Her smile faltered and her shoulders stiffened.
“It’s about Shane… he’s out of jail.”
The color drained from her face. Her hands shook… hell, her entire body shook. “Wait, what?”
“I’m sorry, honey. He made bail.”
She leapt to her feet and her head snapped right then left. “Oh, God. He’s going to come after me. He’s going to come here.”
Sawyer laid his hand on her arm. He’d comforted victims before. It would be best for them both if he could treat her as another victim. But this was Rachel. And he’d do anything to protect her. “The sheriff served him with the PFA. He can’t come near my house, your parent’s house, or the bar.”
“What good will a piece of paper do?”
“I know it doesn’t seem like much, honey, but if he’s spotted anywhere near you, he forfeits his bail and goes back to jail until his trial.”
“Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.”
Rachel collapsed onto the couch, tears running down her cheeks. She pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around them much like she had that night he’d rescued her from the trailer. Quiet sobs filled the room.
His heart broke right in two, stabbing pain spearing his chest. He was afraid to comfort her… what if his touch triggered another bad memory? “It’ll be all right. I won’t let him get near you. Never again.”
She buried her face into him. He held her gently as her shaking grew and a wet patch formed on his shirt from her tears. Damn the risks… she needed him and he was going to be here for her. He swung her onto his lap, stroking her hair while her cheek rested on his chest. She cried for a long time, until eventually her sobs calmed to whimpers.
Joey opened the door to the office, his brows furrowed. Sawyer waved off his best friend. He would need all of her brothers’ support to keep her safe until Shane was convicted and put away. But right now, Sawyer had enough to worry about with Rachel crying on his lap.
Chapter Twelve
RACHEL’S KNEE BOUNCED, her muscles twitching as she counted off the seconds she’d been waiting. The gray walls of the doctor’s office were closing in on her. How was someone expected to deal with their feelings when this room was so drab? She flopped into the chair and immediately sprang up. Damn, the plastic was broken and cutting into her back. That figures.
This appointment was not a good idea. She could reschedule for tomorrow or next week. When she’d scheduled this session, Shane hadn’t made bail. She’d thought all she’d be dealing with was moving forward with her life and her confusing emotions about Sawyer. Now Shane was out and fear had again become her constant companion. At least when he was in jail, she knew where he was. Who’s to say he wouldn’t walk through that door right now? Nothing in her protection order kept him from seeing her in public, did it? Would the doctor and her staff know what to do about something like that? They probably did. A direct line to the sheriff’s department, maybe? She likely wasn’t the first person to utilize their services after a turbulent relationship.
Sawyer had rescued her that night in the trailer, and he’d rescued her again last night by holding her until she had no more tears to cry. Why was she always at her worst around him? When would he start to see her as more than a helpless woman he needed to rescue? While his kiss yesterday morning hadn’t smacked of pity, everything had changed. Shane’s release had destroyed most of the progress she’d made toward independence.
Sawyer’d asked to come to the appointment today. Sweet, yes, but more hand-holding wouldn’t help her stand on her own two feet. She had to conquer her fear of Shane, or at least learn to work around it. She didn’t want to be the woman Sawyer had to rescue. She would regain her independence, and this appointment was the first step.
“Rachel Bennett.”
She screwed on a smile she didn’t feel. “That’s me.”
“I’m Dr. James. So nice to meet you. Come on in.”
The doctor had a gentle smile and tender voice. Rachel’s nerves immediately calmed. The doctor entered the room first and was halfway across the room when Rachel reached the doorway. She came to a stop. Come on feet, move.
Rachel inched her way inside, giving herself a pep talk along the way. She couldn’t talk to this woman. She looked so… put together… with her hair slicked back into a neat bun while Rachel’s hung loose and unruly. Rachel tugged at her hoodie, smoothed her jeans, and shifted from side to side, her running shoes squeaking. As she stepped into the room, she was confronted by a million degrees hanging on the wall. This woman had probably never had a rough day in her life. There wasn’t a chance she could relate to what Shane had done to Rachel.
Dr. James used her perfectly-manicured hand to motion toward the couch. “It’s all right, Rachel. We’ll just sit and chat for a little.”
She’d already told her story at the sheriff’s department, but Brittany and Sawyer had been there. Dr. James would need to hear it as well. If only Rachel’d agreed to allow Sawyer to come with her.
Wait, she didn’t need Brittany or Sawyer to hold her hand. Shane had taken enough from her already. If only she could change the dialogue in her head that said she couldn’t do anything by herself. His days of ruling her life were done. Who cared if he’d go batshit crazy if he knew she was talking about their private life? He deserved to be outed as the scum he was.
Rachel perched on the edge of the couch. The minute this conversation headed toward a topic she wasn’t ready to discuss, she was outta here. After suppressing her emotions and feelings for so long, she deserved to walk away if she was uncomfortable.
“Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?”
