by Bee Rowlatt
After many more long minutes of kids running shouting upstairs and trying to hide, the parents finally took them all home. Suddenly they all were gone. I collapsed on the sofa with a glass of wine. In the silence my ears seemed to be ringing. I was all sweaty and bright red and my chest was tight. I imagined the parents going home and saying, ‘Jesus, I’m not sending my child to that house again!’ The phone rang and it was Justin. I tried to tell him what had just happened but I was still half laughing and half having a heart attack.
That’s all for now, May. Do write as soon as you can – I feel very unhappy about that passport man.
All my love as always…
Bee XXX
20.01.07
Your voice
May! It was magic to hear your voice on the phone yesterday. That’s the first time we’ve spoken since I called you that first morning to try to arrange an interview, must be two years ago now.
Small yucky story. I took the girls to ballet on Friday and as Zola was standing in the queue to go in, I spotted a small brown thing running in her hair – it was a louse! Poor Zola, I’d heard about nits at school and a few of her friends have had them, but once I started combing her hair with a special comb, loads of them came out. I was squashing them! It made me itch all over. So now I have to comb her constantly, and annihilate them with sheer persistence. It reminded me of when I was little; we all got them at school and I thought it was so exciting, I loved being combed by my mum for ages.
Anyway, some quick news. A friend sent me details of a campaigning charity that is trying to rescue Iraqi academics called CARA, and I spoke to a man there called Professor John Akker. May, I really think they may be able to help – they have fellowship schemes designed to help people in your position. Perhaps there is a way of getting you out legally. Of course you mustn’t get your hopes up, but he says he’s going to find out more on your behalf. He also said that most Iraqi academics are going to Syria or Jordan. You might need to prove why that isn’t an option for you. He asked for a CV from you. Can you send one to me, and I’ll send him it.
I’m going to call him again when we have all that in place.
All my love
B XXX
PS Mobile phones are a miracle! I have to resist the temptation to text you every time I think of you.
20.01.07
CARA
Dearest Bee
I couldn’t believe that I was actually talking to you in person. I can’t describe how happy I was last night. I couldn’t sleep for a while and sat thinking about you. You actually heard Ali’s voice and I heard Justin’s. Ali says that you probably thought that I was cold – but no, dearest friend, I work and talk in slow motion. I am so happy we have phone contact now; it was so nice sending you a text message and knowing right away where you were and what you were doing.
Sorry I couldn’t write before, but besides lack of electricity, we had an awful day yesterday. Ali was in a very depressed mood. Would you believe it? He was in tears. Life has become so difficult and he feels so helpless. In the old days we wouldn’t have needed to find someone to get the passports, Ali would have just done it by phone. Anyway, all is well now. The man turned out to be greedy, but not militia, and asked for more money. My bargaining gift failed and I will have to give him extra. Beggars can’t be choosers. We need his talents! Oh, how I’d love to give him some dictation. I’m sure he’d fail a spelling test.
Bee, do you think that this campaign for Iraqi academics can really do anything to help? Did you receive my CV? I typed it yesterday for you.
By the way, how much does a modest family need per week to be able to survive in England? You know, Bee, if I ever go to another country, or if things calm down here, I would love you all to visit me and I think we would have a great time. I wish Iraq was peaceful. I would have taken you to see all the historical ruins and antiquities of the ancient civilizations and I’m positive you would have a superb time. Maybe we can do it sometime in the near future. Oh, I am being over-optimistic probably – but who knows?
Love
May xxx
20.01.07
Me again
Oh Bee, I was so excited about the asylum news I forgot to tell you the lice business reminded me of when I was young. My mother sat me on the terrace and kept combing and combing my hair. She never said it was lice to me; she said it was dandruff. I don’t know why she did that, because when my sister got them she told her quite openly.
Did I tell you that up until yesterday the house was filled with garbage bags? We didn’t know what to do with them because the dustman still fears coming to our area, and the whole neighbourhood is floating with rubbish. I didn’t want to just throw them outside because of the stray cats. Then the solution came to us when we saw an empty piece of land where rubbish had already accumulated, and so we went home and brought the black bags and threw them on top of the rest.
I’ll be going to work tomorrow (I hope). I miss work and seeing people.
Time to go. I love you, Bee.
May XXX
23.01.07
… the kitchen is mine again!
Dearest May
I hope Ali feels better today. He was wrong to say you sounded cold on the phone – and he must know better than anyone, because he fell in love with you on the phone! And I can imagine why; your voice is so rich. I notice voices because I work in radio.
Yesterday was funny. The camera crew arrived early for some more filming. The place was suddenly overrun with people shouting into their phones and leaving half-drunk cups of tea everywhere. Early on a huge crane turned up for some aerial shots of the house; it was a caged-in platform that lifted up into the air, going nearly 50 metres up. (A huge effort to go to, just to get fancy external shots of our not-very-interesting house, but never mind.) Justin and I got a go on it before they started filming. It was so high that we were above the birds, and looking way down on all the roofs and tiny gardens far below. The surrounding streets and houses made a sort of quilt-like pattern. As everything got smaller and smaller below I felt a strange affection for it, like I was looking down on a toy land.
