by Louise Allen
Julia’s fingers closed tighter. ‘You are in control of all of it now.’
All of it except my wife, Will thought wryly. He honestly had no idea what Julia would do next or how she would react to what he said or did. Most of the time that was refreshing, but there was still some secret, deep down, he was certain of it and it nagged at the foundation of trust that he thought they were building together. At least he understood her reluctance to leave the estate now if crowds brought on attacks of panic.
She began to stroke the inside of his wrist and Will lost the thread of his thoughts as desire began to build, hot and heavy. He tugged his shirt over his head and let Julia pull him back on to the bed. ‘Nothing is going to get you in here,’ he protested.
‘I am not afraid,’ Julia murmured, running her nails lightly down his torso. ‘I am…’ She blushed.
‘Lustful?’ Will suggested as he rolled over on his back and began to unfasten his breeches. It was not the easiest thing to do flat on his back, with an erection and with a wanton wife crawling over him.
‘Will! Amorous sounds better.’
‘Both of them sound good to me,’ he growled as he kicked his legs free and sent the breeches flying. Julia gave a soft huff of laughter as he rolled over on top of her, but as she lay looking up at him the laughter ebbed away, leaving her serious. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her what was wrong when she pulled his head down and lifted herself to kiss him.
It was the first time she had ever taken the initiative in their lovemaking. Before she had been responsive and willing to follow wherever he led, but he sensed that this exploration with soft lips and delicate strokes of her tongue was different.
Her hands drifted down his rib-cage, down his flanks, stroking in fluttering caresses that made him want to purr like a big cat and then to plunge into her to assuage the ache that gripped him. He was almost impossibly hard, aroused, simply by a sweet kiss and gentle hands. This was some enchantment she was weaving, it had to be.
Without freeing his mouth she wriggled, almost tipping him over the edge beyond control, then wrapped her legs around his hips so he was cradled against the hot, wet centre of her. Will tried counting backwards, then doing it in Arabic. He was going to lose his grip any moment and behave like an animal and it was obvious from Julia’s gentle, languid movements that was not what she wanted.
It was also obvious she had no idea whatsoever that she was driving him to the brink, he thought in despair as she fastened her teeth on his earlobe with a delicate nip.
Then she wriggled again, and tilted her pelvis and he realised through the fog of desire that she knew exactly what she was doing. They were positioned perfectly for her to arch up and take him into her in a smooth, seductive glide that had him gasping for mercy until, somehow, he wrenched some self-control back.
And then he found that he could slow down, be as gentle as she was, make this exquisite pleasure last and last until there was nothing in the world except for their ragged breathing and the scent of arousal and the sound of their bodies moving against each other.
‘Will.’ She shuddered under him, around him, the force of her orgasm caressing him until he was falling with her. He knew he called her name, knew he found her mouth and stifled both their cries with his kisses, and then the world was still again.
‘Will.’ Seconds later, hours later? He had no idea. All he knew was that was the most perfect physical experience he had ever had in his life and that, somehow, it went beyond the physical into emotion. He opened his eyes and raised his head from the softness of Julia’s breast and saw her eyes were wide and dark as her mouth trembled into a smile. ‘I love you.’
It took a long moment before her words sank in. ‘Julia—’ He did not know what to say, what to feel.
‘It is all right,’ she murmured, lifting one hand to brush his hair back from his face. ‘You don’t have to say it too. I know you don’t love me, but I had to tell you. How could I keep that a secret from you?’
He was squashing her, Will thought distractedly. But if he rolled off her she would think he was avoiding meeting her eyes. Those painfully clear, honest eyes. Will took more weight on his elbows and sought for the truth. ‘I don’t know about love,’ he said at last. ‘I was not in love with Caroline, I know that. Just dazzled and charmed and rather a lot in lust.’
That made her laugh, a soft gurgle of amusement. ‘I know you were not. That is why I was not more angry with you after the dinner party. And I want you to be honest. I would hate to think you were telling me you love me and lying to be kind.’ She hesitated. ‘That would not be…kind.’
