I start pulling at the tube pumping oxygen into my nose and yank the monitors off my finger and the cuff off my arm. The alarms on the machines are beeping wildly as I start to cry out.
“Stop,” Devin pleads, but his face is full of fear. “He’s not dead. He’s alive.” He tries to reassure me as he clamps his large hands down on my shoulders, but I buck and fight harder to get to my feet. His words finally start to make sense to me.
“He’s alive?” I ask, settling my body just for a moment so he can answer. “Is he all right?”
“He’s hurt really bad. He’s in surgery now, but he’s alive. The prognosis isn’t great though. It could still go either way.”
I cry out again as I realize how bad Click’s injuries must be. I hear the door swing open and expect nurses to come in and sedate me again, but instead I see Rebecca—a friend whose gentle face gives me much needed comfort.
“What the hell did you say to her, Devin?” she asks, her lilting southern accent in deep contrast to her forceful actions as she shoves him aside and moves her face extremely close to mine.
“I just told her that he’s alive but they aren’t sure he’ll make it,” Devin says in a panicked voice, looking like he might jump out of his skin.
“Oh gosh, Devin, just sit down and be quiet. Jordan, look at me.” She forces my chin to align with her face and bores holes through me with her eyes. “He’s alive. That’s all that matters right now. Click is one of the strongest people I have ever met and if anyone can get through this, it’s him. You know that. Any second the nurses are going to come through that door and sedate you again unless you calm yourself down. You need to be awake and alert for Click. Look at me,” she says, shaking me gently by the shoulders, and it’s enough to make her words sink in.
I pull in a few deep breaths as I try to focus. “He’s alive,” I whisper more to myself than anyone else. Rebecca’s hand sweeps across my forehead, maternally brushing my wild hair away from my eyes. “Does his family know?” I ask, trying to get words out of my dry mouth. Like a good mother would, Rebecca reads my face and brings me a glass of water. After a few sips, I look back and forth between her and a still-nervous Devin for an answer.
“Yes,” Rebecca explains. “Devin was in the process of getting the whole family to Clover at Click’s request until we were sure they’d be safe. We got the call about his accident just an hour after they’d arrived and his mom . . . well, insisted doesn’t seem like a strong enough word. She demanded we get her up here immediately. His parents and his sister, Bianca, and her husband, Jonah are all with him.”
“I’m sorry about what I said, Jordan. You caught me off guard and I’m not good in those moments,” Devin apologizes as he stands again and walks toward my bed.
“I know you’re not. I’m the same way. I understand.” Devin and I butted heads the majority of our time together in Clover. If you had asked me then I would have told you it was because we were so different, but I realize it’s because we are so much alike. I don’t have a history of being comfortable with emotions. But now, as my world starts crumbling around me, I know there is nothing I can do to protect myself from these feelings. I can’t shield my heart from breaking; it’s smashing apart as we speak. All I can to do is take comfort from having the two of them here with me and hope Click finds a way to survive.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jordan – Eighteen Months Later
Everyone told me it would get better with time. They’ve given me their advice and comforting words. They said every day I’d feel more like myself, and before I knew it this new version of my life would make sense. Advice is always filled with clichés, but I know everyone’s intention is to reassure me and make me feel better.
Most days I actually agree. This new life is starting to feel somewhat normal. But just as quickly as I think that, I have to duck my head and cover my growing belly with one hand to avoid the serving spoon that whizzes across the long table, and I question if joining this family was the right choice. The advice from everyone is still ringing in my ears. Perhaps one day I will feel like my old self even in the midst of this chaos, but right now I’m not so sure
“Ma,” Click yells as he catches the spoon before it can hit Mick upside the head. His reflexes are almost back to normal as he nears the end of his physical therapy. “Can you not throw things in the vicinity of my wife and unborn child? I don’t need my daughter knowing how crazy you are already. She might not come out.”
I let out a little laugh as Click rubs my belly affectionately. “I’m not giving little Maggie a choice. She’s coming out of here sooner or later because I can’t take too many more kicks to my ribs.”
“Well I’ve told the fool a hundred times if he puts ketchup on my meatloaf he can eat it somewhere else. This isn’t a high school cafeteria for goodness sake. It makes a mockery of my kitchen,” Corinne huffs as she raises her chin defiantly and reaches for another spoon. Luckily her husband grabs it first.
The table we’re all gathered around is custom made. It had to be in order to accommodate this many people. The same crew that built the ramps to make Click’s access in his wheelchair easier had offered to design a table that could fit this whole crazy group, and then a smaller replica for all the children.
