by Theresa Kay
Kyle blushes and hangs his head, avoiding my eyes.
“Mad at him? Hell, the kid saved my life. Why would I be mad at him?”
“Because I shot you,” he mumbles, still without looking at me.
I share a look with Liz and she tosses her hands up and rolls her eyes.
“And if you hadn’t taken that shot, I’d probably be folded up like some origami person by now.” His eyes flick up and I wink. “Besides, you missed all the vital parts and I’ve had worse.” He still doesn’t quite look convinced so I pull back the shoulder of my shirt. With no mirror, I haven’t been able to see the scar on my shoulder, but it must be pretty impressive by the way the kid’s eyes widen first in shock and then, in typical teenage boy fashion, in interest.
He sidles up to the bed to get a closer look. “Whoa. What did that?”
“A Greeser.” I lean forward a little to show him my back. “Skewered me through and through. My friends had to yank me off the thing.”
Liz looks ill. Not that I’m surprised. I’ve never been much of a girly girl and telling scar stories is something I picked up hanging out with three guys most of my teenage years.
Kyle, however, grins and says, “Awesome.”
A few more bubbly questions later and Kyle’s confidence returns, straightening his shoulders and bringing a smile to his face. I change the subject when he asks more about that particular injury and instead tell him the story of how I ended up with the big scar on my leg. It involved a dare, a really high tree, and lots of alcohol. I leave the alcohol part out.
The entire time I’m talking, he looks at me with something like admiration painted on his face… and Liz looks at him much the same way. It’s clear she has absolutely no interest in any of my somewhat gory stories, but she sits there all the same. The older boy seems utterly oblivious to her attention though and I have to keep myself from chuckling at the way she perks up every time Kyle glances her way.
It’s the big guy, Brett, who finally comes to retrieve the kids and shoo them away. Thank God. He drops his chin in a nod on his way back out and I mouth a ‘thank you’ to him while giving him a subtle mock salute.
I rest my head back and layer my hands on top of my abdomen. Spending time with the teens has left me feeling empty. Even though I’d known about the baby for a while before graduation night, I’d never thought about who it could have been, never thought about it as a person until now…when it’s too damn late to matter. Probably too late for me to ever worry about something like that again. I may not be a medic, but I’m not an idiot. That blasted Greeser skewered me through the stomach too. I’ll never have children.
My muscles are sore. My head throbs. My side aches. But it’s the pain of that realization, the pain of the empty gaping hole inside me and the stab of longing— for my baby, for my friends, for Thomas— that draw the first sob from my chest. It’s the first true, naked emotion I’ve let myself feel since waking and I want nothing more than to shove it back down inside.
I slide the pillow out from under my head and cover my face with it, letting it soak up my tears and swallow the sound of my crying.
Chapter 6
As the weak light of the early dawn seeps into the world, the itch to get moving crawls through my veins. Five minutes after I finally pulled myself together last night, Stasia came in and applied some sticky mess she called Glu to the back of my head. Then she stuck me in a tent and ordered me to stay off my feet for the next twelve hours or so while it went to work. I’d been moved out of the medical tent and into one with at least a little privacy, but I’m grateful that my forced recuperation time is almost up. Though they no longer look at me with blatant hostility, most of the civvies still don’t trust me. Even with Alex’s intervention, Brett’s quiet respect and the two teens jabbering on at me and about me, the others still look at me warily. Like I’m going to hop out of bed and arrest them all or something.
Ouch. Especially the bitch poking me in the arm with a needle right now. She’s been subtly glaring at me every time she stops by to check on me and generally hasn’t been very nice. I guess ‘bitch’ might be a bit harsh, but I’m not impressed with her bedside manner. A sub-par medic at best, she says they have to run a few more tests to be sure that my rapid ejection from stasis hasn’t affected me too badly. I give her a dirty look, but don’t flinch. My breath hisses in through my teeth when she pulls up the edge of the gauze on the back of my head, though. There’s really no nice way for her to go about that, but it feels like she just ripped out half the hair on my head.
