Where I Want To Be

by Maryam Diaab

  “Oh, shut up. You don’t even know what a layup is,” Malik said playfully.

  “I know that your team wouldn’t have lost if you would have made that shot.”

  “Did you call me to bash my game, or is there some other purpose?”

  “I do have something to tell you, but you have to promise not to be mad that I didn’t tell you sooner,” she said, taking a deep breath.

  “How could I be mad at someone as sweet as you?” he flirted.

  “Alexis is pregnant,” Claire blurted out before she lost the nerve.

  The line was quiet before Malik responded. “So she’s going to have that married guy’s baby, huh?”

  “What married guy? I know you’re not talking about Kevin? They were done before she even met Massai,” she said, confused.

  “Then why did Massai see him leaving her apartment when he was in Detroit? Kevin told him that they were back together,” he informed her.

  “I can guarantee that they never got back together. They were friends for awhile, but all that stopped when his lying ass practically attacked her.”

  “Are you sure?” Malik asked.

  “Of course I’m sure. Now when was Massai in Detroit?” Claire asked.

  “A couple of months ago, after he found out that Eva was lying about being pregnant.”

  Upon hearing that news, she practically ran into the car in front of her. “Eva was never pregnant?”

  “Apparently not.”

  “Well, Alexis is pregnant. Almost six months, and the baby belongs to your best friend.”

  “You’re lying,” Malik said, although he knew she wasn’t.

  “I don’t lie, Malik. I don’t need to. She’s having a girl, and she’s due in three and a half months.”

  “If she’s pregnant, then why doesn’t Massai know anything about it?”

  “She tried to tell him about a week ago, but when she called, some woman answered the phone talking about he was in the shower.”

  “Kadijah,” he said knowingly.

  “I take it by the sound of your voice that Kadijah is not the cleaning lady?”

  “She’s this new girl Massai has been seeing. I don’t think it’s anything serious; just a booty call here and there.”

  “I thought he was so in love with Alexis?” Claire said, wondering if she had made the right decision to call Malik with this information.

  “He thought she was doing Kevin! What did you expect him to do?” Malik said in defense of his friend’s behavior.

  “Why not ask if it was true? What’s the point in coming all the way to Detroit without at least setting eyes on her?”

  “Look, I’m not Massai and I can’t speak for him. All I can say is that he needs to know about what’s going on,” Malik said with conviction.

  “I totally agree with you, and that’s why I want you to tell him,” she said.

  “What! Why do I have to tell him? Alexis should be the one calling, not me!”

  “But she won’t, Malik. She’s dug this hole for herself and she’s too scared to climb out. Massai and Alexis have missed enough time together because of lies. I want to see my friend happy,” she said sincerely.

  “Okay, I’ll call him as soon as I can,” Malik said, already constructing in his mind exactly how he would break the news to his lifelong friend.

  * * *

  A week had gone by since Alexis had called and Massai still hadn’t attempted to contact her. In all honesty, he didn’t know if he ever would. He still couldn’t get over the fact that Alexis had gone back to Kevin after all he had done to her.

  Things between him and Kadijah were becoming more regular. She would come by after games for some freaky sex and breakfast afterward. Massai felt comfortable around her because she never asked any questions about his personal life and didn’t press the relationship issue. Kadijah seemed to be content with sex and bagels, and for him that was just fine.

  “So what do you like in your omelet?” she asked, opening his refrigerator and bending down to search for eggs and cheese.

  He felt his dick grow slightly as he watched Kadijah in her lacy boy shorts and tank top with no bra. “Why don’t you handle that omelet later and handle me right now?” he said, smiling at her.

  Kadijah left the eggs and cheese on the counter and walked over to Massai. Straddling him, she kissed him deeply and pulled a Trojan from an almost invisible pocket in her red and pink striped underwear.

  He heard his phone ring in the distance but didn’t reach for it. Instead, he gripped Kadijah’s waist tightly and guided her body in slow circular motions on his lap, making him grow several inches in the process. Kadijah removed her tank top while Massai shifted her underwear to the side so he was able to place a finger inside her opening.

  He was enjoying looking at and touching her body, but was growing increasingly annoyed by the constant ringing phone. When the automatic voicemail service would pick up, the caller would hang up and call right back. They continued to ignore the phone, which was becoming very hard to do.

  Just as the sound of the ringing phone faded into the background, someone began to beat heavily on Massai’s front door. Between the shrill ringing phone and the loud banging on the door, he could no longer ignore the fact that someone really wanted, or needed, to talk to him.

  “Why don’t you get that and I’ll finish up that omelet,” she said, climbing off him and retrieving her shirt from the tiled kitchen floor.

  “I’m going to get rid of whoever this is,” he said, jumping off the stool and heading toward the front door. The phone finally stopped ringing, but the banging on the door persisted.

  “What do you want?” he yelled, yanking the door open to see Malik standing there holding his cellphone in his hand.

  “What the hell have you been doing? I’ve been calling nonstop for twenty minutes,” Malik said. Not waiting for an invitation, he stepped inside the foyer and looked at Massai.

