Get in line, buddy. It was Sawyer’s job to protect and he still hadn’t been able to wrench Rachel away. “You tried. Hell, we all tried. Like Brittany said, she wasn’t ready to leave. I don’t know what set things off the other night, but she’d finally had enough.”
“I don’t know how she got wrapped up with Shane in the first place. She was happy, enjoying her college classes. Then something happened… maybe between her and our parents. Who knows? But she changed. She was so angry and upset about everything for a while. And that’s when this all started to happen.”
Sawyer nodded. If Joey would give Rachel a little space, and Sawyer a bit of time, he could coax Rachel to let her brothers in. They just wanted to help. And maybe over time, he could consider poking a hole in the wall around his own heart and allow a bit of Rachel’s light to filter in.
“What?” Joey looked at him suspiciously.
Sawyer schooled his features. A skill he’d mastered first in the army and then through the sheriff’s department. Revealing what really went on in his head during tense situations would give his opponent the upper hand. He’d become so used to stuffing his feelings down that he was surprised he’d revealed anything to Joey. Maybe Rachel was responsible for Sawyer’s emotions bubbling to the surface. “Calm down, Joey. You know you don’t need to worry about me.”
“Listen, thanks for getting there when you did. For helping her leave that scumbag. But that doesn’t explain why she’s here instead of at one of our houses.”
So they finally reached the root of Joey’s issue. Sawyer wasn’t going to answer for Rachel, but she was definitely holding something back from them. Whatever it was, it was her secret to tell. As for Sawyer, no way would he reveal, even to his buddy, what he’d buried when he’d left Oak Grove for the army. That he’d enlisted to prove he was a man worthy of Rachel’s love. Instead he’d come home broken and alone and found Rachel paired up with Shane.
At least for now, she was here. And that had to be enough.
Joey’s shoulders fell. “Why wouldn’t she come with us?”
“It’s what she wanted. None of us were going to question her that night, were we? We just need to trust that she knows what she’s doing.” If Sawyer had a sister, he’d ask why she’d chosen an old friend over her family, too. Could Sawyer help Joey understand? “This is a neutral place for her to regroup. I can watch over her until she’s ready to stand on her own two feet.”
“I guess I’ll back off. I’m not gonna pressure Rachel into something she doesn’t want to do. Especially after Shane. But you better keep us updated.”
“I won’t betray her confidence. But I’ll encourage her to talk to you… when she’s ready.
“Well, I oughta go and talk to Rachel. I’m going to dangle a few shifts at the bar in front of her, see if she wants to get back out there.”
“It would be good for her to start doing normal things again. She doesn’t want to feel helpless, like she’s depending on other people. She’s finding her own strength.”
“She dropped out of school because of the bastard. Maybe you can talk to her about going back? Mom and Dad would help pay if she needed them to. Just so she’s happy… and healthy again.”
On that point, they agreed. “We’ll see.”
“All right, man.”
After Joey left, Sawyer stayed on the deck, his mind racing. In the past forty-eight hours, he’d rescued the woman he cared for from an abusive situation, gained a houseguest, and considered a run for sheriff. What a way for his life to spin out of control.
Chapter Nine
“SO NOW THAT Joey’s gone, how are you, really?” Brittany’s elbow rested on the back of the sofa.
How much longer would Rachel have to answer the same question? Probably for a while yet. “Really, I’m fine. Sawyer, er, everyone has been really great.”
Chloe shoved her shaggy snout between them, and Brittany stroked her fur. “You’ve got a good family who cares about you and a great friend in Sawyer.”
Friend, yeah. He’d emphasized that when they’d settled in to watch movies this afternoon. But she hadn’t imagined the blush creeping up his cheeks when their hands brushed in the popcorn bowl. They’d talked about movie nights at her house growing up. The boys had always tried to make her leave, and she’d hated those action thrillers that they watched. But watching movies meant being near Sawyer. He may have been three years older, but he’d paid attention to her when the boys at school just wanted to get drunk and make out.
