I pulled up in front of the store and parked. I decided to smoke a cigarette before going in to calm my nerves. After the scene that had played out at my mother’s apartment, I didn’t need a repeat from here. I took a couple of puffs before exiting the car and making my way through the store. I greeted everyone on my way to the back to head upstairs. Entering the office, Dyna was sitting at her desk talking with a potential employee. I took a seat on the sofa and waited for her to get done with her interview.
I was becoming impatient as she sat there laughing and giggling. I was becoming angrier with each second as I thought about what Meeka had said to me. I was once the chick sitting there, and now I was where Meeka once was. It was once me sitting there laughing and joking, not sure of what I was getting into while Meeka was sitting there angry that I had even stepped foot in the building. I wanted to interrupt, but I knew that she would flip out. I stared at her while she tried to look away from my direction, avoiding eye contact.
Once she was finished, she gave the woman a hug and walked her to the door. It was less than a second after the door shut that I began to speak.
“What the hell was that about?” I asked, placing my hand on my hip.
“What are you talking about, Sugar? That was someone that might work for me in the future.”
“Oh, really? What was all of the laughing and shit about? I guess you planning on getting some from her too, huh?” I said, angrily.
“What the fuck is your problem? I guess things didn’t go too well at your mom’s since you are coming in here tripping for nothing.”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with it!” I yelled.
“Well then what’s your problem?” she asked, sitting back in her office chair.
“You know, I asked you to talk to Meeka, and I assume that you didn’t because she continues to call and harass me. I’m tired of that shit, Dyna. You need to do something about that.”
“I told you that I would take care of her.”
“Well do it then!” I yelled before walking to the door.
“Where are you going?” she asked.
“Home! I’ll talk to you later,” I said, opening the door.
“Sugar!” she yelled as I left the office and made my way down the stairs.
I was angry, not only at Dyna, but at myself. I had let what Meeka said take me out of my square. I had been doing a pretty good job of dealing with Meeka’s comments in the past but after today I knew that I could no longer sit back and take her comments lying down. My cellular phone was ringing as I opened the car door, and I wasn’t surprised that it was Dyna. I decided not to answer it. There was nothing left to say at the moment, and I didn’t want things to get any worse that they already had.
Driving home, I was still thinking about everything that my mother had said and it sunk in. Maybe I wasn’t going to do anything with my life, and maybe I was never going to go to college after all. I was making so much money now that I knew I would make it without college. I did know that I would never turn out like her. I would never turn to drugs to wash my problems away. Once I reached the house, I quickly went to take a shower with the hope that I could get to bed and go to sleep before Dyna came home. Unfortunately, I wasn’t that lucky. She was sitting in the bedroom waiting for me to get out.
Entering the room, I noticed the candles lit and smelled the aroma of lilac flowers. I ignored her attempt to rekindle as I dried off and put on my pajamas. Every time we had an argument Dyna would always buy me a gift or try to console me with romance, which would then be followed by make-up sex. Though we didn’t really argue that much, I had her routine down to a science. Tonight I was in no mood for sex or romance in any way, shape or form.
“Sugar, I’m sorry about today. I promise that I’ll talk to Meeka,” she said, moving closer to me.
“It’s not going to work tonight Dyna. I’ve had a really long day, and I just want to go to sleep.”
“That’s cool, I just want you to know that I love you and I’m not going to let anyone come between us. Do you love me, Sugar?”
“Good-night Dyna,” I said before climbing into bed. “And yes, I love you too.”
I turned over to get comfortable in bed. The truth was that I did love her, even when I was upset. I laid down that night with the hopes that tomorrow would be a better day. It wasn’t long before Dyna slid in to bed next to me and wrapped her arms around me. She kissed me on my shoulder and whispered, “I love you,” in my ear once more before I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 6
From Bad to Worse . . .