“Corinne, cut it out,” Click’s dad says softly as he rests his hand on his wife’s arm. “Today is a day to celebrate.” He stands and raises his glass of wine. Everyone falls silent and turns toward him. “We’re so lucky to have family and new friends here today. This last year has been a whirlwind, and while some people might look at it as a year better forgotten, I’m actually grateful it happened. Sometimes you need challenges and tragedy to remind you to appreciate days like today. Devin,” he says looking over at Devin, whose arm is wrapped around Rebecca’s shoulder. “Thank you for making the trip out here to Tennessee to celebrate with us. You’ve given my son so much, but the greatest gift of all is your friendship. The same goes for you, Rebecca. Your kind spirit and warm heart makes it easier to watch Click move to Clover. Knowing you’ll be there with him gives us great comfort.” Rebecca wipes a quick tear from their eyes as he continues. “Girls,” he turns his attention to his daughters, “you all worked so hard this year to help your brother. You sacrificed your time and energy to make sure he and Jordan had everything they needed. I’m so proud of you for that. And Click,” he continues as he chokes up slightly, “it’s funny how you tend to protect your heart by keeping your prayers reasonable. First I just asked for you to pull through and survive. Then I started praying that you’d have all your mental faculties once you’d recovered. Once we knew you would, I started to pray that your spine injury would heal and you’d be able to walk again. And today, through an extremely difficult year of physical therapy, here you are walking around as though you were never injured at all. I’ve always been proud of you for the choices and sacrifices you’ve made, but today I see the strides you’ve taken to recover and restart your life, and pride is overwhelming me.” He wipes at the stray tears streaming down his face and a resounding “aw” breaks out.
The warmth of the moment evaporates like dew on a hot morning when the kids begin arguing over who should get the biggest piece of Nona’s meatloaf. “Enough, all of you, I made three more meatloaves. There is plenty for everyone.”
“Nona,” Adeline asks, and I watch Rebecca’s face light up at the affection between the two. “Do you think if I eat everything I can have dessert?”
“Of course, baby doll. I’ve got four big trays of tiramisu and you’ll get a giant piece.”
Adeline’s face beams as she starts shoveling bites of meatloaf into her mouth frantically.
I take one last look around the obscenely large table and reconsider everyone’s advice. Maybe they’re right. Maybe this new version of my life does make sense. And as strange as this bunch is, as flawed and crazy as they act—I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Click
I take Jordan’s hand in mine and grab my cane by the wall behind me. “Want to go for a walk?” I ask, and her face radiates joy.
“Of course.”
“Come on, Hemi,” I say, patting my leg and the dog jumps obediently to her feet. Hemi has been a loyal and comforting friend to me. I’m not sure how I’d have survived some of this without her unwavering cheerfulness and constant optimism.
When you’re in a wheelchair for any amount of time it makes walking feel like a blessing, and it’s something I’ll never take for granted again. Although I have to work through the pain every day, the ability to get up on my own two feet and walk out in the pasture behind my parent’s house with my wife is truly a gift.
I’ll be honest, when I woke up from the first round of surgery the pain was so excruciating I prayed for death. But day by day and little by little, life became a better option. Saying this out loud hasn’t felt like a good idea just yet, but part of me believes getting hurt that badly was a blessing. The question of whether or not to reenlist no longer rages inside me. I couldn’t now even if I wanted to. Fate has made that decision for me. More than that, the time it took my body to heal opened the door, making time to heal my mind. When I had nothing to do but lie there and drown in my own thoughts, it became clear the journey I had ahead of me needed to consist of more than just surgeries and physical therapy. If I was going to be someone worthy of being Jordan’s other half, then she deserved the best of me.
Much to my surprise, after I was released from the hospital and was ready to transition to a rehab facility, it was Devin who stepped in. He had a medically equipped jet fly me to Sturbridge so I could be close to my family. Even to this day he swears it was the fear of my mother that had him making that call. He hired a private staff of physical therapists to care for me at the local hospital. I think some of it was whispers in his ear from Rebecca, but at the end of the day it was Devin who made my quick recovery possible. The one-on-one attention I received sped up the process.
As we step out to the edge of the open field, waist-high wheat all around us, I place a hand on Jordan’s belly just in time to feel my daughter roll her foot across it.
“She loves when you do that,” Jordan whispers, placing her hand over mine and resting her head on my shoulder.
“I hope I’ll be a good dad.” I’ve been debating whether or not to mention this fear for a while. Therapy has me opening up a lot more, so I am trying to express myself.
“Do you know why I’m not worried about that?”
“Why?” I tilt my face down to see her huge brown eyes staring up at me. I need her answer because I haven’t been able to come up with my own yet.
“All a child needs is a parent who comes when they call, who shows up when they don’t realize they need help yet. You always show up. You always come through. You do it for all of us, and I know you’ll do it for her. That’s all she needs. The rest we’ll figure out as we go.”
“I never thought I’d have all this.” I gesture down at Jordan’s full belly.
“Me either,” she admits as she spins into my arms and squeezes me tightly. “For two people who weren’t sure how to find happiness we sure stumbled into a lot of it.”
“And I would give my last breath, I would fight with everything I have to make sure we hold onto it for as long as life allows. I will always come for you, Jordan. I will always show up for both of you.”
“I’ve never believed anything more than I believe those words. Thank you for loving us so much.”
“You make it so easy.”
“That’s a lie, but it’s one I’ll let you tell.”
I lean down and kiss her lips as fireflies come alive around us. “Maybe it’s not always easy loving you, but it’s impossible not to.”
“Are you two ready?” Jonah yells as he comes down the path holding hands with Bianca. “Devin says the plane leaves in an hour. We’re all packed up and ready to go.”
