by Maryam Diaab
“I’m okay, but kind of tired. Alicia’s bridal shower was today.”
“That’s right. How did it go?”
“It turned out really nice, and Alicia was happy. That’s really all that matters,” Alexis sighed, her voice a bit strained.
“You sound like something is bothering you.”
“You know how family can be sometimes?”
“No, I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”
Alexis allowed her body to relax in the bath, the lavender oil she added to the warm water calming her frayed nerves. “Claire mentioned you in front of my sister, aunt and mother.”
“And why is that a problem?” he asked, laughing slightly.
“Because now they think we’re in a relationship. I’ve already told you about how I’m the only one who hasn’t settled down and started a family.”
“I still don’t see an issue, Alexis.”
“They wanted me to invite you to my sister’s wedding,” she said, hoping he would understand how much her family’s expectations bothered her.
“So are you?”
“Am I what?” she wondered, momentarily confused.
“Are you going to invite me to your sister’s wedding?”
“Do you want me to?”
“I want to see you, and I do have a tux…”
She hesitated for a second, seriously considering asking Massai to come to the wedding next week. She could imagine him twirling her around on the dance floor, all the guests watching…and the questions from family members…
“No,” she finally answered after replaying the scenario in her head.
“No? Just like that, huh?”
“It’ll cause too many problems. Everyone will want to know who you are, what you do, where we met and if our relationship is serious or not. I really don’t want to take the focus off my sister.”
“You know what Alexis? You come up with one excuse after another. The problem is, as I’ve said before, you’re just scared to let yourself be happy.”
“That’s not it, Massai.”
“Yes it is, and it’s getting really old as far as I’m concerned. You know what would happen if I came there, and it scares you to death,” he said, his voice rising in frustration.
“You better keep your voice down. What would you do if Eva heard you talking to me?”
He sighed. He knew that he had been beaten. “If I got rid of her, broke it off, would you come to New Orleans then?”
“I don’t know. I do want to see you, but—”
“Why is there always a ‘but’ with you? Why are you always second-guessing the things you want?”
“Massai, we’ve been through this before.”
“And you still refuse to admit that you want me just as much as I want you. I’m getting tired of these games, and if you keep this up I’m going to leave you alone.”
Alexis was speechless. He was always so caring and understanding but this outburst underscored the fact that she had some heavy-duty decisions to make.
“Look, I’ve got to go,” he said quietly, the tension in his voice betraying the pain he was feeling.
“Massai, let’s talk about this?” she pleaded, feeling as if she was in danger of losing the most special person in her life.
“I’m tired of talking about it Alexis, especially when you keep telling me the same things over and over. I don’t think you understand that I WANT YOU and I want you to want me. But I refuse to keep begging and pouring my heart out to you when all you do is shut me down and make me feel like an asshole. I would break up with Eva, sell my house and buy out my contract so that I could be picked up by the Detroit Pistons if you wanted me to, but you won’t tell me what you want one way or the other. I don’t like to be strung along.”
“Massai, please—”
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Alexis sat in the bathtub until the water had turned cold and the candles had burned low, upset and distracted by her exchange with Massai. She wasn’t exactly sure what she was feeling, but she knew it was very far from happiness. When Massai ended their conversation as he had, her heart began to ache and tears cascaded down her cheeks. Her reaction surprised and confused her, the tears making her realize that her feelings for Massai went a lot deeper than she had admitted to herself.
She knew Massai was special, a one-in-a-million kind of man. Alexis thought back to the night before she left New Orleans when she had concluded that he was what she had always been looking for. She had left the next morning confused, had arrived back in Detroit confused and now, two weeks later, her confusion and persistent indecision were costing her the possibility of happiness.
Leaving the cold bath, Alexis wrapped herself in a towel and lay in bed staring at the wall for the longest time. Sleep refused to come, and the hours passed like seconds, but when her phone rang close to two in the morning, a smile lit up her face, her heart began to flutter and relief swept over her. Without checking the caller id, Alexis snatched up the phone.
“I’m so glad you called back,” she said eagerly.
“I’m glad that you’re glad.”
It took Alexis a couple of seconds to realize that the voice on the other end was not Massai’s. After recognizing Kevin’s voice she started to hang up; her finger was already on the end button when she decided against it. Alexis became curious to hear what Kevin had to say.
“I thought you were someone else,” she said harshly, wanting to put him in his place from the very beginning. She didn’t want him thinking that she actually wanted to hear from him after all he had done to her.
“So does that mean you aren’t happy that I called?”
“What do you think?” she responded snippily.
“Did you get my messages?” he asked, ignoring her last comment. He remembered how difficult she could be at times.
“I did, and frankly I can’t understand for the life of me why you are still trying to contact me. I thought I made it perfectly clear the last time you were here: We are over.”
“I thought you may have a change of heart after hearing that I filed for divorce.”
