by April Lust
Bobby shuffled his feet. “Won’t your husband mind?” he asked.
“Ace is not…” Fiona stopped herself. “It’ll be fine—as long as you don’t try to hit on me or anything,” she warned him jokingly.
Bobby laughed with her, and the two began to dig into the waffles, Fiona grateful for the distraction.
***
Ace opened up the throttle on his motorcycle, relishing in the engine’s powerful response. He wanted to be like that—a machine—with nothing to worry about except the fuel in its tank.
If a machine broke, there was a way to fix it. It had a manual that came with it that told you what part to replace, or how to repair it.
That’s the problem with people, Ace thought as he sped down the highway, there’s no manual. If something inside you is broken, you can’t replace it, and there’s no way to know how to fix it, or even if it can be fixed.
Something inside him was broken, Ace knew that. And he knew it was that kind of broken that ended up breaking everything else around it. That was why he joined The Hell Brothers. It was full of other broken people, people you didn’t have to worry about hurting because they were like him—too damaged to feel it anymore.
I never should have made that deal with her! Ace berated himself. He could see it already, in how they acted together, in how light she made him feel. She’s gonna fall in love with me, and I’m going to ruin her, because that’s what I do. I can’t ever love her back the way she wants—the way she deserves—and it’s going to ruin her.
He hoped it wasn’t too late. He hoped that maybe, if he never touched her like that again, she would be able to move on without too much pain. It would already be too late for him. He just didn’t know if he could make that promise to himself and keep it.
The sex with Fiona hadn’t just been sex, Ace realized. He’d had sex before—lots of it—and none of it had ever been anything close to what he’d experienced last night. When he’d looked into her pale blue eyes, he felt a sense of peace he’d felt only once before, as a very young boy.
When he was about six or seven, he’d stayed over at a friend’s house for the night. He was old enough to know that his family was different from others, but he’d never had the opportunity to examine a family other than his own until then.
It had been fairly similar to his own on a good day, until it was time for bed. His friend’s mom had helped them get ready, something his own mother did, but once they were all tucked it, something unusual happened.
His friend’s dad walked in with a thick book called The Fellowship of the Ring, and sat down on the edge of the bed, while his friend’s mom squeezed in between the two young boys and wrapped one arm around each of them, pulling them close.
“We’re already a little ways into the book, but it’s a good scene,” the father had said.
And it was. Ace enjoyed the fantastic tale quite a bit, even to go so far as to imagine he, too, would one day embark on an epic quest to do what was right. But what Ace remembered most was this strange sort of calm that fell over him as he listened to the heartbeat of the mother in his left ear, and the cool, strong voice of the father in his right.
It was love, of the unconditional variety. And he had felt that again last night when he had been with Fiona.
So? Who cares if you think you might be in love? Ace asked himself angrily as he sped through traffic. You could never show her the right way—you’d just fuck it up. If you really love her, you’ll break her heart a little now so you don’t break it a lot later.
He knew he should go back home to the Brothers, but right now, Ace just wanted time to himself.
***
There were at least a dozen extra bikes outside of the house when Ace got home the next day. He turned off the engine and pulled off his helmet as Katie and Diego stepped outside, Smalls, Riley, and Lucky following them out quickly.
“Hey, guys,” Ace said cautiously. “What’s going on?” he gestured to all the bikes around him.
He noticed Lucky, Smalls, and, strangely enough, Diego all seemed to have been crying.
“They blew up The Crabtree,” Katie said flatly.
Ace dropped his helmet in the grass. “What?” he whispered.
“Alexei and his guys,” Smalls said, his voice quavering. “They wired the place up and lit the spark.”
“Did anyone get hurt?” he asked. “Any of us?”
“No,” Katie said. “Everyone was here for our monthly meeting—which you also missed.”
“The bar was closed anyway,” Riley said quietly. “Not many lives were lost.”
“Blake’s was,” Lucky said with a small hiccup. Fresh tears began to stream down her face. “Blake lived at the bar, and now…” She broke into a sob and Riley wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a hug.
“Blake’s dead?” Ace said.
“Yeah,” Katie said shortly. “And you would have found out about it along with the rest of us if you’d fucking been here.”
“Where were you, Ace?” Diego finally spoke up. “We needed you. We needed our leader.” He turned around and went back inside, the rest of the gang following him.
Ace hesitantly went in after them. There was an impromptu wake going on for Blake. She had been well liked by every gang in town. Most of the gangs were gone now, but the remaining members, all stragglers who’d managed to avoid Alexei’s wrath, were gathered in the living room to pay their respects.
That explains the bikes outside, Ace thought miserably.
If he thought that he had felt like shit before, it was nothing compared to now. Blake had been a friend of his for a long time. She had been a staple in the biker community. If The Crabtree wasn’t there to go to anymore…where would the gangs meet? What gangs are left, anyway.
