by Terri DuLong
I reached for the cognac on the table and took a sip. “After a couple of years, Beau said he wanted more. He wanted us to be a couple in public, and he started talking about asking his wife for a divorce. Their one son was grown and gone. He said he and his wife now had separate lives.”
Lucas squeezed my hand. “And so he left her?”
I let out an exaggerated chuckle. “No, I’m afraid it wasn’t that easy. Lila had a history of depression, and it only seemed to get worse during the last couple of years I was with Beau. I understood and didn’t want to put additional pressure on him and so ... I continued to wait, knowing that eventually we’d be together.”
“But that didn’t happen,” Lucas said, putting his hand to my face.
I shook my head. “No. It didn’t. Because I found out I was pregnant. We had always used protection, so at first I thought I was wrong. But I saw a doctor who confirmed it. I was secretly thrilled because I’d always wanted a child. I was about three months along and had planned to tell Beau that weekend, but I had a miscarriage before that happened, and the following day ... I got a phone call from Lila. To this day, I have no idea how she found out about me because we were always so careful—meeting in Savannah or Jacksonville, never in Brunswick or around St. Simons Island, where he lived.”
“And what did she say?” Lucas questioned.
“She told me she knew about us, knew I had been seeing Beau for quite a while, and then she laughed. She said, ‘Do you think you’re the only one he’s been seeing all these years?’ She claimed she could give me names to prove what she was telling me, and she wanted to make sure that I realized that she would never grant him a divorce. Never. She knew about his affairs and was prepared to live with it.”
“And you believed her?” Lucas asked softly.
I nodded. “I did. I doubted myself and everything I had shared with Beau enough to believe her.” Swiping at the tears that now fell down my face, I went on. “That was when I made the decision to leave Brunswick. Permanently. Aunt Maude helped me, and never revealed to Beau where I was.”
“He never knew you were pregnant? You never told him?”
“No.”
“And he’s still in Georgia with his wife?”
I let out a deep sigh. “Beau still lives in St. Simons Island, but ... Lila passed away a few months after I left the area. Suicide. An overdose of pills.” All of the hurt, the pain, and the guilt came rushing back. Tears now coursed down my face as sobbing convulsed my body.
Lucas pulled me to him. I felt his hand on the back of my head as he murmured soothing words. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” he whispered. “Yes, love can be very difficult. But also very beautiful. And so ... you want to be sure this time. You want to be certain that what you and I have will not hurt you.” He kissed the side of my face as he continued to hold me. “I understand that. I understand that very well. So ... we will continue being very good friends until you are ready.”
The kindness and compassion ... and yes, possibly love, in his words only made me cry harder.
14
I felt a bit uneasy walking into the bookshop on Saturday morning after my episode with Lucas the previous night. But he looked up from the counter and sent me that killer smile, making me feel that nothing had changed between us.
The shop was empty, and he came from behind the counter to pull me into his arms. “Bonjour, ma cherie,” he whispered into my ear. “How are you this morning?”
I smiled. “Over my crying,” I said, and he laughed.
“Ah, but confession is good for the soul.” He leaned down to kiss me and then said, “We will be okay.”
I hoped he was right. “Were you busy earlier?” He had insisted I not arrive until ten even though he opened at nine.
“Nothing I couldn’t handle. But Second Street is beginning to fill up, so I think the tourists are out and about.”
I turned to the sound of wind chimes. “I think you’re right,” I said, and headed to the coffee café. “So I’m reporting to work.”
The morning had remained fairly slow, and I was glad I’d brought my knitting along. I had started working on a sweater for one of Monica’s babies and removed it from my knitting bag. After a few minutes, I heard a familiar voice in the bookshop. Was that Chloe? And it sounded like she was flirting with Lucas.
“Well, I’ll just have to invite you to Aunt Maude’s so I can cook up a traditional Southern dinner for you,” I heard her say.
What the hell? I got up and walked to the archway separating the two shops. Chloe had her back to me, and it was then that I noticed that she’d begun to lose some weight. She was definitely about ten pounds slimmer than when she’d arrived on the island. And had she changed her hairstyle?
“Chloe?” I said, causing her to jump and turn around.
“Oh, Gracie. I didn’t realize you were here.”
Hmm, obviously. “Yes, I’m helping Lucas out by covering the coffee café on the weekends.”
“Well, you’re just a Jill of all trades, aren’t you?” she said, a hint of snarkiness in her tone.
Choosing to ignore this, I said, “I love your hair.” And I did. She now sported a very chic style. Gone was the salt and pepper color. It had been replaced with a very soft brunette, chin length, with feathered bangs. Her frumpy look had disappeared. She was wearing a pair of nice-fitting jeans and a cotton pullover sweater in a shade of pale yellow that complemented her new hair color—all of it making her looks more youthful. “Did you just get back from Gainesville?” I asked.
“I did,” she said. “I found a wonderful day spa there and had a great morning. I bet they could do wonders with those curls of yours.”
I felt my hand go to my hair in defense. Okay, so curls could be difficult, but I happened to like them and wasn’t about to get them straightened. At least not because my sister thought I should.
