by Meg Maxwell
The little guy was red-faced, yanking on his ear and crying. He looked absolutely miserable.
“Uh-oh. I wonder if he might have an ear infection,” Anna said. “Why don’t you take Nathaniel on a little adventure for the next hour while I bring Noah to the urgent-care clinic? I’ve passed it a bunch of times at the end of Blue Gulch Street. No appointment needed.”
“Sure we shouldn’t come with you?”
Anna shook her head. “We should probably keep Nathaniel away from anyone contagious at the clinic. I’ll be fine on my own.”
Colt nodded and they got back in and headed to town. He parked at the clinic, and Anna got out with Noah, taking the stroller so that she could easily wheel him back the half mile to the inn.
“Text me after you see the doc. If you want me to pick you up, just let me know.”
Anna smiled. “I will.”
She and Noah disappeared through the door, Colt immediately missing them. He was worried about Noah. But Anna said it was probably an ear infection, and he was pretty sure those were common in babies.
“We’re on our own,” he said to Nathaniel. “Know what I could go for? Lunch at Hurley’s Homestyle Kitchen. Pulled-pork po’boy? Those spicy sweet potato fries? Sounds good, right?”
Nathaniel smiled.
“I thought you’d agree.” This was good, actually. While Anna was away with Noah, he could read over the intel Harlan had texted this morning. Colt stopped by the inn to use the “business center” printer in the parlor. He’d buy the proprietor another pack of copier paper since the report was almost forty pages long.
Report in a manila envelope in one hand, Nathaniel in the other, Colt headed down to Hurley’s. The restaurant was crowded, but there was a table for two that only one chair could fit, so Colt was able to bypass the other groups of two since a baby seat could still fit on one side of the table.
“Our lucky day, little guy,” he said to Nathaniel, giving the baby a kiss on the cheek.
“Aww, so cute!” a smiling waitress said. He recognized her from his time in the kitchen; her name was Clementine. “Nice to see you again, Colt. And we know this cutie pie. Anna brought him and his twin when she volunteered a couple of days ago. His baby buddies miss him. Maybe I can sneak him into the kitchen to say hi after he eats.”
Colt smiled. “Sure thing.”
Another waitress took his order. The po’boy and fries for Colt and a jar of sweet potato baby food for Nathaniel. Colt put his report on the table beside his lunch, one eye on the devastating account of what had happened in the past week as Duvall and his thugs wreaked havoc all over Houston, and one eye on Nathaniel, who gobbled up every spoonful of his lunch.
Clementine returned to clear plates. “You’re a great eater!” she said, kneeling down by Nathaniel. She waved a little stuffed monkey. “Remember how you loved playing with this last time you were here? Your buddy is in the kitchen. Want to come say hi?”
Nathaniel held his arms straight up, clearly wanting Clementine to pick him up.
Colt smiled. “Fine with me. I’ve got some heavy reading to do, so it’s great timing.”
“I’ll bring him back in five minutes.” She scooped up Nathaniel and took him into the kitchen.
Colt sipped his coffee and began reading carefully, highlighting and starring certain sections. Eliot Duvall was a monster and had to be stopped. Colt would go undercover as a high-end buyer of assault weapons and would meet with only Duvall to ostensibly ensure he wasn’t walking into a trap, or no deal. He took notes on the weapons he needed to be an expert in, glancing at the photos Harlan had attached, including photos of Duvall and his top associates. It was as though he hadn’t been away from the office, the field. Everything fell away but his work, the drive to learn everything about Duvall, to get him to the point where he could bust him. His mind reeling with all the information he’d taken in, his phone pinged with another text from Harlan. He was forwarding another report on the weapons Colt would “buy.”
Colt got up and hurried back to the inn, wanting to print out the new report and study the photos and details. He sat in the parlor, reading through the material, his highlighter working furiously. He’d read through the first report again, all forty pages, then the second one again.
“Colt?”
He glanced up, and for a moment he didn’t know where he was. Plush chocolate-brown sofa. Computer. Printer. Desks. He was in the parlor at the inn.
He shook his head to clear it.
“Anna! How’s Noah?” He bolted up, rushing over to pick up his nephew. “So he has an ear infection?”
She stared at him, looking around the room. “Where’s Nathaniel?”
Colt felt the blood drain from his face. “Oh, God. I—”
He’d left his baby nephew at Hurley’s. He’d walked out without him.
He’d forgotten his seven-month-old nephew.
Colt rushed out the door, dimly aware that Anna was hurrying after him, Noah in her arms.
He raced up the porch steps to Hurley’s and almost collided with people waiting for a table. He weaved between the crowd and into the kitchen.
“Oh, phew,” Clementine said. “I brought Nathaniel back out to find you but didn’t know where you were. I thought maybe you were in the restroom, but a half hour went by.”
He closed his eyes in shame. “I’m so sorry. I—”
“No worries. You’re here now.” She held Nathaniel out to him, and for a moment he didn’t feel like he deserved to take him.
He’d failed his nephew.
“Thanks for taking such good care of him. I got caught up in something and had to go back to the inn. I apologize.”
