by Tawny Weber
An hour later, as they walked home, she was still wondering. She tucked her hand into Aiden’s again and tried to set her worries aside. Since when did she care what other people thought of her? Earlier tonight, she’d figured she’d finally found bliss. Go back to that, she told her brain. Focus on the positive.
“It’s a nice night for a walk, yes?”
“Sure,” he agreed.
“Aren’t you glad we didn’t bring the car? Less pollution this way, we get a little after-dessert workout. And we have time to talk.”
Like maybe about what he really thought of the things that mattered to her. The lava cake bubbled in Sage’s belly like its namesake, not feeling nearly as good now as it had at dessert.
“As long as you can talk and walk at the same time,” he said absently. “At least you wore flat shoes.”
“And if I hadn’t?”
He gave her a look. She knew he was trying for stern, but it was too amused.
“I guess I’d just have to carry you,” he admitted.
“You’d do that?”
“Hey, I carried a two-hundred-pound guy with a broken leg out of the desert once. You’d be easy.”
Sage’s smile stiffened. Not over the reminder of what kind of things Aiden faced as a SEAL. What a contrast between what she did, what she was.
The hero and the flake.
Clearly a match made in heaven.
“You’re quiet,” Aiden observed.
She glanced over with a shrug.
“Just thinking.”
“You usually think out loud.”
“Are you trying to say I talk a lot?” she asked with a laugh.
“No. Although you do talk a lot.” His grimace flashed, then was gone. “I was asking what’s wrong. I figured you’re upset, that’s why you’re so quiet.”
Just like that, her lousy mood, self-doubts and pouty attitude melted away. Aiden was asking about her feelings. Since she was pretty sure he’d rather go into battle wearing a pink dress and heels while a TV crew filmed him, she knew how special that was.
Knew he’d only do it if he cared.
“What?” Aiden asked, his body suddenly as tight as his voice. “Why do you look like that?”
Sage blinked away the tears, sniffing as quietly as she could before asking, “What way? I’m fine.”
“You look like you’re going to cry. Stop it.”
“I’m not crying,” she assured him, biting her lip to keep it from wobbling.
“Sage,” he warned, letting go of her hand and stepping away, as if she might explode at any second.
That, and the fierce look on his face, did it. Sage’s laughter chased the tears away.
“You are so sweet,” she murmured, grabbing his hand and pulling him back to her side. “I just want to cuddle you close.”
“Cuddle all you want. Just don’t cry.” He paused, then with a sigh she felt more than heard, looked down at her. “You going to tell me what’s wrong?”
He didn’t really want to know. He definitely didn’t want to talk feelings or deal with emotional outbursts.
But he’d do it for her.
Not because he was that kind of guy. No, Aiden didn’t do things to be nice, or because it was the supposed right thing. He only did them if they had a logical sequence that he saw a need to follow.
Or because he cared.
Sage sighed, finally crossing that metaphorical line.
The one she’d been tiptoeing toward, then running from her entire life.
She’d loved Aiden forever. So you’d think the slide into being in love with him would be a simple thing. Exciting and wild, an explosion of feelings that simply took over. That’s how she’d always figured love would feel.
Instead, she felt twitchy. Like her feet were itching to run, but her body wanted to follow directions and cuddle close. Her mind raced with arguments, every one of them dismissing the idea of this being love.
But her heart just sat there, smug and sure.
She wasn’t sure if this night was a dear-diary moment.
Or a good reason to take up heavy drinking.
“Sage, do me a favor.”
Pulled out of her confused reverie, she glanced up at Aiden’s face. Grazed by moonlight, his features were part shadow, part magic.
“Anything,” she promised.
“Don’t make me ask what’s wrong a third time. It goes against my every instinct to try and engage a discussion on the basis of emotions.”
“But you’d do it for me?”
His sigh was as light as the breeze wafting over them.
“Yeah. Somehow, with you, I find myself doing a lot of things my instincts warn against.”
“For instance?”
He was silent for a second. She didn’t have to glance up to know he was giving her one of those X-ray looks of his, trying to delve the secrets of her soul.
“A cozy double dinner date. A fake engagement, complete with party. A kidnapped weekend locked in a hotel room with fruit and hot fudge,” he recited.
“You love fruit,” she pointed out. “And while I know you’re not a big sweets eater, you did lick that hot fudge clean.”
“That’s because it was smeared over your naked skin.”
“And your instincts warn against that?”
“Too much hot fudge could lead to cavities and weight issues,” he deadpanned.
Cuddling closer to his side, Sage laughed in delight.
“Ahh, look at you, taking big risks and venturing outside your comfort zone,” she teased, poking him in his side.
His smirk came and went in a flash before he shook his head.
“You’re not going to tell me?”
“You know, there’s a reason you don’t usually ask people what’s on their mind that’s bothering them.”
“And that would be?”
“As soon as they tell you, you’d be the one bothered.”
“Cute.”
From his tone, he knew she was sidestepping. Sage didn’t mind, though. She’d never aspired to be the mysterious type. Until tonight, she’d never aspired to be any type other than who she was. Mostly because she’d never thought twice about how other people might view her.
