BLAKE WANTED to punch something harder than a lousy pillow. A brick wall. A steel door. An angry lion. Anything.
Why then? Why did the call have to come then? Why not in an hour. Or two, even. That would have given him time to deal with the emotional mess he’d fallen into. To finish the discussion and bring, what had she called it before? Closure?
Yeah. Closure.
Because facts were facts. Feelings, no matter how intense and inviting, wouldn’t change them. He wouldn’t—couldn’t—ask her to be a part of the life he’d chosen. No matter how much he loved her.
“Are you ready? The rescue team is meeting us at the top of the mountain in fifteen minutes.”
“We have to climb a mountain?”
He wanted to laugh. He wished he could find a little humor in this ending. Some way to leave them both with smiles. But he couldn’t.
“The rescue vehicle can’t make it down to this elevation,” he explained, his voice a little stiff. “It’s not a big climb and there’s a pulley system in place. It’ll be like taking an escalator to the second floor of the mall.”
“Just like the mall,” she muttered, looking as irritated as he felt all of a sudden. “Except for the freezing temperatures, wind trying to knock us over and blinding snow. Maybe we could get a cinnamon bun when we get to the top.”
Blake felt rotten. He knew she was reacting to his tone, to his attitude. Just because he knew they had no future didn’t mean he wanted to make her angry. Or worse, upset.
There you go, Landon, he mocked. Rescue a gal from a raving lunatic, have sex with her all night even though you know better, then make her feel lousy about it. The Stud of the Year trophy should arrive any day.
“Cinnamon buns, hmm?” he said, trying for a light tone. He took a deep breath, then crossed over to finish securing her winter gear. “I’ll see what I can do.”
He made quick work of her gear. Within seconds, she was ready to brave the elements. Swathed like a mummy, her face concealed and her vivid hair under wraps, she was all eyes. That should mean she was less expressive. But those eyes spoke volumes. Worry, sadness, a regretful goodbye. They were all there, screaming at him loud and clear. So were the embers of passion, so easily ignited between them. All it’d take was a look in return. A word, not even a promise.
And he could keep this going.
She’d regret it, eventually.
She’d hate his job, his connection to a man she felt so negatively toward.
He’d hate hurting her, resent the silent—or eventually not-so-silent—pressure to change.
But between now and that happening, they could have a whole lot of time exploring that passion. Having incredible sex. Enjoying the hell out of each other.
That was living in the moment, wasn’t it?
Even though you knew the moment was going to hurt like hell eventually.
“Let’s rock and roll.”
With that, and a quick smile, he pulled his own face gear into place and gestured her out the tent flap.
They didn’t say another word, even when he hooked her safety line and showed her how to climb. It took them a solid ten minutes to traverse the ledge. When he’d arrived, after setting up the tent, he’d put the pulleys into place and carved hand- and footholds into the icy snow. They’d filled in a bit in the thirty or so hours since, making for a few dicey moments. But mostly it was a simple, easy extraction.
As before, Alexia kept up. He wanted to tell her she had military in her blood. She was as good, as solid, as many of the people he’d served with. But he didn’t think she’d see that as a compliment.
At the top, he dug his fingers into the deep snow and heaved himself over the edge. Then he reached down for Alexia. Without hesitation, despite there being a thirty-foot drop behind her, she let go of the mountain and put her hand in his. He pulled her up, first over the edge, then to her feet.
They both looked around.
The sound came first. Like a purr beneath the roar of the wind, it slowly grew. Lights, blurred and hazy, bobbed toward them.
“Your chariot,” he said, recognizing the light pattern, but still gesturing her behind a rock and pulling his gun. SOP until he saw the driver and knew it was safe.
“Boy Scout, this is Magic Carpet. Do you read?”
“This is Boy Scout, I read. You’re in our sights.”
“The package is ready to go?”
“Affirmative.” The package was staring at him through huge brown eyes as she listened to the communication through her own headset.
“Handoff is imminent. CHAOS will take delivery in person. Magic Carpet out.”
Shit.
The admiral was in the Snow Trac?
He should warn Alexia. He might have wiggled out of personal responsibility for not telling her his connection to her father in the past, given the situation. But this time? He knew who her father was, where he was and, Blake eyed the lumbering vehicle still a mile away, just exactly when he’d arrive.
Telling her was against regulations.
Not telling her was the end of their chances together.
He pictured Phil’s mom’s face at the funeral. Someday, it could be him in the flag-covered box. Could he ask Alexia to accept that? To take the chance that someday she’d be sitting there, accepting a folded flag and military condolences?
Because he loved her enough to want forever, he realized with a painful grinding in his heart. And forever was something he couldn’t promise.
Better to promise nothing, to ask nothing. And to make nothing available. She wouldn’t get hurt that way.
And his hurt? The excruciating, gut-wrenching misery in his heart? Hey, he was a specially trained soldier, equipped to push through any pain and survive.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice soft as a whisper through his headset.
Afraid of what else she’d say, Blake quickly shook his head, then pointed at the Snow Trac vehicle rumbling across the white expanse. Privacy time was over. Communications were open now. Wide-open.