Things between Dyna and me began to shape up in the three months following our last argument about Meeka. I hadn’t been receiving any more phone calls, which was a big relief. Our time together was getting back to normal, and we were enjoying each other even more than before.
Working was beginning to bore me, but I knew I needed to save my money to secure my future. I was tired of being groped by men I wouldn’t be caught dead talking to on a non-working day. The fake lines that they would come up with were comical. I would laugh hysterically every night, thinking about the things they would say. Dyna, on the other hand, didn’t find it funny. She was always jealous when a man would even look my way. She always thought I would cheat and leave her alone since I had been with men in the past. Even though the feelings I got from men were much different than the feelings I got from Dyna, I didn’t have the desire to be with a man. I didn’t feel I was ready to be hurt the way that men hurt women. I could never deal with being hurt the way JT hurt me ever again.
I had just left the last bar of the night, and I was exhausted. I went to at least ten bars passing out flyers, and my feet were killing me. I pulled into the gas station after noticing that my gas light was flashing. It was late and the gas station was empty. I used my credit card instead of going inside since my feet wouldn’t allow me to walk that far.
A black car pulled in on the opposite site of where I was parked. I glanced at it but turned back around to continue pumping my gas. About five seconds after I heard the cars door open, I was hit on the back of the head with a hard object.
“Help! Help!” I screamed as I stumbled a little while, placing my hand over the spot that was now gushing blood.
I continued calling for help when I noticed that it was Meeka who had hit me from behind. She continued to hit me with what I now noticed was the handle of a gun. I screamed in agony and balled up in the fetal position on the ground as she hit and kicked me. Soon everything went black from all of the pain. I woke up when the paramedic continued to call my name. I could smell the gas that she had obviously poured all over me. My face was throbbing, and my body was numb. The paramedic asked me if there was anyone that he could call, and I gave him Dyna’s phone number. Once I reached the ER, the police were there to question me. I was so angry, but I didn’t tell them that it was Meeka that did this to me. I knew it would only make things worse. I cried once they left because I could have never imagined that it would go that far. I looked at myself in the mirror on the bedside table and was stunned. My eyes were almost swollen shut, my lips were swollen, and my hair was a wreck. Dyna came in shortly after I was taken to the hospital room where I would be staying in for the next few days.
“Baby, what happened? Who would hurt you like this?” she asked, running over to me and sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“Your crazy-ass ex, that’s what’s happened,” I slowly spoke in anger. Though it was hard for me to speak with my face swollen, I had to let her know how angry I was.
“How do you know that?”
“Because I saw her! How the hell do you think?” I continued to struggle to talk.
“I can’t believe that she would do this to you when she knows how I feel about you,” she said, placing her hand on top of mine.
Snatching my hand away, I yelled, “Do you think she gives a fuck about that? That bitch tried to kill me! All she cares about is you. I thought you took care of her,�
� I said as tears began to well up in my eyes.
“I thought I did, Sugar. Honestly, you can’t believe that I could have predicted this.”
“You were with her for over two years. You should have known how crazy she was.”
“You can’t blame me for this, Sugar. I wouldn’t wish anything like this on my worst enemy. It’s not my fault that she did this to you.”
“Yes it is your fault! You forced me to be with you knowing that she was a crazy, jealous bitch, and now I’m in here after almost being beaten to death all because you can’t control her!”
“She has a mind of her own. I can’t control her!”
“Bullshit! You can control her, you controlled her while you were with her. The same way you controlled me.”
“That’s not true.”
“You know, I really don’t want to have this conversation with you right now. I’m in a lot of pain and I need to get some rest. Is that OK with you? Or is that another thing that you can’t do?” I said sarcastically.
“I’m going to let that slide because you’re upset right now, and I’m going to leave. You call me when you do want to talk!” she said before getting up to leave the room.