Rachel picked at the cuticle on her pointer finger. What could she say? That she’d become a punching bag for her ex-boyfriend? Never felt like she belonged in her family and she’d found out why? That she was the unwanted child of an unknown biological father, the product of an extramarital affair? At least as far as she knew, because she couldn’t bring herself to ask her mother. “Well, um, I’m twenty-two. I have three older brothers…”
Dr. James crossed her legs. The warmth in her green eyes calmed Rachel’s shaking hands, but Rachel’s stomach remained tied in knots. She cleared her throat. “I work at J.J’s. It’s a bar in town…”
The doctor nodded and scribbled on her notepad, still not saying anything.
This was therapy? Shoot, Rachel could talk to herself at home for free. If the doctor didn’t want to respond, two could play this game. Rachel uncrossed her legs and crossed them the other way. She kicked her foot and smiled at the doctor, who still said nothing. How long was this session anyway? Rachel picked at her cuticle until a small drop of blood appeared. She pressed her thumb on the stinging spot. She crossed her legs the other way. Was that a hole in the sole of her shoe? Her beaten up Keds were nothing like the stylish stilettos the doctor wore.
Why would a woman like her care about Rachel’s troubles? She squeezed her eyes shut and slapped her hands over the blood rushing through her ears as Shane’s voice rang out. You worthless piece of trash. You’ll never amount to anything. You’re just a bastard. She wrapped her body into a ball. Shane couldn’t hurt her like this. His screaming was bad enough. If you wouldn’t piss me off so much, I wouldn’t have to hit you. Bitch!
A hand landed on Rachel’s shoulder and she jumped, then the room came back into focus. The doctor was sitting beside her on the couch.
“It’s okay, Rachel. Take a couple of deep breaths.”
She complied and the tightness in her chest relaxed.
“That’s really good. Now another one.”
Rachel sucked in more air and flexed her fingers. Cutting pain radiated from where her nails had dug into her palms.
“Good. Do you feel better now?”
A couple more breaths and Rachel’s heart stopped racing, but the pit in her stomach remained. “I don’t know what happened.”
“What were you thinking about, right before your mind started spinning?” The doctor s
ank back in the couch beside Rachel.
She wrung her hands. “I don’t exactly know. I didn’t want to talk, and you didn’t say anything. All of a sudden, Shane’s voice was in my head, screaming at me.”
“Tell me about Shane.”
“He hit me.” Admitting that wasn’t as hard as she’d thought it would be.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
Oh great, another person who felt sorry for her. That wasn’t why she’d come here. The doctor was supposed to make the memories and nightmares go away, not heap on the pity.
“It got really bad and I finally called 9-1-1. It was the most scared I’d ever been.”
The doctor nodded and allowed Rachel to continue the story. She wasn’t sure she’d get it all out if the doctor interrupted. She finally reached the end—the climax that had eventually led to her being in the doctor’s office.
“The police came and Shane grabbed me. But I got free and they dragged him off to jail. I thought I’d be safe then, but he got out on bail.” Her hands shook and she shoved them under her legs. “I don’t know where he is. Whether he’s watching me without me knowing.” Her voice quivered. The doctor’s warm, understanding gaze made it easy for her to open up.
“How did you meet him?”
Starting when she met Shane wouldn’t tell the entire story. So much had happened before then. Going back to after high school, when she’d found a copy of her birth certificate buried in a trunk in the attic. A different one than the piece of paper she’d had tucked in her desk. A paper that made her question everything about her life to that point.
From then on, she and her parents just hadn’t gotten along. They couldn’t say anything to her without her mentally questioning whether they were lying to her. Shortly after that, she’d moved out and shared an apartment with her best friend while taking classes at the community college and working for Joey. She was supposed to have had her whole life ahead of her, but the stupid birth certificate overshadowed everything.
And then she met Shane. “He was so nice at first. He listened to me. He complimented me and took me places. I liked the attention.”
“Had you not been getting attention before you met Shane?”
She wasn’t ready to go into the details of her relationship with her parents. Not yet, maybe not ever. “I guess. Last kid and the only girl. My parents didn’t have enough time for all of us, and I didn’t play football and basketball like my brothers. I tried, but they didn’t want their little sister tagging along. I was the odd man out.”
“Tell me about your brothers. How many do you have?”
Hadn’t she already told the doctor? And it wasn’t like the Bennetts were anonymous in Oak Grove. Well, she’d tell the woman again. “Three. Lucas is the oldest. He’s a paramedic.” She counted on her fingers as she introduced each of them. “Michael is next in line. He’s a lawyer and lives in Philly. Joey is two years older than me. He owns a bar and restaurant.”
Joey… her best friend. Well, he used to be, but their two-year age gap had turned into a big deal. Just enough time for Mom to… Not now, Rachel.
When they were growing up, Joey usually got stuck playing with her while Michael and Lucas ran off doing their own thing. Their father had built a fort for she and Joey, and the two of them had made the tree house their personal clubhouse. They’d posted No Trespassing and Private signs on the door. He even let her play boy games and didn’t call her a sissy if she wasn’t as good as him. He protected her, even as kids. When a mean girl picked on her in junior high, Joey set the bully straight. When the boys in high school teased her because she wouldn’t sleep with them, Joey stood right beside her.
“What put that smile on your face?”
“Joey. I was remembering how we played when we were kids. Our parents paired us up a lot because we were closest in age. He was always a good sport and never complained.”
