Even as she spoke, Hope’s stomach twisted itself into knots. Why was she even considering starting something with Mitch? She couldn’t give up her career.
‘If you and Mitchell get together, I suppose you’ll have to choose between your job or him.’
Hope shook her head. ‘He’d never ask me to choose.’
Would he?
‘Do you think he’d be happy to move to Melbourne?’ Liz asked.
Hope’s good mood nosedived. Every time Mitchell talked about his work, he mentioned his passion for looking after farm animals—horses and cows and sheep. He’d told her the last thing he wanted was to get stuck in the city looking after some kid’s pet guinea pig or some single woman’s Shiatzu for the rest of his career. He’d worked so hard to build a life for himself here, not in Melbourne, or any city for that matter, and that meant there was no point thinking about a future with him. It would only end in tears.
Hope tried to swallow but the lump in her throat was too large.
‘No,’ she whispered. ‘He’d hate it in Melbourne.’
‘Guess you have a problem then,’ Liz said as she exited the bathroom, ‘because not only have I’ve seen the way Mitchell looks at you, I’ve seen how you look at him.’
Liz was right. Hope had a big problem. Mitchell wouldn’t move to Melbourne in a million lifetimes. Macarthur Point was his forever home. Like someone had thrown a bucket of ice-cold water over her, the flame that had started flickering again was extinguished.
Hope followed Liz to the bar to get another drink. She had sorrows to drown.
Chapter 17
While Hope was in the bathroom, Mitchell zoned out of the conversation going on around him.
Sitting beside Hope was half bliss, half torture. Part of him wanted to whisk her out of the pub, away from watching eyes, take her in his arms and kiss her until tomorrow. The other part of him wanted to run the other way so he didn’t risk hurting her again. But he’d made a promise to himself there would be no more running.
The first time he’d run was when social services picked him up when he was barely old enough to read. After that he’d run from school, from his foster parents and from the police. He no longer bolted when things got difficult. It had taken a long time, but he was finally at peace with his past and in a good place emotionally and physically.
Mitchell blamed his mother. She’d always run. One day he’d come home from school and she was gone. No one knew where, and he never heard from her again. His father, whom he’d never met, was in jail and there was no other family Mitchell knew of.
He was only six-years old when they took him away so it was no wonder he grew up to be a bitter, angry young boy—a boy who became more hostile and more rebellious the longer the foster system shunted him from house to house, from family to family.
When the Simpsons took him in and showed him nothing but love and acceptance—and forgiveness every time he stuffed up—he slowly started to change.
One day, not long after he turned thirteen, he made a conscious decision he was not going to end up like his mother—someone who ran when the going got tough. But somewhere in a tiny recess in the back of his mind, a voice warned him he’d never be able to outrun his DNA.
He grew up watching Beth and Bill, paying close attention to how they treated each other. But it had been for nothing because in the end he’d still ruined things with Hope.
During his twenties, he went out with a string of women, but he was always honest with them, making it clear he wasn’t interested in anything long-term. After a few failed relationships, he decided it was easier to stay single. It was also easier to tell people he didn’t believe in true love—that it was a Hollywood invention—but it wasn’t what he really believed. He’d seen true love modelled by the Simpsons, and he wanted the same thing with all his heart.
Over the past few years, prodded by Lachlan and Jordy who’d grown impatient with his bachelorhood, he’d reluctantly dipped his toe into the dating pond again, but no one had caught his interest until Anna. She was the first woman he’d taken out on more than two dates but, even then, there’d been no lasting spark.
But at least he’d shown Anna respect, which is more than he’d done for Hope after he’d slept with her. She’d given herself to him, body and soul, and in return he’d acted like a jerk. She’d left Macarthur Point the next day bound for Africa and he’d never as much as written her a letter. It was a miracle she was giving him a second thought, let alone a second chance.
He was still pinching himself over how easily and naturally they’d picked up their friendship. Every night he couldn’t wait to finish work and phone Hope. After dinner, he’d switch off the lights and sit in the dark chatting with her for hours about anything and everything.
He’d dared to believe she was developing feelings for him again and when he’d arrived at the pub and seen the look in her eyes, he’d barely been able to contain his joy. He didn’t know how she did it, but it felt like she’d climbed into his heart and taken up residence there.
Twenty minutes later, when Hope hadn’t come back from the bathroom, Mitchell excused himself to go and look for her.
