Finally, Bill was able to see buildings and smoke in the distance, Tucson. He’d switch trains and head right back to Phoenix. Three, maybe four hours tops.
He kept thinking about what he was after. He supposed he knew the answer, it had been the same all along, he was trying not to fall into that hole.
Chapter 18
The quiet that engulfed the old building after his tormentors left was disturbing. Sam had tried to keep a straight face until they were gone, he wasn’t giving the bitch the satisfaction. But as soon as they were gone, it was pure panic.
This wasn’t happening. The brutal pain between his legs was unbearable, he could feel his penis wasn’t hanging correctly any more, and he had a picture of raw meat in his head. He didn’t waste any time, sliding the chair backwards until he slammed into a wall.
He was preparing for the battle he knew was coming. Alternating between sheer panic and intense pain, he kept trying to look down at himself to see how bad the damage was. But tied back against the chair the way he was, he couldn’t get the line of sight right.
How was he going to protect himself if he couldn’t see it? Sam screamed out as loud as he could in frustration. Earlier he had held onto some chance of getting out of this mess. Now he wouldn’t take that bet at any odds. He screamed again, his eyes wide, his mouth stretched open, his lips pulled tight against his teeth.
When he heard scurrying, his eyes darted back and forth across the floor. No, this can’t be. For some reason there were more of them. Did the others go and get help? Did his screaming bring them in? Or was it whatever the bitch had smeared on him?
Sam hovered on the chair, almost as if he was trying to lift up off the seat. That wasn’t working. He tried to stay focused on the main issue, figuring out how to keep the rats at bay. Earlier he had to contend with three mid-sized rodents, now there were six, or seven. They slunk around so much it was hard to be sure.
The big one however, had Sam’s attention. It sat right in front of him, ten feet away, no more. He could see its pointed little nose working as it narrowed in on the source of the smell. When the rat moved forward a few feet, he jerked against the ropes and pushed the chair harder against the wall.
“Fuck off! Fuck off!” he screamed. He was hissing, spit running down his chin when he finished. The big rat took a few more steps until he was sitting right in front of Sam.
He felt his pulse pounding. He couldn’t break down or give in. Jesus Sam, fight. How? The other rats seemed to gain courage from the big one, closing in behind it.
He was going to loose it and could feel it coming. His brain couldn’t, or wouldn’t, take it. He fought to breathe. The air seemed to hold less and less oxygen with each gulp.
The big rat waddled closer and disappeared from view. The terror was enough to make him squeal like a little girl. He didn’t recognize his own voice. The realization that the rat was below him kicked every basic instinct he ever had into gear.
He shuffled sideways, sliding the chair three feet left, making a bunch of noise in the process. The rats backed up slightly and he had the big one in view again, out in the open to his right.
The small victory brought him new energy. “That’s it you fuckers, come and get it.”
He had a thought. What if he could raise the chair up on one side and smash it down on the rat? Would it work? Since moving the chair had bought him some time, he did it again. This time he moved more forcefully, scrapping and banging the chair up and down.
When the rats backed up a few feet more, he took a chance and tried to lift one side of the chair. With it up on one side, he balanced it there. Okay, he had a weapon. Then the chair almost tipped over the wrong way, and his entire body shook as he fought to get it back on all four feet.
Shit, he didn’t want to fall over. That would be the end of him. Sam shivered at the thought of being eye level with them. They’d start on his face. Closing his eyes for a second, he sucked in a big breath. This wasn’t right. No one deserved this, did they?
The pain in his balls hurt so much he wanted to cry. Yet his brain was busy going crazy and didn’t care. His eyes snapped open when he realized he was drifting. A couple of big rats were moving closer. He tried yelling at them and growling to slow their advance.
The sudden change in the pain tore his attention away from the two rats. Then he realized the other big one wasn’t on the right anymore. Hysteria began to overwhelm him. He jerked the chair back to where he started from. The noise flushed the big rat out from under the chair.
“No.” Sam squealed, “No.”
He couldn’t get any other words out. His mind was locked on the rat that had scurried free. “Please no.” His eyes saw the blood all over the rat’s mouth, but his brain wouldn’t let the image in.
The rat had a first taste and now it was motivated. When it moved towards the chair again, two other big ones shuffled forward with it. Sam was no longer thinking, his mind had shut down, and his fear had completely taken over.
He yanked the chair sideways and then jerked at it again. This time he wasn’t careful enough, and the chair tipped up on one side. Too freaked out by the rats, he didn’t react quickly enough, and the chair toppled over.
Two things happened. First the concrete block fell out from between him and the chair and he was able to sink back to a sitting position, even if he was on his side. Second, his brain had a moment of utter clarity. Was it really better to be able to see what was going on? His brain started laughing at him. No, it wasn’t.
The rats scurried from everywhere now that he was on the ground. The big ones crawled between his legs, shaking their heads like lions ripping meat from a carcass. He saw his privates for the first time, and vomit rushed to his mouth.