“That sounds like a good memory. Tell me another one.”
She tried, but the next thing she remembered wasn’t quite so positive. She’d been digging through some old boxes in the attic, looking for some pictures for her high school graduation slide show. The pink envelope had been shoved at the bottom of a trunk, her name on the birth certificate tucked inside. But the document was not the one she’d been given when she got her driver’s license—just Rachel and her mother’s names were the same. When she found another man’s name in place of her father’s, she’d slumped on the floor, staring at the door, hoping no one would come up and see what she held in her hand.
Sweat ran down her face and pooled under her arms. Her pulse raced in her ears, much like it had a few minutes ago. That single piece of paper had turned her entire life upside down. She’d torn the box apart, looking for any other information to explain the document she found.
Then her father’s heavy footsteps—no, not her father, the man married to her mother—stomped down the hall. She’d shoved the envelope in the back of her pants and raced out of the attic before he’d caught her.
“I found something…” Rachel chewed her nail.
“What did you find?”
“A piece of paper that made me question everything.”
“Do you want to tell me what you found?”
She gnawed on another nail. If she confided in the doctor, then she’d have someone’s help to sort through all of her confusion. But if she didn’t, she could keep pretending she was really part of the Bennett family. She’d already lost so much… she couldn’t lose what was left of her family. Not yet. She shook her head.
“All right, although it sounds like what you found has really affected you. I’d like to talk about this a little more. Do you still have the document?”
“Yes.”
“How about you bring it for the next session? I’d like to see it. We don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready.”
“I’ll think about it.” And likely nothing else.
The doctor sat back. “Good enough. Our session’s about over for today. I’d like to meet a couple times a week right now. How does that sound?”
“Sure. Today was hard. Harder than I expected. But I want to get past this, get past Shane. I didn’t expect to… I guess I didn’t know what to expect.”
Dr. James chuckled and rose to her feet. “That’s usually the case at the beginning. I want you to think of me like you would a friend—someone here to listen to you and whatever you have to say, and maybe help steer you in a different direction so you find happiness. It’s there. We just need to help it come out.”
“Thanks, Dr. James.”
“You’re very welcome, Rachel. I’ll see you soon.”
Rachel darted out of the office and into the waiting room. The sun was shining through the windows opposite the chairs, and she smiled at the simple happiness of the daisies in little white vases on each of the side tables. She hadn’t noticed them earlier.
Rachel hadn’t expected Dr. James to help. They’d barely even talked about Shane, except for Rachel to explain how she got here. But still, the heaviness of her heart was lighter than when she’d woken up this morning. Maybe she had been wrong about counseling.
As she stepped out the door onto the sidewalk, she dug in her purse for sunglasses.
“How was it?”
She startled and her hand flew to her chest.
Sawyer rose from the bench and eased toward her. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Her heart rate finally slowed… a little. He’d startled her, yes, but now her heart raced because of the drool-worthy T-shirt stretched across his chest. She wasn’t surprised to find him here. Of course he hadn’t gone to the station like she’d encouraged him to do when he dropped her off. “ I suspected you’d be out here.”
“You think you know me so well, huh?”
She laughed. You couldn’t help but be happy around Sawyer. There wasn’t much laughing when she’d lived with Shane. But laughter wasn’t the only thing missing in th
at relationship. She’d tiptoed around him, afraid to make him angry. When he was happy, she was happy. When he was pissed off, so was she. It was the only way to survive the days.
With Sawyer, she could be the authentic person she’d buried for so long. And each day that passed, she was starting to like the woman she was becoming. “Yeah, I do.”
He slung his arm over her shoulder. She rarely flinched anymore when he brushed against her or touched her. And Sawyer had smiled more in the past few days than he probably had in a while. The few times she’d seen him in the past few months, he sported a perpetual scowl. She hoped some of his turn around was because of her. She owed him so much for his kindness and support, for giving her a place to stay when she had nowhere to go. At least she was reciprocating if she helped him smile more. The thought had her heart racing again.
“How about a little treat to celebrate your first session?”
“Mug ’n Muffin?”
His smile stretched wide. “Absolutely.”
They walked the short distance to the bakery and coffee shop, not nearly far enough away to give her enough time to temper her racing heart. Due in large part to the handsome man at her side. Sawyer could be hard to read. Yeah, he smiled at her, laughed with her. But other times, his sheriff face was firmly in place and he revealed nothing.
The ups and downs were difficult to track. The reality was that she’d gone from one emotionally-charged situation straight to another without taking time for herself. Maybe Sawyer was right… maybe she’d be better off at a shelter, or a hotel, or an apartment of her own, so she could reinvent her life without worrying about her crush on Sawyer.
When they reached the bakery, four or five people stood in front of the counter, waiting to give their order to the gray-haired woman rushing around behind the glass. In front of the coffee bar, more people talked and laughed, their smiles wide.
If she got to bask in the delicious scent of fruit, cinnamon, and coffee every day, she’d be happy, too. Even the simple things, like having a cup of coffee and a cupcake with a friend, had gone by the wayside. Shane hadn’t wanted her to have friends, so she didn’t.
One Last Chance Page 11