  “Kadijah’s here,” he stated simply.

  “Well, I need to talk to you.”

  “Can’t it wait?” he asked, completely annoyed.

  “What I have to tell you has waited long enough.”

  “What are you talking about?” he asked, following Malik into the living room.

  “Alexis is pregnant.”

  Massai looked at his friend with anger in his eyes. “Well, good for her,” he said, putting his large hands together to give Alexis and Kevin a round of applause. “Next time you want to tell me that my ex-fiancée is pregnant by someone else, don’t beat down my door. Send an e-mail or something. I hope she and Kevin are very happy together,” he said, turning his back on Malik and walking back to the kitchen.

  “She’s not pregnant by Kevin.”

  He turned around. “Well, who is she pregnant by if it’s not Kevin?” he asked quietly, though he already suspected what the answer might be.

  “The baby is yours, man. She’s six months pregnant.”

  “What about Kevin?” Massai sat down on the couch, feeling as if his legs weren’t going to hold him.

  “There was never an Alexis and Kevin. He lied, and you were too stupid to go up and find out what was going on for yourself.”

  He shook his head, unable to process what Malik was telling him. “Why didn’t she say anything?”

  “Are you forgetting about the little situation you had with Eva?” Malik reminded him.

  “What should I do?” he asked. The smell of a chicken omelet floated into the living room.

  “You need to find a damn plane ticket. Claire is going to hook something up, because there is no way Alexis is going to agree to meet you.”

  Massai stood up with his heart beating hard and fast against his chest. He thought about the canary diamond in the bottom of his sock drawer, and then he heard Kadijah singing along with the radio in the kitchen.

  “What about her?” he asked, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.

  “You go upstairs and get your shit togethe
r,” Malik instructed. “I’ll get rid of Kadijah.”

  36

  JUST THE BEGINNING

  Alexis dressed slowly for her night out with Claire and Morgan. She was tired. Work for her this week had been the most difficult one yet, and she was seriously thinking about taking her maternity leave early.

  Due to her physical exhaustion, she tried several times to back out of meeting her friends at Ristorante Café Cortina for dinner and drinks. Although Italian food was one of her favorites, she really didn’t see the point.

  “Let’s celebrate the end of The Fabulous Three and the beginning of The Fabulous Three and a Half,” Claire said earlier that day over the telephone.

  “When have we ever called ourselves The Fabulous Three?” she asked, thinking the entire idea was ridiculous.

  “Morgan and I do all the time. It’s not our fault that you never pay attention.”

  “Well, who in the hell is the half?” she wanted to know.

  “The baby, you dumb ass. Can you please keep up?” Claire said smartly.

  “Look, we can do all that celebrating right in my apartment. I should not be forced to drive thirty-five minutes away just to sit up and look at the same people I look at every weekend.”

  “Yes, you do. It will give you the opportunity to dress up and get all pretty.”

  “So I’m dressing up to go and drink water?” Alexis asked sarcastically.

  “If it will make you feel any better none of us will drink, okay? We can all order Shirley Temples or something,” Claire added, trying to appease her friend.

  “What would really make me feel better is going straight home after work, getting into bed and sleeping until Monday.”

  “Well, you can do all that after dinner. Seven o’clock, and don’t be late,” Claire said, hanging up the phone. Alexis tried for at least three hours to call her back to tell her she wasn’t coming, but Claire refused to answer her phone, leaving Alexis without options.

  Alexis yawned as she pulled a long, flowing red-and-gold Indian-inspired spaghetti-strapped dress from her closet. She was grateful that she hadn’t been forced to buy any maternity clothes; just going up a couple of sizes was a lot easier to handle. Letting her robe drop to the floor, she stepped into the dress and admired herself in the mirror. She slipped on ten gold bangle bracelets, a necklace and gold sandals. A little pressed powder and gloss and she was out the door.

  “Are you gone yet?” Claire asked when she answered her cellphone. She had just pulled up to valet parking outside the restaurant.

  “I’m right outside. Are you guys already here?” She allowed the valet to take her hand and gently help her out of the car.

  “We’re not there yet, but we’re on our way. Just go ahead and get the table. The reservation is under your name.” Claire hung up again, and Alexis made a mental note to go off on her the minute she arrived at the restaurant.

  “Ms. Hunter. Buona sera, good evening and welcome to Ristorante Cafe Cortina. If you would be so kind as to follow me, we have your table prepared.”

  Alexis looked around, totally confused and just a little freaked out. She couldn’t understand how the hostess knew her name without being told. Nevertheless, she followed her, wanting to get off her feet and order a cold glass of lemonade.

  The blonde hostess, who was no more Italian than Alexis, led her through a maze of tables to a section of private tables near a massive fireplace. Several of the tables were already occupied with smiling, whispering couples. She and her girls could become pretty boisterous on their nights out, so Alexis didn’t think this particular section would be the best choice.

  “This is beautiful and everything, but I’m meeting two female friends tonight. I don’t think this is the type of atmosphere we’re looking for. Do you have any other tables available?”