Before I could say anything, Lucas reached over and fingered a few curls. “Ah, but it is these curls that make Grace who she is, no?”
Chloe sniffed, letting out a sigh. “That could be, I guess. Well, I’m heading down to City Park. Any chance you could get me a double latte?” she asked, looking directly at me with any further thoughts of flirting with Lucas now forgotten.
“Sure,” I said, heading back to the coffee café.
After Chloe left, both the bookshop and café got busy, preventing any further conversation with Lucas. Before I knew it, it was almost five. After cleaning the machines, I walked into the bookshop to find him turning the sign on the door to Closed.
“Busy day,” I said.
“It was,” he replied, taking my hand and leading me toward the back of the shop. Putting his arms around my waist, he nuzzled his face into my hair. “Don’t ever get rid of these curls. I love them.”
“Thank you. I’m rather fond of them myself.”
Lucas bent his head to kiss me. Not quite as passionate as the night before—but not that tame either. This time it was him that broke away first.
“What are your plans for the evening?” he asked.
“Aunt Maude’s cooking tonight, so I’ll have dinner with her and Chloe and then ... I think I’ll just relax with some knitting. And you?”
“That sounds like a great idea. I’m reading a good book I’d like to get finished.”
“Well, I think I’ll head home, unless there’s anything else I can do.”
Lucas smiled and kissed my cheek. “No. You’ve certainly helped me more than enough. Have a good evening, Grace, and I’ll see you in the morning.”
That had such a nice sound to it.
I walked into Aunt Maude’s kitchen and inhaled the wonderful aroma of lasagna and garlic bread as Annie came running to me.
I leaned over to scoop her into my arms. “I missed you all day, too, sweetie. Were you a good girl for Aunt Maude?”
My aunt turned from the stove and smiled. “Always. And I do believe that Lafitte is beginning to enjoy her company. They had a good
time chasing each other around the house earlier.”
I laughed. “You decided to work at winning him over, didn’t ya, girl?” I placed her on the floor and helped myself to a glass of sweet tea from the fridge before sitting down. “Can I help you with anything ?”
“No. I think I’m all set. Dinner will be ready in about a half hour. Your sister should be back from Gainesville soon.”
“Oh, she’s back. She stopped by the coffee café before heading to the park.” I took a sip of tea. “Looks like she had a makeover at that spa. Completely new hairstyle, and it’s very becoming. I think she’s losing some weight too.”
“That’s good. I’m glad to see that she’s taking an interest in herself again. She’s been watching her food and walking a lot, so that accounts for the weight disappearing.”
“Why is she jealous of me?” I blurted out.
My aunt spun around from the stove, her face showing surprise. “Why would you think that?”
“You heard her a few weeks ago when she got on that discussion about our parents. She thought I was the favored child, the one who got all the attention and reaped all of their love. Hell, I’m not sure they ever loved me, and yet she’s jealous.”
Maude wiped her hands on a towel and joined me at the table. “Oh, Gracie. Human nature can be so difficult to understand. First of all, it isn’t that your parents didn’t love you.” She fingered the edge of the tablecloth and paused, as if forming her thoughts. “I always believed it was that they simply loved each other too much. That kind of love that they had—I’m afraid perhaps it didn’t allow much to be left over to love children. And that was always very sad. I still remember when I got the phone call that they’d been killed in the automobile accident in France. My first thought had been, ‘Thank God they went together,’ because I don’t honestly think one could have survived without the other.”
“I never knew this,” I said softly. All of a sudden many things made sense. “Then why on earth did they even have children? If they didn’t have enough love to give them.”
Aunt Maude sighed. “I don’t think they ever realized this themselves, but they did love both you and Chloe. Don’t ever doubt that, Grace. They just loved you in their own way up to their potential.”
When I remained silent, my aunt said, “And I think the way that you and Chloe are now, as adult women, has to do with the abandonment issues you faced growing up.”
“Abandonment issues? What do you mean? I never felt a sense of abandonment. I always had you.”
Aunt Maude reached for my hand. “And I tried to do my best with both you and Chloe, but I wasn’t your mother. I’m sure all of this had something to do with Chloe leaving us behind when she married Parker. And Gracie ... you know yourself that until you got pregnant with Beau’s child, you truly never wanted a solid commitment from him. The relationship you had worked very well. The terms of that relationship also enabled you to be free, because in being free you thought he couldn’t leave you or hurt you. And he didn’t leave you. In the end, you left him.”
I felt moisture stinging my eyes. Was she right? Was all of what my aunt had just relayed true? I blew a puff of air through my lips and stood up.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?” I asked.
“There was no need to. But you asked if Chloe is jealous of you. Probably. But I don’t think it’s in a vicious sort of way. She mistakenly thinks your life has been so much better than hers. She’s been pretending for years, making everybody think she was happy. She wasn’t, and now she has to face that fact. That isn’t always an easy thing to do.”
I walked over to my aunt, leaned down, and kissed her cheek. “Thank you. Thank you for sharing all of this with me.”