Sam turned his head sideways to launch the puke and realized his mistake. The additional food brought a pack of little rats. He was killing himself, fuck. He’d give anything to be sitting upright again. He almost looked down between the legs one more time, but managed to stop himself. He didn’t need to see what he could already feel.
The chair jerked back and forth as the big ones tore and pulled at their meal. Sam heard the screams again, but all that registered was the pack of small rats working their way up the splatter of vomit towards his face.
Then the sound was muffled and his brain finally let go.
*****
Phoenix, Arizona
Retracing their steps back to the freight yard in Phoenix, David stopped to let his mother catch her breath.
They hadn’t exchanged any words since leaving the warehouse. He was thinking about the future and figured she was too. They couldn’t stick around here. And with everything that happened over the last week he didn’t think the rails were necessarily a good place to spend much time.
But they had to take one more ride at least. He figured the west coast. Somewhere away from the box, away from everything.
Somewhere new.
When she used the break to pull out a cigarette and light up, he didn’t object. He could tell she was on edge. She must be coming down from the adrenaline high.
“You shouldn’t smoke those things.” Not the best way to start a conversation.
When she didn’t answer, he thought to himself, okay. He wouldn’t hold it against her, she’d had a crazy night. He could tell she wasn’t quite back to normal. But then, after what she’d gone through and where she’d spent the last ten years, neither promoted sanity.
David was determined to help her though it, after all everything she’d done in the first place was to save him and make sure he was safe. He would always feel it was his fault that she was trapped in this nightmare.
“You good to go mom?” The break was long enough.
She gave a solitary nod of her head. She must be somewhere else, he thought as he led her farther into the yard, towards the westbound lines headed for the coast.
If he thought about the violence, it never did anything for him. But recently he’d been t
hinking about what he’d done to the gang. The payback all made sense from a revenge perspective. But sometimes he wondered about his victim’s friends and relatives.
Everyone had someone waiting for them somewhere. Had David made someone out there as angry as he’d been back at the beginning? Did he deserve to have someone come and find him? He realized the answer was yes, and it deflated him.
It would be easy to build up anger against her, everything he’d done had been for her. He’d known what she wanted and that she wouldn’t settle for jail time.
David let it wash off his shoulders. He didn’t care about the past anymore. There had been a debt to pay and it was done. He didn’t have it in him to hurt anyone else. In fact there was a relief it was over.
It was over. He thought about that. He must have known subconsciously, but hadn’t understood when he had dropped the brown notebook on the bench in the old building.
David had spent a lot of time recently thinking about relatives and the home life he’d had before they’d skipped out. For some reason, now that he didn’t need to go forward he was slipping backwards.
Shaking the thoughts away, he pointed to a place she could sit. All they needed now was a train heading west. All the love he felt for her and the guilt over what had happened because of him came together, and he was just happy she was free. Perhaps some day he would be too.
Maybe he thought, just maybe, there was a life to go back to.
“Mom, I’ve got this idea.”
*****
Phoenix, Arizona
It was almost noon when Bill finally got back into Phoenix. He’d walked the tracks out of the yard and found the spot where he’d last seen the man and woman.
Pushing through the fence, he followed the trail that led to the building. What was it that irritated him until he suddenly felt a need for his gun? Years of experience told him not to ignore the feeling. With his gun held out in front, he moved from the building’s doorway to the inside wall. Then he moved sideways, keeping the wall at his back as he circled the open room.
Smoke from a dead fire drifted out of an old barrel. The shadows made it hard to see what it was that was moving over against the far wall. He looked around the room until he was sure he was alone before stepping closer.
Moving slowly, gun still held out at shoulder level, Bill tried to focus on what he was seeing. Rats. Oh Fuck. Rats eating a body. He turned away and fought not to empty his stomach.
Pissed off, he emptied the magazine into the squirming mass of filthy rodents.
The rats scrambled away, temporarily disturbed. He took a deep breath and forced himself to take another step closer. It looked like the body was tied to a chair. The best he could tell, the rats had eaten a hole into the stomach through the vic’s crotch area. Bill’s knees wobbled for a second. “Ouch.”
He pulled out a pocketknife and cut the one arm loose from the chair. Using the tip of the knife he peeled back the sleeve of the jean jacket. There was the tattoo; number two. He hadn’t heard back on the mummy in Salt Lake yet, but he was sure it was going to be the number one. That meant the gang had effectively had its head cut off. What were the rest of them doing? Where were they?
Bill stood back, he needed to regain some composure. The view wasn’t any better from a few feet away. He turned and walked a large circle in the middle of the empty warehouse. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do next. Was this it? Was it over? Was there one guy he was supposed to find? Who was going to admit to doing anything to his daughter? No one, that’s who.
He was walking past a bench against the wall when he noticed the brown leather-wrapped book. Instinctively, he checked to make sure he still had the black one inside his jacket pocket. The leather book didn’t belong. Curious, Bill opened it up, facing it towards the faint light from outside. His forehead wrinkled as he flipped the pages. Slowly, he realized it was important and went back to the beginning to start again, this time turning the pages slowly.
It was the killer’s book, no doubt about that. An hour later he had it figured out. The book began seven years ago tracking someone. Over the years others were followed and schedules added. Someone had spent years following and tracking them. Why?
