Where I Want To Be

by Maryam Diaab

  “Well, why didn’t you tell him that?”

  “Because I don’t have to. The way we feel about each other has nothing to do with him. He only said all those things because he’s jealous and wanted to get a rise out of you.”

  “Do you still have feelings for him or something?”

  “What are you talking about?” Alexis asked, becoming frustrated.

  “You didn’t seem to mind too much when he was feeling all on you.”

  “Massai, he was not feeling on me. He touched my arm, and if I had said something, it would have just made the situation worse.”

  “I don’t think it could have gotten any worse. The entire night is ruined,” he said, more to himself than to her.

  They drove the rest of the way to her apartment in tense silence. He parked the car, got out and walked up to the door, all before she could put her high-heels down on the pavement.

  After unlocking the front door and entering the apartment, she tried to put the incident behind them and enjoy what was left of the evening. “Why don’t we take a bath to—” Alexis began. Massai slammed the door to the guest bedroom and locked it behind him.

  She stared at the white-wood door in despair. She honestly could not understand Massai’s reaction. Granted, the episode with Kevin at the restaurant was unpleasant, but this was their last night together and she wanted it to be special.

  She knocked softly on the door three times. “Massai, can I come in?”

  No answer.

  “Massai…”

  Still no answer.

  “You know what? You’re acting completely ridiculous!” Alexis herself was becoming angry. “I can’t believe you’re trying to put the blame on me when you are the one who invited him to sit down! When you pulled out the chair for him, did you think he would be cordial? He’s jealous of you, Massai. He wants me and can’t have me, so he’s jealous. Don’t you get it? This is what he wanted to happen,” she yelled through the door.

  He heard every word but refused to answer. He knew he was acting childish, but wasn’t ready to face her. He sat on the bed holding the canary diamond between his fingers. On the ride back from the restaurant, he had seriously contemplated packing his bags and catching the next plane back to New Orleans. Never in his life had something like that happened to him, and as angry as he was, he knew that Kevin had been right. If he put one finger on him, he would have called the police immediately and would have filed a civil suit for millions of dollars.

  He listened to Alexis’s footsteps fade and heard the door to her bedroom slam shut with a force that rocked the entire apartment. Massai heard the pipes rattle as she turned on the shower and let the water run. His heart softened and ached as he thought about the tears that she would wash away in the shower. As angry as he still was, he began to accept that Alexis was right. His anger was misdirected, and he had fallen right into the trap that Kevin set for him.

  Steeling himself, Massai went to Alexis’s room and stepped inside. He could hear the sounds of her soaping up and rinsing off. He took a deep breath before pushing the bathroom door open and smelling her milk-and-honey body-wash.

  “Alexis, I need to talk to you.”

  “I’m busy,” she said, her voice tight with attitude and anger, reminding him of the unapproachable woman he had met two months ago at The House of Blues.

  “It’ll just take a minute.”

  “What? Are you leaving? I’m not getting out to show you to the door. You know where it is. It was nice while it lasted,” Alexis said, thanking God that he couldn’t see the tears her voice didn’t betray.

  “I’m not leaving.”

  “Well then, whatever it is can wait, can’t it?”

  “No, it’s important,” he said, holding the ring in his hand.

  “Important to whom? The only thing that’s important to me right now is taking this shower and going to bed, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.”

  “So you won’t get out?” he asked, taking off his shoes, socks and blazer.

  “No,” Alexis answered stubbornly.

  Massai yanked back the shower curtain and stepped inside, still in his jeans and striped shirt.

  “Are you crazy? You still have on all your clothes!” she said, stepping back to make space for Massai in the tiny shower.

  “I said I needed to talk to you. You wouldn’t come out, so I really didn’t have a choice,” he said, feeling the water soak through his clothes, making his jeans feel like weights attached to his legs.

  “Whatever it is, I’m sure it could have waited fifteen minutes.”

  Massai took her left hand from her hips and quickly slipped the ring on her wet finger before he lost the nerve. “This couldn’t wait.”

  Alexis looked down at the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. The heavy platinum ring held so many canary-yellow diamonds that it was impossible to count them all.

  “What is this for?” she asked, staring down at the huge ring on her left hand.

  “This is what I wanted to give you at dinner.”

  “What is it for, Massai? What does it mean?”

  By now his clothes were completely soaked, but he plunged ahead, seemingly unfazed. “Since I have been here with you, I have come to realize more than ever that you are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I need to see you up in the stands during games; I want to rub your back when you’re pregnant with my babies. You are it for me. You are my beginning and my end. Alexis, you are the one I’ve been waiting for my entire life, and I want you to be my wife.”

  Alexis had dreamed of this moment since she was a little girl. The man she loved had asked her to marry him. Never had she envisioned it would happen standing in a shower with a fully dressed man. But none of that mattered now. She was in love, and when she closed her eyes and saw her future, there were no moments when Massai was not at her side.

  “I can’t believe this is happening,” she whispered, looking up at him and back down at the ring.

  “I want you to follow your heart.”