Until tonight.
“Can I ask you something?” she said hesitantly.
“You just did,” he pointed out, smiling down at her.
Right. Why was it easier to get naked and eat chocolate off of a guy than ask a simple question?
“You can ask another one,” he prompted. “I’ll tell you anything unless it’s top secret, classified or none of your civilian business.”
“Lucky for you I have no interest in military secrets. This is about me,” she told him.
“You want to tell me your secrets?” He sounded hesitant. Like he wanted to know, but didn’t want to want to know.
“Maybe.” She bit her lip, then forced herself to quit being coy and just spit it out. “Do you think what I do is a waste of time?”
“What you do? You mean, your various jobs?” Before she could correct him, and yes, she did hesitate because she was suddenly just as interested in his response to that as she was her actual question, he continued. “No. I think you’re looking for your right fit. While you look, you’re adding a variety of skills to your résumé and staying busy.”
He made it sound so clever, noble even. Sage would have done a happy dance right then and there, except it would mean letting go of Aiden. And as good as she was feeling right now, she had a lot of plans for his body that required holding on tight.
“You don’t think I’m a flake?”
“I think the term that fits you best is free spirit.”
“I like that image,” she decided. “It makes me sound like I should be running around outdoors, naked.”
“I like that image,” he decided with the husky laugh she’d happily come to recognize as his horny alert.
Mmm, decisions, decisions.
The temptation to go
the naked route was overwhelming.
But she’d come this far. And while she might be a free spirit, she wasn’t a chicken. So she resisted the urge to pull her dress over her head.
“Actually, I meant my blog. You know, the posts I write. The causes I try to bring attention to. Do you think it’s a waste of time?”
“You’ve found homes for how many dogs?” he asked, tugging her off the path and over to the little gazebo at the base of the hill.
“Thirty or so,” she said. She pulled her hand free so she had both free to wave over her head. As if it were a vague number that didn’t matter instead of thirty-two beautiful, loyal animals who now had safe, loving homes.
“How much did you raise for that water project in Africa last year?”
“You knew about that?” She wished the moon was brighter so she could see his face. Instead, it was shrouded in shadows, so all she could go on were his words. And those were surprising the hell out of her.
“You blogged about it, didn’t you?”
“You really do read my blog?” Now she was grateful for the lack of light, since there was nothing attractive about her jaw hanging open.
“Of course I read it. I’ve donated, too. Not always, but whenever I can. I’ve been known to nag guys to donate sometimes, as well,” he admitted, laughing quietly as he held out his hand to lead her up the steps of the gazebo.
“You got your big bad navy pals to donate to my causes?” she asked, delighted.
“Hey, some guys push their daughters’ or nieces’ Girl Scout cookies. I push charitable causes.” His shrug was uncomfortable, like he wanted to brush off the conversation as fast as possible. “Look, it’s no big deal.”
“It is to me,” she admitted, lifting first one of his hands, then the other, to her mouth and brushing a kiss over his knuckles. “It means everything to me.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
Sage blinked hard, not sure where the tears had come from or why, but knowing they were the bittersweet happy kind that she couldn’t run from.
After all, they were falling-in-love tears.
She’d have to be crazy to run from falling in love. Wouldn’t she?
“Of course I’m not kidding,” she told him, trying to stay focused on the conversation and not her freaked-out thoughts. “Other than my father, who I secretly suspect believes in me more for the sake of faith in genetics than his being impressed with my choices, you’re the only person to ever show faith in me.”
“Your friends have faith in you.”
Right. She almost laughed, then realized he actually meant that. Her brow creased as she mulled that over.
Did they?
“Well, I suppose they have faith that I’ll entertain them,” she said after a moment. “They figure my next blog post will make them laugh, or give them something to wonder about over lunch.”
“But that’s the charm of your writing,” he pointed out. “Your articles are so entertaining, they make people want to donate to be a part of the fun.”
“I like how you put that,” she decided, wrapping her arms around his waist. “It sounds much better than my friends all think I’m a flake.”
* * *
“THAT’S STUPID,” Aiden growled. It’d been bad enough earlier, listening to Eric make light of Sage’s blog and the causes she supported. But hearing her do it was just too much.
She was an incredible woman and in all the years he’d known her, she’d always seemed very aware of that.
This new self-doubt thing was pure crap. She had to stop and get back to appreciating her unique awesomeness.
“Oh, I’m not saying they don’t care about me. They’re wonderful friends and great people. But I’m not really like them. And they don’t expect me to be,” she said with a light laugh. If it wasn’t for the uncertainty he’d heard in her voice, he’d think she was totally cool with the dismissal of her projects.
If she wanted to pretend, he should let her. These emotional discussions, pushing her to open up and confess emotions, it was crazy.
“You’ve never cared before what people thought,” he said, unable to let it go. “What changed?”
Her sigh was deep enough to ruffle the leaves on the far-off trees.
