“And then she did leave.”
Kip’s quiet voice gave substance to the reality that had haunted Nicole from the morning she went to her sister’s room.
“She left me a note. Just me.” She paused, remembering.
“What did it say?” Kip’s gentle voice drew the deeper confession out of her.
“It said that if I thought that our parents were so wonderful, then she was leaving. Leaving me to have them to myself. She told me that she didn’t want to be a Williams. That she had never chosen to be a part of this family. That was it. That was the extent of what she wrote.” Her voice broke. It was all she could do to keep the sorrow inside. “She left because of me. The adopted daughter. The one that was brought into the family. She was the real Williams and she left. I drove her away. I didn’t deserve what Sam and Norah had done for me. Sam was right when he told me that. Sam was right when he said that I didn’t deserve to be a Williams.”
A sob crept up her throat and she swallowed it down. “Now Hayes is dead and Norah’s dead and I don’t know how to fix what I broke. I don’t know how except to bring Hayes’s boys back. Back to their family…back to Sam…” She stopped as another sob washed upward, followed by another. “I owe him so much. He gave me so much, and I’m not even his natural daughter. Bringing the boys back to him will fix everything I did.”
Suddenly she couldn’t hold it back anymore. Sobs racked her body, tears streamed down her cheeks as her shame and pain finally found release.
Next thing she knew she was in Kip’s arms and he was holding her tightly against his chest, a haven in the storm of sorrow and pain that she had held back for so long.
“Nicole, oh Nicole, how could you think that?” Kip murmured, his head pressed against hers, his strong arms holding her close.
“I loved them, I did,” Nicole sobbed. “I loved them all. But Hayes left and Sam blamed me…I didn’t mean to hurt Sam and Norah. I was trying to help. I don’t deserve the good things they did for me.”
Kip silenced her with another kiss, his lips warm on hers, soft. Then he held her close.
“It’s not your fault, Nicole. It’s not your fault,” Kip murmured. “Hayes made her own choices, and your father was wrong to drop those choices on your shoulders.”
Nicole wanted to believe him. Oh, how she wanted to believe him, but she had clung to that guilt so long, she didn’t know if she could let go.
“It’s not your fault,” Kip repeated, more firmly this time. “Just like you told me it wasn’t mine. You are a good daughter, and you keep saying that you owe Sam Williams. Well, he owes you. You are a faithful daughter. You are a better daughter than Hayes was. Any parent would love more than anything to have a daughter as good and faithful as you.”
His words eased part of her sorrow. Then he pulled back, framing her face with his hands. “You are an amazing person who has made good choices. You don’t need to earn your father’s love.”
“I didn’t really belong—”
“You belong in the Williams family as much as the boys belong in our family.” Kip couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice. “I don’t love those boys more or less because they’re not my biological sons. They are a part of me because I chose to take them in. I chose to take them into my heart. They may not have been born to me, but they grew to become a part of me. And I want what’s best for them. I want nothing but good things for them.”
Nicole heard the conviction in his voice, and her tears slowly subsided and she closed her swollen eyes. Her aching head rested on Kip’s shoulder. She didn’t want to be strong anymore. She didn’t want to be responsible, and she didn’t want Kip to let her go.
He was the first person in her life that cared about her. That cared how she felt.
She knew it was dangerous but it felt so right.
She stayed there a moment longer, letting his strength hold her up and support her.
He murmured her name again and she looked up at him. His head was a silhouette against the blue prairie sky. Then he lowered his head and his lips touched hers.
She reached up to him, wrapping her arms around him, returning his kiss, letting herself be drawn closer, letting him into her heart.
His lips touched her cheek and then he buried his face in her hair, his one hand caressing her head.
“Don’t go, Nicole,” he said. “Don’t go.”
She hardly dared wonder what he was saying. Hardly dared let his words enter her soul.
Instead, she stayed in his arms, her own clinging to him, the sun pouring down on them both like a benediction.
She didn’t want to go either, but reality seeped into the moment. The boys and the reality of their legal status still stood between them. She knew that she didn’t want to take them away from here either. She knew they belonged here.
“We should go back,” she said quietly. “I’m sure your mother is wondering what’s happening.”
“I think she knows.” Kip gave her another quick kiss as the wagon jolted. The horses were getting antsy.
Nicole didn’t want to go. She wanted this moment to stay forever, this time out of time. She didn’t want to go back to the ranch and the boys and the cold, hard reality of the decisions she had to make.
She lowered her arms and drew away.
“Let’s go, then.”
When they got back to the ranch, Doreen and her kids had arrived, so Kip took the boys and Doreen’s kids for a couple of tours around the track while Doreen and Nicole hung over the fence and watched.
“Kip looks good driving the team again,” Doreen said quietly, her arms folded over the top rail of the fence.
Nicole wasn’t sure what to say in reply, so she just nodded.
“I love watching him with the horses. He hasn’t done it for a while and I know he misses it.” Doreen’s eyes were on Kip, watching his progress around the track, smiling at the sounds of the children’s laughter drifting back to them. “Thanks for helping me push him into this.”