“The Glu seems to have done the trick. It’s healing well,” Stasia says. “Any more dizziness? Spots in your vision?”
I bite back a sarcastic response and just say, “No.”
She nods and takes the gauze off completely. “I think we can leave this off now.”
“Thanks.” My voice is flat and disinterested, but inside I’m looking forward to finally getting out of here. Alex said that they’d wait until I was feeling ‘up to travel.' What he probably meant was they need my experience and training to get them out of here. Or at least to the signal station. “What?” So lost in my own thoughts, I hadn’t heard what she said.
“I said that Liz has been asking after you. She wanted to know if it was okay for her to come visit when we’re done here.”
I shrug. She hadn’t asked for permission before so I have no clue why she’s asking for it now. “I guess so.”
Stasia’s lips curl up into a small smile. “Alex has been getting after her about bothering you.” At my blank look, she continues, “In case you were wondering why she suddenly developed manners.”
“I don’t imagine he’s had the same conversation with Kyle by any chance?”
She covers her mouth with one hand and laughs. “About bothering you or about bothering his sister?”
The…friendliness?…from her is so unexpected that my only response is a soft snort that could almost be a laugh.
She glances back at me over her shoulder as she organizes the supplies on a shelf. “Don’t look so surprised. I know we didn’t meet on the best of terms and all, but I’m not that bad am I?”
“I guess not,” I say in something near a whisper. Thinking back over our interactions, she’s really not. I haven’t exactly been the most open, or even polite, person while being stuck in here. The only people I’ve talked to for more than a minute or two at a time are Liz and Kyle and that’s only because they tend to just show up. Maybe it’s not that the others don’t trust me, but that they don’t know me. Not that I’ve given them a chance to know me. I should probably work on that. “I don’t think Kyle has a clue…about Liz I mean.”
“Boys are so oblivious.” She sighs and rolls her eyes. “Poor Liz. Do you remember what it was like at that age?”
“Not really…I…uhh…my dad got orders to an on station position when I was fourteen and we moved right before I started high school.”
She tilts her head and raises her eyebrows. “So you went to school on one of the stations? What was that like?”
I shrug. “Like any other school, I guess. It wasn’t so bad. Better than the civvy school at any rate…for me at least.” A lump starts climbing up my throat. “I made the best friends of my life there.”
“Where are they now?”
She just had to ask that question, the one I want to avoid and the one question that makes my eyes water. “I don’t know.”
Thankfully, she doesn’t push the issue any more than that. Instead, she just nods and pats my shoulder once. “Well, don’t worry about it. Once we’re off this dirty petri dish of a planet I’m sure there’s someone who can help you locate them.”
Yeah, if they’re alive. I press my lips together and take a few deep breaths through my nose. Being friendly is one thing, crying in front of her is another. “Thanks.” My voice cracks a little and I clear my throat.
She holds up the vial of blood. “I’ll be over at the medical tent running the tests.�
�� A quick glance down at the tube in her hands and then back up to my eyes. “Holler if you need anything.”
I manage a weak smile and a nod. “I’m just going to get a little more rest before one of the motormouths finds me.” I recline on the bed and clasp my hands together under my head.
Stasia doesn’t say anything else, just pats my thigh as she walks by to leave.
The longer I lie here, the more I just want to go to sleep. That can’t be a good sign. Even if the wound is sealed, head injuries are nasty things. I’ve probably got a concussion or something. Plus, my mind keeps circling back to my friends and my fear for them only gets worse when I close my eyes.
If they’re alive… Nathan never said either way if Thomas was killed. Of course, I was entirely out of it when he was strapping me into the escape pod. There’s the possibility I misinterpreted… No, on some level I know Thomas is dead. But Nathan and Harvey? The rest of my squadron? Did they get off the station? Were they able to fight off the Greesal? I hadn’t questioned their survival until now. And I hate myself just a little for it. I hate my vivid memories. I hate my imagination. Most of all, I hate the scared little girl part of me that is completely lost without my friends.