“Really, no worries. All’s well that ends well.”
He stared at her. He’d said that exact thing to Anna when the guinea pig had been returned to him.
But this was very different. This was about a baby he’d forgotten. Because he’d been buried in his work, unable to think of anything or anyone else.
This was how it would be with Anna. He wouldn’t hold back in the field because of her. He’d forget her entirely.
And she deserved better than that. Better than him.
He stalked out of the restaurant, Anna waiting for him with Noah.
“Colt? What happened?”
“Let’s talk at the inn,” he said, shifting Nathaniel in his arms.
They walked silently down the street to the inn. Once Nathaniel and Noah were in the playpen in Anna’s room, Noah looking much happier, Colt took Anna’s hand and led her over to the far side of the room.
He explained what happened. “I was trying to figure out if I could do this, really do this, be the man you deserve. And I found out for sure just now that I’m not and that I can’t be. I forgot my nephew, Anna. A baby. Yes, he was in good hands and safe. But what if I’d be somewhere else? What if I was in a restaurant where no one knew who I was? Anything could have happened.”
“Colt, you’re being too hard on yourself. Yes, you made a mistake. But I’m sure in the back of your mind you knew Nathaniel was with Clementine in the kitchen. You rushed out to print out the report and got lost in it. When I came back, you remembered Nathaniel and rushed to get him. He was just a few doors down in safe hands.”
“I didn’t remember. You asked where Nathaniel was. I didn’t even realize he was gone until you asked.”
The sympathy in her eyes bothered him. She should be angry and telling him off. “Oh, Colt.”
“I found out who I really am today, Anna. I’m an FBI agent first. I don’t want to be—I want to be with you. But my job will come first. That’s who I am. When we get back to Houston, we’ll be going our separate ways.”
“Colt, I—”
“My mind is made up. In fact, I’d like to leave right now.
Let’s just get back. I don’t want to be here anymore. You can stay in my guest room as the twins’ nanny until tomorrow morning, when my sister and her husband will back.”
She stared at him, a combination of hurt and anger flashing in her brown eyes. “I guess I’ll start packing.” She glanced over at the playpen. Both babies had fallen asleep, Noah’s little arm on his brother’s tummy. “Let’s at least wait until the twins wake up before we go.”
“I need some air,” Colt said and left, rushing out of the inn and down the street, no idea where he was headed.
He walked down the park at the end of the street and sat on a flat-topped rock, his head in his hands. How many times had his father forgotten to pick him up as he said he would, from sports practice or a game. Sorry, champ, got caught up in work. And instead of actually being sorry, his father was lost in thought of the job.
Colt would let down Anna time and again. And if he went with his heart and not his head and actually married her and had children? He’d disappoint them time and again.
Not going to happen. Because there could be no Colt and Anna in the first place.
Chapter Fourteen
The ride back to Houston was a silent, lonely three hours. At first, Anna had tried to talk to Colt. The circumstances had led to him forgetting about Nathaniel. The particular circumstances. Nathaniel had been in a safe place, which was why he hadn’t been on Colt’s mind.
He’d growled at her to stop making excuses for him. There is no excuse for what I did, he’d snapped, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles were white.
“Okay, you forgot your nephew,” she said. “Your mind was on your job, and you forgot your nephew. You made a mistake and I doubt it’s one you’ll make again.”
“Damn straight,” he said. “Because there won’t be a next time. I won’t babysit the twins on my own.”
“Come on, Colt. You’re never going to babysit your nephews. You’re never doing to do your sister the favor if she needs you?”
“No. And this conversation is over, Anna.”
Brick wall. She wanted to scream in frustration. She’d been so close to reaching him. The lone wolf, who’d turned so tender last night and this morning, who’d changed her life forever. And now he was gone again.
* * *
When they arrived at Colt’s condo, they each carried a baby from the garage, Colt taking Nathaniel.
“I’m so sorry I let you down,” Colt whispered in the baby’s ear. “You’re precious and I was careless. I’m very sorry.” He placed his nephew in the playpen and then went into his bedroom and closed the door, leaving his nanny to take care of the boys.
He’d never thought of her that way before. As his nanny. She’d been Anna, amazing Anna, full of surprises and bravery, a woman of many talents, including childcare. He was lucky to have known her. But it was time to say goodbye. In the morning, his sister and her husband would come pick up the twins, and then he’d offer to pay for a vacation rental for a week or two until Anna found her own place.
You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here—the words rang hollowly in his mind, his heart splitting in two.
He stewed for hours in his bedroom, not going over the reports on Duvall, not talking to Anna, not making these last hours with his nephews worthwhile. He laid on his bed, his hands behind his head, staring out at the night, the lights over Houston. He could just make out Anna singing a lullaby he recognized from his own childhood, one his mother had liked to sing.
There was a knock at his door. “It’s open.”
Anna came inside and sat down on the edge of the bed. “The boys are asleep. I just want to say one more thing. Will you listen?”
He nodded, keeping his gaze out the window.