I should have told you, I did receive your CV and I’ve sent it to Professor Akker at CARA. He put me in touch with a key person there called Kate Robertson, and I spoke to her about you. She is the one who works on the fellowship scheme and she has your CV now, so let’s see what she says.
Bye for now, dearest May. I hope the sun shines on you today!
All my love
Bee XXXX
23.01.07
Hi, dearest
Ali is much better now. Thank you. And there may be some good news for us – they say the Americans will come to our area. I think this will make it a bit safer, because the militias will no longer be able to come and carry out any violence.
There were a lot of explosions today, but my route to work was empty and I managed to get there in 15 minutes, which is great, and I drove there on my own. You know, Bee, that’s important to me. It made me feel strong and capable. And I enjoyed buying things, which I haven’t done for ages, at the small college shop. It sells shampoo, make-up, perfume and even a few clothes. I went there after my lecture and bought myself some make-up and shampoo. It felt like luxury.
These emails about my voice make me think. Ali complains that I do not scream. Our talk on the phone reminded him of our first talk after the war was over. Although I was so happy to hear his voice – as I was when I heard yours – in both cases I failed to scream. I tried telling him about the extraction of my thyroid gland, which prevents screaming, but he doesn’t understand this impairment. Anyway, you both know that I love you and so that’s that.
We have one week to go before the mid-term holidays and I’m not sure if I’ll go in next Monday, because I’ve finished The Scarlet Letter and will start Hard Times next semester. Time to go and make some dinner for my chubby baby.
I’ll try to write tomorrow. Love you so much.
May XXXX
EXCITEMENT!
Dearest May!
It is about to go totally mad with work, May. They’ve asked me to make my own short film about ethical investment as part of Justin’s Ethical Man project. It’ll be full-time over the next couple of weeks. I’m at work now in the huge buzzing office and it’s just so exciting to be back and full of ideas. I feel so fabulous in smart clothes and heels, instead of the usual mum clothes.
I’m so excited that I found it hard to sleep last night and THEN in the middle of the night Zola was sick three times, her bed was in a total mess, there was even sick on the wall. Meanwhile poor Eva developed a very high temperature and rattling cough. And Elsa had a sticky infected eye. So this morning I got up to total mayhem and the inevitable guilt of leaving all my ill children in the care of someone else (luckily our au pair Martina is really kind, but even so it’s a bad feeling). I cleared up and rushed out of the house, totally stressed and with that sour smell still haunting me.
But I must confess that it’s rather a pleasure to be away from it all and in a different environment. I can’t write any more today. I’ll write more if I get a moment tomorrow.
Lots of love and hugs always
B XX
31.01.07
Busy Bee
My lovely and wonderful (Busy) Bee. I’m so happy that you are back to work. Life always smiles upon people who work. As for the children, there will be plenty of time to care and play and love them after work and, believe me, being away from them for some time during the day will make you and the children more loving to each other.
Life here is still the same. No activities, no outings, no students because of the mid-term holidays. As for our chances of leaving Iraq, relations with other Arab countries are deteriorating and Iraqis are no longer accepted in Egypt unless they go as investors with large amounts of capital (at least $50,000), which is crazy. Bee, do you know how much I’ve missed your emails over the last few days? I realize that you are a vital member of my family and my life. Ali and I always talk about you and wonder what you are doing at this time of day, or how you are getting on with your work etc. Always remember that I love you my (now very busy) Bee and wish you all the success in your life.
May XXX
PS The violence is worse and we had another four university teachers killed during the week. I wish that all this would stop, one way or another.
09.02.07
Bright Friday morning
Good morning, dear peach!
Sorry it’s been a while. It’s been so hectic. But I have found out some more from Kate at CARA. They try to find placements for Iraqi academics at universities here in the UK. She says she’s looking into it but it will take time, if they can do it at all.
With it still getting more dangerous all the time maybe we should keep trying all options, including the tourist visa route?
This morning with Elsa in my bed I found that her first ever little tooth is just starting to come through! You can feel it with your finger, and only just see it. Little thing, being ill has made her quite skinny and she isn’t as sunny as usual. I feel bad about having left her all this time, but then I’ll be back to normal next week.
Have to dash now – we are going to start editing.
All my love. Hope you are well today; how are you?
Bee XX
12.02.07
Hi, lovely friend
Dearest Bee
I know you must be worried, but I have no credit in my mobile to answer right away. I don’t feel well and am very, very depressed. Even the internet connection is so bad (it takes an hour just to send an email).
I love you.
