We were afraid to hope.
Afraid to make plans, afraid to talk about the negative as well.
Everything was terrifying.
My heart was in my mouth. I assumed it was the results of the chromosomal tests. Was it good news?
Whatever news he had to give us would go a long way to deciding the future of our baby. This felt like one of those pivotal points in your life and all delivered by a single phone call.
It was as if the world stood still for me, all emotions on hold until the news told me what to feel.
I watched her facial expressions, was it good news or bad? Her face wasn’t giving anything away, one way or another.
“Thank you, Dr. Chambers. We’ll see you in a few days.”
She dropped back onto the blanket from the kneeling position she’d been in.
I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Well?”
She looked shell shocked and my gut lurched. A slow smile broke across her face and grew into something that looked like full-bodied relief.
Hope flirted with me now.
“Dr. Chambers said that all the chromosomal tests have come back one hundred percent clear so far.”
I couldn’t help it, a big whooping cry wrenched from my lungs and I fist pumped the air.
I hugged her to me tight and held on. Her body melted to mine and we just clung to each other in relief.
For the first time in days, I dared to hope.
We dared to hope.
For a few long moments, we said nothing, just rocked against each other, enjoying a ray of sunshine for a change on what had been a very bleak outlook.
“Want to know what we’re having?”
I loved the way she said “having.” She hadn’t given up. I was so worried. For the last few days, we hadn’t spoken about it. Too scared to ask. Too scared to face what the negative might mean.
“Hell yes!”
She smiled again. “Boy.”
A boy.
Sophia was carrying my son.
A son.
One that I vowed right now to love and cherish regardless what happened. Never would my child experience the lovelessness I had.
He was wanted.
I wanted him, his mother wanted him.
Then Sophia started to giggle uncontrollably
“What?”
“I’m just happy to have that result. It’s like we’ve passed the first hurdle and I guess I feel like I can actually breathe for the first time in days.”
I started to laugh too. “I was thinking essentially the same thing.”
“I couldn’t talk about it, Seth. Still not sure if I can.”
“I know. I get it. I get you.” I trailed my lips over her jaw, in a row of the lightest kisses.
And I did. She was trying to hold herself together.
Not for me, but for herself.
It was pride and resilience all rolled into one.
For a long time, we said nothing, just absorbed the good news, with the residual warmth of the sand pressing up through the blanket into our backs.
“Am I dreaming this, Seth, or is it real?”
“What part, babe?”
She looked at me and gestured her finger between us. “Us, the baby. The last few weeks. The last three months. Hell the last six months. I kind of feel I’m in a dream and I’m going to wake up soon.”
“It does seem a bit like that,” I agreed. “Let me tell you what I know to be real. You and me together. That’s real.”
Sophia looked at me. No, she scrutinized me and I could see the wheels rolling in her head.
“What changed, Seth? Don’t get me wrong, I love the fact we’re together. I love you. I just need to know what changed your mind. The last I knew, we weren’t together or undecided on your part, at best. Then, you arrived at the hospital and all that changed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining nor am I trying to stir up crap that we’ve moved over. I just need to know what changed your mind.”
I’d given this exact same thing a lot of thought the last couple of days. Doing nothing but taking long walks with Soph and lazing around had given me time to think and put things into perspective for how I felt about my family.
“Do you remember last week when I told you Rachel was going to come visit before she headed off to Tokyo again?” Sophia nodded. “Well, she called in a couple of hours after you left that night. She said some stuff to me that made me think about things. She also told me there was something I didn’t know about my family that I needed to know. She hinted at the fact that maybe what I thought was the truth all these years, wasn’t”
Sophia instantly looked curious.
“Anyway, she told me I needed to speak to my mother and step-dad to find out what she was driving at. This pissed me off but curiosity got the better of me. I had breakfast with Anthony, my step-dad, the morning you were at the hospital. I just want you to know that I fully intended to come to the hospital and be there for that scan. It was only after speaking to Anthony though that I was certain in what capacity I wanted to be there for you and our boy.”
She turned on her side to face me. “I don’t understand.”
“It’s kind of a long story.”
“I don’t have anywhere to be and I figure we still have a while before the sun goes down,” she encouraged.
I had no idea how she’d view my tale of woe. To be honest, I was still wrangling with it in my mind, however, I was fast coming to the conclusion the simplest thing to do was just move on and forget it. The past was the past and dwelling on it wasn’t going to change it for the better. It had shaped my thinking for far too many years, thinking that had been based on my mother’s secrets and insecurities.
“Just remember you asked for it,” I warned as I mentally searched for a place to begin. I let it all out. The whole sordid tale of a love triangle, wrapped in lies and deceit. Almost an hour later, I stopped talking—she’d essentially been silent the whole time except for gasps and sighs and the odd, “oh Seth.”
Sophia sat there silent for a long moment—slowly shaking her head in what could only be described as disbelief.
“Seth, that is the most fucked up story I’ve ever heard. I don’t understand how she could do that or how your real father could just be so blind to her lies.”
