by Bee Rowlatt
As for your thoughts on Eva and Zola being jealous of Elsa and stealing in an attempt to get more attention, it’s possible. I do appreciate your comments, as you’re able to see it from afar whereas I’m up close and can lose perspective. I worry about them not getting enough individual attention; it’s one of the hardest things to sort out. Eva was just 15 months old when Zola arrived and I guess she doesn’t remember anything else. But Zola remembers being the baby of the family, and she used to love it. She never much wanted to do ‘big girl’ things like use the potty or learn to walk. She was just happy being a baby.
I spoke to them yesterday and they sounded so happy. My mum had taken them pony riding and they were about to eat pancakes.
Have to go now. Write soon!
Hugs
Bee XXX
15.04.08
I thought Elsa’s poo was all I’d get!
Hi, Bee
Do you know what happened when I tried to open my email? It was so funny that I have to tell you. I had only 45 minutes left of the local generator’s electricity and I just felt there was an email from you, so I thought I would use the time. I got to Yahoo and did everything. The new Yahoo shows your inbox and the titles of the new emails. I tried to open it and got ‘Bee Rowlatt’ then ‘Elsa’s poo!’ and the time. I pressed the one that showed the email but the page expired, so I tried again and again – about 10 times. Every time Elsa’s poo just stuck there. At last I burst out laughing, saying to myself, ‘That is all I will get tonight: Elsa’s poo.’
The page finally opened and… ah, how sweet of you to let me share in Elsa’s growing-up process. I know the subject isn’t a noble one, as you say, but it is reality and part of nature. I remember one of my very close friends (we’ve lost contact now) had a baby boy back in the 1980s and she used to call and describe his poo in detail and I used to listen, though not with much interest. It was part of our friendship to share events, even the ‘smelly ones’.
You know, I was watching Sense and Sensibility when I got the feeling that there was an email from you. I’m glad I got up and opened it and found your email there. At least I have hope, while others here don’t. So I guess I am luckier than many.
May XXX
16.04.08
Thoughts on government
MAY! That’s got to be the maddest thing that happened in all the madness of Baghdad yesterday: a distinguished Iraqi academic and chief editor clicking away for 10 minutes on an email entitled ‘Elsa’s poo!’.
It’s been really cold outside again and so I made some cakes today, filled the house with baking smells and ate a load. Tonight we’re going out for a curry. Honestly, May, I really eat like a heifer (sadly don’t have two stomachs) and if I didn’t do so much exercise I’d be a right blob. I know you can’t do any exercise in your current circumstances, but when you’re here maybe you should. It works as well as, if not better than, antidepressants apparently.
As I was walking back from the gym I started thinking about you saying how we in the West don’t understand what it’s like for people who live under a dictatorship. You are right. I can’t understand it, and I don’t want to make you angry, but isn’t there any way Iraqis could have got rid of the dictatorship themselves? Would Saddam have been there for ever? I know that after the Gulf War there was an uprising of the Kurds that was crushed, but didn’t anyone else try to join in? Don’t all dictatorships crumble in the end? Aren’t people at large responsible for taking their fate into their own hands? Can Islamic countries be democratic?
Anyway, if you get time (and electricity, of course) do please answer me about democracy.
Loads of love and hugs to you, big Sis!
Bee XXX
21.04.08
Democracy and a lost country
Dear Bee
I am afraid I don’t agree. To start with, S.H. did not assume power and become a dictator right from the start, he climbed a couple of steps before that. He was vice-president for some time and had succeeded in earning people’s genuine love. They adored him so much that they were ready to sacrifice anything for him. His nationalization of oil was a brave patriotic step and I think it was what ignited western animosity towards the man.
If I remember correctly, it was sometime in 1971 or ’72 when there was a fuel crisis all over Europe, and also in Britain. We were in the UK at the time and the TV showed Europeans walking or riding bicycles to work. This was a disaster for the West, but for the people here it was a source of national pride. He also did quite a lot of things internally, such as combating illiteracy, initiating building projects and giving people a good standard of living and land on which to build homes. He also had a direct line that anyone could phone to ask for his assistance on all sorts of difficult matters. I phoned and even met him a couple of times. I will tell you all about it when I feel I can.
When he assumed full power, most people did not even bother to question how and why. There were others among the senior party members who did not approve, and he got rid of them at once. There were several attempts to overthrow him but he moved quickly to crush all attempts. I have a book, written by his half-brother, entitled The President’s Assassination Attempts. It was later withdrawn from the market. His policy was not just to punish the people who had collaborated against him, but also their families too, although they were punished less severely.
Gradually people understood and feared, and this fear created hypocrisy; they started saying and repeating things they did not mean or believe, like parrots. So the dictatorship arrived in small doses, not all at once.
I think your voting system does really work as it should, and that is why you cherish your right to vote because it will make a difference. In Iraq voting tends to encounter a lot of difficulties. Falsifying votes and intimidation are not uncommon. I did not vote, because I didn’t know a thing about the constitution and I didn’t believe in any political party.