He thought of his daughter, and the answer was obvious. He thought of the patience the person must have had, the anger and the burning desire for revenge required to keep such a long-term project going. Now Bill was sure the guy in black was the killer. Shouldn’t he go after this guy? Let the other agencies know about him?
He wasn’t sure what to do, this had all started for his daughter’s sake.
The guy in black had a woman with him. Considering the mess between this last guy’s legs, it wasn’t a stretch to think this revenge was sexually oriented. Maybe this guy had taken care of the gang on her behalf, and for anyone else they’d abused.
He’d been one step behind the whole time, but at least he’d seen the damage that had happened and knew if these were the people who harmed his daughter, they’d paid a steep price. He supposed he could give the two books to the cops. Maybe.
The book from the Raildog’s boss would definitely be given over. There were a lot of numbers still out there who needed to be taken out of commission. He turned the killer’s small brown leather-bound ledger over in his hand. Finally, he made the call and dropped the book into the smoldering ashes at the bottom of the barrel.
Some things just felt right.
*****
Phoenix, Arizona
Sarah didn’t hear David’s comment. She was trying to sort out her own thoughts. Where was she going? After ten years in the home she wasn’t used to making her own decisions. What was she going to do now? Depend on him?
He’d helped her climb onto a westbound train. He said they were going to the coast. That didn’t sound too bad. She couldn’t help but feel she was going to become a burden on him. Then what?
She wanted her life back, so what should she do next? Ten years ago she’d had plans for them both and he still needed her then. He didn’t now. He seemed so sure of himself, and yet he hadn’t settled down in any way, or created any kind of life.
It was hard to blame him if he became a drifter. She’d put him out on the road in the first place.
“Mom, I’m talking to you. I said I have an idea.”
“Sorry David. I was thinking”
She looked at the little kid in the big body. He seemed especially vulnerable for some reason. Then she focused on the slop he was talking about.
“I was thinking about before. We left home because Dad was beating you and you always said that it was only a matter of time before he started on me too.”
Sarah looked at him intently. Where was this going?
“I’m older and able to take care of myself. I thought maybe we should go back home. See grandma and grandpa. Maybe Dad is older, wiser. Maybe he misses us.”
Sarah sure hadn’t expected that. She looked into his pleading eyes and realized he wanted to be part of a family. Christ, what was she going to do now? She looked at him intently, was he old enough to take the truth?
Sarah started to answer, then she paused. On some level she knew this was going to hit him hard. On the other hand, she hoped he would be able to see her side of things. Still she knew it was going to hurt to hear. But it was the truth, so he’d better find a way to deal with it.
“Your father’s dead.” Immediately she saw the look on his face and regretted saying anything. There was nothing left to do but continue. “I had to kill him.”
“What?” His look of disbelief was heartbreaking.
“He caught me with the neighbor and demanded a divorce. I couldn’t have that. So I cleaned out the accounts and he disappeared.” She seemed to stall, “They’re probably still looking for all three of us.”
*****
David shook his head. Had she really said that? Did that mean he’d lost his chance at a normal life for all the wrong reasons?
He stood in the bo
xcar’s open doorway watching the night fly past. He’d spent years trying to make it up to her for what she had done for him, now it turned out it wasn’t even about him. It had always been about her and what she wanted.
The more he thought about it the more pissed off he became.
He looked at her over his shoulder. She’d taken him away from his family, he’d been alone on the rails for years because she couldn’t be loyal. Wasn’t that what he’d been to her all these years? Loyal.
Now what?
He looked at her sleeping, curled up on the floor. He didn’t recognize her any more. Who the hell was she?
The warm tears he felt running down his cheeks weren’t for the things that had happened in the past, they were for what was going to happen next. And still it hurt. The train was hurling towards California and what promised to be another beautiful day.
How could he? He struggled with the idea. Why shouldn’t he?
He loved her. No he didn’t. At least not anymore.
His fists clenched and his jaw set tight. Somewhere in his head he turned off. He’d done it before when he was so mad he couldn’t stop. It created a clarity of mind, he just couldn’t control it.
Somewhere inside his brain, the decision was made.
David reached down and grabbed his mother by the shoulder. He dragged her to the door, towards the landscape rushing past. She woke up as he pulled her across the splintered floor. And she screamed as he flung her out the opening.
For a moment he had her by the arms, hanging beside the train. He wasn’t letting go yet, but his grip was the only thing holding her. He watched her flailing to keep her feet from hitting the gravel, her shoes catapulting into the air when they momentarily touched down.
She screamed again. Looking up at him, the fear and confusion were etched in her face, “David no. Please. Please, I love you David.”
She didn’t understand what he was doing when he started to swing her out away from the train. Didn’t understand until her momentum carried her back in, bringing her far too close to the wheels.
“David. Please God.” He could hear the panic in her voice. “I love you, don’t do this.”
He closed his ears. He focused on the swinging motion, out a little farther this time. As his arms came back towards the train, he let go.
Raildogs Page 19