Her arm came over me and next thing I knew, she was plastered to my body. “I’m so sorry you’ve had to live that crazy life—I’m actually surprised you’re not totally fucked up.”
I let out a snort of laughter.
“You sure you’ve got that right? For a long time there, I was feeling decidedly fucked up.”
“Naaah, you’ve been dragged through hell and you’ve come through,” she joked.
“And my mother was the damned She Devil.”
“You want me to argue with that? Because I’m not going to.”
“She doesn’t deserve anybody’s sympathy.”
We needed that little bit of light heartedness. Laughs had been hard to come by over the last few days.
I just enjoyed holding her for a bit.
“It took a lot to hold the mask in place, didn’t it?”
I knew exactly what she meant. I’d lost a lot of my playful, party guy persona of late. It had become too hard to maintain and continue with the lie.
“Yeah,” I admitted quietly. “I love a laugh and a joke as much as the next guy—probably more. But for years, it served as my armour. That was how I kept everybody from looking too deep, getting too close. I don’t want to do that anymore, I can’t do that any more. If I’m going to be true to you and our child, you have to see me. All of me, not just the bits I want you to see. I guess I’ve realized if you can’t love all of me—warts and all then, it’s not right. It’s exhausting putting on the show all the time.”
She squeezed her arm around me.
“It seems like I’ve been waiting forever to have this conversation with you. You’ve got no idea how much I’ve wanted you to open up to me. For mo
nths, you’ve given me hints, taunted me, frustrated me.”
We both chuckled at that one. I can only imagine how crazy I must have driven her at times. If it was anything like what was going on in my own head then the girl deserved more than a medal for putting up with me. And Soph had more than put up with me. She’d proved to me time and time again just how much she cared, how much she’d work and commit even when who she was betting on was an absolute long shot. Soph was definitely the woman I wanted in my life’s corner.
“I actually like the warts and all, Seth. No, I love all the shades of Seth.”
“I know you do, babe and that’s what’s chewed at me more and more. I know I didn’t deserve you or your love, when all I could offer was little more than window dressing. Admittedly, it’s pretty awesome window dressing.” I tweaked my eyebrows and I had no idea if she could actually see my attempt at humour in the lengthening shadows and low light.
She laughed and tickled me a little. “No ego at all there, my sexy man.”
It was time, I knew what needed to come next and the reason I knew it was right was because the words were actually bursting to come out of my mouth, rather than in terror. Which is how I would have and, in fact, did feel not very long ago
“I guess what I’m winding up to here, Soph, is, I love you. I’ve probably known it for a long time I was just too scared to say it. I had to get to a place where I could actually live without being terrified of my own emotions. You gave me a lot of the courage I needed to face what was holding me back. I’m yours, Soph. I have been since the day at Isaac’s party. Probably before then. I just couldn’t let the fight go.”
There, I said it all. My words exhausted.
“I love you, too, and you have no idea how much I’ve dreamed of hearing you say that to me. Thank you. I needed that this week.”
I pushed her gently over onto her back, drew up, and pressed my mouth against hers. Her lush, soft lips welcomed me in.
This time, it was different. This kiss held all the heat that we normally managed to fire, only it was contained, tempered with something I recognized as a love and respect that sang the melody.
My tongue stroked into her mouth, teasing her, encouraging her to join me in creating the perfect balance, the perfect song for us.
She moaned a little into my mouth and I pressed my body in against the length of hers. Her hand wrapped around the back of my head and captured my lips to hers as if she couldn’t get enough.
I felt the same. I’d never get enough of this woman and I now knew why. She was the one for me. Sophia was right. This was the woman who fit me perfectly.
Her other hand wrapped around my butt cheek and squeezed hard, and her hips lurched up in search of me.
I hadn’t intended to start something out here. The beach was quiet at this time of night, and there really weren’t many people around, but here was not the place.
This love stuff was new to me but even I recognized when we came together this time it would be different. Taking her on a public beach might be right up there, with excitement at the idea of getting caught and all that, and, in the past, I’d doubt I would have given it a second thought. It just wasn’t right for us anymore.
I teased her lips and took a little nibble on the bottom one, before pulling back.
“I don’t want to fuck you on the sand, Sophia, I want to make love to you in that big canopy bed with the sound of the ocean as music and candles to throw dancing light over you.”
She stilled and I watched her consider my words.
“Seth, I think that’s the nicest, most romantic thing you’ve ever said to me. Yes, please, I’ll definitely take a big helping of what you’re offering.”
I moved off her and rolled up to my feet, a big goofy grin on my face. I offered her my hand and she rose, bringing the blanket with her and a little shower of fine sand trickled to the beach.
“I’ll let you in on a little secret, Soph. I’m glad you like it because I think it’s the first romantic thing I’ve ever said.”
We both laughed and grinned at the truth of it.
“Well, then, you’ve set the bar high and I know you’ll rise to the challenge. You’ll be writing verses for Hallmark in no time.”