I didn’t say anything as she left. I knew that now was the time to distance myself from Dyna since things were getting out of hand. I could no longer deal with this saga that was playing out. I was afraid for my safety, and Meeka definitely wasn’t the type to back down. I felt that by not pressing charges on Meeka for the beating and distancing myself from Dyna, Meeka would eventually leave me the hell alone, especially if she thought Dyna and I weren’t tight anymore and she could get back in. I didn’t ask for any of this, and that’s why it hurt so bad. If I had voluntarily gotten myself into this, I would have dealt with it. I felt that I was being betrayed again—the same as I felt with JT. Here I was in love with this chick for whatever reasons, and she couldn’t even ensure my safety.
When you enter into a relationship, you want to feel safe and secure, and I felt neither. I felt like she cared about Meeka more than me, and at that point in my life, I wished that she would just get back with her so I could move on. I knew Dyna would never let me go without a fight, and I was in no shape for that. I needed to heal, and I worked on myself for the next three weeks as all of my wounds closed one by one.
I had already decided that I was going to limit the amount of time that I worked. That would give me more free time to myself away from Dyna. The way I figured it, if I hung out without her a lot she would become fed up and eventually move on. I continued, but I didn’t hit the streets as much. I had to practically beg Dyna to limit my outings since I still wasn’t positive what Meeka’s plans were. Either way, I didn’t want to be caught out in the streets alone again for a round two of what happened before. Though I felt better about not having to hit the bars as much, I was bored. I didn’t want to spend my time with Dyna, so I would find anything to do to avoid being around her. Soon, she was realizing that I was purposely staying away from her, and she wasted no time confronting me about it.
I had just come to the office to try and help with the online clients. I was exhausted; for some reason, I tossed and turned all night the night before.
“We need to talk before you start working,” Dyna said as I headed toward the desk.
“Talk about what?” I asked, annoyed. Some days even the sound of her voice made my skin crawl.
“About how you keep avoiding me. What’s your problem?”
“There is no problem. I’m just trying to work without aggravation.”
“Aggravation? So you’re saying I’m getting on your nerves or something?”
“I didn’t say that, Dyna!”
“You might as well have! You know I do too much for you to have to kiss your ass. You should be thanking me every day for helping you stay away from your fucked up family!”
“Dyna, I’m not in the mood to argue with you today, or any other day for that matter. I just want to work, and if you won’t allow me to do that in peace, then I’ll go back home!” I was tired of arguing with her when things didn’t go her way. I wanted things to go my way for a change.
“Fine, then leave!” she yelled back.
I turned around and headed toward the door. I believed in my heart that our relationship was over. There wasn’t anything left to fight for. She obviously didn’t care too much for me. I was just a trophy to her. The little ghetto girl that she’d made all better. Well, I wasn’t better, and the only way that I would be better was to get far away from her.
After leaving the office I decided to head down to the community college to get a catalog. I really didn’t have an idea of what I wanted to take in school, but I figured with some of my free time I could browse through the book and see what jumped out at me. The lobby of the college wasn’t too crowded, so I was able to quickly make my way through to the display that held the catalogs. I picked up an application as well to hold onto until I was really ready to start school.
That evening, I stayed in and began flipping through the catalog. Dyna came home and noticed what I was looking at. Instead of responding, she gave me a killer look and walked past me without saying a word. I was surprised that she didn’t try to discourage me or break me down, especially since she was pissed that I had been ignoring her. School would definitely take me away from her and I was sure she wouldn’t like it. She would feel just as she would feel if it was a person taking me away.
Two months after the beating incident I went out clubbing on a Saturday night with Jenna. We hadn’t really hung out as much since Dyna and I became a couple. I had to practically drag Jenna along because her fear of being fired almost took over her need to have fun. We agreed on a club, and after getting dressed I left the house without giving Dyna any information about where my destination was.