“I guess it’s because I don’t feel solid in where I’m at, you know? Usually, I’m focused, on a quest of one sort or other. Then it doesn’t bother me that I’m a novelty to most people. A source of curiosity.”
“But now?”
“But now, I’m not sure what I want to do. For the first time, I have no quest. No purpose. Maybe it’s just my dad’s situation that has me questioning things, you know.” Her voice dropped, then she lifted her chin and gave him a wobbly smile. “What you do, it makes a huge difference in the world. It probably saves the world.”
When Aiden cringed she gave a light laugh before adding, “Gary makes a difference to the town. My dad makes a difference in students’ lives.”
“So?” Those were just their jobs.
“So? I’ve never lasted at anything long enough to make seniority, let alone make a difference.”
Aiden shook his head, baffled that a woman as assured and confident as Sage could think something like that.
“I’d ask if you were kidding, but I can see you aren’t,” he said, brushing his finger over her damp cheek. “I wish I were a poet, or gifted with words. Then I could explain how important I think what you do is. You bring passion and energy to these things, Sage. Whether they are big things that shake the world or not is immaterial. They matter to you. And they matter to others.”
“You really think that?” she asked, her words husky. But her smile was there, just at the edges of her mouth.
Feeling like he’d just escaped falling off a cliff, the tension started seeping out of Aiden’s shoulders as he smiled back at her.
“Of course I think that. I wouldn’t have said it otherwise. You know that.”
There. That should comfort her just fine.
Aiden barely resisted a smug pat on her shoulder.
A good thing, since two seconds later she burst into tears.
Crap.
Crap, crap, crap.
Rarely felt panic gripping him, Aiden looked around, desperate for a solution. An answer. Hell, an escape.
Nothing.
“Sage,” he said. But he had nothing to follow it up with. He lifted his hands, wanting to hold her but afraid she’d cry more.
At his move, she gave a deep, shuddering sob, then lifted her chin. She wet her lips, her eyes locking on his.
“Are you okay?” he asked hesitantly.
“I’m more than okay. I’m wonderful,” she assured him. As she did, her fingers worked some kind of magic at her waist, sending her skirt floating like a purple cloud to her feet.
“What’re you doing?” he asked. Not that he was going to stop her, whatever it was. Anything that involved Sage and naked skin was okay in his book.
“I promised you naughty sexual favors on the walk home, remember?” She let her blouse drop to the gazebo floor, where it pooled on top of her skirt.
Aiden looked around.
They were on her dad’s property, but it wasn’t exactly private. He didn’t see signs of anyone around, though. And, he realized as his gaze shifted back where it belonged—on Sage’s silken skin—he didn’t care.
This was a mistake. Continuing this affair was only going to make ending it harder.
But, ending it was already going to be hard enough. He was sentencing himself to a life without Sage when this was over. So shouldn’t he have a few more memories to get him through that long, lonely future?
That was all sad, sad justification.
Again, he didn’t care.
He wanted her.
Here, now.
Naked.
Slow, intense and hot.
With that in mind, he silently followed her lead, letting his clothes fall to the floor with hers.
They didn’t
say another word.
In silence, just the sound of their breath and the wind lightly rustling through the trees, they worshipped each other’s bodies.
Lips slid together, fingers skimmed.
Her nipples pebbled against his palms, beckoning to his mouth. Her body melted against his like a gossamer wish, delicate and sweet and everything he’d ever been afraid to dream of in a life filled with violence.
As he slid into her welcoming warmth, their breath mingled. Their hearts beat in sync.
And Aiden was deathly afraid he’d just stepped over into an emotional minefield that there was no escape from.
But as he watched Sage’s moonlit-dappled face fade into passion, he realized he simply didn’t care.
With her, the emotions, and their cost, were worth it.
11
SO THIS WAS WHAT normal life felt like.
A ten-mile run at daybreak, then breakfast with a buddy at Tilly’s. A visit with the dean at the university to chat about options that Aiden had no intention of taking but was flattered to hear. Now an after-lunch chess game with his mentor.
Aiden wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so content.
Then again, he couldn’t remember ever before having fallen asleep in the arms of a woman like Sage or waking up to a body so incredible, eight mornings in a row.
The run, breakfast, the job offer and even the game were great.
But Sage...
Aiden gave a satisfied smile.
Sage was incredible.
“You seem peaceful. That’s something I’ve rarely seen.”
Seated across from the Professor, Aiden contemplated the older man’s insight and the chessboard at the same time.
“It’s been a good trip.” Wincing, Aiden lifted his gaze and pulled a face. “I don’t mean your illness, of course.”
Lee laughed, the sound almost as hearty as it used to be. That, and the pink of his skin, reassured Aiden that he wasn’t making a mistake heading back to Coronado in a few days.
“Life doesn’t stop because one man becomes ill, Aiden. Nor should your pleasure in that life.” The older man smiled, looking as pleased as if he’d just won the game, found out his fall classes were wait-listed and got his hands on another vintage encyclopedia set to add to his collection. “You’re in a great place in your life. Young, healthy and in love with, if you’ll forgive the bias, a wonderful woman.”
