Falling Stars

by J. L. Brooks

  My stomach grumbled in rebellion of the sparse eating habits I had adopted. My appetite had returned in full force. My nose had caught whiff of the delicious aroma of steaks and chicken on the grill. Of course it would be the guys next door. Taking a quick shower I decided not to wait for Grant to come back. Walking over to their patio, they cheered in unison. I giggled while looking enviously at the dinner being prepared.

  “You do realize that the smell coming from over here is pure torture. I will give you a hundred bucks to let me eat with you guys tonight.”

  Jarrett, Alex, TJ, Nate and Eric made up the rest of the group along with Mark and Grant. I had caught their names, but was now putting them to the faces after the breakfast.

  Alex held his palm out towards me.

  “It’s the least you could do after bogarting our swimming hole.”

  I sneered yet reached into my pocket where I really had a hundred dollar bill at the ready. Sliding it out to hand over, Jarrett slapped him away.

  “We are not taking your money. You just can’t be naked tomorrow or else Grant will have a shit fit again. We were going to join you, but he would have punched one of us for interrupting you.”

  I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across my face. Looking around for the source of my delirium, he was noticeably absent. To avoid appearing like a puppy, I asked where the beer was and made myself comfy in one of the canvas camping chairs. Sitting cross legged, the guys asked me question after question about my books. Nate and TJ had called their wives at home to tell them who they met and requested autographs and copies of certain books if I had them handy. Sadly I didn’t but promised to drive into town to pick them up from a book store so they didn’t leave empty handed.

  It was sweet seeing how thrilled the two men were, knowing they would be taking their spouses something that would make them happy. Like the girl in the airport, I was getting to see how I impacted people’s lives in a way I had not seen before. Mark was manning the grill and called me over to check a steak. I preferred mine a little on the medium side which the others balked at.

  “Look, I don’t have a dick. I prefer not to risk e-coli from my foods. I have nothing to prove.”

  The men chuckled in between mouthfuls of food. There were foil packets of sliced peppers, grilled corn and asparagus spears which were wrapped in bacon. I moaned loudly while the grease dripped from my fingers onto the plate. My eyes were closed chomping merrily, enjoying the delicious meal. I opened them to see Grant standing in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist. How long he had been there I was unsure. He cocked his head slightly and smiled. I wanted to ask him if he knew he did that when he looked at me, as I noticed he did it no other time. I found his quirk endearing. He held up a finger to indicate he would be back shortly. A few of the guys watched the silent interaction unsure of what exactly to make of it.

  Thankfully I did not feel awkward in their presence. If nothing else I felt completely at home. Running around with my brother had made me appreciate the simplicity of men. There were no games. The more direct you were, the more respect you got. There was no confusion in their actions. Despite his restraint, I knew Grant wanted to take me by the river. I wondered if he had sisters or minored in psychology with his ability read my feelings and diffuse them quickly. Then again, adults and children still have the same baser needs. Affirmed when unsure, disciplined when unrestrained, and loved at all times.

  Grant had walked onto the patio in the same hooded jacket from earlier and striped jogging pants. Realizing that I had taken his seat, I stood up quickly for him to sit down and eat. His finger looped through my belt loop and pulled me down onto his lap. Looking at the other men, there was no judgment in our actions. Sensing my tension, he rubbed my hips slowly and along my spine with this thumbs.

  “You need to eat. I can run next door and grab a chair.” Going to stand again, he held me in place on his lap.

  “I will in a bit. Relax.”

  Exhaling a deep breath, I didn’t fight it. Nate handed us both another beer and the men went over the next day’s plans together as I quietly listened. Hearing about the route they biked that day and the one they planned out sounded incredible. I would be frightened to cross some of the boulders on a bike, yet they lived for it. All of the men belonged to intense gyms and used the terms snatch, box, thrusters and wod repeatedly. I had never tried it, and had no intention after hearing how rigorous the works outs were. Any activity where puking or crying was praised was a huge turn off. However if the members looked like this group of guys, I felt like I would be changing my mind rather quickly.

  The lodge was setting up the bonfire in the distance and the others packed a cooler and headed down ahead of us. I moved to another chair and Grant fixed a plate of food that had to have been cold.

  “Why didn’t you eat when it was hot?” I asked while popping the cap off of another IPA. I was finished writing for the evening and had every intention of getting trashed. I had set the bottle of tequila on the deck to grab and share with the guys as a peace offering for taking off earlier.

  “Because I want to spend some time with you alone.”

  I nodded in understanding.

  “So time alone after the fire is out of the question?” I gave a fake pout knowing what the answer would be. He might have been a man, but he was a gentleman.

  “We’ll see.” He smirked back.

  Grant wrapped his arm around my lower back as we walked down to the lodge. The air was crisp with a slight breeze as night settled in upon the valley. I knew to wear a thick sweater and sweat pants after the first night of working on the porch. It wasn’t the sexiest attire, but meeting someone here was never my intention. Looking up at Grant, he returned my gaze with ease. His soul was tranquil in a way I had never known and envied. It radiated out of him and changed whoever it came in contact with. He came across as stoic at first, then you realized he was simply unmoved by his surroundings.

