“Yes, Master, I won’t be bad again.” I held my breath, waiting for the next move. Unit was silent and still. The terror of not knowing what was next gripped even my inner slut who was usually so happy to have her pants down whenever she was around Unit. Finally, Unit exhaled a long, deep breath.
“Very good. Would you like some Communion wafers?”
“Um, no thank you, Master.” I straightened, pulling my pants up over my sore bottom. I stood there for a moment flushing from head to toe. I was determined not to cry.
“Are we done?” I tried to keep the quiver out of my voice.
“With the punishment, yes.” Unit’s voice was soft, conciliatory even. “Now, I fuck you with a gold crucifix, Nasty, my dear.”
“I…I…don’t think I’m up for that.” I was having real difficulty keeping the quiver out of my voice.
“Are you in pain?”
“I’m a little bit sore. And a lotta bit angry. Why do you need to beat me like that? It’s…humiliating.” Crap. My flushes were flushing.
“That’s the whole point, Ms. Lime.”
“Well, if that’s what you need in this relationship, maybe it’s not meant to be.” I ran out of the RV. I could hear Unit calling for me to stop, but I didn’t. I ran the entire two minutes back to my apartment without even stopping to hug my favorite tree.
Catch 22
I feel numb after my spanking episode with Unit. I must have been crying in my room for close to an hour when Kath comes home.
“Nasty? Are you, like, okay in there?”
“I’ll be fine.” I sniff.
“Are you, like, puking, or, like, crying?”
“I’m not puking. I’m fine.” I hate to admit that I am crying. That I let that long-fingered billionaire get the best of me.
Kath opens the door. I must be a mess.
“You are, like, a mess?”
I was right.
“What, like, happened?”
“Oh, Kath, Unit spanked me!”
“He what?”
“Spanked me. On my bum.” I wiped the boogers from my nose with the tissue she handed me.
“Did he, like, hurt you?”
“Well…yes. I had to say ‘ouch’ and all.”
“Why did he, like, do it?”
“That’s what he likes to do. It turns him on.”
“Like, oh.”
Kath and I sat in silence for a long time while she wrapped her mind around my terrible, horrible problem.
“So, like, he wants to spank you, but you don’t want him to?”
“Exactly.”
“And he, like, won’t take no for an answer?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Sooo., like the sex is great and he treats you okay, like, except for the spanking?”
“Um, yeah.”
“But, like, the spanking is a deal breaker for you?”
“Well, yes. I don’t want to be spanked. I don’t want Unit to get pleasure out of spanking me.”
“Bummer. Cuz, like, he’s so gorgeous and so, like, rich.”
“I already miss him so much…and it’s only been a hour.”
“So, like, do you hate the spanking more than you, like, miss him?”
“It’s not that I hate the spanking. I hate him liking the spanking.”
“So, you don’t really mind if he, like, spanks you?”
“No. I just mind that he enjoys it.”
“So, like, what if he pretended not to like spanking you?”
“If he didn’t like it, he wouldn’t do it.”
“So, like, that’s the catch.”
“Yes.”
“Then it all comes down to, like, whether you hate him liking the spanking more than, like, you miss him?”
“Yes!”
And I broke down in tears again. Has any girl ever had such a dilemma?
Ӂ
Also enjoy Lardyard Hampoon’s other parody:
The H.Unger Games Gone Wild
with Sue Knott
(suitable for young adults)
Lardyard Hampoon is a scoundrel and a layabout. When he is not writing (well, truth be told, dictating), he does nothing useful.
Lardyard enjoys eating and laying on the couch watching TV (if he has a remote).
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