She’s right. I’m totally here now. I may never leave. I don’t give a single fuck how we work this out, but I’m going to fight for her. I prayed to a God I haven’t spoken to in many years for hours after Beck and Levi called me. I pleaded with Him. Begged Him to give me a chance to make this right.
He listened. Now it’s my turn to listen. I’ve been a dick. I have no idea why I thought I could deny my feelings for Abby and go on with my life. It didn’t work. I’ve been a mess from the moment she left my house days ago. It was too quiet. Nothing was right. I couldn’t think or work or concentrate on anything. All I could do was stare out the window and think about her. How she smiles and laughs. How she kneels in front of us and lowers her head. How her sweet body comes alive when we stroke her skin. How she burns breakfast but can edit hours of video and turn it into a three-minute masterpiece.
I was a fool. She’s not Theresa. She’s Abigail Wise.
She is mine.
Ours.
I glance at Levi and then Beck when she closes her eyes again.
I don’t need to ask them how they feel. It’s written on their faces. I heard it in their voices. We’re all in this.
Our situation is a hot mess that I can’t imagine resolving, but we will. Because we have to.
I close my eyes, my mind wandering to the same place it has all day. I keep picturing Abby with a baby in her arms. She’s smiling and cooing at the infant. The baby is giggling. The baby is ours. All of ours. I don’t care who fathers our child as long as we have one.
I can’t shake the visual. I want to make it true.
I don’t even know if Abby wants kids. We’ve never discussed it. And how the hell would we raise a child in a home with three fathers? I don’t have that figured out either. But we’ll work it out.
We have time. Years. Abby has law school. So many logistics to figure out. I’m suddenly so tired that I let myself sleep as soon as I hear her breathing even out.
Chapter 55
Abby
* * *
“I can’t believe you didn’t call me,” Sabine says for the tenth time since she stomped into the house and straight to where I’m sitting in the library.
“I didn’t want you to freak out like you are now,” I point out, biting into my bottom lip to keep from laughing. She’s acting exactly how I knew she would. This is why I waited two days to call her.
Beck clears his throat from the other end of the sofa, and when I glance his direction, I find his brow furrowed. He’s staring at my mouth.
I drop my lip, my face heating. I don’t know how he does it, but my body comes alive at his small act of dominance.
Since Julius arrived two days ago, we’ve slid back into our more normal roles. Namely me submitting to all of them. Even though it will be weeks before any of them lay a hand on me sexually per doctor’s orders—a fact they’ve made perfectly clear ten times—they’ve taken every opportunity to dominate me.
Julius has been grouchy and intense. He has taken over my life, deciding where I should be, what I should eat, when I should sleep. He even took me into the shower and bathed me himself. Gently. Wincing every time I did.
I feel much better. I keep telling them I’m fine, but they won’t stop hovering. I feel stronger every hour. I could easily start walking around and doing small things, but no.
The way the three of them dote on me makes it seem like I’m a complete invalid. Some of the time I don’t even mind. It’s nice to be pampered and cared for.
Sabine stops pacing in frustration and drags a footstool over to plop down near my face. She shoots a glare at Beck. “Get out. I need to talk to my best friend alone. You’re hovering.”
He chuckles, but doesn’t move.
She narrows her gaze farther and leans toward him. “I’m not kidding. You’re like three Neanderthals. Out.” She points at the door to the library.
I bite my lip again, fighting laughter. Sabine is half the size of each of them, but she packs a punch. She doesn’t back down.
Finally, Beck rolls his eyes and pushes to standing, setting a hand on the back of the sofa and leaning over me. He kisses me gently on the lips. “Yell if this ball of fire gets on your nerves.” He’s teasing, but Sabine swats at him.
I doubt any woman has ever bested Beck before. He hadn’t met Sabine until this week though.
Levi is chuckling at Beck as he follows him from the room.
Julius is sitting in one of the armchairs near me. He leans forward and puts his elbows on his knees.
Sabine twists around to look at him. “What was your name again?” She knows his name perfectly well. She simply wants to goad him.
“Julius Martens. I doubt that’s new information to you though.” He’s good. He doesn’t miss a beat.
“And where were you for the past several days?” she asks, her voice filled with authority and accusation.
He holds her gaze, never faltering. And then he shocks me. “Wallowing in my own self-pity thinking I could walk away from the best woman who’s ever stepped into my life. Simply because another woman burned my ass twenty years ago.”
I gasp, my mouth dropping open. I can’t believe how frank he’s being, and in front of Sabine. To her face. It’s the first time I’ve heard this confession too. I knew he was in a serious relationship when he was young. I knew she screwed him over and used him and left him for another man. I even knew on some level that was what kept him from getting too close to anyone. Me.
But damn. He just laid all his cards on the table. And he did it in front of one of the few people in the world who mean anything to me. Sabine is my family, and we aren’t even related. Somehow Julius has figured out that if he wants in with me, he has to do so through Sabine.
A millionth tear slips down my cheek. He hasn’t told me in words how he feels yet, but he’s here, and I know how he feels. All of them do. They’re waiting on me.
Sabine’s eyes widen. “I like a man who can admit he made a mistake.”
