“Elizabeth?” Darcy was entirely bewildered.
*****
Elizabeth was rather sure her heart would burst. Somewhere inside, she had been holding back. She loved Darcy, but truly trusting him with her heart was an even greater accomplishment. Affection was seldom displayed in her household. She always claimed to desire to marry for the deepest love but then wondered if she would recognise it when it was before her.
She had few, if any, remembrance of the actual words of love being said to her by anyone other than Jane. If judged by their actions instead, her family did not inspire much confidence in the sentiment. She had seen whatever affection her parents held for each other, and what they believed at one time was love, decline into disinterest and disrespect.
Darcy was correct. Elizabeth knew little of the pleasures of the flesh, only that ruin was the consequence to women who engaged in such acts outside of marriage. She knew in marriage that her body was considered his. What those acts precisely were, she knew not, except what she knew of animals mating and that they involved more than kissing. She knew men frequently engaged in them and were seldom reproached.
Believing she and Darcy were not equals in the physical realm was a foregone conclusion. Fearing the worst after Kitty’s question, had begun to crumple her growing love and trust in him. She could not tolerate being his consolation prize. When he assured her that not only his heart but also his body were hers alone, when he took her into his confidence, every last remnant of reserve was stripped away.
Darcy had such respect for his future wife, and women in general, that he had not given in to his carnal desires. He would not take the step of marriage without being assured of his own constancy. She had no fear that she would lose his love or respect with time. She could only laugh in delight.
“Elizabeth?” Darcy asked with uncertainty and curiosity in his voice.
She looked up at him, her eyes bright with joy. “I am well.”
“Jane!” She called out, and this time it was Darcy’s turn to be startled. “I promised to show Mr. Darcy the clearing just over the way, too, but I know you find it unimpressive. Why not wait here with Mr. Bingley just a moment?”
Jane and Bingley happily agreed, and although Elizabeth was much smaller than Darcy, she nearly propelled him off the path. Many steps, later she stopped suddenly. Darcy looked around.
“I see no clearing.”
“There is no clearing near here. Jane does not enjoy walks off the path and is so distracted with Bingley that she would have no idea if I told the truth or not.”
Darcy smiled and began to pull her into his arms. “Taking after your mother, Elizabeth?”
She did not have a moment to tease or reproach him before Darcy chose to make good use of their solitude. Finally, she pulled back and breathlessly declared, “Cease! I have something of great importance to say!”
Darcy was too dazed to pay adequate attention. “More important than allowing me to taste your lips again?” He attempted to kiss her, but again, she pulled back. He nearly growled. “Lizzy, do not take away nourishment from a starving man.”
“Starving?” She poked his midsection. “You are strong and lean, but not thin or frail. You are not starving.”
“I am. Famished for your lips.” He had a decidedly rakish look about him.
Elizabeth smiled coyly and pushed him back a bit again, though still encircled in his arms. She met his eyes. “William, I must tell you now. I…I…I love you!” She started off unsteadily but finished her declaration with force and punctuated her words with a kiss.
Darcy allowed her to pour all her passion into it but checked his own ardour. Disappointed with his restraint, she looked at him with questioning eyes.
He whispered in her ear, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. At last, Lizzy, at last you can say it?”
“I am sorry I struggled with pronouncing the words.” She twisted her hands. “I did not grow up hearing the words very often. I knew I could never mean them lightly and would only say them when I was assured of my feelings, when I knew I felt a fervent and steadfast love.”
Nuzzling his head into her neck, Darcy nearly pleaded. “Say it again, Lizzy. Again.”
For a fleeting instant, Elizabeth recognised that not so many weeks ago, she would have perceived his words as a commandment, but now she knew better. It still was not easy to lend speech to her feelings, but she realised she loved the man before her, ardently loved him, and he deserved to hear the words. Repeatedly. Her courage rose to the situation.
Lifting her head to meet his gaze, she emphasised each statement with a light kiss to his beautiful face. “I love you. I love you. I love you, Fitzwilliam Darcy.”