He was just being nice, though. He treated everyone that way, then and now. No way had he liked her, not the way she’d liked him, back then. Or now. His heart never beat a fast rhythm like hers did every time he’d come over. She’d made excuses to be around Joey and Lucas whenever Sawyer was there. She’d ridden her bike by his house just to catch a glimpse of him working on his car in the driveway or playing ball in the yard.
But now he’d seen her at her worst and had been part of her shame. Sure, he would be her friend... but nothing else. How could he find someone like her attractive?
She’d woken up wrapped in Sawyer’s arms, his rippling biceps draped around her. His breath was hot against the back of her neck. Her fingers had itched to stroke his cheek, to let his five o’clock shadow brush against her palm. With Sawyer around, no one would ever be able to attack her. He wouldn’t let them. He could talk someone down if he had to or use a weapon, like he’d done to Shane. But she’d never need that kind of help from him again. She refused to be the victim anymore.
She’d lain there awake while he continued to sleep. No way he’d gotten much rest the past couple of nights. The few times she’d woken up during her marathon twenty-six hour hibernation, he’d been rattling around downstairs.
Chloe had had enough of the two of them. She ambled to her bed in the corner, turned three times, and curled into a ball. The room grew quiet. What else did she have to discuss with Brittany? Was the only thing they had in common abuse by people who alleged to love them?
“Did Joey ever tell you how I first met Sawyer?” Brittany asked with a laugh.
“No…”
“He pulled Joey over when I was in the car.”
The corners of Rachel’s mouth lifted. This had to be a good story. Joey and Sawyer were always trying to one-up each other. Had been since they were kids. “He didn’t.”
“He did. He made a big production out of asking for Joey’s license and registration. Then he reached the truck and passed me his business card… in case I ‘needed anything.’” Brittany smiled.
“That sounds like Sawyer. They’ve been friends for a long time.” After Sawyer’d enlisted in the army, not only had Joey worried, so had she. Whenever she’d heard of soldiers injured or killed, she’d prayed for Sawyer to come back safely. And he had, but he’d been withdrawn, stoic, and there had been a darkness in his eyes.
He’d mentioned earlier today that he’d seen Dr. James. Had he gone voluntarily? Had his sessions helped chase the demons away?
She’d gone to the barbeque when Joey had dedicated his new tap over Memorial Day. When Shane hadn’t been looking, she’d checked Sawyer out. The smiles that had come so easily before he’d enlisted had been forced that day. And his eyes had been vacant. Sawyer may have thought he hid his turmoil well, but not good enough to escape her notice. He’d been through so much, losing his parents at a young age, his grandmother while he was away, and then his friend. Who did he talk to when the troubles crept in? Maybe she could be that person. He was helping her; she could help him, too. They could help each other. She’d forced herself into his house because she was unwilling to face her own family issues. This was the least she could do.
Brittany’s smile fell. “It’s gonna be rough for you for a while. You may think you’re doing well now, but something will happen, or nothing will happen, and the memories will overwhelm you. It could be as simple as someone startling you, and you’ll flash back.”
That was what scared Ra
chel the most. She’d left a lot of her baggage at the trailer by letting out her anger toward Shane, but her family’s betrayal still lingered. Until she resolved what was in her pink file, everything Shane had done could creep back in.
“I’m here for you. Anytime. Day or night. I have a spare room in my apartment. Consider it yours.”
What? Why did Brittany have her own place? “You didn’t move in with Joey?”
“I wanted to prove to myself I’d made this major life change for myself and not for him… or anyone else. Although…” She leaned down and whispered, like she had a secret to share. “Truth be told, I don’t spend a whole lot of nights at my pad.” She giggled.
Rachel should do the same, prove she had the strength to live on her own and take care of herself. Maybe soon.
Joey’s voice carried into the room. Rachel sat up and brushed her hands down her jeans. She’d put him off long enough.
He swaggered over to the couch and pulled Rachel to her feet. His embrace wrapped her in warmth. She nestled against him. They’d been close, almost like twins. Until she found out the truth and pulled away from everything in her life. She’d missed him more than anything, but how could she tell him her secret?