Alexis laughed contemptuously. “Kevin, absolutely nothing you can say will change my mind.”
“Can we talk face to face? I feel like I still have a lot of explaining to do, and this over-the-phone thing is not working for me. Pick a day and I’ll come by your place.”
“You really must be crazy if you think I’m going to let you come over here!”
“Okay, then you choose a place; wherever you suggest, I’ll be there.”
She thought about what he was asking. She was intrigued, curious to hear what his explanation could possibly be. She knew curiosity killed the cat, but hers was getting the better of her so she agreed to meet him.
“We can meet for brunch next Tuesday. I hope that will work for you because any other day next week will be impossible because of my sister’s wedding and all the stuff that goes along with that; eleven a.m., Sweet Georgia Brown.”
When Alexis hung up the phone, a strange feeling came over her. She wasn’t doing anything wrong, and she wasn’t even in a relationship with Massai, so why did she feel as if she was being unfaithful to him?
16
THE “L” WORD
In the three days since Massai had last talked to Alexis he had picked up the phone five or six times a day intending to call her, but would always replace the receiver and end up staring at the phone. Upon ending their conversation that night, he had vowed that it would be the last time he would talk to her as long as he lived. He did not like wearing his heart on his sleeve, and it seemed that ever since he and Alexis met, that was all he had been doing. But as the minutes turned into hours and the hours turned into days, he came to realize that without Alexis in his life it felt like something was missing.
In the month they had known each other, she had somehow gotten to him. He found himself daydreaming about her, envisioning their wedding day, the birth of their fi
rst, second and third child and all the other milestones and memorable times that couples share. This feeling was new to him; Massai couldn’t remember one occasion where he had found himself dreaming about a future with Eva.
Unable to deal with these feelings alone, Massai decided to drive to Malik’s to get some of the thoughts constantly running through his head off his chest.
“What are you doing here?” Malik asked, stepping back and allowing Massai to enter the foyer.
“I need to talk to you.”
“Well, you could have called first. I’ve got somebody on the way over here.”
“It’ll only take a minute,” he assured him.
Malik closed the front door, staring at Massai as if his friend had lost his mind. “Make it quick.”
“I love her,” Massai blurted out before he lost his nerve.
“Who?”
“Alexis, who else?”
“You’re crazy,” Malik said, turning around and heading for the kitchen. “You cannot be in love with someone you just met a month ago.”
“Why not? It happens all the time.”
“Yeah, to insane people. You think you’re in love, but it’s just lust,” he announced knowingly.
“We haven’t even had sex, so how can it be lust?”
“Wait a minute,” Malik said, closing the refrigerator and handing Massai a cold Heineken. “Didn’t you two spend the night in the guesthouse the night before she left?”
“Nothing happened,” he said simply, not wanting to get into specific details.
“You really are crazy!”
“Do you think I should tell her?” he asked, opening the bottle and letting the beer cool his throat.
“Does she love you?” Malik wondered, still not believing he was actually having this conversation.
“I don’t know. She’s so scared; she has a hard time telling me anything or trusting me.”
“Can you blame her with Eva still living in your house, eating your food and spending your money?”
“I told her that if she would just let me know something, I would take care of that situation.”
“You need to handle that situation no matter what Alexis says to you.”
“I yelled at her a few days ago. Basically hung up in her face and haven’t called her back since,” he revealed, taking another sip of his beer. “I have to call her back, though; it feels like half of me is gone when I don’t talk to her.”
“You’re talking like you’re going to going to ask her to marry you or something,” Malik said, staring at Massai and almost daring him to confirm.
“I might. I really think that this girl is it for me.”
“You have gone completely insane. I’m almost scared to find out what you’ll be saying after you get the panties.”
He left when Malik’s guest arrived with an overnight bag and a smile. During the entire twenty-minute drive back to his house, Massai rehearsed what he wanted to say to Alexis when he called her. After checking to make sure Eva was sound asleep, he went to his office and let his fingers fly over her phone number.
“Long time no hear from,” she said, answering the phone after the second ring.
“How did you know it was me?” he asked, smiling at the sound of her voice.
“Caller ID.”
“Were you sleeping?”
“I haven’t really been able to sleep since the last time we spoke,” Alexis admitted sadly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call back when I said I would.”
“It’s okay, Massai. You don’t have any obligation to me.”
He took a deep breath, wanting nothing more than to have his arms wrapped around her waist and his face buried in her hair at that very moment. “Alexis I…I…I miss you and I’m sorry for talking to you the way I did.” His intentions were to tell her he loved her, but something stopped him.
“I miss you, too,” she sniffled. He could tell she was crying. “And I’m sorry for lying to you.”
“Lying to me?”
“About being scared. I am scared about what’s going on between us.”