He found her sitting at the bar with Liz. Both women were deep in conversation and for a moment he almost went back to the bistro. Whatever they were talking about looked serious and he wasn’t sure interrupting them was a good idea. When Hope glanced up and saw him standing in the doorframe, she froze. Liz followed her gaze, said something he couldn’t hear, then headed back to the bistro.
He took Liz’s still-warm bar stool and pulled it as close to Hope as he could get. He rested his hand on her thigh. ‘Everything okay? I wondered where you’d got to.’
She gave him a tight smile. ‘I’m fine.’
He frowned. Twenty minutes ago, they’d been flirting and playing footsies under the table and now he had the distinct impression he was getting the cold shoulder. Why the sudden change of heart? Was he that out of touch he’d misread her signals? No, he’d seen the look in her eyes. Something had happened. Had Liz said something, or had he done something to upset Hope without realising it?
‘Would you like another drink?’ he asked.
She shook her head and indicated the half-full glass of wine in front of her.
He signalled the barman and ordered himself a beer. When it arrived, he examined the label. ‘Murphy’s. Made in Geelong. There’s some great local beers around these days.’
Hope said nothing.
The longer he sat trying to find the courage to ask her what was wrong, the harder it became. He hated the awkwardness between them. It had never been like this when they were younger.
Hope shifted her weight, swivelling on the bar stool to face him. She brought up her foot to rest on the rung of his stool and exhaled heavily.
Mitchell braced himself. She was going to tell him she wasn’t staying.
Strains of muted conversation floated around them and he blocked them out.
‘Do you believe everyone deserves a happy ending?’ she asked.
He nodded. ‘Absolutely.’
He craved a happy ending with all his heart. He’d be lying to himself if he denied the yearning to have someone special in his life and a family to call his own. Whether he believed it would happen, he wasn’t so sure, but it didn’t stop him wishing for it. Some days it was a shock to realise he was nudging forty and still single. He’d have thought he’d be married with kids by now.
‘Do you?’ he asked. He pictured Hope pregnant with a child—his child—radiant and glowing with new life—and had to work hard to chase the vision away.
She shrugged. ‘I want to, but I’m not sure.’ Her voice quavered. ‘I used to think everyone deserved a chance at a happy ever after, but it takes two people.’
He fiddled with the label on the beer bottle and waited for her to continue.
‘Both people have to be willing to chase after it, fight for it.’
She was being cryptic, but he was
following her. She was trying to tell him she wasn’t willing to fight.
‘And you don’t want to do that?’ he asked finally.
‘I don’t think I can,’ she murmured.
‘Why not?’
‘My job.’
He waited.
‘My job is in Melbourne, Mitch.’
His chest constricted. Was she kidding? Surely, she wouldn’t put a job ahead of a chance to be happy.
‘You haven’t even given us a chance, Hope.’
‘I’m sorry, Mitch.’ She drew a quick, tremulous breath. ‘It’s not just my job. You know what I’m like. I’m not good at staying in one place for long. I never have been. I know how much you want to fall in love, get married and start a family but I’m not certain our goals and plans align, and I should have said something sooner. I have so many things I want to achieve in my career, and I can’t do that here.’
He huffed out a breath, annoyed with her for not even considering a relationship with him. Equally annoyed with himself because he’d dared dream it could happen.
‘I’m—’
She broke off as the barman leaned between them to take their empty glasses.
‘Another drink?’
‘No, thanks,’ they replied in unison.
Mitchell was partially grateful for the interruption. Hope was turning him inside out and he needed to get out of there before he said something he’d regret. He downed the last of his beer and slid off the bar stool. Hope spun to face him, but he could barely look at her. He ground his teeth, fighting the irritation rising in his throat. Clearly, she wasn’t prepared to try, and he had no idea what to say to make her reconsider.
He sighed softly, his body humming with tension. Being around Hope was like riding the world’s biggest rollercoaster. One moment he wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her silly. The next he wanted to walk away and let her get back to her life so he could move on with his. He rubbed a hand over his chest. He’d been so careful to make sure he didn’t hurt her again that he’d forgotten to protect his own heart.
Tears welled in her eyes. ‘I’m sorry, Mitch, I really am.’