Ace slid a hand over his face. Was there even any point in sticking around here anymore? Everything he and The Hell Brothers once loved was now gone. Maybe I should take Alexei’s offer to leave, figure out how to sneak Fiona away from him. I don’t think I could handle another death on my conscience.
Katie was right. I should have been here. Instead, I was with Fiona, or off by myself because of Fiona—because I think I love her or some bullshit. Ace knew he was never going to be able to have a future with her, so why was he wasting time with her when the people in his life were in danger?
This was why he didn’t get close to people—they made you weak. I’m no better than the sap right now. I’m worse. At least when he makes a fool of himself, no one gets hurt!
Ace took one night to enjoy himself, to enjoy what he felt for Fiona, and look what happened. He lost focus, and now one of his closest friends was dead.
Smaller voices in Ace’s head told him that there was no way he could have possibly predicted this, that even if he had been at the meeting like he was supposed to have been, Blake would still be dead, but he didn’t care. He was too busy blaming himself for allowing Alexei to catch him off guard.
He stepped into the living room where Lianna and Lucky were setting up coolers full of beers for the mourners. There was a big board filled with pictures of Blake. Ace spotted himself in quite a few of the photos, and he hated himself more than ever.
His chest felt like it was suddenly four sizes too small as he struggled for air. Black spots appeared in front of his eyes and he heard ringing in his ears.
“Are you gonna get that?”
Ace looked over, startled. His vision zoomed in on an older woman with heavy black eyeliner.
“What?”
“I said, are you gonna get that?” she repeated, annoyed. “Your phone? It’s only been ringing for the last five minutes.”
Ace dazedly reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. Fiona. Not now. He ignored the call, muting the phone as he shoved it back where it came from. Looking around the room, he saw a dozen pairs of eyes all staring back at him. I have to get out of here, he panicked.
He turned abruptly and walked out of the house. A small vo
ice reminded him that in a couple of hours, Alexei and his men would know Ace wasn’t planning on turning Fiona over to them. If they had blown up The Crabtree with no provocation, there was no telling how Alexei’s mob would react to a direct insult like this.
What Ace wanted to do right now was throw caution to the wind and storm Alexei’s all by himself, but he knew that would be a suicide mission, and he refused to abandon The Hell Brothers in their hour of need…not again.
He took a deep breath and turned to go back inside. Plunging his hand into the cooler of ice, Ace dug around until he surfaced with something suitable to drink. Part of him yearned for the stronger stuff to numb his pain, but he knew he needed to keep his head clear.
“Glad to see you decided to stick around,” Katie said from behind him.
Ace closed his eyes in exasperation, pivoting to look at her. Surprisingly, Katie’s face seemed sincere. Her eyes were red, but Ace could tell she still had yet to shed a tear. That was to be expected. Katie didn’t tolerate weakness, least of all in herself, and she wanted a man who would be just as tough as she was. Her attitude regarding what she considered to be weak was in no small measure why she and Ace fought so often.
As the leader of The Hell Brothers, Ace had to make some hard choices. Sometimes he wanted some validation that the choice he had made was the right one, and if he tried to seek this out from Katie, more often than not, she would accuse him of being insecure and unstable.
His phone buzzed in his pocket, and Ace pulled it out to look, though he already knew who it was.
“Who is that?” Katie asked accusingly, correctly imagining it to be Fiona.
“No one,” he said, turning the phone off and shoving it back into his pocket.
It tore Ace’s heart in half to say that, but he knew what the gang needed from him right now, and he was going to give it to them, no matter the cost to himself or his own personal happiness. He would send someone to guard Fiona instead.
This is where you belong, he reminded himself as he looked at Katie’s wavy black hair. What you had with Fiona, whatever it was, it wasn’t real. This is real. This is your life, now and forever.
Chapter 9
“How about a steak? Can I order that?”
Fiona flashed a smile at Bobby. “Of course! You can get whatever you want. In fact, why don’t you order me one too,” she said. “I’m just going to try Ace again really quick.”
She turned back to the hotel phone, dialing the number Ace had left her. This was the fifth time she’d tried to call him in the last two hours and so far, there had been no answer. This time the call went straight to voicemail.
Putting the phone back in its cradle, Fiona sat on the bed, wondering why he wouldn’t answer. The most obvious reason was that Ace couldn’t answer the phone because he was currently being murdered to death by Alexei and his mob, but Fiona didn’t want to think about that.
He could just be busy, Fiona tried to reason with herself. Busy searching for Alexei.
Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk to you, that horrible, self-critical side of her suggested. Maybe now that he’s had everything he can get from you, there’s no reason for him to stick around. He probably doesn’t give two shits about Alexei, Niko, or you.