Blake clenched his jaw.
Time to say goodbye.
* * *
ALEXIA WATCHED the huge monstrosity trudge toward them, looking like a giant metal turtle crossing the snow. It was her way home. Escape from the bizarre hell her life had turned into this last week.
So why did she have a desperate urge to shimmy back down the side of the mountain and hide in the tent?
Or better yet, burrow into Blake’s arms and beg him not to let her go.
He hadn’t let her thank him. Because they’d be overheard, or because he wasn’t comfortable with the praise, she didn’t know. But he’d saved her. Saved her life. Saved her virtue. And quite likely saved her sanity.
He was a hero. She watched him as he stood between her and the oncoming rescue vehicle, rifle at the ready. Even though he’d talked to them himself, he wouldn’t take a chance with her safety until he was sure it was U.S. military in that snow-tank thing.
Everything he’d done suddenly crashed over her. All because he was a soldier. A SEAL. A hero. How could she take issue with that when it was because of all those things that she was alive? How could she ever wish him to do anything else when he was so fabulously talented at being a SEAL? As long as there were freaks and lunatics and evil in the world, men like Blake stood against them. Kept the rest of the world safe, just as he was keeping her safe now.
She wanted to thank him again. To tell him how much he meant to her, how much she appreciated what he did. And how wrong she’d been to reject him based on his job.
She wanted a chance.
A chance for them.
But now it was too late.
As if mocking the timing of her realization, the Snow Trac grumbled to a loud, whining stop twenty feet away. The light
s flashed. Code, she realized as Blake lowered his weapon.
“Your chariot,” he told her, gesturing to the vehicle.
Everything she wanted to say was bottled up inside her like a shook-up soda. All intense and mixed up and ready to burst. She wanted to tell him so many things.
But she’d had her chance.
As she’d done so many times in the last day, she hooked her fingers in his belt and put her feet into the indentions he made in the snow.
They reached the vehicle and he gestured her to come around. Two soldiers stood on either side of the open door, both with rifles at the ready. Covering them, she realized with a nervous shiver.
“Be safe,” Blake said as she moved toward the steps.
“What?” She turned back, shaking her head.
“Aren’t you coming?” He had to be. She had so many things to say to him. So much to try to work out. “You’re not staying here, are you?”
“I’m meeting my team back at the compound for cleanup,” he said, sounding as official as if he’d been delivering a report to a superior. Or talking to a stranger.
Despite their audience, not caring how it was perceived, Alexia reached out one gloved hand. Before she could figure out what to say, how to say it, a familiar voice harrumphed.
“Well done, Landon. Now, move on to phase cleanup.”
Ice formed along Alexia’s spine. She felt like one wrong move and she’d crack into tiny pieces.
Suddenly as cold as she’d been in that tiny cell, she turned to face the man in the doorway of the Snow Trac. Like her and Blake and the rest of the soldiers, he was dressed in white camouflage, a helmet, mask and goggles obscuring his features. No matter, she’d know him anywhere.
“Father,” she greeted quietly. “I didn’t realize you were here.”
“Let’s go.” That’s all he said. No greeting. No explanation. Just an order.
Heart heavy, Alexia looked back at Blake. His lack of reaction told her that he wasn’t surprised to see the admiral. He’d known he’d be there. And he hadn’t warned her.
If he’d held up a sign that said Not Interested, the message couldn’t have been clearer.
Shaking, her knees so wobbly that only pride allowed her to manage the steps into the vehicle, Alexia suddenly wanted to be gone. And she never, ever wanted to see snow again.
“Lieutenant,” she said, looking over her shoulder to give Blake a nod to acknowledge all he’d done. Including breaking her heart. “Thank you.”
* * *
“YOU SURE YOU DON’T WANT some chocolate cake? Or maybe ice cream? I can run out and get fresh strawberries to go with it.”
It took all her strength for Alexia to pull her gaze from the view of her parents’ garden. The entire time she’d been doing her hostage routine, as her brother had termed it once he’d stopped crying, she’d fantasized about her own bed. Yet three days after she’d climbed into that Snow Trac and rolled out of hell, she still hadn’t made it there.
At first, it was easier to stay here. Her father’s connections and pull had meant the debriefing team and the navy psychologist made house calls. The admiral’s gruff attitude had meant that Edward, filled with guilt that she’d been kidnapped for research he’d instigated, kept his exhausting visits to a minimum. And her mother’s newly found nurturing streak—and her chef—had meant that Alexia was pampered beyond belief. Margaret had even called in her beauty team and a masseuse that morning to give her daughter some much-needed pampering.
“I’m okay,” she told her worried-looking mother. She’d never realized Margaret had the hovering gene, but for the last couple of days it’d been out in megaforce. “I’m still full from lunch.”
“Lunch was four hours ago. You’re not eating enough.”
“I was only gone five days, Mother. Not nearly enough time to lose weight and need constant feeding,” Alexia said with a teasing look. She patted the belly of her jeans to show it still wasn’t flat.
Her smile faded as her mother’s face crumpled. And not, Alexia knew, because she was horrified at her daughter’s curves.