The expression of heartfelt delight spreading over Darcy’s face left her breathless. He responded as sensibly and as warmly as a man violently in love can be supposed to, and when at last their lips parted and their breathing calmed, they returned to the main path. If Jane and Bingley noticed the length of their absence, neither commented on it.
*****
Monday, June 8, 1812
Darcy sat in the library at Netherfield and reminisced as he waited for his carriage. Today, he would leave for London with Elizabeth and her younger sister, Kitty. The last two weeks of courting in Hertfordshire had passed quickly. Mrs. Bennet was intent on showing her betrothed daughters off so frequently that Darcy feared for Elizabeth’s health, if not her state of mind. Jane managed in her serene way, but Elizabeth was increasingly in ill-humour. Darcy could scarcely wait to take her to London.
He also felt disgruntled at how their courtship differed from what he imagined. Before he left for Pemberley, he had accompanied Bingley on many calls to Longbourn and saw that his friend was allowed moments of relative privacy with Jane. They often conversed on their own, seated next to each other on a settee. In fact, their betrothal originated when left alone entirely for nearly quarter of an hour!
Darcy was not given such privileges with Elizabeth. They were carted off to every neighbour for morning calls and countless dinner engagements. Although Elizabeth was soon to be shopping in London under the experienced guidance of her Aunt Gardiner, and undoubtedly Darcy’s aunt as well, her mother insisted on further shopping in Meryton. At each call to Longbourn, the drawing room was filled with talk of lace and trimmings. Most shocking was Miss Bingley’s sudden attentiveness to Elizabeth. Darcy expected her to behave in a ghastly manner, but she must have seen the logic in treating the mistress of Pemberley with respect. Not only to continue enjoying that fine estate but also to reap the benefits of keeping an acquaintance within the first circles.
The Season was nearing its end, and many families had already left to summer at their estates or visit fashionable resorts and spas. There would still be some scrutiny over Darcy’s choice of wife, but he believed being away from her mother’s anxieties would be highly beneficial.
Unfortunately, they would only have two weeks together in London before Elizabeth would leave with the Gardiners on their Northern Tour. The holiday was delayed by business for Mr. Gardiner. This worked well with Darcy’s desire for her companionship in London, but the Gardiners and Elizabeth could no longer travel to the Lakes, as they needed to return in time for the wedding. The travelling party was now to go no further northward than Derbyshire. Lambton had always been a planned destination, as Mrs. Gardiner spent a good deal of her youth there and wished to renew old acquaintances. As Lambton was only five miles from Pemberley, the party happily agreed to Darcy’s proposal of hosting them for the few days.
If Wickham was already apprehended, Darcy hoped to leave for Pemberley when Elizabeth left on her tour. He had been away from home much more in the last year than was his normal habit. Lydia had already relayed the news to her very faithful correspondent, Mrs. Forster, and Darcy and Elizabeth were certain that due to Wickham’s schemes, he must know of the engagement. Lydia was to depart for Weymouth shortly after Darcy and Elizabeth left for London. If things went w
ell, Wickham would not take long in leaving his regiment and approaching her.
At the moment, Lydia had no romantic inclination towards Wickham. She supposed she could make a good match at Weymouth. Darcy feared, though he would never voice it, that the hopes of Lydia resisting Wickham’s charms were ill-founded. She might recognise her own inconsequence in the world and grasp at Wickham for the sake of having someone. At other times, he recognised that Lydia was a stupid girl and may not realise she had no serious suitors. On the occasion she did notice this, perhaps she was mercenary enough to realise she may still catch a rich husband in future years. In the end, knowing he employed men to watch over her gave him the most relief.
Aside from the discomfort of listening interminably to Mrs. Bennet’s wedding arrangements, Darcy was able to enjoy several well-chaperoned walks with Elizabeth. There were no more encounters at Oakham Mount or other opportunities for privacy, but perhaps he could find a secluded corner in Darcy House to taste Elizabeth’s sweet lips again. He knew, however, they would have unending opportunity for kissing and much, much more in only eight weeks.