  After hearing about his rebuke of the others at the swimming hole, I was even more curious what they really thought of me.

  He didn’t appear the type to give himself so readily to a stranger. Then again, for the most part neither was I. I stopped trying to analyze the situation and enjoyed his presence, however long I was privileged enough to revel in it.

  The massive fire was raging down the hill from the cabins. Several groups were congregated in different areas, sitting in camping chairs or on the logs surrounding the pit. Not having a chair, I walked towards the logs, yet was pulled back to the group.

  “I can share, I don’t mind.”

  With a mischievous grin, Grant popped open the seat and motioned for me to sit down. Alex tossed a small flannel blanket over and allowed me to snuggle into Grant's lap even more. His arm wrapped possessively around my waist, grazing his thumb across the dip in between my ribs and hipbone.

  “Don’t your friends think this is weird? You just met me this morning.”

  Pulling me close his voice was firm.

  “Don’t worry about what my friends think. Does it really matter?”

  My brow scrunched in confusion. Shaking my head it didn’t make sense.

  “They are your friends. I would think it would matter. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”

  Grant leaned forward and bit my shoulder through the sweater gently, yet with enough pressure to sting.

  “After this week I may never see you again. I don’t give a flying fuck what they think. If they have a problem, they will get over it. So stop worrying, they actually love you and they are not an easy crowd to win over.”

  “Okay.” I replied.

  To reinforce his point, he tipped my chin again towards him and kissed me deeply. Embarrassment kept me from reciprocating as much as I wanted to. These men were going to leave sharing stories about how big of a whore I was. If he hadn’t already scoured the internet about me I would be surprised. I didn’t want to be a trophy fuck, and there was no way of knowing what he tru
ly thought.

  “Do you really think you will never see me again?”

  For the first time, melancholy washed across his face and dulled the sparkle in his eyes.

  “Lila, I don’t think you are an easy person to care about. You give off this very fun-loving vibe, but I bet you don’t let anyone too close. You might give your body to me, but I won’t ever have your heart. I know better than to hold out hope on you. So no, I don’t think after this week I will see you again.”

  My head snapped at his assessment. He was breaking me apart in his mind and was painfully accurate. My eyes burned hot as the tears pooled in the corners. Reaching to the side, I pretended to fumble in my bag longer than necessary so as to wipe my face with my sleeve and not allow the wetness to show. The bottle of tequila was never so welcomed as in this moment. Popping off the metal cage and twisting out the cork, I took a large swallow of the bitter liquid. Handing the bottle to Grant I gave a brave smile.

  “Then let’s not waste anymore time.”

  Taking a gulp of his own, he passed it to Jarrett to share with the others. They looked at the bottle in the firelight and grinned. We each managed to get a good shot out of it before the bottle was empty. Combined with the beers, it was enough to warm my insides and dull the ache in my chest.

  I crawled off of Grant's lap and walked closer to the fire. Sitting alone on a log with my back to the group I warmed my hands and face. Letting the flames hypnotize me, I soaked in his words. Was I that easy to read? Is that why most men didn’t even bother pursuing me because I wore my resistance like a banner of pride? The truths about my life were going to decimate me. In less than twenty-four hours I had experienced a gamut of emotions, just to arrive back at square one. After some time, Grant joined me on the log. Handing me another beer, I took it and stared back at the fire.

  “Thanks,” I said quietly.

  Clenching my jaw, I just wanted to go back to my room but knew if I ran again I would just prove how nuts I was.

  “I’m sorry.” He replied, the apology sounding genuinely remorseful.

  I shook my head as I continued to avoid his gaze. “Don’t be, you have nothing to be sorry about. You have observed something about me that I refuse to see in myself. I should be thanking you.”

  Using his hand to gently guide my chin towards him, he held it in place until my eyes met his.

  “There’s a lot in you I don’t think you see. It’s a shame really, because it’s spectacular.”

  “You don’t know me.”

  He looked at me determinedly.

  “You don’t have to know someone to read their body language. People give everything away without saying a word. It’s why I love working with children. They are too young to hide who they really are.”

  I agreed with him. As a writer I had to convey emotions through body language to paint a complete picture. Words spoken from the characters were not enough. A subtle touch, a raised brow or a swift punch were vivid enough to convey what the character was feeling.

  Afraid of the answer, I was burning with curiosity.

  “So if that is what you see, why want me around at all?”

  He chuckled deeply before answering. Looking back at the guys he appeared wistful.

  “Most people live their entire lives content with their place in life, never striving for more, whether it is out of fear, guilt or laziness. More doesn’t mean financially, but a cultivation of spirit. Sometimes they are so beat down by circumstances they cannot change then forget there are things they can. You can be at peace while walking through hell.”

  My eyes grew wide.

  “Are we about to have a come to Jesus moment, because I am pretty sure that I will probably lose my shit right now if that is what is happening.”