  “My heart belongs to you, Massai. It has from the moment we met in New Orleans.”

  “I need an answer,” he said, smiling down at her, already knowing her response.

  “Of course I’ll marry you.” She had barely gotten it out before he took her into his arms and kissed her, emotion and happiness pouring from his lips.

  “Let’s get out of this shower,” he said, attempting to turn off the water.

  “No, stay,” she said, grasping his arm. She took off his wet clothes and placed hungry kisses on his chest and stomach.

  Massai’s large hands cupped her bottom and, in one seamless motion, lifted her up against the wet tile and entered her without hesitation. Alexis wrapped her bronzed legs around his waist and took in every inch of him. It was amazing how her body seemed to be tailor-made for him. Never in her life had a man made her feel all these different things at once: love, lust, passion—all meshing and causing her body to tremble and call out for more.

  He responded to her requests, giving her exactly what she wanted. He moved so deeply inside her she thought her spine would shatter.

  They stayed that way until the water turned cold and their skin wrinkled. Not wanting to stop, he carried her to her bedroom and gently placed her down on the carpet. They continued their explorations of each other until dawn.

  24

  KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE

  “So now that Massai’s gone maybe you’ll call us sometime?” Claire said to Alexis. The three friends sat at Beans and Cornbread waiting for the waitress to bring the lunch platters.

  “I’m sorry, but I barely came up for air,” she explained, tearing a sugar packet open and shaking it into her iced tea.

  “It was that good, huh?” Morgan asked.

  “None of your business; I do not kiss and tell.”

  “So what are your plans? Will the two of you continue to see each other or what?” Claire asked.

  “Well, that’s w
hy I wanted you to meet me here.” Alexis dug into her purse and slid on the canary diamond engagement ring under the table. “I’m getting married!” she announced, happily flashing the ring at her friends.

  The excited reaction she expected from Claire and Morgan was missing, and instead, silence fell over the table.

  “Did you hear me? I said that I’m getting married! Massai asked me last night after we had dinner at Seldom Blues, which turned out horrible, but that’s a whole other story.”

  Claire and Morgan were still silent but kept staring at her as if she had one eye.

  “Aren’t you happy for me? We can start planning the wedding right away. Massai said that money is no object and the sooner the better.”

  “Alexis, slow down,” Claire said, looking at her with concern.

  “You mean to tell me that some random guy you met two months ago proposed to you, and I’ve been with Craig a million years, and I can’t even get a Valentine’s Day card out of him? Something is very wrong with this picture,” Morgan said, peevishly throwing her napkin onto the table.

  The smile that was hanging onto Alexis’s face by a thread faded away altogether. “Oh, I get it,” she said, looking at her friends from across the table. “It’s cool when you’re the only one in a committed relationship, Morgan. And Claire, you can only handle being supportive when we’re both alone.”

  “You are jumping to conclusions, Alexis. I’m just concerned that this thing with Massai is starting to move way too fast. I want you to be happy, but I also want you to be smart,” Claire said, putting her hand over Alexis’s. She snatched it away, her eyes flashing.

  “I never would have thought you two would pull this on me,” she said, shaking her head.

  “Pull what? Being concerned and questioning things that are of concern is what any good friend would do. If I sat here and let you marry this guy without so much as saying ‘boo’, then what kind of friend would I be?”

  “Okay, I’m sorry. I am a little bit jealous, but I think I have a right to be,” Morgan said, pouting like a two year old.

  “You don’t have a right to be. Maybe if you and your man didn’t go around cheating on each other you wouldn’t be in this position,” Alexis shot back.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Everyone knows that Craig is a hoe, and please don’t forget about your little pool-table incident back down in New Orleans,” she reminded Morgan, bringing her back to reality and closing her mouth for the time being.

  “All I’m saying is this…did you really think all of this through, or are you just jumping the gun?” Claire asked after she regained Alexis’s attention.

  “Of course I thought it through. I love him, he loves me and that is all that matters.”

  “Where will you live? Will you work or be a housewife? How many kids will the two of you have? Have you even met his parents?” Claire shot questions at her like an automatic weapon.

  “All of those decisions will be made in due time,” she answered, slightly embarrassed that she didn’t know the answers and couldn’t say that she had met his parents.

  “I think now is the perfect time, because if you wait until you get married and his answers don’t match yours, then what? Somebody is going to have to compromise for the sake of the relationship or there will be no relationship.”

  “Well, obviously we’ll have to live in New Orleans because of his job, unless he gets traded somewhere else.”

  “So you’re basically saying that you will follow him anywhere?” Morgan butted in, emerging from her funk.

  “Yes, I will,” Alexis confirmed.

  “Good, now we’re getting somewhere. Will you work?” Claire continued as the waiter placed their lunches in front of them.

  “Yes, I’ll work. I didn’t go to college all those years to sit up in the house and wait for my man to get home.”

  “And you’ll be doing a lot of waiting, considering he’ll be on the road for about forty-one games a year.”

  “People sacrifice for love,” she said, smiling.

  “You sound like a Hallmark card.”