Once we passed the long line and made our way into the crowded club, we headed straight to the bar for the buzz we needed to set the party off. My drink of choice was Hennessy and Coke while Jenna settled for an apple martini. I had consumed so much liquor since I’d been working for Dyna that fruity drinks did nothing for my alcohol appetite. After taking two drinks to the head, I decided to go dance. I stepped onto the dance floor and began to dance sensuously all alone until Jenna joined me. We danced while everyone around us pointed and stared. I didn’t care what people thought. I was enjoying myself.
Jenna and I danced with each other three songs straight until I decided to take a bathroom break. On my way out of the bathroom someone tapped me on my shoulder.
“So, it is you that got everyone in here in an uproar? I knew it had to be you,” Mya said, smiling.
“What’s up? How are you?”
“I’m cool. I’m glad to see that you are OK. I heard about what happened to you. I didn’t know how to get in touch with you to see how you were.”
“Yeah, I’m cool now. Just trying to work to save this money for college.”
“You still want to go to college?”
“Yeah, I do. So, what are you doing at the club pregnant?”
“Marlo was tripping, and I didn’t have anything else to do, so I decided to hang out. I’m surprised to see you here. I didn’t think you came around these parts anymore.”
“I haven’t forgotten about where I came from, trust me. It’s not enough money in the world for that.”
“So, who’s the chick you were all up on out there? Your new girlfriend?”
“Naw, that’s just my friend. I’m still with Dyna, even though I don’t really want to be.”
“Well that’s kind of how my situation is. But I really want us to keep in touch so we can catch up. I miss you.”
“Yeah, I miss you too. I’ll call you and make sure we hang out soon. You take care of yourself and that baby. You definitely need to stay out of these clubs!”
“Ok, I will. You take care of yourself too,” she said before hugging me and walking toward the exit of the club.
I made my way thr
ough the crowd and found Jenna. We danced a little more before leaving the club. I decided to crash at Jenna’s place since I was too drunk to drive home. Plus I was in no condition to argue with Dyna about where I had been. Jenna lived in a two-bedroom apartment in South Philly. It was the first time I had actually been inside her apartment. I had dropped her off a few times, but I never got out of the car. I dropped down into the first chair by the door.
“That liquor really messed you up?” Jenna asked with a giggle.
“Plus the fact that I haven’t been sleeping that much lately. Wondering when that crazy chick will come in and try something else,” I said, failing at my attempt to take off my shoes.
“Here, let me help you,” Jenna said, assisting me.
“Thanks.”
“You know, it’s a shame the way that Dyna reacted to that whole situation. I would have thought it would have really made her put her foot down with Meeka. I thought that she really cared about you.”
“Yeah, I did too.”
“Well, you can always crash here when you don’t want to go home,” she said, placing her hand on my thigh.
Before then I had never looked at Jenna the way that I did at that moment. Maybe it was the effects of the alcohol or the disarray my relationship with Dyna was in. It was hard to understand the feelings, but I couldn’t resist them. I leaned in to kiss her, and our tongues met instantly and massaged the other. She used my thigh as a guide to find my kitty, which was throbbing with excitement. She moved my panties to the side and touched my clit with her fingers. I could have exploded instantly, but I held my composure as I enjoyed the French kiss. She moved from my clit to my tunnel and stuck her fingers inside until she found my G-spot. She continued the motion, causing me to orgasm within minutes. I was paralyzed as she removed her skirt and panties. I rubbed on my breasts as she climbed onto the chair with her wetness over my face. I stuck out my tongue and waited for her to sit. I moved my tongue back and forth as she continued in a grinding motion until she came all over my face. The taste was wonderful, and it was one that I would remember. I figured I would probably feel guilty for what just happened once I sobered up, but for now I was content. It wasn’t hard for me to fall asleep because I was exhausted, and the feeling of Jenna’s warm body next to mine made me feel secure. Security was something Dyna wasn’t able to offer me, and I knew it wouldn’t be long before our relationship ended for good. Things had gone from bad to worse, and all I could do was hope that she would let me go without any drama.
Sugar Walls Page 7
