by Lexie Davis
“Aubree? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She rubbed her forehead. “It’s Tom. He’s having trouble breathing. Julie and Parker are taking him to the hospital. He wanted me to tell you.”
“Are you with him?”
“Yes, I’m with him.” She glanced back. “Parker isn’t going to leave his side.”
“Good. I’ll be there. Just give me some time to put some clothes on.”
“Okay. I’ll let him know.”
She hung up and went inside to tell Tom. Parker held him upright as he walked toward her. She stood out of the way, holding the door open.
Tom’s SUV was the closest, so Parker walked with him to it. After situating him in the backseat, he turned toward Aubree. “I’m going to drive his Suburban. You can take my truck.”
“I’ll ride with Daddy.” She reached out and stroked his cheek.
He let out a harsh breath before cupping her neck and pulling her to him. He kissed her hard as her father’s truck pulled in the drive. He pulled away and left, heading back to the vehicle. She watched as he turned around in the drive and headed out, passing her father’s truck.
“Hey.” Jim came up behind her and she turned to hug her dad. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” She smoothed her hands along his back. “Let’s go.”
He nodded.
“This isn’t because of the cancer, is it? He’s going to be okay, right?”
“I don’t know.” Her father brushed her hair from her face. “I hope so.”
She walked to the passenger’s side of her father’s truck and got in.
They took Tom to one of the community hospitals in the next town and the doctor gave him some oxygen. Tom requested a transfer to Dallas so they all loaded back into the car. The Dallas hospital made arrangements for an air flight.
By the time they got to the hospital, it was well into the morning. Aubree waited in the ER waiting room while Parker and Julie stayed with Tom.
“Are you okay?” Aubree rubbed her father’s back as they sat waiting. “You look tired.”
“I’m fine.” He leaned forward, propping his arms on his knees. “I hate these damn hospitals.”
They sat for a while in silence. Aubree stared at the clock, wondering if they found out any news. The nurses couldn’t tell them anything, so she sat back in the uncomfortable chair and waited.
“There he is.” Jim nodded toward the door around four in the morning. Aubree glanced up to see Parker standing there.
“I’m going to go check on him.” She grabbed her purse.
“Go ahead.”
Walking across the crowded room, she went to him. He didn’t say anything as he pulled her into his arms. She hugged him, her heart aching with every ragged breath he took.
“He’s got cancer.” His voice shook. Aubree smoothed her hand along his muscular back. “The doctor said he’s had it for a while. They’ve got his breathing back to normal, but they’re keeping him for observation. He’s resting now.”
“I’m sorry.” She tried to look at him, but he didn’t let her go. “Do you need anything?”
He pulled back and swiped at his eyes before glancing away. “He didn’t want me to stay with him. He wanted Julie.”
Aubree gripped the straps of her purse. The fatigue had settled in. Not only was Parker emotional, he needed to sleep. “Do you want to stay for a little while?”
He shook his head. “No. I want to get out of this place.”
“Okay. Let me get my dad and we can go to my penthouse.” Aubree walked over to the waiting area. “He’s fine for now. They’re keeping him for observation. Do you want to go home with us to get some sleep?”
He glanced over at Parker. “Yeah.”
She nodded. “I’ll drive.”
He gave his keys to Aubree and the three of them left, heading to her father’s vehicle.
Parker stared out the side window as she drove. His worry was laced with anger. He had a permanent scowl on his face and after all he’d been through that night, she highly doubted sleep would come easily.
She drove home and typed in her code for the parking garage of her building. After parking her father’s truck in her normal parking spot, they all got out and went to the elevator. Nobody said anything as they rode up. She punched in her code to the floor and the doors opened into her foyer.
“Come on in. Make yourselves at home.” Aubree set her purse down and went into the living room. “Daddy you can have the spare bedroom.”
“Okay.” He kept his eyes on Parker.
“Parker?” Aubree watched him.
“How long did you know?” Parker turned toward Jim. “I know you did. When did he tell you?”
“I went with him when he was diagnosed.”
Parker shook his head. “And you never thought to tell me? You just keep that little secret to yourself and left me in the dark?”
“He didn’t want you to worry and it wasn’t my place to tell you.”
Parker scoffed. “That’s a cop out. Clearly, I’m not worried about him now.”
Aubree sat on the sofa. “Why don’t you both sit down and talk about this.”
“How did he pay for treatments?” Parker glanced over at Jim. “He doesn’t have the money. His insurance isn’t that good. It had to come from somewhere.”
“I got a loan from the bank. I put the ranch up for collateral.” Jim rubbed a hand over his face. “He promised to pay me back when he could, not that it mattered to me. Tom’s family. You take care of family.”
He turned toward Aubree. “Did you know about this?” Aubree saw the struggle inside him. He barely held it together while he stood before her trying to make sense of it all.
Jim huffed. “Don’t get mad at her. I got into a bind and I had to ask Aubree for money to cover the loan before I lost the ranch.” Jim sat down in a white chair. “That was the reason she came back. To give me money and nose around in my business.”
Parker stared at her. “You knew he had cancer and you didn’t tell me?”