  “Wait a minute. I’m confused as to why all of a sudden you have fifty questions when you are the one who kept insisting that Massai and I get together?”

  “I think you are misunderstanding me. Morgan and I like Massai and want you to be happy,” Claire said, looking to a nodding Morgan for support. “But the fact is that both of you have just gotten out of relationships. I think it would be a better idea if the two of you moved in together.”

  “What? I think you two are the ones who are misunderstanding some things. I did not come here to get your approval or ask permission to get married. I came here to share my news with friends. I need help planning my wedding, not my life. It would mean a lot to me if my two best friends would help me, but if you can’t or won’t then fine; I’ll handle everything myself. Your invitations will be in the mail,” Alexis said, getting up from the table and leaving her untouched food and unsupportive friends behind.

  * * *

  Anger bubbled to the surface when Massai pulled into his driveway and saw Eva’s Lexus sitting outside as if it still belonged there. He was not naïve enough to believe that she would leave the car on the way to her new life, so he knew she would be waiting for him when his size sixteens stepped into the foyer. Not bothering to park his car in the garage, he jumped out and hurried to the front door.

  The entire plane ride back to New Orleans had been filled with thoughts of the future he and Alexis would share. Several times he found himself wanting to stand in the aisle and announce to his fellow passengers that he was in love. Now, however, an uneasy feeling cast a shadow over the joy he had been feeling from the moment she had agreed to marry him. His stomach felt queasy when he thought about all the drama he was going to have to endure in a matter of seconds.

  “It’s about time you got back!” Eva greeted him just as he had anticipated.

  “Didn’t I tell you that I wanted you gone when I got back into town?”

  “We need to talk. I didn’t call you because I wanted to give you time to play house and get whatever it was out of your system.”

  “You know what? This is my fault; I should have had a locksmith come over here and change the locks.”

  “Massai, this is serious,” Eva said, getting her purse from the table in the middle of the entryway.

  “You think everything is serious that pertains to you. What happened this time? Did you break a nail?”

  “No, smart ass, I’m pregnant.”

  He looked at her and saw her mouth moving, but his mind could not process what she was saying.

  “What did you say?” he asked, shaking his head in an effort to clear it.

  “I said I’m pregnant.”

  A nervous laughed escaped his lips. “You’re playing, right?” His comment was more of a prayer than a question.

  “I wish I was playing, because if there is one thing I hate to do, it is wearing out my welcome.”

  He thought back to the day he had left and instructed her to leave. She hadn’t been very concerned about wearing out her welcome then. “You’re lying, Eva.”

  “I’m not, Massai. I found out while you were on your little excursion. I figured things would work out much better if I waited until you got back to tell you.”

  “I don’t believe you, Eva,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Well, you really don’t have a choice, do you?” she said, beginning to show her true colors.

  “Yeah, I have a choice. Am I supposed to just take you at your word when you have a history of telling bald-faced lies to me without so much as a flinch? I know what you’re trying to do, and it is not going to work.”

  “And exactly what is it that you think I’m trying to do?”

  “Trap me. I see it happen all the time.”

  “Massai, please. You are reading way too much into this. Why would I need to trap you when I can basically have any man I want?
But since you want to play the conspiracy-theory role, let me show you my proof.”

  Eva dug into her purse and pulled out two items.

  “These are both positive pregnancy tests; one from home and one from my doctor’s office,” she said, holding out the items with a satisfied smirk on her face. “Do you believe me now?”

  25

  SEX, LIES AND DEFEAT

  Massai ignored the home-pregnancy test stick and snatched the piece of paper from Eva’s hand. He searched it frantically, trying to find anything suspicious, but came up empty. Doctor’s professional letterhead, chicken-scratch signature and medical jargon confirming Eva’s claims were all there.

  “Satisfied?” she asked, placing the stick back inside her purse.

  Massai angrily threw the paper to the floor. “It’s not mine. We both know you’re a hoe. Hell, the whole city of New Orleans knows that. I would be surprised if you could narrow the father down to three,” he spat, looking at her in disgust. The more he thought about it, the more he wished he had taken Malik’s advice and gotten rid of her a long time ago.

  “Is that any way to talk to the mother of your child?”

  “It’s not mine,” Massai repeated slowly and deliberately.

  “It is, Massai. The doctor says that I’m about eight weeks, and I haven’t slept with anyone else.”

  “It’s not mine.”

  “Oh, I see. Now you’re going to pull the ‘I’m a NBA superstar’ bullshit on me. Denying your child, Massai? I thought you were better than that. I did not make this baby alone, and I will not take care of it alone. You’ve got the proof right here. Now are you going to be a man or a coward?”

  Even though something inside him screamed caution, the man inside him, the man his parents raised him to be, would not allow a child that could be his to be without its father.

  Defeated, he walked over to the stairway and sat down, breathing loudly. “How could this happen?”

  “It’s called sex, Massai. Didn’t your father ever talk to you about the birds and the bees?”

  “You know that’s not what I’m talking about. We used condoms, Eva. I have never once made a mistake or forgotten the condom. Not once!”