“I didn’t really do much,” Nicole protested.
Doreen shot her a wry glance. “You’ve done more than you might think. I haven’t seen Kip this relaxed in a long time.” Her voice seemed to hint at something Nicole wasn’t sure she wanted to examine. At least not with Kip’s sister watching her.
Half an hour later Doreen helped the protesting kids out of the wagon.
“We should go see Grandma,” she said as she and Nicole herded the whole works toward the house. “Nicole, you’re the horse person. Why don’t you help Kip with the horses while I get these kids cleaned up.”
And before Nicole could say anything, Doreen was gone, the children trailing behind her.
Thankfully Kip hadn’t heard the exchange. She hesitated, but only a moment. The thought of spending more time with Kip was greater than her self-consciousness over what Doreen had hinted at all.
She walked back to where Kip was, helped him lead the horses back to the barn, then helped him unhitch them.
They worked together in silence, but Nicole was aware of every brush of their hands, every time they bumped against each other.
It was like slow torture, she thought. Thankfully, the boys stayed away, letting her and Kip have this moment.
Nicole helped him hang up the harnesses and when everything was done, when there was no job left to do, he turned to her and rested his hands on her arms.
“So, Nicole Williams, where do we go from here?”
She didn’t want to think about that. She wasn’t sure herself. It made her heart hurt.
Kip’s hands lingered on her arms, drifted down to her hands and caught them in hers. The calluses on his hands were rough against hers. The hands of a working man. The hands of a man who cared so much for his family that he was willing to make all the sacrifices that each callus represented.
She chanced a look into his eyes, then brushed her fingers over his cheek, his whiskers rasping against her hand.
“I don’t know.” She couldn’t
give him anything more than that. “I simply don’t know anymore. The truth is your brother rescued the boys. He saved them when he brought them here.”
Kip gave her a sad smile, as if he understood. “They were his boys. What else could he do?”
“But the will. I don’t know what to do about the will. If it’s proved to be Hayes’s…” She wasn’t sure where to go anymore. At one time everything was laid out so clearly. Her obligations. Her work. Her plan to bring the boys back to her father where she had, at one time, thought they belonged.
Now it was as if everything that had given her life meaning was no longer as valid as it had been.
It’s not your fault.
Kip’s words comforted and frightened her at the same time. Because if Hayes’s leaving wasn’t her fault, if she was absolved of what Hayes had done, then where did that leave her with her father?
Their entire relationship during the past few years was built on the foundation of Nicole’s obligation to her father—first by way of the adoption, then by way of the repercussions of her “talk” with Hayes. The talk that drove Hayes out into the world.
It’s not your fault.
“I’m willing to wait,” he said quietly. “I’m willing to give you time to sort things out.”
His tenderness and consideration cradled her soul.
“You are an amazing man, Kip Cosgrove,” she said quietly, squeezing his hand.
Kip’s smile created an answering happiness.
Tell him. Tell him that you think the boys should stay.
She held his gaze, wondering what he would say if she told him that. Wondering what would happen.
Kip’s words wound themselves around her weary soul, then his arms held her close. She rested in the shelter they offered, laying her head against his chest, drawing from his quiet strength.
You are a good daughter. You are a good daughter.
She had thought bringing the boys to Toronto could change everything between her and her father, but she also wondered if Kip was right. Was she pinning too much on the boys?
They should stay.
Nicole let the words drift through her mind, testing them.
They belong here.
As Nicole let the words settle, peace entered her soul. And even more important, Kip was offering her something even more.
Did she dare take that too? Wasn’t that too many undeserved blessings?
And then her phone jangled a tune.
“You were carrying your phone around with you?” Kip laughed.
“I forgot about it,” Nicole said with a gentle smile as she pulled the phone out of her pocket.
Kip caught her hand. “Just leave it, Nicole. Don’t let anything else come in right now.”
But as he spoke, her eyes slipped down, as if they had no power of their own. It was her father calling.
Kip didn’t let go of her hand, and as she looked back at him, he didn’t let his gaze leave hers as he gently shook his head.
She looked from him to the phone, torn. But years of obligation drew harder on her than her recent moment with Kip.
“I’m sorry. I have to take this.” She took a few steps away from him and answered the phone.
“Nicole. Have you spoken to that cowboy’s lawyer yet?”
Trust her father to get straight to the point. He must be feeling better, she thought with a measure of relief.
“No, and I don’t believe Kip has either.”
“You may as well know, we got the first DNA test back today.”
“Which one?”
“Mine won’t come for a couple of days, but we got Mary Cosgrove’s. And we got good news. Mary Cosgrove is not the boys’ grandmother.”
Nicole pressed her hand to her chest, her emotions in a sudden tailspin. A few weeks ago, she would have welcomed this news.
But a few weeks ago, Kip was a hindrance to her goal. A few weeks ago, Kip was simply an annoying, attractive complication getting in the way of her plan to take the boys back to where she thought they belonged.