‘I know.’ How did he feel? ‘I desire you more every time I lie with you, every time I kiss you. I like you. I miss you when we are not together. I admire your intelligence and your strength of will and I like that you need me to protect you sometimes despite it. I do not know what that adds up to, sweetheart.’
‘Enough for any woman,’ Julia said. ‘I can live with that and be happy, believe me.’
‘I believe you,’ Will said, knowing in his heart that it was not enough but that he could not give her what he did not possess or understand. He pulled her with him as he rolled over, then gathered her against his chest. ‘Go to sleep now, Julia.’
So that was what the secret was that she had been keeping from him, he thought as he began to drift off to sleep. She had needed the shock of that day’s events to give her the courage to tell him how she felt. Perhaps he did love her. If only he knew what it felt like so he could recognise it. But whatever this was, he decided as Julia’s breathing became slow and her body relaxed against his in complete trust, it was the start of happiness. A more complete happiness than he had dared hope he would ever find.
Chapter Eighteen
Will looked content, Julia decided, watching him over the breakfast table the next morning. She felt wonderful, strong enough to keep the key turned in the lock of that dark little cupboard buried deep inside her, the one where the memory of Jonathan’s death lurked along with the new acceptance that she loved a man who, however fond he was, did not love her.
We are content, that is enough.
‘Excuse me, my lord, only there’s a message from the desk downstairs: there are visitors asking for you.’ Nancy closed the door on the uniformed page who waited on the landing.
‘What name?’ Will folded his paper with a sigh and slapped it down beside his plate. ‘This is very early to be calling. I suppose it might be about an investment I was particularly concerned about. Hapgood must have thought I was impatient for news of it after our discussion yesterday. I will come down.’
‘No, don’t do that.’ Julia laid her napkin aside. ‘We have finished our breakfast. If it is Mr Hapgood and he wishes to talk business you can give him a cup of coffee and I will go into the bedroom. I have lots of things to sort out.’
‘Very well.’ Will looked resigned to business. ‘I will not take long, I promise, then we can resume our interrupted sightseeing. Ask them to come up, if you please, Nancy.’
It would be the banker, or perhaps the lawyer, Julia thought, finding a clean cup and saucer from the tray for the visitor. After all, they knew no one else in town.
The door opened as she bent over the coffee jug to make sure there was enough. ‘Mr and Mrs Prior,’ Nancy announced.
For a moment she thought she was imagining things. Julia looked up and found herself staring into the face of Cousin Arthur and, beside him, smiling smugly, Cousin Jane.
She was going mad, seeing visions. Julia clutched the edge of the table and was dimly aware of the sound of falling china.
‘Good morning, Cousin Julia,’ Arthur said. ‘What a relief to find you well and safe. You can imagine the worry we have been in, you wicked girl. What a terrible, terrible thing to have done! And now what are we to do?’
‘And who the blazes are you?’ Will demanded as Julia’s knees gave way and she fell back onto her chair.
It had not been an ha
llucination yesterday. She had seen them and they had seen her and somehow discovered where she was.
‘Lord Dereham, I presume?’ Arthur advanced with an outstretched hand that Will completely ignored. ‘I must make allowances for your natural agitation, I can tell. I am Arthur Prior, Julia’s cousin, and this is my wife, Mrs Prior. I cannot begin to describe to you the anguish we have experienced since Julia ran away three years ago! To see her yesterday from the window of our lodgings was such a shock I hardly know how we had the presence of mind to send the lad to follow the hackney carriage and establish where she had gone.’
Will turned on his heel to face her. ‘Is this the cousin who inherited your father’s estate? The one who laid violent hands upon you?’
‘Yes, he is my father’s heir. But he never—’
‘Violence! Is that what the wicked girl is saying?’ Jane reeled back into the nearest chair and fanned herself with a napkin. ‘Nothing but kindness she received from our hands. And how did she repay us? By running off with my uncle’s stepson, despite being told what a wicked rake he was. The poor, poor boy.’ She glowered at Julia who stared back, unable to form a coherent sentence.