  “Two women?” the hostess asked, looking confused. “I was under the impression you were meeting a gentleman tonight.”

  “I don’t know what would give you that impression. Maybe you got my reservation mixed up with someone else’s.” Alexis was trying to remain polite, but fatigue was setting in again and all she wanted to do was sit down.

  She saw the hostess’ expression change from professional to slightly panicked, and the she felt a familiar hand take hers and a voice say simply, “Surprise.”

  Looking up into Massai’s eyes, she snatched her hand away, knowing immediately that she had been set up by Claire and Morgan. “What are you doing here?” she hissed, not wanting to make a scene.

  “Alexis, don’t you think it’s time we talked?” he whispered in her ear before he placed his hand on her stomach.

  She closed her eyes and sighed. This was the moment she had been running away from since the day she found out she was pregnant. She allowed herself to be led to the table closest to the huge brick fireplace. He pulled out the chair for her and held her hand as she sat down slowly, moving awkwardly under her added pounds.

  He sat down across from Alexis and stared at her. She was more beautiful than he had ever seen her. “You look—”

  “Fat?” she attempted to finish his sentence for him.

  “Beautiful,” he finished for himself.

  The two sat for a while, looking at each other and remembering all they shared and all they missed.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Massai asked, breaking the silence.

  “Tell you what?”

  “About the baby?”

  She looked at her stomach and then back at him. “What was there to tell? I’m pregnant and the baby is yours, but I just figured that you would have already got your fill of hearing that,” she added bitterly.

  “Eva lied. She was never pregnant, despite how hard she tried. I found out that she punched holes into all my condoms trying to keep me away from you.” He paused to gauge her reaction. “But it seems that it backfired on her, because you were the one who ended up pregnant.” Massai chuckled at the irony of it all.

  Alexis was surprised and realized then that she hated Eva, although that hatred wasn’t strong enough to make her forget why she’d broken it off with him in the first place. “That still doesn’t change the fact that you lied to me for weeks, Massai. You intentionally deceived me. I could have dealt with the fact that Eva was pregnant, we could have worked through that together. But what I can’t deal with is lying, not from anyone, but especially not from you.” As she spoke, her voice got louder and louder until several couples stopped their conversation to looking at her.

  “I didn’t tell you because I wanted to try to come up with a solution that wouldn’t affect what we had.”

  “Well, that really worked out well, didn’t it?”

  Massai didn’t answer, but stared at the mother of his child. He hadn’t come there to argue. He wanted to be in their lives as more than a part-time father; he wanted Alexis as his wife. “Stop it,” he told her seriously.

  “Stop what?”

  “Stop acting like you don’t care. Stop acting like you don’t love me.”

  Alexis decided to come clean, because she obviously was doing a poor job of acting indifferent. “Okay, Massai, fine, I do love you. No, it’s more than that; I’m in love with you, but I just don’t know if I can trust you again. I want you to stop acting as if you’re not seeing someone right now. I called your house to tell you about the baby and a woman answered the phone. You were obviously not in New Orleans mourning our breakup.”

  “I only started seeing Kadijah after I came to see you and Kevin came out of your apartment telling me how you two were sleeping together. I thought you had moved on.”

  “I would have never gotten back together with Kevin on that level. And if you came all the way to Detroit without even talking to me, then you must have wanted to believe him,” she challenged defiantly.

  “I do acknowledge the fact that the decision to leave without even talking to you wasn’t the smartest, but I’m here now to fix it.”

  “Does your little girlfriend know you
’re here trying to fix our relationship? Where is she? Waiting back at the hotel?” she asked accusingly.

  “She’s not my girlfriend. There was only sex between Kadijah and me,” he confessed.

  “It was just sex? Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  “My heart has always belonged to you.”

  She felt the baby kicking and squirming under her skin. It was as if she was trying to get her mother to admit that she still wanted to be with him. “She’s kicking,” she said instead.

  Massai stood up and placed his hand over his daughter. His eyes lit up upon feeling movement and he smiled to himself, and then at Alexis. “That’s crazy…amazing.”

  “It is,” she agreed, wishing he hadn’t removed his hand. He returned to his seat and took the engagement ring from his pocket, placing it on the table in front of her.

  He sat back in his chair and watched her study the ring. “Where do you want to be?” he asked. “You either want to be with me or you want to be without me. It’s that simple. No more games and no more placing blame, because what’s done is done.”

  She felt the baby kick and squirm again, this time even stronger than before. Alexis knew that it was time to stop being scared. Finally, honestly and completely, she decided to take what she wanted. She lifted the ring from the table and placed it on her left ring finger. “Massai, there is nowhere I would rather be than with you.”

  About the Author

  Maryam Diaab was born in Detroit, Michigan, and received a degree in Arts and Sciences from Tennessee State University in Nashville, Tennessee. She currently works as a fifth grade Reading and Language Arts teacher in the Metro-Detroit area where she lives with her husband and two sons. Where I Want to Be is her first novel.