“There’s no doubt, I’ll always rise for you—cheeky girl.”
She bumped her elbow into me playfully, both of us smirking at my double meaning.
“I’d hope so and you love it.”
“I do.”
There was no hope or question of it. I recognized now what was fact. I’d rise to any challenge she set me. It was not only my duty as her partner, it was also exactly what would make me happiest, most content. It was what love was about, being with someone who encouraged you, demanded and challenged you to be the best version of yourself you could possibly be. Then, loved you more than anything for achieving it.
Sophia
Seth led me up the steps to the beach cabin. His fingers were lightly linked in mine. He opened the doors and slid the screen back into place once we’d stepped through.
A combination of rolling waves and night creatures’ chirping, serenaded us.
He led me the short distance to the bed and I sat on the end. Rather than join me, he moved around the cabin and lit the numerous scented candles and oil lamps that had been thoughtfully placed around to create the perfect romantic ambience.
Then, he was moving back to me. “I think this is where I’m supposed to offer you champagne.” His eyes never left mine and he held out his hand, encouraging me to rise. “I’m going to save that for some time in the future. I’m thinking about a year.”
My heart lurched at his words. He wasn’t giving up on our baby and neither was I.
He moved in and lightly touched his fingertips to my lips, then trailed them down over my throat to trace the open neck of my short, flirty sun dress.
His fingers left a trail of red hot tingles in their wake and my breasts ached for his hands to cup them, stroke them. Rather than stay and linger like I’d hoped, he continued his downward journey until he had the hem of my dress in his hands, then he raised it up.
It was all about the slow reveal. He was teasing himself and me, by displaying a few inches at a time, slowly pulling my dress up and over my head. He let the fabric fall to the floor and placed his hands on my hips, before drawing them up my sides to settle under the curve of my breasts.
His thumbs stroked across the rose-coloured lace, creating a delicious abrasion against my aching nipples. They were sensitive, sore and aching all at once, to the point I was certain only Seth’s touch could sooth the overwhelming feel. An unconscious shiver ran through my body as his thumbs passed across the hardened nubs once again.
“Sore?” he whispered
“A little—needy and aching, too.”
“Well, that narrows it down…I guess I’ll just have to experiment and see what you like now.”
“That’s not sounding like a hardship, Seth.”
“No, I’m definitely not seeing it as one. How about I start with a tiny little squeeze.” Before I had time to respond, his fingers closed firmly over my swollen nipples and I hissed at the initial stab of pain before it bloomed into the most delicious feeling that had a long moan ripping from my throat.
“So good.”
His hands left their posts on my breasts and slipped behind my back to unhook my bra. The cups popped forward and the straps began to slide from my shoulders and down my arms.
Another shiver rippled through me as the air whispered around my hot skin in cool kisses and again when his hands made the return journey to my breasts.
He dipped his head and drew the tip of his tongue over my still-smarting nipple. Quivers of need raced throughout my body at the the speed of light.
“Mmmm.” The sound came out as a vibration in my throat.
“Like that do you?” He was so self-assured and confident. This was Seth in his most primitive and natural element.
“Yes,” I s
queaked out.
“How about this, then.” I tensed then forced myself to relax in excitement and anticipation.
He dipped his head to my other breast and, this trip, made a couple of passes back and forth across my nipple with the flat of his tongue before sucking the aroused flesh into his mouth.
It felt so good. Too good, if that was possible.
My feminine centre was already aching for him. It was the very real struggle between wanting to keep building and experiencing the need versus quenching it. I was going to trust Seth to decide which way it would go and I knew, either way, I would be in for a ride big on pleasure.
His hands slid up to cup my jaw and he lowered his lips to mine. The kiss started slow and lazy, his tongue licked along my lips, teasing, before slipping inside to explore or, rather, visit all the places he knew so well.
His kiss was both familiar and new. The emotion and the layers were new, the heat and the confidence were the reassuring foundations I was so comfortable with. It was Seth, I loved him and, now, I had no doubt he felt the same about me from the tone of his kisses and his previous words. On the surface, Seth may appear shallow, when in fact, he was the exact opposite. He was deep and vastly untapped.
He drew back slightly and plucked at my lower lip before moving across my jaw and down to my neck.
My hands had found their way under his shirt and I wanted to have the barrier of fabric removed from him.
His teeth tugged at my ear gently and I lifted the shirt up, attempting to rid him of it.
“Seth, please. I want to feel your skin against mine.”
My ear lobe slipped from his mouth with a little pop. He reached a hand over behind his neck and drew the T-Shirt up and over his head.
I moved in against his body, wrapped my arms around him at chest height, and pulled firmly. I wanted to feel his hard strength against me. His warm body heat. The spicy scent of his cologne that mixed so deliciously with his own unique male smell.
It was pheromone overload. We were taking the time to savour, to slowly build, to relish and celebrate every nuance of each other.
We’d come together many, many times—never had it been like this.
Challenge: A Contemporary MMA Romance: Oni Fighters Book 3 Page 36