‘But it seems as though she’s fallen on her feet here, has she not, Mrs Prior?’ Arthur demanded with a rhetorical flourish.
‘Before you go any further,’ Will said in a voice that somehow managed to convey a threat of violence under a coating of ice, ‘I should tell you that I am perfectly aware of my wife’s elopement and of the reasons behind it. I can see no purpose in this call—she most certainly does not wish to receive you, now or in the future. Good day to you.’
‘Not so fast, my lord.’ To do him credit, Cousin Arthur was standing his ground against a man who Julia hardly recognised. Will looked bigger, angrier and more frightening than she had ever imagined he might. She struggled to find words, but she had no idea what to say, what to do in the face of this utter disaster. ‘We have been to a lot of trouble and expense trying to find Julia and I consider you would be doing only the right thing if you were to recompense us for that. And our silence of course.’
‘Your silence?’ Will enquired dangerously. ‘About what, exactly?’
‘I cannot imagine you would want the truth about Lady Dereham to become common knowledge, would you? You might be able to gloss over the elopement, I suppose. But the violence?’ He smiled slyly. ‘I’ll not pretend Jonathan Dalfield was anything but a sinner, but did he deserve such treatment? His poor head…’
Julia found her voice and the strength to stand. ‘I never meant to kill him,’ she said. ‘Never. He was trying to rape me. It was an accident. I did not realise the poker was in my hand.’
The room went utterly quiet. Will turned slowly to face her, his eyes wide and dark with shock. ‘You killed a man?’
‘You did not know, my lord?’ Arthur interjected. He was white and flustered, but he gabbled on. ‘Of course, I should have realised you’d never keep such a thing quiet, not a gentleman like you. But it won’t look good for you if it all comes out, now will it, my lord? Many will not believe you. And it puts us at great risk, always has. But you could be assured of our silence, my lord. We would be very reasonable. Five thousand pounds and no one would ever know and you would never hear from us again.’
Without taking his eyes from her face, Will said, ‘You despicable, blackmailing worm.’
‘Hard words don’t break my bones, my lord.’ Arthur had recovered some of his poise. ‘But a hempen noose will snap your wife’s neck if we aren’t all very careful. And it wouldn’t look good for you, would it? Accessory after the fact, they call it. I’m no lawyer, but I think that’s a capital offence as well, my lord.’
‘Julia, go to the other room,’ Will said, his voice as soft as if he invited her to sleep with him. Beneath it she could hear the anger beating like a tocsin, his eyes blazed gold, and the skin was tight over his cheekbones as though he was a wolf with its hackles laid back.
Without a word she got up and went into the bedchamber. Now the worst had happened she felt strangely calm. It was shock—she recognised it from when she had killed Jonathan and it was strange to be able to diagnose it now as though she was an observer examining herself at arm’s length.
What would Will do? Pay what Arthur demanded? But they would never be safe either from betrayal or from more and more bloodsucking demands. Will was a law-abiding English gentleman: his duty was to hand her over to the authorities, whatever the damage to himself. It was not even as though he loved her, she thought bleakly, sinking on to the edge of the bed to await his judgement. She should not put him in this position, make him decide what to do. She should walk out of here, surrender herself.
There was a door in the far corner of the dressing room concealed by a screen. It gave on to the service stairs and Nancy used it to bring hot water and to take away the slops. She could use that route, ask at the desk for the nearest magistrates’ court and be there before Will realised what she was doing.
It all seemed very simple and easy now there was no choice. The important thing was not to think about what would happen afterwards.
The sound of voices from next door ceased. The outer door closed. Silence. Julia got to her feet and found her reticule. Her cloak and bonnet were on the chair. She should just—
The bedchamber door opened and Will stood there, framed in the opening. He looked, she realised with a twisting pang of guilt and shame, as though someone had dealt him a mortal blow and he had not yet realised it. ‘I knew you were keeping a secret from me,’ he said, his voice as steady as a judge. ‘I should have listened to my instincts.’