“Don’t,” she begged, sliding from the bench seat and wrapping her arms around her mother. “Please. You keep crying and I’m going to need a transfusion. You know I’m a sympathy weeper.”
“I was scared,” Margaret admitted. “I’ve never been scared like that before.” Her fingers clutched her daughter for just a second before she sniffed, stepped back and carefully dabbed the dampness from under her eyes.
Alexia dropped back to the window seat and stared in shock.
“You were scared?” But she’d seemed so calm when she’d welcomed Alexia home. Margaret had gotten a little weird, with the hovering and all. But Alexia hadn’t realized that was fear.
“What do you think?” Margaret snapped. “My daughter, kidnapped by a lunatic. Hauled off to some icy hellhole. We didn’t know who, or why. And when we did, it was even worse.”
She paused to take a deep breath, then continued. “I was terrified. Your father was, too, although he tried not to show it. He called in every marker he had, Alexia. He handpicked the SEAL team, he demanded the best to rescue you. Even then, we had no idea...”
Her words trailed off, and she sniffed, but held her hand out to say she was getting control of herself. So Alexia stayed seated. Truthfully, she was too surprised at the idea of her father worrying to have the strength to stand.
“Michael and I waited here, of course. But your father refused to. He insisted on going to Alaska to get you. He even yelled at Daniel Lane.”
“He yelled at the rear admiral?”
Reeling a little and not sure how to deal with it, Alexia absently patted the cushion next to her. To her surprise, her mother took the invitation and sat.
“As I said,” Margaret told her with a quick, uncomfortable pat to the knee, “I’ve never been so scared.”
“You must have been, though. I mean, Father served his entire career in the military. He fought in two wars. How was that not scary?”
Heck, just thinking of Blake doing cleanup at that nasty compound gave her chest palpitations.
“Because that was his job,” Margaret said with a flick of her bejeweled wrist, as if dismissing the question as ridiculous. Alexia waited to feel slighted, stupid, as she would have so often in the past when her curiosity was rebuffed. But her mother didn’t seem to be closing the dialogue. Just responding.
“It’s that easy? Because it’s his job, you weren’t afraid?”
“Darling, he was trained to fight. Trained in strategy. He knew how to use weapons and all of that big scary equipment and had an entire platoon of men just as well trained, just as dedicated, fighting at his side. As I said, it was his job. And he was very, very good at it.”
“But his job put him in constant danger. He had people shooting at him, trying to blow him up. Didn’t that worry you?”
“Did you watch the news yesterday?” Margaret asked.
Shaking her head no, Alexia frowned. What did that have to do with anything?
“I don’t recall what city it was—I just caught the tail end of the newscast. But it was rush-hour traffic and someone became angry. He stopped his car in the middle of gridlocked traffic, pulled out a weapon and started shooting. He killed three people before he was stopped.”
Alexia’s breath caught at the horror. “Those poor people,” she breathed.
“Exactly. They were only trying to get home, living their safe day-to-day lives. And someone tried to kill them.” A combination of anger, disgust and pity creased Margaret’s face. “At least a solider is trained and prepared. Nobody knows when their time is going to come, darling. It could be on a mission, or at the grocery store. So sitting around wringing one’s hands and worrying is a waste of time and energy, don’t you think?”
She nodded, and the little ball of terror that’d knotted in her belly when she realized she was in love with Blake started to unravel. But right next to it was a bigger fear, o
ne that was still tied tight.
Taking a deep breath, she asked, “But what about the rest? The fact that most of his life is dedicated to the service. That he keeps tons of secrets from you. How does that not bother you?”
Her mother looked stunned for a second, as if she’d never considered those questions. Then she shrugged.
“Well, that too is a part of his job, isn’t it? I knew it when I married him, so why would it bother me? As for the secrets...” She glanced at the door, then laughed and lifted both hands as if to say well? “Darling, I have plenty of secrets of my own. Secrets that your father will never find out about.”
Alexia’s eyes rounded with shock.
“Noooo?” she breathed.
“Mine might not be along the lines of military intelligence, but they’re juicy enough. Like the true color of my hair, for instance. Or my real weight and collection of Spanx. Your father thinks I eat half a grapefruit every morning, but has no idea I have a bowl of Cocoa Puffs after he leaves for the day.” Margaret tapped one manicured finger on her lips as she considered what else she might be hiding from her husband. “There are the two credit cards he doesn’t know I have. For my girlie purchases, of course. He has no idea that I love trash-talk television in the daytime, or that when he’s out of town I eat chocolate in bed.”
“And you keep all this from him?” Alexia felt stunned, not so much that her mother kept secrets, but that she had such fun ones to hide.
“Of course. It’s all a part of my job of being happy while presenting the ladylike image that’s so important to supporting your father’s career. And don’t you forget, this information is classified, young lady, and disseminated only on a need-to-know basis.”
Alexia laughed until tears trickled down her cheeks. Her mother, watching with a bright smile, reached over to tuck a curl behind her ear, letting her fingers smooth her daughter’s cheek as she did.
Smiling, Alexia was pretty sure this was the closest, the happiest, she’d ever been with her mother.