Islam is a different issue. Religion has never been in favour of dictatorship, and the Holy Quran states that matters should be solved through ‘shura’ (consultation and deliberation). After this has been done, a leader is chosen who must then be followed in order to maintain unity between people and parties. According to this mechanism it would be quite impossible to choose a bad person through shura.
Islam also states that no coercive measures may be exercised to force anybody to do anything. There is, however, punishment for anyone who breaks the norms or indulges in bad conduct, such as adultery, theft or usury etc. What we have today is not Islam but a misinterpretation of it, mostly for political or financial gain. Most moderate people recognize that, but they cannot really change the prevailing circumstances or they will become scapegoats.
When I was writing my thesis I had to read the Bible, and when I did I became convinced that there are no major differences between the two religions. Reading Chaucer, on the other hand, and some criticism of certain works in The Canterbury Tales, shows how religion can influence people’s lives, and how anyone with perverted ideals can easily exploit the simple uneducated people. This is a universal problem and may happen anywhere. At the time of Chaucer, Moslems were ruled by the Caliphs, who were just and governed according to the real laws of Islam. Life in general was very good, whereas Britain was still in a primitive state with the Church imposing its tyrannical rule and deviating from the true course of religion. Now it is the other way round.
Do you think I’ve talked more than enough (hehee)?
Big hugs to you all
May XXX
PS I drove to the hairdresser’s today. All was quiet and nothing disturbed the peace. It turned out later that half of Baghdad was closed, because Condi was on a surprise visit. My hair had reached a depressing point. I haven’t worn it long since the Gulf War when electricity was destroyed by the allies. So I told her to cut it in my pre-Ali hairstyle (like James Watt’s hair), then I got highlights and returned home safe and feeling much better.
21.04.08
W
HAT!?!!!
WHAT? May, do you mean to say that you actually met Saddam – are you kidding? I can’t believe you never told me this! You are SUCH a dark horse, May, it makes me wonder what on earth you’ll come out with next… You must tell me about it; I’m dying to know. Why haven’t you ever told me before?
As for James Watt’s hairdo, do you mean the Scottish inventor? I can’t quite see it, but at the very least it sounds like you’ve had a wonderfully normal day. I think hairdressers are underrated in the nation’s hearts, they should be treasured for cheering people up and simply listening to them. Well, apart from a guy on Haverstock Hill who once dyed my hair purple instead of blonde, and made me cry. But apart from him they should be encouraged for the greater good.
Oh, I had a great day at work today. I’m getting the president of the UK Beekeepers’ Association to come in and talk about bees in danger. My colleagues laughed as obviously my name indicates a certain bias, and maybe it’s because of my name, but I’ve always loved bees. And currently UK bee keepers are just getting over mass attacks of the varroa parasite that kills bees, and now are in a panic about Colony Collapse Disorder. I don’t know if in your circumstances you have the emotional energy to feel sorry for bees, May, but up to 80 per cent of bee colonies have been wiped out in parts of the US. It’s mass unexplained death. And did you know that bees are responsible for pollinating around a third of all the food we eat?
So although it wasn’t on the same scale as Condi’s trip to Bahrain trying to get Iraq’s neighbours to be more supportive (we did this too, of course), I got tremendously motivated and made it the mission of my day to get bees on the programme.
Oh no, it’s 10 o’clock already. See how the evening rushes away. That bit between 8 p.m. and 10 seems to go in about 45 minutes somehow.
Love you…
Bee XX
23.04.08
James Watt
Hi, love
Yes, it is the Scottish inventor who had short straight hair, ear length. But I don’t think he had highlights (hehee).
A nice thing, or rather hilarious thing, happened at college this morning. The fourth-year students decided to continue their graduation celebrations and they came in wearing fancy dress. Some wore pyjamas and nightdresses, others wore bridal gowns and some wore national costume and hired a local band playing awful music. They climbed on the desks and chairs and went through the department singing and dancing. I stood watching them and couldn’t move. Two conflicting feelings came over me: the first was that this was not really decent behaviour, and the second was to let them enjoy life while they can. The second feeling won. I thought to myself that they probably chose to do it in my room because they see me as a mother figure and feel they can trust me. They moved away and I tried to undo the damage they’d done to the furniture.
Bye, love. Write soon.
May XXXX
27.04.08
Moment of peace
Hello, May
I was dreading Justin leaving for Alaska, but now he’s gone it’s not too bad. The saddest part was Eva – she was so upset, she cried every time she thought about him leaving. Zola shrewdly asked him if he likes his job more than his children, then to ratchet up the emotional blackmail Eva drew a series of pictures showing herself weeping while he walked out of the door with his bag. So it’s been quite dramatic, but he set off yesterday with all his special winter gear, waterproofs and woolly socks etc.
I had my book group on Thursday and it was miles away in South London. I’d forgotten to RSVP to the woman who was hosting it, so she was surprised to see me. To add to this, after a second helping of rhubarb crumble with custard I leaned back in the chair with a sigh, and it made the most enormous CRRACK noise. I leapt up in horror. We couldn’t find any cracks, everyone laughed and she was very kind about it, but I felt such an idiot. But I do love book group. The other women are so bright, and their diverse reactions to the books are an eye-opener. It makes me realize how swiftly I judge things. Sometimes I’ll just hate a book because the length of the sentences annoys me. (Anxiously scan this email to see if the sentences are too long. No… looks OK, phew!)