May XXX
12.02.07
RE: Hi, lovely friend
Oh, thank God you are there, May. I was beginning to wonder what had happened to you; the images from Baghdad over the weekend are horrific. It worries me that you feel so down. Is there anything I can do?
Back home it has turned to chaos while I’ve been away at work. Elsa was ill and then cut her first new tooth on Friday. Eva was very ill too, but she’s better now. Then yesterday Zola got chicken pox. I keep telling her not to scratch. I’m sure Elsa and Eva will catch it too. But at least after today I won’t be working, and we’re all going up to my mum’s soon. Haven’t seen her for ages.
Got to go.
Love to you
B XX
13.02.07
Get well, my poor girls
LOVELY FRIEND
FIRST THINGS FIRST: HOW ARE THE POOR LOVELY GIRLS? Oh, you can’t imagine how I would like to be bitten by Elsa’s tooth! I keep remembering it now and then. Your girls, and of course you on top of all, are like the light at the end of a dark tunnel. You represent all the nice things I escape to, away from the bloody massacre surrounding me. And how is your mum?
Bee, yesterday was a close shave. Ali almost got killed by a sniper. Oh Bee, I couldn’t hold myself together; I was in tears checking every part of him. I am terrified and now I want to get out no matter what. I am serious – to hell with the house and furniture and all the earthly rubbish we kid ourselves is important. As soon as the passports are ready we will be leaving. We cannot wait any longer. I can’t describe how disturbed I am with what is going on. I am on antidepressants, but nothing seems to do the job.
Write to me.
Love
May XX
04.03.07
Sorry, it’s been AGES
My dear friend, are you OK? I have been so worried about you and I hope things are getting better. We’ve finally got through a half-term holiday of illness and the trip to Yorkshire and all.
I just had an email from Andy too. Have you heard from him lately? He was very interested in your story when I met him the other evening. He asked a lot about you and said it was sad that he couldn’t meet you because of the danger that would bring to you.
You asked about my mum. I think she was a bit tired and stressed in general, but also there may have been a bit of… mmm, how can I put it? Not being impressed by all the attention I got during filming. She isn’t the sort of person to give lots of praise, and maybe she thought I’d get big-headed about it. And it’s about to get worse – tomorrow there is a Panorama documentary about us on prime-time TV; it’s in the papers etc. I don’t tell her when we’re on the radio or TV any more. After this month it all calms down again and things will be back to normal.
OK, May, I have to get Elsa’s dinner ready now as she’s quite impatient about food these days.
Lots of love to you and Ali always
Bee XXX
05.03.07
Love you always
Dearest friend
Getting our passports fixed has been an awful task and I don’t trust the militiaman who is helping us at all. Suddenly he asked me to arrange another cheque to pay another fee and was very tense about the Americans finding out. We agreed to meet on a main road near our district at 11 a.m. (I couldn’t take Ali with me because it was too risky for him.) At 10.45 I received a call from him and he said, ‘Hurry, you have to come now,’ but I got held up in a traffic jam because the Americans were searching the area – this is what really scared him. Finally I reached him and gave him the papers. He asked for an extra $200, but I said I wouldn’t pay him until I was satisfied with the passports. I was so nervous I thought I might collapse. Now I have to wait for 10 days for them to be ready.
I went to college this morning and the situation seemed OK but there were dozens of checkpoints on the way, which made the traffic rather slow. I heard several explosions while teaching but I acted as if I had heard nothing. The students murmured each time that it was an explosion but I did not pay attention. As for their mobiles, I ordered (yes, I did) that they be turned off before entering my class. And so I managed to give a proper lecture.
You know, your mother seems a bit like mine, and your Elsa is just like Ali (hahaha). Your kindness always reminds me of a Shakespeare verse (I think), whi
ch says:
She that is thy friend indeed,
She will help thee in thy need:
If thou sorrow, she will weep;
If thou wake she cannot sleep…
You really are a true and honourable person, Bee. I love you so much.
Love to the girls, Justin and all the people who are nice like you
May XXX
06.03.07
Well done, May!
MAY, well done! How tough you were, even if you didn’t feel it. But I don’t understand (is this really stupid?), how come a militiaman is in a position to get you a passport? I thought that the militias were engaged in street warfare, not trying to squeeze money out of civilians.
It’s lovely today. The spring is coming; I have washing hanging out to dry, a sight I really love. (I know it’s a somewhat domestic pleasure but it’s a job that pleases me – I think the smell of clean clothes on the line reminds me of my mum.)
All my love as always, and STAY STRONG.
Bee XX
06.03.07
Oh Bee, it was a close shave
Dearest friend Bee
Today was the worst of all. In the morning Ali and I had a terrible row. He didn’t want me to go to work but I insisted that I must go because I had appointments with students whom I supervise. I drove out of the district and found, to my horror, that the security measures were on high alert. They stopped me several times and asked for my documents, whether the car was mine or not, and I had to keep presenting my ID.