  He laughed conspiratorially which made me more nervous.

  “Not quite, but something like that.”

  I held up my hands and scooted away causing him to laugh even harder.

  Leaning in through clenched teeth I snickered out. “I saw your dick today, I am pretty sure that is against the rules where God is concerned.”

  His eyes crinkled in mirth as he chuckled louder. “Yes, but notice I didn’t let you have it.”

  “I fucking knew it!” I shrilled. My shouting drew the attention of everyone around me. He tried to pull my arm to sit down, hushing me through the hysterical coughs.

  “No, it all makes sense. You’re obviously not gay. I knew there was a catch. We are in Utah. Are you Mormon? I mean that’s cool, but I am Catholic and I am positive that it’s all going down hill from here.”

  I tried to keep my voice as low as possible without sounding panicked. He was cracking up which made the situation worse.

  “If you don’t sit down I am going to tackle you and tickle you. You have been warned.” He was laughing but I could tell he was serious. I dared him to test if he could really read me as well as he claimed. Instantly his arm reached out for my leg, which I had jumped back before he could grab. Twisting his body, he was up like lightening after me. Screaming into the night I circled the fire and hid behind his friends. Weaving around the logs, my stomach hurt from giggling so hard it was stealing my breath. As I bent over to regain my bearings, he swept me up with one arm and flung me over his shoulder, spanking my ass as we headed back to the log.

  “I’m going to vomit. I swear to God I am if you don’t put me down. I will barf all over you and it will be gross.”

  With another firm slap against my upper thigh he refused to put me down.

  “Are you going to listen?”

  Laying limply down his back, I gave up easily.

  “Yes, please, just put me down.”

  Grant slid me down his front side gently, placing my feet on the ground and giving me a hug.

  “You’ll survive, I promise,” he assured.

  Sitting slowly, I held my stomach and eyed him warily, yet with a grin.

  “I’m all ears.”

  He took a deep breath and suddenly looked nervous. Blowing out, his face had a now or never expression.

  “I might be wrong, but I know you are on a journey. You are not just writing a book, but you are figuring some serious shit out. When I look at you, I see the wheels spinning so fast I am shocked steam isn’t shooting from your ears. All joking aside, I believe that you meet everyone for a reason. I think I am supposed to help you.”

  He had my attention, although I was highly suspicious.

  “What kind of help?”

  His tranquil energy began to pour out of him and surround me in comfort. I had never experienced something so tangible in my life. The world seemed to disappear as I became hyper focused on his words.

  “Help you find your way, wherever that may be. I know it sounds crazy, but the moment I saw you I was drawn to you and that is what the voice in the back of my head keeps telling me.”

  Deciding to play a little with him, I scooted back as if unsure.

  “I think I prefer the come to Jesus talk. You are right that does sound crazy.”

  His face dropped. It must take an extraordinary amount of courage to look a fool and tell some one what you so strongly believe. Cracking a quick smile, I leapt up and knocked him on his back, straddling him to hold him down, although I knew he could easily flip me over.

  “Then what are we supposed to do Yoda?” I mocked in my weak attempt to restrain him. Escaping my grasp, his hands grabbed my hips and pulled down. My eyes immediately closed while I bit down hard on my bottom lip and let out a small whimper.

  “You come with me.”

  “Come with you where?”

  “On the road. You said you don’t know where you are going right? Come with me. I know you have a rental; you can just drop it off at the nearest location.

  I will get you to an airport so you can go to Phoenix or Vegas, whichever you need to go to first. But until then, stay with me.”

  I snorted at the response; seriously disbelieving he just said what he did.

>   “Um, and where are you going?”

  Once again he looked to the guys and beamed brightly. They were cautiously watching us interact, making sure to not appear as if they were gawking.

  “The Black Rock Desert for a massive festival. I bet you would love it.”

  I had heard of the festival he was referring to and it seemed really interesting. An entire city was built in the desert and operated non-stop for a week and then disappeared without a trace. Music and art dominated, along with a culture of self reliance and freedom. Giant intricate structures were erected and mutated vehicles traversed the dry landscape. Friends of mine had gone before and returned with wild stories and lots of dust in their cars.

  “Are you sure you want to ask me to do something like that? Don’t you want to spend a few more days with me before making such a huge decision?”

  He shook his head, confident in his request.

  “And what do you get out of helping me? Did the voice tell you that?”

  Thinking I was mocking him, he started to withdraw. To let him know I was sincere, I ran my fingers along his cheeks and across the scruff of his jaw.

  “I’m serious. If you didn’t help me or if I refuse you, what would happen?”

  His bottom lip trembled slightly, catching me off guard. "I don’t know. Nothing I guess. I would get over it. I would just feel this void for a little while. That’s what usually happens, especially with some of my students. But I can’t and won’t force anyone. It goes against everything I believe. I just have to trust I did my best.”

  I could swear upon everything holy that he was the most beautiful person I had ever met. It was hard to fathom I could be so lucky.

  “Who are you?” I asked softly.