Joey laid his head on top of hers.
She hadn’t spent nearly enough time with him recently. He’d tried to reach out to her, and she’d snubbed him. At first, she’d thought she didn’t need anyone else. None of them would understand why she didn’t want to talk to her parents, anyway. After a while, shame had kept her away. How stupid to turn away from the hugs and support that fed her strength.
Joey’s chest heaved and he sniffled. Her big, strong brother was crying. She’d done this to him. No way could she tell him what her pink folder contained. He’d been hurt enough and she wouldn’t do anything else to contribute to his pain.
Tears rolled down Rachel’s cheeks.
“Now you guys have me crying.” Brittany hugged them, crying and laughing, until they joined her.
Rachel eased from Joey’s embrace and swiped at her eyes. She’d cried more in the past few days than she had in the past year. But somehow, Joey and Brittany had turned her sad tears into happy ones. When she was around them, her feelings mattered, good or bad. Whether she was crying over everything she’d lost or laughing about something Joey and Sawyer had done.
She turned to Sawyer who stood, arms crossed, leaning against the kitchen doorframe. He smiled and nodded. His talk with Joey must have gone well. When Joey had arrived earlier, scowling, her chest had tightened. Had she caused a fight between the two best friends?
They sat on the couch, and Joey faced her, his eyes red. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. I really am. Shane’s gone from my life. For good. I promise.”
When he clenched his fists, her heart jumped. She had to stop flinching. Joey wouldn’t hurt her. Maybe she should call this Dr. James after all. Could she help Rachel stop reacting to simple gestures?
Joey relaxed his hands. “Sorry. When I think of what he did to you, I want to…”
“I should have left him a long time ago. I don’t know why I didn’t.” She still had to work through why she’d stayed and her feelings about her… family. The secret she’d found hidden in the attic explained exactly why she’d always been the outcast in the family. Her brothers meant well, but they had something she didn’t—two real parents.
“That’s over now. No more thinking about him. What I wanna talk to you about is the bar. Business’s been awesome. The expansion paid off. I could really use you. How ’bout coming in for a few shifts?”
Did he really need the help, or was he throwing her a bone? Oh well, she had to get her life back in order, and that included a job. She gestured to the purple marks that marred her arms. “Maybe in a couple of days.”
“Whenever you’re ready, just text me or Carla.”
“Oh, wait. I don’t have a car anymore.” Great, there went her chance at independence.
“You don’t need to worry about that.” Sawyer ambled into the room and sat in the chair across from Rachel instead of on the couch, his usual spot. Maybe the guys’ talk hadn’t gone well, after all. “I drive the cruiser all the time. My car is sitting there gathering dust and really should be driven. You can use it as long as you need to.”
“I can’t ask you to lend me your car—your pride and joy.” Not in a million years would she have predicted he’d toss her the keys to his Mercedes.
“You’re not asking, I’m offering. End of discussion.”
Joey laughed. “I guess that’s resolved. In all seriousness, though, are you sure you’re okay here?”
Joey meant well. He really did. After her history, she couldn’t blame Joey’s cautiousness. She spared Sawyer a quick smile before answering. “I really am. I promise.”
Joey pursed his lips.
Why was he staring at her?
He patted her knee. “As long as you’re sure.”
“I am.”
Brittany piped up from the recliner. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. There’s lasagna in the refrigerator. It just needs to be heated up.”
“Thanks. I’m sure Sawyer hadn’t planned for a houseguest. I haven’t even checked out the pantry.”
Sawyer placed his hand over his chest and gasped in a high pitch that didn’t match his deep tone. “I’m offended. What makes you think I can’t cook?”
Joey threw Sawyer a look that said Yeah, right.
“Okay, fine, I’ll admit I’m not a gourmet chef, but I’ve been living by myself for a while now. I can cook.”