Those boys were the last six years of my life. The fact that Thomas is already lost to me rips me apart, but if Nathan and Harvey are gone too, I just don’t know what will happen to me. As awful as it sounds I know I can survive losing Thomas, I already have. It hurts, but my grief for him is already fading. He was never a constant in my life, never someone I could count on. Though I loved him and our relationship was full of passion, we were apart much longer than we were together and that’s what’s helping me keep my head right now. His is a loss I can survive.
But Harvey, whose goofy humor and happy go lucky attitude kept me sane during many marathon flight simulator sessions, who literally carried me at some points during boot camp, who was always thinking of some new and exciting thing for us to do when we were stuck on Epyson? And Nathan, my best friend, whose quiet strength and absolute loyalty got me through pretty much every twist life has thrown my way, who helped me practically raise my little brother when we were still in high school, who went around the General to keep me safe…who nearly sacrificed his life on the front to protect me? I can’t lose them too.
My stomach drops and a new sense of urgency floods into me. They don’t know where I am. What if I’ve been gone for months? Without me there to take the blame…General Markham already hated me, had already pulled strings to try to get me out of the way. Thomas died because he was there to see me. His father probably did not take that news well. Even if Nathan and Harvey survived the attack…the General knows who they are, knows how much they mean to me. What if he took it out on them?
There’s no time to worry about any of that now. I’ve lazed around here feeling sorry for myself long enough. It’s time to get the hell out of here.
I sit up, swing my feet over the side of the bed and stand. I run my fingers through my hair trying to get it into some semblance of order and then brush my hands over my pants. I’m stuck in civvy clothes since the stasis suit was ruined, but there’s a nice pair of boots sitting at the foot of the bed and I shove my feet into them. A little big, but they’ll do. After running a wet cloth over my face, I head out of the tent.
My first goal is to find Alex. He said to come to him when I was ready to talk survival strategy and I’m definitely ready. If nothing else, I can’t stay here forever and I have to keep going in the hope that, the quicker I can get to them, the better the chances are for my friends.
All I need to do is look for Brett. Those two are always together and the big oaf is pretty hard to miss. It doesn’t take me long to find them standing just past the edge of the line of tents with their blast guns pointed into the trees.
“See anything?”
Brett scowls but doesn’t take his eyes off the tree line. “Nope. It looks like it took off.”
The two men are clearly on edge and they have big circles under their eyes. Apparently while I’ve been laid up in bed, they spent all night standing guard. Makes me feel just a little guilty for what I’m about to propose.
“I think we should head out. Start making our way to the signal station.” My eyes stray to the dark splotch on one of the trees. “Before whatever the hell it was comes back. Maybe with friends.”
Alex’s head whips around and I can almost see the angry words he’s biting back. I don’t blame him either.
I raise my hands up by my chest. “I know you’re tired, but getting to that signal station is our best ticket out of here. The longer we wait around here, the longer it is that things can go even more wrong. You asked me about survival strategy and that’s our best chance. To get out of here.” I look away from him and scan the woods. “By staying in one place, we’re making ourselves easy targets for anything that might be out there.”
“We’ll just keep a closer watch. They need at least a day or two to rest before we start heading out into the woods,” says Alex.
I shake my head. “That animal or whatever was smart, too smart. It made a trap using one of your own people as bait. Who knows what other tricks it might have. Who knows what else is out there. Next time we might not be so lucky.” I gesture around the camp. “The two of you can handle holding a defense position—maybe, but most of the others don’t even know how to hold a blast gun, much less shoot one. And you two can’t keep watch the entire time. You already look like you’re about to doze off on your feet.”
Brett snorts and Alex narrows his eyes at him. “Do you think it will be any different out there?” He throws one hand out toward the trees.