Chapter Eighteen
Tuesday, June 9, 1812
Elizabeth attempted to calm her nerves as she sat in the front parlour at Gracechurch Street. She, Kitty, and her aunt waited for Darcy and his sister to arrive. Darcy had not told her explicitly, yet Elizabeth knew he took deciding whom to bring into Georgiana’s life very seriously. Upon realizing how protective and affectionate he was towards his sister, she appreciated the true compliment of his desiring to marry her. He wished for more than a mere sister to Georgiana. He required a helpmate in guiding the girl into womanhood. Elizabeth wondered in amazement that somehow—amidst her previously poor treatment of him—he saw some quality that made her a more suitable choice to care for his sister than any lady he had ever known.
At last, brother and sister were announced. After the formal introductions and greetings, Mrs. Gardiner carried the burden of conversation until Elizabeth gained better composure of her spirits. She immediately perceived Georgiana’s bashfulness. It reminded her that Darcy was likely more uncomfortable in social settings than he cared to acknowledge.
Elizabeth watched his expression as her aunt conversed with Miss Darcy about the sweet nature and classic beauty of Lady Anne Darcy. Georgiana was all curiosity to learn more about her mother, but Elizabeth perceived a quiet reticence from Darcy on the subject. Elizabeth was able to exert herself more when the conversation turned to music. Soon the concerts at Vauxhall Gardens were suggested, and Kitty was finally roused to speak.
“Have you ever seen the fireworks, Miss Darcy?”
Kitty took the room by surprise. She was sufficiently awestruck at the sight of Miss Darcy’s quiet elegance, but the current subject made her lively.
Georgiana whispered, “William has taken me a few times; he is the very best of brothers.” She gave him a wistful smile.
Kitty replied rather enviously, “One brother must be much better than four sisters! We are forever bickering over bonnets, ribbons, and shoe roses. There is always someone in the way somewhere, and it does give my poor mother quite a fit of nerves.”
“I assure you, I would much rather have the sisters, too. William is an excellent brother, but the house is so quiet. It can be...lonesome.” Darcy was speaking with Mrs. Gardiner at the moment, and Elizabeth perceived Georgiana dropping her voice so he did not feel neglectful. Jovially, she joined in. “Ah, but now you will have five sisters! And I promise to tease your brother into more animated spirits.” Georgiana looked a little alarmed at the idea of teasing her brother but was clearly pleased with the thought of so many young ladies to call sister.
Before any reply could be made, Darcy said, “Georgiana, Miss Elizabeth, Miss Catherine, I have just been making arrangements with Mrs. Gardiner for us to visit Vauxhall Gardens. We will have to discover the date of the next fireworks show, but I believe they usually have a grand exhibit within the first week of opening for the summer.”
Georgiana exclaimed her thanks. Elizabeth was pleased to see Kitty check herself and only give a little clap. Truthfully, she was hardly less excited than the younger ladies, and Darcy was evidently well pleased with the plan. With an indulgent smile, she thanked him. “It sounds delightful, Mr. Darcy!”
The visit came to a close soon afterwards, with arrangements made for the ladies of the house to call upon Georgiana the following day and for Elizabeth to meet the Fitzwilliam family three days hence.
*****
Wednesday, June 10, 1812
Darcy was finishing a meeting with his solicitor when Elizabeth, Mrs. Gardiner, and Kitty arrived at his London home. He heard them being shown upstairs, and he knew they would be well looked after by Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley. A quarter of an hour later, he climbed the stairs to the drawing room. He silently observed Elizabeth for a moment; she seemed a little tense, but upon noticing him, her eyes brightened with affection. The beautiful smile that lit her face could not be mistaken for anything but a very great depth of love for him. He was no less affected, content to stand in the doorway admiring the lovely vision he had often imagined sitting in his home.
Suppressing a giggle at her brother and Elizabeth, Georgiana stood and suggested, “Shall we take a tour of the house?”