“I want you to know that there is absolutely nothing to be scared of. I would never do anything to hurt you.”
“But Massai, I can’t go further with you knowing that you are still involved with Eva. It really wouldn’t be fair to anyone. If you are serious about being with me, then you need to make some decisions.”
“I want to see you.”
“Not until you handle your business at home,” Alexis said.
“Consider it handled,” he said confidently.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Massai.”
“You just don’t know how I feel about you.”
“Well, I hope you will be in the position soon to let me know.”
* * *
Eva slowly replaced the receiver and felt angry heat escaping from every orifice in her body. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard while eavesdropping on one of Massai’s frequent, secret and very late-night conversations.
While holding the mute button for over an hour, she had listened to him apologizing to, and then practically professing his love for, this woman he had obviously been seeing and communicating with for some time. With that single conversation, all of Eva’s fears became reality; she was losing her man. Actually, from the sound of it, he was already gone and letting her know it was over was just a formality. He had spoken to Alexis with such emotion in his voice; it made her realize that this woman wasn’t just some groupie, nor was their relationship a short-term fling. His feelings for her were real, and it seemed that he was using every available opportunity to let her know just how much she meant to him.
It was difficult for her to pinpoint the exact moment when he had begun seeing Alexis, but she estimated it to be about a month ago when he began acting distant and withdrawn around her. She couldn’t quite understand how he had fallen for this woman so fast. By nature Massai wasn’t spontaneous; it had taken months before he even showed any remote interest in Eva as more than a friend.
Eva sat on her side of the bed wondering what Alexis looked like and what was so special about her that made Massai want to give up everything he had with her. Again, she considered confronting him and asking him all the questions she so desperately wanted answers to.
She looked over her shoulder at the drawer containing Massai’s condoms. It had been a month since she had compromised their effectiveness, and she was no closer to becoming pregnant than she would be if she had swallowed fifty birth-control pills at once. Despite her advances, night after night Massai refused to sleep with her. Always giving the excuse of being tired or having a headache, he had succeeded in staying as far away from Eva as possible.
Hurrying from of the bedroom and down the hall, she opened the door to his office and sidled up to his desk. “Massai, why don’t you come to bed?”
“I’ve got some work to do. I’ll be up in a little while.”
She walked around his desk and began massaging his shoulders. Something he used to beg for a few months ago now seemed to disgust him; she could feel his muscles tensing up.
“You’ve been working nonstop for the past month. There can’t be that many shoe deals in the world,” she said, waiting for Massai to respond. Instead, he removed her hands from his shoulders and booted up his computer.
“I can’t remember the last time we made love,” she said quietly, sitting on the edge of his desk.
Again, he had no comment, but wordlessly typed in his computer’s password.
“Who is she?” Eva asked, standing up and looking him square in the eyes.
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking who it is you’ve been seeing?” he spat, anger and hatred spreading across his face with lightening speed.
“I’m going to bed,” she retorted, getting up and heading for the door.
“I thought that’s what you would say.”
She paused at the door with her hand on the knob. “I love
you, Massai.”
“Do you? Or did you really mean to say you love my money?”
“How could you say that?” she said, going into actress mode.
“You’re not answering the question,” he said, unmoved.
“I shouldn’t have to. If I didn’t love you then why would I put up with being so lonely while you’re on the road doing God only knows what?”
“I got the impression from the monthly credit-card bills that all the clothes and shoes you constantly buy were keeping you company.”
“Why does everything keep coming back to money? I really don’t see a problem. It’s not like we can’t afford it.”
“One of us can’t afford it, and I’m the only one working, so the guilty party must be you.”
“So it’s like that now?” Eva asked, struggling to keep her voice soft and controlled.
“I’m tired of giving you everything and getting nothing in return. Something has to change,” Massai said quietly.
Eva left his office shortly after that; clearly, she was no longer in control. Her relationship and means of support were both slipping away at a runaway pace, and drastic measures would have to be taken if she was to regain the upper hand.
17
LET THE DOORKNOB HIT YOU
“I’m supposed to be meeting someone,” Alexis told the hostess at Sweet Georgia Brown.
“Are you Mr. Washington’s guest?” she asked, checking the reservation list.
“Yes, that’s right. Has he arrived?”
“A few minutes ago,” she smiled. “Right this way.”
The hostess led Alexis directly to Kevin’s table; he saw her striding toward him and quickly straightened his tie and stood up to greet her.
“You look beautiful,” Kevin said. He attempted to kiss Alexis on her cheek, but she deftly averted her head.
“Thank you,” she responded, not returning the compliment. Even though he did look amazing in his navy blue suit, pink shirt and navy-and-pink striped tie. But she refused to give him any hope that she was still attracted to him.
“I ordered a mimosa for you. I hope that’s okay?” Kevin said, gesturing at the orange juice and champagne concoction that was waiting for her.