“Everything okay?” Bobby asked, shaking her from her dark thoughts.
Fiona flashed a smile, bigger and brighter than ever before. “Absolutely! Did you order that food?” she asked, filled with false cheer.
“Uh, yep. Should be here soon,” he told her. “Did you get ahold of Mr. Connor?”
Keeping her tone light, Fiona waved a dismissive hand. “No, but that’s fine. We’re having a good time without him, right?” she said.
Bobby smiled. “Totally!”
Fiona tried calling Ace once every two hours for the rest of the night, but it continued to go to voicemail. Bobby had fallen asleep at this point, and Fiona woke him so he could get home before his parents worried.
She slept fitfully that night. Fiona was plagued with nightmares, some where Alexei was torturing her brother, some where Alexei was torturing Ace, and some where all three of them were tied up and tortured together.
She woke suddenly the next morning with the feeling that she hadn’t slept at all. She glanced at the clock. It was close to ten in the morning, but when she checked her phone, Ace still had yet to call her back.
A knock came from the door and Fiona ran to it, thinking it was Ace, but when she opened it, she came face to stomach with an incredibly tall, good-looking black man.
“Riley?” Fiona said confusedly. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to guard you,” he answered. “You should not have answered the door so quickly. You did not ask me who I was, or check the peephole,” Riley said, pointing to the small security measure.
Fiona’s blood ran cold. Riley was right. She had completely forgotten that she was also a target.
“Please go back inside now, so you are not seen,” Riley instructed her.
“Where’s Ace?” Fiona asked, ignoring him.
“He is busy with the gang’s affairs—as he should be,” he added pointedly.
Fiona took the hint that her question was not going to be answered and stepped back into the room. She wasn’t happy that Ace couldn’t at least call her, especially when he said he would, but she knew that after last night, there was no way Ace could be accused of using her.
It had been everything she thought it would be: Ace had been so gentle at the beginning, so tender. And then they had flipped the script, and he had shown her exactly what she had been missing all these years. There was no doubt about it in Fiona’s mind: that was how people were supposed to have sex.
Still, when several hours had passed, and she and Bobby were well into the afternoon marathon of Law & Order: SVU, Ace still hadn’t contacted her.
“Riley?” she hesitantly called through the door. “Could you call Ace for me? I haven’t been able to get a hold of him.”
“Ace knows what he is doing. He will call you when the time is right,” Riley replied, his deep voice muffled.
Fiona went and sat back down on the bed with a huff. She briefly wondered if, perhaps, Ace was avoiding her, but dismissed the idea quickly. She didn’t think many of the members of The Hell Brothers particularly liked her; Riley might be the one blowing her off instead of Ace, not that she preferred that scenario by much.
“Are you okay, Mrs. Connor?” Bobby asked around a mouthful of ice cream.
“Sure,” Fiona said, not bothering to fake any enthusiasm.
An hour later, while Olivia Benson was delivering her snarky one-liner to the arrested criminal, someone knocked on the door—pounded, actually.
Fiona and Bobby exchanged nervous glances, and Fiona hurried to the door, making sure to check the peephole this time. It was Riley, but he was accompanied by another man. She opened the door cautiously.
“Something has happened and I must go,” Riley said hurriedly. “This is Andrew; he’ll make sure no one comes near you, okay?”
Fiona looked at the second man. He could have sat in the dictionary next to the word “biker.” He had an enormous chest that sloped into a respectable beer belly. His black shirt had the sleeves ripped off, displaying arms that were entirely covered with tattoos—many of which were naked ladies and skulls.
“Nice to meet you, Andrew,” Fiona said politely.
Andrew grunted in return. Riley took off without a word, leaving Fiona awkwardly looking at the man next to her, who did not seem to notice she was there.
Unsure of what to do, Fiona stepped back into the room and slowly closed the door. She rejoined Bobby in watching Olivia and Elliot bust bad guys, but Fiona couldn’t get it out of her mind: Where is Ace?
Two episodes later, right before the confession, Fiona decided she couldn’t wait around any longer. She picked up the remote and switched the TV off.
“Hey!” Bobby protested.
“I’m sorry, Bobby
, but I need your help with something,” Fiona said solemnly.
“Sure, Mrs. Connor, what’s up?” Bobby had been calling Fiona that for the past two days, and she had let him, partly for simplicity’s sake, partly because it had been fun to pretend to be Ace’s wife.
“I think Ace might be in trouble. Do you have a car?” she asked.
“Well, yeah,” Bobby said. He had a Toyota that was only a few years younger than he was, but it got him from A to B without too much trouble. “But how do you know where he is if he’s not picking up his phone?” he asked.
“I have an idea,” Fiona said, “but you’re not going to like it.”