I loved your fourth-year students going mad and partying on the tables, especially when you think what their lives must have been like these last few years. I’m glad you let them do it. It’s precious to be silly sometimes.
Love
Bee XXX
06.05.08
Return of the explorer
Hi, May
It’s all back to normal here again, hurray! J is back, the sun is out, coffee together in the mornings, everyone happy. By Sunday afternoon we were really counting the hours to his return, and I was running out of things to do. We went to the park and got ice creams, came home, and as we were sitting in the garden Justin arrived with all sorts of strange Alaskan food and polar bear socks for the girls. Yesterday was a bank holiday so we all had a quiet day together.
Last week on the way into school I took the girls into the polling booths to vote in the London mayoral and assembly elections. I let them draw the crosses on the first and second choices, then post the papers into the ballot box. So they have taken part in the democratic process, even if Justin failed miserably to do so. (I nagged him for days to sort out his vote before he left for Alaska, and he didn’t do it, so now any undesirable outcome will be all his fault.)
You know, when Justin was away Eva decided to write a letter to the Queen. Not to be outdone, Zola wrote to the Prime Minister. I helped them write, but the questions were their own. Eva asked, ‘Do you like gardening and what is your favourite flower?’ And Zo asked Gordon Brown, ‘Why are there more cars? I’m worried about pollution.’ (She spelled it ‘plooshun’.)
It’s been really hot and sunny here this week and today I filled two paddling pools in the garden. So you can tell the weather’s changed: the next-door neighbours have lit a barbecue and it smells delicious. It’s making me really hungry. I’m off now, going to find something to eat.
Are you OK, May?
Drop me a line if you can.
Bee XX
08.05.08
Disappointment, distant hope
Dearest Bee
I know you are a bit worried about me. I am OK really. But I am beginning to lose hope and patience. Could the book plan be a mere dream?
I haven’t been feeling comfortable at college over the past two weeks. It seems that they’ve all noticed that I haven’t been myself. One of my colleagues (your age) brought me biscuits, another brought me a book, a third has called me for three days in a row asking how I am, and a fourth has visited me.
All the usual things – power, Ali, my boss – are wearing me down, but on top of these nerve-wrecking things there is the problem of the ration card. It has become a form of ID and is requested as identification wherever you go. I haven’t used mine since the invasion, and Ali has left his with his family (and it is in another province anyway, and therefore not accepted here) but now I need mine as ID. When the military operations and the terrorists were in our area I was too scared to go and get one, and then we left for Syria and they registered me as displaced, or something of the kind. When I returned and tried to get one, it was awful – I hired a man to get one for me but he took the money and didn’t do it. I just don’t know what to do now.
I worry about the book and the funding for my stay in the UK. Where will the money come from? What makes the whole thing so slow? I have my plans, and my supervisor said my thesis proposal was promising. I’ve also received an email asking for my address to send me a formal letter of acceptance, but where is all this heading?
I didn’t want to burden you with all this.
Love, hugs and kisses to you and all the family
May
08.05.08
We couldn’t wait
Hi, May. I feel you can’t go on waiting any longer to find out what will happen, and neither can I.
So we’re changing the plan.
As yo
u know, Penguin are giving an advance, but it’s not enough. We’ve been trying to get the rest elsewhere, but it’s too slow. So I talked to Justin and he thinks we should borrow the remaining money right now, because it is this delay in getting the funds up front that is stopping everything else from happening.
Once the money is in place with CARA, your visa applications can go ahead as planned. And so I’ve asked my mum, and Justin’s mum, to help. Between the two of them, and me and Justin, we are borrowing the money. My mum said it will take her three weeks to get hers. I was nervous, of course – I hate asking for money (who doesn’t?) – but both mums were brilliant and are pleased to help.
Guess what, I also swam in the pond today for the first time this year! Went up with Talia in the very hot sun at midday; she’d just come off a shift in the local hospital and was full of tales of her mad patients. We lay around and read the papers in the meadow and had the most wonderful afternoon there. It was like getting a secret holiday in the middle of the day. The dark blue sky was almost shimmery in the heat, the water was smooth with ducks and geese nesting around the edges. Occasional petals blew across the water. It was fresh but not freezing so we swam around for quite a while.
Write soon.
Bee XXX
09.05.08
What a day!
Dear Bee
Your news is wonderful. I see rainbows and my heart flutters. I am scared and keep trying to calm myself. We have begun to talk about the things we will do before we leave, the things we need to take with us, how to lock the house up and who to give the keys to etc. Of course, no one knows a thing (except one of my friends, and he doesn’t know where or how). I just told him that I might be quitting because I want to do a PhD abroad. He smiled at the time, as if he thought I was dreaming.
I do hope things work out this time. I reread your email just now and feel that I can never ever repay the good things you’ve done for me. I sure hope that you will find me worth the effort when we meet face to face and see each other regularly, as friends and family do in normal circumstances. I am also grateful to Justin and to the kind mums you both have.