Darcy had to shake his head to clear his thoughts. It would do well to remind himself that he was not alone with her, this was not a fantasy, and they were well chaperoned. But soon, he mused to himself, soon we shall be alone here. For a fleeting moment, Darcy realised he was still a selfish man when it came to time with Elizabeth, and he refused to repent.
“I would be most pleased to accompany you ladies on the tour. And Miss Elizabeth, you can note any changes you desire to make.” Elizabeth’s face displayed sudden unease.
He allowed the other ladies to continue ahead, Georgiana leading the tour. Elizabeth gladly took his arm, and although they followed the others, he kept them at some distance so he might inquire after her cause for distress.
“I know I once claimed my courage rose in the face of every attempt to intimidate me, but I have heard much about the grandeur of your estate. I wonder at my abilities to be its mistress after visiting Rosings and seeing this home.”
“Elizabeth, do not fear. There has been no mistress at Pemberley or here for sixteen years; it will survive with as little or as much involvement as you desire. You know I do not enjoy large parties, so no one will be surprised if we entertain little. But I also know you to be the most intelligent and quick-witted woman of my acquaintance.”
“Thank you for your confidence,” Elizabeth said softly.
“Some in Society will be displeased because I did not choose one of them. No matter whom I chose, some would be angry for a short time and do their best to discredit and intimidate my choice. I have every confidence in your ability as mistress of Pemberley. You are already mistress of my heart, and I am equally confident of our domestic felicity.”
Elizabeth’s tension eased somewhat at his reassuring words, and she was able to view the house with pleasure. The rooms were lofty and handsome, and while the furniture reflected Darcy’s wealth, it was neither gaudy nor uselessly fine. On the whole, there was an understated elegance.
After some time in the principal rooms, the ladies took a tour of the mistress’ chambers, and Darcy left them for the time being. He paced around his study to avoid thinking of the unbearable temptation he faced. Elizabeth loved him, enjoyed his attentions, and was generous in her affections. She was in his home and, this very moment, was touring the mistress’ chambers, adjacent to his own. Part of him desperately yearned to go to his room in the hope she may be left alone next-door. He might have the opportunity to...
The sound of ladies descending stairs registered, and a moment later, he heard Georgiana’s skilful playing on the pianoforte. Upon silently entering the room, he did not find Elizabeth. Glancing around, he saw Mrs. Gardiner signal to him. Elizabeth was in the adjacent drawi
ng room. He found her looking at the miniatures over the mantelpiece.
“Elizabeth?”
She turned to face him with a smile, but it did not reach her eyes.
“Dearest, why are you troubled?”
This brought forth a more genuine smile. “This is not the first time today you have discerned I am troubled. How came you to read me so well?”
“I spent most of my time in Hertfordshire seeking to hear your teasing wit and allowing my eyes to follow your every movement. I may not have conversed much—or well, when I managed to speak—but I assure you, I know your every expression. I have at last learned not to assume the cause behind them.”
Elizabeth only nodded and turned her eyes back to the miniatures.
Looking to confirm they were not in the line of sight from the music room through the open door, Darcy took Elizabeth’s hand and kissed it gently. She squeezed his hand and gave him a tight smile. “I was in the mistress’ chambers…”
Darcy’s eyes widened. “Elizabeth! Why…why does that alarm you?” He panicked at the thought she may not welcome him or be fearful of him in any way.
She furrowed her brow, then looked as though she comprehended his fear. “No!” she spoke forcefully and glanced around to make sure they still had their privacy. She shook her head, trying to quell Darcy’s anxiety. “No, William, I have no worries, nor do I fear you.” She blushed deeply. “I had never thought before about the previous mistress…”
“My mother?” His face displayed his perplexity.
“I...no, not your mother. I…I had doubted if I would ever marry. You have seen the society in which I was raised. There is a lack of good prospects. I believed if I found a man to love, he likely would not have much money. He probably would not have an estate of his own, or his parents would still be living; very few men inherit before they marry. I never considered that upon marrying, I would immediately become mistress of a great estate, especially one that has been missing a much beloved predecessor. I find the thought quite overwhelming.
Compromising Mr. Darcy Page 22