“At least out there we’d be working toward something. That’s better than sitting around here and waiting for something to come to us. We’re too close to the crash site. Too exposed here.” I place one hand on the barrel of Alex’s blast gun and push it to the ground. “If that thing had grabbed your sister would you have been able to take the shot?” He turns his head away and doesn’t answer. “That’s what I thought. Your perception is skewed because you want to coddle the others. You think it’s the best way to protect them, but you’ve never been in a situation like this. They respect you. They will listen to you because they trust you. What you do with that trust determines whether they live or die. They can handle whatever you tell them they can handle. Wasting time sitting here just lets them get complacent and that will be their downfall. You need to be a leader, not just the guy who stands watch while they cower.” I nod at Brett and turn to walk away. “Either way, I’m leaving in an hour. I’m going to go find the signal station. If you want to wait here…then do it. But I can’t just sit here. I’ll take along anyone else who wants to go.”
I don’t look back to see what he decides.
Chapter 7
My hands shake and my head spins as I shove nutri packs and hydro bags into a backpack. The Glu may have sealed the wound on my head, but it did nothing for the aching muscles in my back and the slight spasms that still travel down my spine every few minutes. One such spasm jerks my fingers wide and has me dropping one of the hydro bags. It bursts on the ground and splashes up onto my legs. Dammit!
I’d managed to hold my calm and my resolve out there with Alex and Brett, so what the hell is wrong with me now? The skittering sense of urgency is only growing worse with each breath and spots are forming in the corner of one eye. So maybe I wasn’t quite as truthful with Stasia as I should have been. At least there’s no— nevermind, there is dizziness there too.
I curl my hands into fists and try to steady myself, but it doesn’t help much. My legs wobble and then give out. Stupid legs. After smacking one hand against my thigh, I use the box to my right to pull myself back up. I flex my feet a few times and lift myself up and down on my toes. I can do this. I can do this.
When the pack has around a week’s worth of supplies, I swing it onto my back and turn to leave. Only to find Alex leaning up against the tent
post by the entrance
“How long have you been there?” I ask.
His brow furrows and he shakes his head. “Long enough to know that you have no business heading out there on your own.”
“Then come with me. It can’t be that far and if all of us just leave now, then we’ll be there in no time. Sitting here is not an option for me. There are things….things I have to do. And my friends…” My breath is coming too fast, but I can’t seem to slow it and words just continue to eject themselves from my mouth with very little input from my brain. “My friends could be in danger and it’s all my fault. If he knows. If he’s got them. And my squad. And there’s Greesal on the training station. What if…I have to get back. I can’t be here.” The tent spins around me and I put one hand out to the side. Too late. One knee buckles.
Before I can hit the ground again, Alex steps forward and wraps an arm around my waist, holding me up until he can gently lower me to sit on one of the supply boxes. He sits down beside me.
“I’m not coddling them,” he says. “None of us are in any condition to leave this camp right now. Including you.”
“You don’t understand. My friends could be in danger.” I wrap my arms around my middle and lean forward. Emotion climbs up and past the wall I’d built to hold it back, infusing a weak and whiny quality into my next words that I hate myself for. “I’ve lost enough. I can’t lose them too. They’re all I have now.”
He sighs and his shoulders drop. “You’re right, I don’t understand. Not fully at least. I do understand that you’re lost and confused. That you’re injured. That you feel alone here. But getting yourself killed does nobody any good. Give my people a chance to find us before we go calling the corps in. Please.” He tilts his head to one side and gives me a sad half smile. His calm and, surprisingly, non-confrontational tone helps me pull myself together. “Liz would be devastated if I let you run off like this. She hasn’t known you for long, but she already looks up to you. And Kyle? That kid practically worships you. I’ve seen you with them. Everyone else gets shut out, but you talk to them, teach them, relate to them in ways that no one else here does. I know their constant attention can be irritating, but you haven’t lost your patience with them.” A soft laugh escapes his chest. “The rest of us…you seem to have very little patience with.”