How much had changed in the past week. The past few days.
Nicole didn’t want to let her mind dwell on that. Her father’s phone call and the hard reality of the boys’ parentage were what she had to face now.
She tried not to look at Kip, refocusing her emotions. She knew her father well enough to understand what his next step would be.
“So that means…”
“Scott Cosgrove is not the boys’ father. The boys belong to me. I want you to bring them back here as soon as possible. I’ve got the lawyer coming tomorrow afternoon. He’s filing the papers and after that I want the boys back here.”
“How can you—”
“I’ll use the police if I have to,” Sam growled.
Nicole rubbed her forehead with her fingers. He would, she thought. Once Sam Williams had an idea in his head, there was no stopping him, no matter how he felt.
Nicole glanced back at Kip, who was watching her. Again her obligations to her father pulled on her.
She looked away from him. She had to make a choice. Had to make a decision.
But how could she go through with it?
Chapter Fifteen
Kip watched the interplay of emotions on Nicole’s face while she spoke to her father on the phone.
Panic shot through him when her eyes widened, and she glanced at Kip. The expression on her face wasn’t encouraging.
Then she walked away from him, talking in low, urgent tones.
He wanted to grab the phone out of her hands and tell her to put her father aside. To put the boys aside. To focus on what she needed and wanted.
Kip stood, his hands on his hips, watching as she wilted in front of his eyes. Her shoulders dropped, her head lowered, and she seemed to turn in on herself.
Did she even realize what effect her father had on her?
A few minutes later she was finished with her call. She stood with her back to him, her head lowered, and Kip felt as if everything he’d told her had been erased with that one phone call.
She turned back to him, and he read the anguish on her face.
“I have to go back,” she said quietly.
Kip started. This was not what he expected to hear. “Go back? To Toronto? Is something wrong with your father?”
She shook her head. “He’s feeling much better.” She bit her lip and Kip’s heart dropped into his gut.
“So why do you have to go back now? Just as things are changing for us?”
“I know, but…” She lifted her hands toward him, then clenched them into fists. “The situation is different.”
“How? What did your father say to you that could possibly have made such a difference?”
Nicole pressed her fists against her forehead. Kip wanted to drag her hands away and tell her how much he hated seeing her like this.
Nicole lowered her hands, but still didn’t look at him. “My father got the first of the DNA tests back.”
Kip’s breath left him in a rush. His heart vibrated erratically, like it always did before a big race when he thought about the uncertainty of what lay ahead and where events would take him.
At least, when he was racing, he had the reins in his hand. He was in charge.
“There were no DNA matches between the boys and your mother. From what the lab could figure out, Scott wasn’t the boys’ biological father.”
Kip could only stare at her. It was as if her mouth was moving but he couldn’t figure out exactly what she was saying. Something about Scott not being the boys’ father? “How…how can that be? That’s impossible.”
Aria was supposed to have heard about the tests the same time as Mr. William’s lawyer. Why hadn’t she called him?
“Why would Scott…he mustn’t have known…” Kip’s voice drifted off as the implications of this slowly sank in.
“It was what I had told you from the beginning,” she said.
Kip could only stare at her. Was that all she had to say?
“Are you kidding me?”
Nicole frowned as if she didn’t understand. “Kip, why is this such a surprise? I told you that Hayes said—”
“And Scott told me they were his kids.” Kip shoved his hand through his hair and spun away from her. He couldn’t pull his thoughts together into a coherent sentence.
When Nicole had first come with her far-fetched story of the boys not belonging to Scott, he’d never, for one moment, believed her.
His thoughts sped back and forth as he tried to think. To plan.
“She left them,” he growled, his pain and frustration seeping into his voice. “She abandoned those boys and Scott saved them.” He turned back to her. “That has to mean something.”
Nicole didn’t reply.
“He did what he was supposed to, even if the boys weren’t his. Nicole, tell me what you’re thinking.” He wanted to pull her close. He wanted to go back to where they were before her father intruded into her life again. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”
She reached out and touched his face, her cool fingers trailing a light caress down his cheek. “I have to go,” she said quietly.
“Don’t do this, Nicole,” Kip said. “Don’t throw what we have away.”
She took a step back.
Away from him.
“Don’t go, Nicole. Don’t make me your enemy.”
She gave him a sad smile. “You’ll never be my enemy.”
“If you try to take my boys away, you will be. I’ll fight you tooth and nail for them.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted saying them. It wasn’t about the boys. It was about her. He didn’t want her to go. He didn’t want to lose her.
But he wasn’t sure he could say that yet.
She paused, the hurt in her eyes obvious. Then she turned and walked away.
This wasn’t where they were supposed to end up, but he didn’t know how to get back to where he wanted to be.
Go after her. Don’t let her leave you like this. Tell her how you really feel.
He took a step toward her, then stopped himself. No. She had made her choice. Despite everything he had told her, everything he had offered her, she’d chosen her father over him.
Western Hearts: A sweet, cowboy romance (Cowboys of Aspen Valley Book 1) Page 17