She reached up to grasp my hand. “Gracie, I won’t always be here. And when I’m gone, you and Chloe will only have each other. You’re sisters. Whatever it is that’s caused the divide all these years—you both need to start working to mend it.”
I knew she was right.
I was filling the salad plates when Chloe walked in the door. “I’m sorry I’m late,” she said, her voice breathless. “I guess time got away from me.” Tossing her handbag on the chair, she smiled at both of us. “So. What can I do to help?”
Was this the same Chloe that had dropped by the coffee café earlier? My aunt and I exchanged a glance.
“I’m in the mood for a glass of wine with dinner,” my aunt said. “Why don’t you grab a bottle of Beaujolais from the rack and open it.”
Chloe did as she was told and then proceeded to pour some into the glasses. Was that humming I heard coming from her?
The three of us sat down to dinner, and before we began, Chloe raised her wineglass. “I just want to toast both of you,” she said, that smile still on her face. “You’re both remarkable women and I’m glad I’m here with you.”
“We’re glad you are too,” my aunt said. “And that new hairstyle of yours makes you look ten years younger. I like it very much.”
“Thank you. I think they worked a bit of magic on me at that spa.”
It was either magic or happy pills, I thought.
We began eating and after a few moments, Chloe said, “Do either of you know Cameron Marshall? He owns the jewelry shop downtown.”
“Sure,” I said. “Cameron’s lived on the island for many years.”
I noticed she was pushing more lasagna around the plate than she was putting into her mouth. “Why?”
Was that a blush I saw creeping up her neck?
“Oh, well, I had a gold chain that needed to be repaired, so I stopped in there. After I left the coffee café,” she said, quickly glancing up at me.
“That’s good,” I replied. “Yeah, Cameron has a nice shop.”
“He does. I enjoyed browsing in there while he fixed the clasp on my chain.” She took a gulp of wine.
Where was this heading?
“So, is he ... um ... married or anything?”
Oh, so this was where it was all leading. I laughed. “Chloe, stop beating around the bush. You’re attracted to him, aren’t you?”
She looked down at her plate and continued pushing the food around. “No. No, of course not. Don’t be silly.”
“Well, you know,” my aunt said, getting into the conversation. “You will be a divorced woman in another month, so there’s certainly nothing wrong with having a male friend.”
“Right,” I agreed. “And just for the record—no, Cameron is not married. He’s been divorced for many years. Has a grown daughter who lives in California and one granddaughter. Oh, and I’d say he’s late fifties, early sixties. And a very nice man. Anything else you need to know?”
Chloe looked up. A huge smile covered her face. “Hmm, no, I do believe you covered it all, sis.”
15
I lit some lavender incense, arranged my crystals on the kitchen table, placed my tarot cards beside them, and poured myself a glass of wine. About to sit down to read my cards, I heard a knock on the door.
“Hey, Chloe,” I said, surprised my sister had come upstairs for a visit. “Come on in. Would you like a glass of wine?”
“Sure,” she said, seating herself at the table. “That was a nice dinner with Aunt Maude.”
What was this all about? “It was,” I said, sitting down across from her.
Her glance strayed to my crystals and cards. “I remember you doing this when you were a teenager. I didn’t realize you still believed in this stuff.”
I smiled. “Well, I guess I found there was a lot of truth in the cards. If we pay attention. Besides, the women in our family have been reading cards for generations.”
“I guess I missed that gene,” she said, taking a sip of wine.
And then she completely surprised me.
“Any chance you could read mine?”
“Well ... yeah ... I could. Are you sure?”
Chloe nodded emphatically. “Sure, why not? None of it will probably make sense anyway.”
<
br /> I slid the deck across the table. “Shuffle them as much as you want and when you feel ready, set them down.”
Chloe shuffled the cards, never taking her eyes from them, and after a few moments, she laid them down and looked at me. “Now what?”
“Remove the top card and turn it over.”
It was the Major Arcana, Number VII.
“What’s it mean?” she asked, leaning across the table.
“This card represents awareness.”
“Awareness? Of what?”
“Well, you need to figure that out. But the translation of this card is that you need to de-clutter your mind, get rid of the past and open your thoughts so that you can really live.”
“Interesting,” was all she said. “Should I turn over another one?”
I nodded.
The next card she chose represented The Outsider. “This one is the Outsider. It represents feelings of being left out.” Although I knew what the cards were capable of, it still astonished me how eerily correct they could be, and I didn’t want to piss Chloe off, so I chose my words carefully. “It means that there may be a gate in front of you, but it’s not keeping you an outsider. The gate needs to be opened and walked through.”
“I see,” was all she said.
“One more card,” I told her. “This last card will give you meaning into understanding of your issues.”
She moved her hand toward the deck and slowly removed one.
“This is simply an action card. Fire. And it represents possibilities. In other words, don’t be content with boundaries. The universe has a multitude of experiences waiting for you, so you need to try something different and move out of your comfort zone.”
Chloe was quiet for a few moments and then blew out a breath of air. “Wow. I always thought this was just a bunch of hooey.” She took a sip of wine, her expression reflective. “I’d have to say those cards were pretty insightful. Do you read your own cards?”