“We’ll see.” Warmth coursed through Rachel as she laughed. She hadn’t thought this day would ever come, being able to laugh and cry with her friends and family. She’d lived everyday not knowing her own mood, just reacting to Shane’s up and down swings. But that was Shane’s issue, not hers. Nobody had the right to smother another person’s emotions.
It would take a lot of work, but she would rebuild her relationships with her brothers.
After a few more minutes of small talk, Joey and Brittany left. Rachel shut the door behind them and leaned against the cool wood. Mission accomplished. Her brother was satisfied. “Well, that went better than I expected.”
“What did you think would happen?” Sawyer asked as he ambled into the living room. This time he joined her on the couch.
“I don’t know. Everything’s been so mixed up for so long.” Should she tell Sawyer about her birth certificate and what she’d found out about Dad? Not yet. This had been her secret… her shame alone… for a long time. She could carry the burden for a little while longer. For now, she’d dig a bit deeper into her knight in shining armor. “What did Joey say to you outside?”
“Typical guy stuff. He threatened me, I patronized him. All in all, he was just a guy protecting his little sister.”
Damn that Joey. He might mean well, but she refused to escape one controlling relationship only to have her brothers step in and tell her what to do. No one was going to control her anymore. Even her brother. Especially her brother. “He doesn’t need to do that.”
“All evidence to the contrary.”
Why? She was a grown woman. Maybe she had needed protection from Shane, but Joey knew he could trust Sawyer. They’d been friends forever. But did Sawyer think she needed to be protected? From whom, him? She didn’t want to be that person, that woman. Not to Sawyer. She couldn’t bear the pity. She squared her shoulders and shoved out her chin. “Well, not anymore.”
Sawyer studied her so intensely that it was like he could see through her to the thoughts that bubbled just below the surface. She held his gaze as long as she could, but eventually the depth of his stare forced her to look away. “How about we put the lasagna in the oven and take Chloe for a walk?”
Upon hearing the magical W word, Chloe woke from a sound sleep in her dog bed in the corner, her barks filling the room.
“I guess she agrees,” Sawyer said.
Ch
apter Ten
RACHEL WASN’T SURE what possessed her to suggest going for a walk with Sawyer. Sure, she could use Chloe as an excuse, but that wasn’t all. Why, all of a sudden, was she nervous to be with him? Maybe because she’d woken up on the couch wrapped in his arms. She’d let his warmth surround her and soothe her.
At least with Chloe with them, they had something other than themselves to focus on.
Chloe jumped after blowing leaves and chased any poor squirrels brave enough to cross her path. Rachel focused her attention on the dog instead of the handsome man who had her heart beating a little faster.
“How was your talk with Brittany?”
“Really good.” Rachel stared at the ground as she put one foot in front of the other. Is this how it was going to be with Sawyer now—awkward? “So, Brittany told me how you introduced yourself when she first came to town.”
A smile lit his face, one that crinkled the corners of his eyes. Their meeting sounded a lot like the mischief she’d witnessed between Joey and Sawyer growing up, but not so much recently. “Oh, that. I was having a little bit of fun with Joey. I figured she was a fling, that he’d never see her again. Who’d have known?”
“Wish I’d have been there to see that.” Brittany’s story about Sawyer pulling Joey over showed Rachel another side of Sawyer. He was always so serious. He even had little creases form between his eyes when he was thinking too hard. At least he could joke around among friends. Maybe one day soon he’d be that way with her, too. “How much do you know about her past? About her childhood?”
Rachel wasn’t about to betray Brittany’s confidence, but if he knew about Brittany, Rachel could tell him about that day at J.J.’s. The first time Shane hit her, and the day Brittany showed Rachel the potential for a future away from the bastard.
Sawyer sighed. “Just a little bit from Joey. Her father abused her mother. Sometimes he’d hit Brittany and her sister.”
“When Brittany first came to town, do you remember the day I came into work?” The last time she’d been to J.J.’s. Despite the visible bruises, and with Shane’s screams following her out the door, she’d worked her shift. She’d hoped that spending a few hours around her friends and family, and earning a few dollars she could tuck away from Shane, would raise her spirits.
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