Julius nods. “The biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and I will spend the rest of my life making up for it if Abby lets me.” He turns his gaze to me.
Seconds tick by while I hold my breath. I think my heart stops beating.
Finally, he rises, comes to me, leans around Sabine, cups my face, and kisses me. “I’ll be in the kitchen. I’ll get you some tea.” He stands and faces Sabine. “What can I get you, Sabine?” he asks as if they’ve been friends for years and didn’t just have the oddest verbal exchange in history.
She swallows. “Water is fine. Thank you.” She watches his back as he strides from the room. As soon as the door closes behind him, her face snaps back toward me. She fans herself. “Jesus. I’m pretty sure my panties melted. You’ve seen that man naked?”
I giggle. Of course that’s her first question. “Yep. Every day. In fact, he showered with me an hour ago,” I say just to taunt her.
She groans and covers her face. “Do not let him go.”
I say nothing. How can I? I have no idea what the future holds for any of us yet. We keep avoiding the subject.
Sabine finally takes a breath and meets my gaze again. “Seriously, how are you?”
“I’m okay. I just need a few days to rebuild my strength. I’ll live.”
“You had a miscarriage. Besides the loss of blood and the beating your body took, how are you emotionally?” She reaches for my hand. “I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.”
“Confused mostly. It’s irrational to mourn someone I never knew existed, but I am.” I wipe away another tear. All I do is cry lately. “After I took that pregnancy test, I assumed I was in the clear.”
A tear slides down Sabine’s face too. “I’m so sorry, honey. And it’s not irrational at all. It’s still a loss, even if it was unplanned. People have false negatives. Your period has never been regular. Your hormones were probably all over the map.”
“The crazy thing is that I’ve never thought about having kids. I’ve been so f
ocused on getting through college and getting into law school that I’ve never considered anything beyond joining my grandfather’s practice. I still have years to get there.” I sob again, my voice lowering. “And now he won’t be there with me.”
My shoulders shake as I let the sadness seep in once again. I will never join my grandfather’s practice. It won’t even exist. I’m already in the process of dismantling it. Thank God he had a will and trust in place that dictated precisely what he wanted done. His lawyers are already on top of things. All I have to do is meet with them occasionally and find out where things stand.
After a few minutes, Sabine hands me a tissue, and I wipe my eyes. I tug the throw blanket around me. I’ve been so cold. I’m wearing leggings and a baggy Harvard T-shirt. I haven’t bothered with a bra. Until this week I’d gotten used to not wearing one lately anyway.
“I think they’re in love with you,” Sabine declares.
I finch and then shrug. “I don’t know.”
She jerks back a few inches. “You don’t know? Besides the fact that I’ve watched Levi and Beck follow you around a room with their gazes every time I’ve been around this week, did you not hear that speech your sexy hunk Julius just gave?”
I shrug, smiling as far as I let myself. “I’ll admit, he shocked me too, but still. We haven’t discussed the future yet.”
“Well, you might want to do that because they’re waiting on you.”
“You think?” Why would they be waiting on me?
“Of course they are. They’ve made it clear that they will do anything for you. Including move here. I’d bet my last dollar the reason they’re hovering and pacing is because they’re holding their collective breaths wondering if you’ll even have them.”
I frown.
“You’re the one with everything on your plate, honey. If you still plan to attend Harvard in four weeks, you need to get your ducks in a row. The logistics are mind boggling. I know you. You’re probably freaking out inside, worrying about what people will say if they find out you’re dating three men, let alone living with them.”
She’s right. I lower my face. I feel guilty that I’m not the sort of person who can shun society and not give a fuck what people say behind my back. I never would have considered tainting my grandfather’s name while he was alive. Why would I do it now? The scandal would be horrific if anyone found out about my lifestyle choice.
Sabine squeezes my hand again. “It’s a lot to think about. I get that. But you need to listen to your heart and to hell with everyone else.”
She’s right. She’s always right.
She’s also slightly late. I’ve made some decisions. I just haven’t told anyone yet, and my masters deserve to hear them first. Not Sabine. I’ll tell her later. She’ll understand my choices. She loves me. Obviously more than I ever knew. She isn’t even batting an eye that I’m sleeping with three men at once. Together.
Sabine leans in and gives me a huge hug just before the door to the library opens and Julius returns. He makes his way toward us with a cup of tea and a bottle of water.
Sabine stands and takes it from him. “I need to go.” She faces me. “Call me later.” She narrows her gaze. “Preferably not two days after a hospital trip.”
I nod. “Thank you. For everything.”
“Of course.” She hugs me again and then looks toward Julius. “If you hurt her, I’ll hunt you down,” she warns in a voice that’s half serious, half playful.
He nods, his expression totally serious. “If I hurt her, I promise I’ll turn myself in.”
She smiles at him and shakes her head. “Later.”
Chapter 56
Abby
* * *
I wander into the library later that evening to find all three men gathered. They’re sitting facing each other, and I know instantly they’ve been discussing me. I’ve interrupted them.
Levi smiles too broadly and reaches out a hand to usher me forward. “How are you feeling, sweetness?”