“I only found out a few days ago.”
He rubbed a hand over his face. “Are you fucking kidding me? How could you keep something like that from me?” His voice rose as his anger spewed out, directed at her. “After everything. You climb into my bed and rip open old wounds that never quite healed.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “You really thought that that was the kind of secret you could keep from me? That I just wouldn’t find out until he was dead?”
She watched as he broke down in front of her. He tried to hide his emotions, but he couldn’t. Everything exploded at once. Aubree got up and walked over to him.
He jerked away from her when she reached out to him.
“You can be mad at me all you want, Parker. It’s not going to make you feel better.”
He turned toward her with tears in his eyes. “He didn’t want me to stay the night with him. He didn’t want to tell me. When he dies, I have nothing. No family. Nothing.” He stopped, swallowing hard as his eyes clouded over with tears. “How could you keep that from me? How could you do that, Aubree? You of all people.”
Aubree moved closer to him. “It wasn’t my place to tell.”
“I trusted you. I trusted you with all my personal shit. He’s my dad, Aubree. He’s all I’ve got.”
She tried to hug him again and he jerked away from her. Tears rolled down his cheeks. She glanced over at her father who had tears in his eyes as well. She didn’t know how to heal his pain. It went beyond not telling him about Tom. His heart was broken and she didn’t know how to fix it.
“I told him about the fucked up mess in my life and he kept this from me? For my sake?” Parker shifted his attention to Jim. “And you two went along with it because it wasn’t your place? What is your fucking place? Would you keep something like that from her? Hell no you wouldn’t! Don’t give me that bullshit.”
Aubree watched as her father pursed his lips. “I’m sorry, Parker.�
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“You’re sorry?” He scoffed, swiping at his wet cheeks. “Yeah, well, me too.”
Aubree tried to comfort him again. “Would you please sit down? I know you’re angry, but I don’t think it’s about us not telling you.”
“What am I angry about?” He met her gaze.
“He’s not all you’ve got.”
Parker pushed her away. “What? Now you want to be in my life? After ten years of me pining after you, you actually think we can pick up where we left off? As if nothing happened?” He swiped at the moisture on his face again and turned away from her.
Aubree stood there a moment contemplating how to approach him. The anger he felt came bubbling up from a deep pit inside him. He was mad at her for not telling him; he was mad at her for not being there. He was hurt by his father too, even though she thought he didn’t want to admit it.
“No, we can’t pick up where we left off.” Aubree moved around him so she could face him. “You said you wanted me to make an effort. This is it. I’m not going to leave you. There are some things I have to work out with my boss. I need to figure out our living situation and how we’re going to mesh our lives together. But it’s going to happen. You wanted me and now you’ve got me whether you like it or not.”
Her father excused himself to go to his bedroom for the night. Both of them waited until he was gone until they spoke again.
Aubree tilted her head, studying him. “You’re hurting, Parker. I wish I could help you. I wish I knew what to say or do to make it go away.” She moved closer to him. He clenched his fist as if he were in the middle of one of his nightmares. Maybe the argument triggered something inside him? Something that he couldn’t contain anymore.
He doubled over, gripping the knees of his jeans. She watched as he struggled, the nightmares he had each night seeming like a peaceful vacation by comparison. Aubree stood before him, feeling helpless. She didn’t know what happened in his life. She didn’t know why Tom didn’t tell him. It was stupid and Parker made a good point about it. If it had been her dad, she would have known. There was very little they kept secret from one another. And from the look in his eyes, he was hurt his father didn’t feel the same.
She walked toward him and smoothed her hands along his back. Bending to kiss him, she knelt on the ground in front of him. Making promises she couldn’t keep wasn’t her style. She rubbed her hands along the corded muscles in his arms, tight from his clenched fists.
“I’m right here, Parker.” She continued touching him, stroking his arms and hands before reaching up to cup his cheek. She laid her own cheek against the top of his head and tried to comfort him. “I’ve got you.”
He finally lifted his head and stared into her eyes. The ghosts that haunted him went beyond that moment. They went beyond the information she kept from him and the fact that his father had cancer. Aubree smoothed her thumb along his jaw. He was struggling with the past. Whatever it was had bubbled up in his burst of anger and he battled to keep it down.
“Tell me what happened.” She tried to encourage him to talk since keeping it to himself didn’t work anymore. If anything, it caused him more pain. “Tell me what happened when you were overseas.”
He stood and Aubree stared up at him. He dropped his head back and pressed his fingers against his eyes. “I don’t want to.”
“I can handle it. Whatever it is.”
He shook his head.
Feeling defeated, she stood. She didn’t know what else to do, so she decided to go for food for comfort. Parker liked cookies. She searched the pantry and found some Oreos. She grabbed a glass and checked the milk’s expiration date before pouring something to drink. She sat at the kitchen counter and dunked her Oreo in the glass.
“You know something?” she said, before biting into the soggy cookie. “Unconditional love means that anything you say or do cannot and will not make me love you less.” She reached for another cookie and dunked it. “It also means, anything you say or do cannot and will not make me love you more. And I love you, Parker. Unconditionally.” She ate her cookie, keeping her back to him. It didn’t matter anymore. She had no intention of leaving him, not unless he truly wanted her to.