‘I could not tell you.’ She found she was on her feet. ‘It would have put you in an impossible position.’
‘Not unlike the one I am in now?’ he enquired and walked into the room, pulling the door to behind him with a savage slam that was like a gunshot, terrifying in contrast to his utter calm. ‘I was happy last night, this morning. Pathetic, is it not? I thought we could be content together, I believed my wife loved me.’
‘I do!’
‘But instead,’ he went on as though she had not spoken, ‘she tells me of her love, so sweetly, so innocently, because she has seen her relatives and knows what will happen when they find her. Did you really think that telling me you loved me would stop me doing the right thing?’
‘No,’ Julia protested. ‘Of course not! That is not why I told you. I said it because it was true. I saw them yesterday, I admit it, but I thought I was seeing things in my panic, that they were not real. I always expect to see people accusing me, pointing me out, calling the constables. That is why I am so afraid of crowds.’ The tears welled up and she fought them back with savage resolve. She had to make him believe that she would not use those words to him so cynically. ‘I would not lie to you, Will. Not about that.’
‘No? Just about the important things, then? The fact you killed a man?’
‘Love is the important thing! Will, I had discovered Jonathan had deceived me. I was in shock, he tried to drag me back to the bed. I refused, but he did not care, he was going to rape me. He dragged me by my wrist and I fell into the hearth amongst all the fire irons. He bent to pull me to my feet and I hit out to stop him. I did not realise the poker was in my hand until it struck him.
‘There was so much blood. So much. On my hands, on my body. I screamed. Then I had to wash it off. All that blood. There was a screen half-hidden in the corner concealing the wash stand and water, my clothes. I washed my hands and dressed. I could not bear to be dragged away like that.
‘They all came pouring in—the inn guests from the bedchambers, the maids, the innkeeper, everyone. I heard them, but they didn’t seem to notice the screen, or if they did, to realise someone was behind it. And then…’
‘Then?’ Will demanded as she faltered to a halt. ‘You tell me no-one saw you at all?’
‘They were all crowded round the…body. And a woman had fainted and it was chaos. I came out in
my cloak and bonnet and no one looked at me. I moved into the room and became just one of the crowd. Then I slipped downstairs and hid in a cart and escaped. It is the truth,’ she added flatly.
Will did not comment on that. She noticed and it cut like a knife through her shocked numbness. He did not believe her at all. He thought she had meant to kill Jonathan, perhaps in revenge at his betrayal.
‘There was no identification?’ he said. She realised he had been analysing her story.
‘I took it all. I burned his cards.’
‘Very cool and calm. One could almost say professional. You were certainly composed enough when I found you. I must have seemed like a godsend. I have never considered myself a flat before, an easy mark. It seems I was wrong.’
‘If taking pity on someone who needed help and offering them food and shelter makes you a flat, then that is what you were. All I knew was that I was exhausted, frightened, utterly adrift. You offered me respite, a chance to regain a little strength and calm. And then you made me that offer…’
Will sat down on the nearest chair as though standing was no longer an option. He passed one hand over his face, rubbed his eyes and answered with the weariness of a man who had fought to a standstill but must keep battling on. ‘I made you an offer you could not have dreamt of. You must have been beside yourself with delight.’
‘Yes,’ Julia agreed. ‘I was so relieved. I saw some hope. And I knew I could do what you needed in return. Do not pretend I did not,’ she threw at him, some spirit flaring deep inside her. ‘I looked after King’s Acre with devotion. I did my best to help Henry become a worthy heir for you.’
‘It would hardly have been safe if you’d been arrested for murder.’ Will pronounced murder as if the word hurt him to utter.
‘I considered the odds as best I could. My first name is one no one even thinks of me by. My surname is commonplace. I was hundreds of miles from home. Because of your situation the marriage was not reported outside the neighbourhood. I thought it safe and, if it were not, the authorities would believe I had deceived you.’