“Much better.” I ignore his outstretched hand, knowing he intended for me to snuggle into his side. Instead I choose a fourth seat in which none of them can reach me. “I have something to say.”
They all turn more fully toward me, stiffening in unison.
I continue before I lose my nerve. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done—laying my heart on the line for three men without taking their pulse first. Instead, I’ve reassured myself a dozen times that they care about me deeply and are not going to be disappointed in my decision.
I take a deep breath. “First of all, I want you to know how much it means to me that all of you have been here for me when I needed you the most. I know we’ve only known each other two months, but it seems like a lifetime and I can’t imagine how I would have endured a single moment of this past week without you by my side.” It doesn’t matter that Julius wasn’t here for the funeral. He’s here now. He came when it really counted.
They don’t interrupt me, for which I’m grateful. When they dominate me, I’m often not permitted to speak so freely. This is important. And they know it.
“I’ve made a decision, and I don’t want you to think that our relationship is the only reason I’ve made this choice. It might have happened even if I had never met you.”
“What, baby?” Julius asks, anxiety making his face tight.
“I’ve deferred my entrance into Harvard Law School for a year.”
They gasp. All of them.
I hold up a hand. “Don’t try to talk me out of it. It’s done. I called the dean this morning. Under the circumstances, it’s not even an odd request. I’ve had a death in the family, and I have a lot on my plate dealing with the fact that I’m the only heir to my grandfather’s estate. The dean knew my grandfather well. He also knows my situation. He was very understanding. Especially when I told him that I had health issues that were slowing me down.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Levi asks.
I nod. “Positive. Like I said, even if I’d never met you, it would be hard for me to handle my grandfather’s estate, deal with my personal grief, and do my classwork. I’m not the first person in the world to defer my entrance. It happens. I’ve had a weight lifted off my shoulders ever since I hung up the phone.” I smile broadly. I’m not lying. It’s true.
Julius clears his throat. “What do you want to do, baby? I mean right now.”
Beck leans his elbows on his knees. “We’re hoping you’ll consider staying in our lives in some capacity. That’s what we were discussing when you came in. We can’t imagine letting you go. None of us.”
Julius continued where Beck left off. “We get that we’re asking a lot. Changing the rules. Breaking them entirely. I know we told you this thing was only for the summer. But we lied.” He grins.
I’m so happy I could scream. But I sit still, tucking my hands under my thighs in fact, letting them continue. My heart is overflowing with giddiness.
Levi adds, “Whatever you want us to do, we’ll do. Anything. Stay here. Go back. Split up. Open a second location of Vanguard. Move to another city. Anything.” He’s rambling.
I giggle. “Okay. Stop plotting. Some of your suggestions are comical,” I tease. “Split up? Move to another city? Were these options really on your list?”
Levi shrugs. “Our list included anything we thought you might agree to.”
“Well, we aren’t splitting up. And we aren’t moving. Three days away from Julius about killed me,” I point out, glancing at him as he winces. “We aren’t even quite right when one of us is missing. You both know that,” I add, shooting a quick look at both Beck and Levi. “We didn’t even know what to do with ourselves without the bossy one around,” I joke, trying hard to lighten the mood.
Julius snickers. “The bossy one?” He narrows his gaze, still smiling. “You want me to show you how bossy I can be?”
“I do in fact,” I respond immediately. “That’s why we’re not splitting up. We’ll go back
to Seattle. Take some time to further explore our relationship. It won’t be any different from what we were doing before except that I’ll bring more clothes and plan to stay indefinitely.”
Julius frowns again. Of course. I’m not surprised. “First of all, you don’t need to bring more clothes. Fewer would be better.”
I giggle, shivering at the thought of being naked and under their control. Maybe I’m not ready to have sex yet, but I can’t wait to submit to them again. It’s time.
“And second of all, though I agree you probably will benefit from deferring your education, we will not let you walk away forever. Law school is your dream. We won’t stand in the way of it.”
I swallow. There’s one more thing I need to say. “We also need to discuss what happened to me. Out loud. Verbalize our feelings. We can’t just ignore it and hope it goes away. It could happen again. I’ll go on the pill immediately, of course, but still. Accidents happen. People who have sex get pregnant.” I lower my gaze, trying not to cry yet again. My voice is wobbly as I continue in a lower voice, wringing my hands in my lap. “I can’t help but wonder what if. Even though I didn’t have a baby on my radar, I can feel the loss. It’s profound. I would not be sad if I had found out I was pregnant with a child of ours again someday. Part of me hopes it might happen in the future.”
All three of them rise from their seats and come to me. They pull me to my feet and hold me between them in a group hug. We sway as they let me cry again. It’s not a gut-wrenching, out-of-control sobbing this time. It’s more like tears of release.
Julius finally takes my face in his hands and meets my gaze. “We would be elated and honored to have a child with you, baby. Whenever you’re ready. And if it happens unexpectedly or while you’re still in school, we’ll manage. There are four of us. It’s not like we can’t tag team each other so that your life keeps moving forward toward your goal. We’ll make it work.”
“With four of us, we’ll hardly even notice the lack of sleep,” Levi points out, smiling.
Teaching Abby Page 27