“I love you, Colt. I don’t judge you. I wish you didn’t judge yourself so harshly. I’m standing here, offering you everything—the moon and the stars—and you’re not taking it because you think you can’t really have everything. But you can. Life is full of beautiful ups and horrible downs. You know this. You’ve lost your parents. I lost my parents. You’ve also found an amazing connection with your twin. And you escorted me into the world. Life is not going to be perfect. You’re not going to be perfect. So please don’t walk away from me, from us.”
She was crying and he wanted to stand up and hold her, but he stayed where he was. He felt like lead, unable to move.
“I appreciate what you said, Anna. But I’ve made my decision. I’m leaving the day after Christmas on the case. And when I go, I’ll be one-hundred-percent focused.”
“You think I’m so forgettable?”
She had so much moxy that he found himself getting up and rushing over to her. He pulled her into his arms and held her tight. He held her and didn’t want to let go, and she wrapped her arms around him.
“I’ll never forget you. But I’m tucking you away. I’ll think about you when I can, when I’m alone.”
“Oh, Colt,” she said, pulling away.
“My sister docks at the crack of dawn and will be here early, so we’d both better get some sleep.” He needed her to leave or else he might break into a hundred pieces.
“So this is it?”
“It has to be, yes.”
She wiped at her eyes and walked to the door. “Good night,” she said.
“Goodbye.”
Her face crumpled and she rushed out the door, closing it behind her. He heard her footsteps running to her bedroom, then the door close.
In all the worst moments of his life, none was worse than this.
* * *
“I’ve missed you little cherubs! Give Mama a big kiss!”
Colt’s sister, Cathy, scooped up Noah and smothered him with kisses, getting giggles and Noah’s chubby little arms around her neck. She handed him to her husband, who held him tight, and then Cathy picked up Nathaniel and kissed him at least twenty times all over his head and face.
“Cathy, Chris, this is Anna. She’s been the twins’ nanny since you left. I don’t know what I would have done without her.”
“So nice to meet you and thank you for taking such good care of our boys,” Cathy said. “We desperately needed the vacation, but it was rough being away from the twins.”
Chris nodded. “Every morning we’d wake up and think the twins were in the room next door, then we’d remember—we’re on a cruise and we’d go take advantage of the all-you-can-eat buffet and we lay by the pools and we went to shows every night. It was great. But being home with these guys is better.”
“They were angels,” Anna said. “I’ll miss them.”
Cathy and Chris got the twins settled in their stroller, and Chris ran down to the garage with the car seats, then came back up and loaded his shoulders with the twins’ bags.
“I owe you, my dear brother,” Cathy said, flinging her arms around him. “Thank you for giving us this vacation.”
“Honestly, my pleasure,” Colt said. “But Anna gets the real credit. She did the heavy lifting.”
Cathy squeezed Anna in a warm hug. “Thank you.”
“Oh—Noah has a mild ear infection. Anna brought him to urgent care yesterday morning and he has antibiotics. The bottle is in the tote bag. He had his morning drops.”
“Thanks again,” Chris said, shaking Colt’s hand. “You ever need a favor, you know who to call.”
“And you’ll come over tomorrow, right?” Cathy asked, heading to the door.
“I’ll be over in the afternoon,” Colt said. “I can’t stay too long. I’m due in the field first thing the next morning.”
“As long as you’re with us for Christmas, even for an hour.”
When the door closed behind them, Anna felt the absence of the twins so acutely.
“Feels so strange that
Noah and Nathaniel aren’t here,” she said. “I feel like I should be checking on them or planning their dinner.”
“It’s a relief, though,” Colt said, looking away.
She watched him for a moment, wondering if she should push it, if she should stay the night. But he was a closed door. Maybe he needed some time to let this blow over. Maybe he’d come for her in a few days or when his case was over.
Maybe this, maybe that. She couldn’t live for maybes. If Colt was saying goodbye, she needed to let him go. She had her own life to live, dreams she intended to see come true. Not all of them would, as evidenced by the man standing in front of her. But some would. She’d work on those. You can’t control everything, she wanted to yell at him. Not yourself, even. And certainly not love.
“Well, I guess the job has come to an end. If you’ll give me a ride to my aunt and uncle’s house in the Amish village, I’d appreciate it. I’ll take a cab back to Houston after Christmas and start looking for an apartment then.”
“Okay,” he said. “Be right back.” He disappeared into his bedroom and returned with what looked like a check. “For your hard work and a bonus.”
“If I didn’t need this to start my new life I wouldn’t take it,” she said. “Caring for those twins was a labor of love.” She cleared her throat. “Last night I washed all the clothes I borrowed from your sister and put them back where I found them. I packed this morning, so I’m ready to go.”
He stared at her, hard, but only nodded.
They were silent on the twenty-minute drive to the Amish village. Finally, he pulled up alongside her aunt and uncle’s house, and the familiarity was comforting, but she felt so removed from this place, this village and the lifestyle, that it no longer felt like home.
She turned to face him. “Colt, thank you for everything. Everything. And like I assured you, I’m still very glad you were my first. With the man I love and will always treasure.”