His arms came around her from behind.
She tilted her head to the side as he pressed his face against her neck. She cupped the back of his head and kissed his eyelids, his brow.
“I don’t want you to pity me.”
“I don’t pity you.” She pushed at him slightly and turned on her barstool. “You’re hurting, Parker. I know the cause of your hurt happened while you were away. You struggled when you came back and you still struggle. I think it would help you to get it off your chest. You’re not alone. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”
He huffed a breath and pulled out the bar stool next to her. “My dad said a lot of crap in the hospital. He thinks I’ve told you what happened.”
He twisted an Oreo open and scraped the cream off with his front teeth.
When he didn’t say any more, she reached for the glass and drank some of the milk. “Do you want to tell me?” She wiped off her milk moustache.
“No.” He bit into the cookie and met her gaze.
“But your father knows?”
“Yeah.” He reached for another cookie. “He forced it out of me. He’d be damn good at special ops interrogation. I think he was five seconds short of breaking out waterboarding before I squealed.”
She rubbed her hand along his thigh. “Am I going to have to break out waterboarding? Because I can do it. You’re big, but I’m feisty. I think I can take you down.”
He actually gave her a small smile. “I can assure you that you don’t want to know. I want to forget it myself.”
“It’s not about me wanting to know what happened. You’ve been carrying it around too long. It’s gotten to the point where you think you are alone in this and you’re not. And this thing with your dad only brought out rage inside you. You’re angry. You’re sad. You feel rejected. You’re a million other emotions and I just want to help you. Sometimes talking about it works. I’m not your dad. I’m not your former psychiatrist.” She reached up to brush her fingers along his cheek. “Hell, I don’t know anything about anything. You had bad experiences with them and it’s made you even more guarded, but I want you to know that you can lean on me when you need to. I really think you need to right now, Parker. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or messed up. I probably wouldn’t have lasted an hour in your shoes. You are so brave and so strong. I’ve sat with you on a few occasions seeing the struggle you go through. I wish I could take away your pain. I’d do it in a heartbeat. You are so amazing and I don’t know where I’d be without you. I want to help you, so please, just let me help you.”
“How much detail do you want?” He didn’t quite look at her as he stared at the Oreo.
She dropped her hand to her lap. “Whatever you want to tell me.”
He sat for a long time simply staring at the Oreo. Aubree didn’t rush him. He could take all the time in the world. A flood of emotion filled his face. His brow furrowed as if he thought about what he wanted to say. She wanted him to lower the guards. To do away with his pride.
“We were in a bad part of the desert. There was a refugee camp near us that we’d grown accustomed to. They were waiting for a bus to take them out of the country. They ran from the chaos of that place. Fearing for their lives and their children’s lives. My section would interact with them when we had time. It’s not always Rambo out in battle. There are a lot of boring times in war. A lot of silence. You get used to the chaos. When it stops, it becomes deadly.”
He kept his attention on the Oreo. “We were in the heart of the action and constantly ready for something to happen. Always prepared for the worst, or at least we thought we were.”
He grew silent. Aubree waited. He avoided eye contact, but she could see he’d gone back to that place in his mind. His hands shook as he set the cookie down. He lifted her hand and
kissed it before moving away from the stool.
She watched as he paced a few times in the foyer before he squatted, breathing hard as if he couldn’t catch his breath.
“We were playing soccer. My section and a few kids from the camp.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “There was always a red ball. From the time we got there to the last day, there was always a red ball.”
Aubree struggled with whether or not she should go to him. Watching him relive whatever the memory hurt her on a bone-deep level. She shouldn’t have pushed him into talking.
He sat on the floor, facing away from her. “We had ended our game and were getting ready for our downtime. I’d planned to take a shower, which was outside of the main area of camp. I was getting everything in order when I heard one of the little girls—
Aila—scream. I turned and saw her brother toss a black ball into the camp and the little girl started to run after it.”
Aubree stood and went over to him. He rocked on his heels as he clenched his eyes shut, holding his knees to him as he avoided looking at her. “I knew something was wrong when her brother ran away. The little girl was fairly close to me so I ran after her and grabbed her before she could reach the ball. It rolled right into camp and stopped. I barely had time to pull her away before it exploded.”
He pressed his fingers into his ears. “The ringing in my ears was deafening. We flew back a few feet and her head bounced off my arm when we landed on the ground. She cried, her face bloody from debris. I had a gash on my arm from shielding my face. When I’d determined we were okay, I got up from the ground and went to check on the others. There were body parts everywhere. Blood covered everything along with dust and debris. They didn’t even have a chance.”
Aubree listened to him while he rocked back and forth, reliving it.
“I should have called out to them. I should have done something.” He pulled his hands away from his face, sweat dripping down his temples. “I stood there watching as the ball slowly rolled to a stop. It landed next to my roommate, a guy I’d known since boot camp. I should have been able to say something to protect him. But I saved a child instead.”