“I can’t believe we’re really going to do this,” Bianca says, looking out upon the setting sun and shaking her head in disbelief. “Someone needs to pinch me because I can’t believe we’re really all moving to Clover and opening a dance academy for physically challenged and injured children.”
“I can’t wait to bring my sister and my mother down to see it,” Jordan says, squeezing my arm. “After my sister lost her leg she was so sad she couldn’t join dance when I did. It broke her heart. I’ve never forgotten the look on her face at my first recital. Dance Dreams Studio is going to be the kind of place all kids can come and feel good about themselves. We’ll include everyone.”
“It’s like a dream come true for me. Thank you so much for letting us be apart of this,” Bianca says, and she and Jordan break into tears the same way they have every time they talk about it.
“With Jordan’s business skills I bet you’ll be opening them up all across the country before you know it.” I beam proudly at my talented wife.
“And how about you?” Jonah asks eyeing me skeptically. “Are you ready for your new endeavor?”
“I’m looking forward to it. I’ll be responsible for transitioning the sheriff’s department back into control of the law enforcement in Clover. I’ll help ensure corruption is no longer an issue and things run smoothly as the security team moves on. It’s really one of the last pieces left to regaining normalcy there. The town is thriving now that the recycling facility is firing on all cylinders. The economy is booming again. It’s given them the opportunity to prosper and everyone has taken full advantage of it. I can’t wait to be a part of it again. Devin has put a lot of faith in me and I intend to make a difference there.”
“Oh boy, here come the waterworks again,” Jonah jokes as he nudges me with his shoulder and I cry out in pain, clutching my arm. “I’m sorry, man. Are you all right? I was just kidding around with you.”
“So was I,” I laugh as I drop my cane to the ground and shove him backward. “You want to see if I’m healed enough to kick your ass, old man?”
“Anytime, punk.” Jonah raises his fists up and we start sparing with each other. Hemi starts barking and jumping around us playfully.
“Can we leave the two of them here?” Jordan asks Bianca as they head for the house.
“I guess, but then who’s going to remodel the dance studio for us to make it handicap accessible?”
“I’m sure we can find a couple of hot construction guys who can do everything we need them to,” Jordan teases as she looks back over her shoulder at us.
“Okay, we’re coming,” Jonah relents as he drops his fists and starts following our wives toward the house. I take one more look at the pasture and watch the sun fading behind the tree line. “You coming?” Jonah calls back to me, and I turn to hustle and catch up to them.
“What about your cane?” he asks, making a move to go back and get it for me.
“I don’t need it anymore,” I insist as I shove him one last time for good measure and start the closest thing I can do to a jog toward the house. I pass Jordan and Bianca and though my body feels different than it did before the accident, the fact that I can get even this much speed gives me hope for the future. “Come on, keep up, you slackers,” I call arrogantly over my shoulder and then promptly trip and fall on my face. The three of them race over like I’m a tiny bird that’s fallen out of a tree.
“Click, are you all right?” Jordan asks kneeling next to me, though her belly is making that difficult. Jonah and Bianca are by my side on their knees offering to help me up, but I’m laughing too hard to even move. Hemi comes by and licks my face the way she does when she thinks I’m struggling.
“What’s so funny?” Jordan asks, looking slightly annoyed by my inability to catch my breath as my laughter grows.
“I slipped in dog shit, and now you’re all kneeling in it.” Jonah hops up, followed by Bianca who has to help Jordan back to her feet.
“Oh this is so gross,” Bianca screams as she looks down at her k
haki pants.
“I think it’s good luck.” Jonah tries to comfort her as he looks down at his knees and twists his face in disgust.
“It’s bird shit that’s supposed to be lucky,” Jordan yells as she hurries toward the house, and Bianca follows quickly behind.
Though my mother’s love seems fairly boundless, apparently she draws the line at allowing shit-covered people into her house. Instead she tosses out towels and has my dad, who can’t stop laughing, hose us down in the yard. The only person she lets in is Jordan who plays the “I’m carrying your grandchild” card.
When we are finally all cleaned, we have to race out the door to catch the plane, though I’m positive Devin wouldn’t leave without us. Bianca and the girls kiss my mother goodbye and my dad pulls Jordan in for a tight hug. As they all step out onto the porch I hang back for a second as my mother breaks down into dramatic tears. It’s just the two of us in the entryway of the house I grew up in, and I’ve left here a dozen times so this should be old hat to us.
“I can’t believe you’re going again,” my mom chokes out as she pulls me in for a hug.
“Thank you for everything you do, Ma. Even the stuff we don’t want you to do. Because I know not so long from now it’ll be me up all night watching my child sleep. I’ll be driving behind the school bus to make sure the bullies stay in line. It’ll be me embarrassing the hell out of her for her own damn good. One day she’ll be old enough to go out on her own and I’m going to have to let her even though it breaks my heart. And the whole time I’ll be thinking about you.”
My mother steps back from me and nods her head as she wipes at her streaking mascara. I expect her to say something, to impart some wisdom I can take with me now that we’ve shared this moment. But instead she just waves her hand slightly and watches me walk out to meet Jordan.
Facing Home (The Clover Series Book 4) Page 18