He ran a finger down her cheek before leaning in and kissing her. Her lips quivered beneath his and for a second he considered staying locked to her a moment longer, but he quickly broke the contact.
‘It’s a shame you don’t do forever, Hope, because we’d be good together.’ He pulled out his keys. ‘Guess I’ll see you around.’
He left the pub without saying goodbye to anyone else and got into his car. He sat for a moment, engine idling, waves of emotion washing over him. Anger. Pain. Grief. And after that, a deep sadness for all he’d lost.
He’d taken a leap of faith opening his heart to Hope again and admitting his feelings for her. Now he needed to put the memories to the back of his mind and get on with his life. Exactly what he’d been trying to do when she walked back into it. He should have known she wouldn’t stay in Macarthur Point. She never had. No doubt she’d hit the road again soon and it could be years before she came back. If she came back.
Sighing heavily, he headed home to his empty house and his animals. At least he knew they’d stay.
Chapter 18
‘You got home early last night,’ Margot said the next morning when Hope popped in to see if she needed anything from the supermarket. ‘Did you have a good time?’
‘It was okay,’ Hope said.
Margot smiled. ‘Code for “I had a terrible time”?’
‘It wasn’t that bad. It was good to see Jordy and meet Liz, his girlfriend. It was nice.’
‘Something’s upset you. I can see it in your eyes.’
Hope rubbed her face, her thoughts drifting to Mitch. She’d lain awake for ages, recalling her conversation with Liz, then Mitch. She regretted every word she’d said to him.
She’d never felt so confused. She wanted to be with Mitchell, but she also wanted her independence and her career.
‘Want to talk?’ Margot said, patting the couch beside her.
‘I should check on Courtney first. See if she needs me.’
‘She was over here half an hour ago. She and Lachlan have taken the babies to see Jordan.’
Hope frowned. ‘Did Ollie get worse overnight?’
‘He was definitely coughing more and struggling to catch his breath. I’m sure it’s nothing to be concerned about, but they’re going to get him checked over. Lachlan thinks it might be asthma, although I think he’s too young to have asthma.’
Hope relaxed. Jordan was a good GP. If he had concerns, he’d refer Oliver to a paediatrician in Warrnambool.
‘I’ll put the kettle on.’
Margot smiled. ‘Perfect. I made some brownies.’
Moments later Hope sank into the couch opposite her aunt and bit into the chocolate goodness. ‘It’s Mitch,’ she said, as she chewed.
‘I wondered if it was. With a face like yours this morning, I should have guessed.’ Margot stirred sugar in her tea before resting the spoon on the saucer. ‘What’s the problem?’
‘He told me last night he wanted to take things further between us.’
‘Is that a problem?’
Hope nodded.
Margot frowned. ‘Because of Brett?’ She took a sip of her tea.
‘No, Brett has nothing to do with it. I can’t stay here.’
Margot frowned and lowered her cup back on the saucer. ‘You can stay here as long as you need, sweetheart. If you’re feeling like you’re in the way at The Anchorage you’re welcome to move in here with me. There’s plenty of room and only me rattling around here in this big house.’
‘I don’t mean that. I mean I can’t stay in Macarthur Point. There’s nothing here for me. My job is in Melbourne. My life is in Melbourne. If I stayed here, I’d become ...’ Hope let her voice trail off, trying to find the right word.
‘What?’ Margot asked. ‘You think you’d become stuck?’
‘Stuck. Trapped. Buried.’ She’d feel like her wings were clipped if she stayed.
‘Oh sweetie, is that what you think?’
Hope’s tears came from nowhere, surprising her with their intensity. She hadn’t realised how much she’d bottled things up.
Margot passed her a box of tissues and waited for her to gather herself.
She blew her nose loudly and stared at her aunt. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know where they came from.’
‘It’s good to cry sometimes.’
‘It makes me weak.’
‘It makes you human.’ Margot leaned forward and took Hope’s hand. ‘Sweetheart, do you know how special you are to me?’
Hope nodded through more tears.
‘I know you know, but I don’t tell you enough. You’re like another daughter to me and I want you to hear me carefully. I love you. I’m proud of you. But I worry about you.’
Hope frowned. ‘Why?’
‘Because you haven’t learned how to be content. You’re always searching for something and I’m not sure you even know what it is you’re looking for.’
Margot gave her hand a gentle squeeze. ‘I think it’s time you learn how to stay in one place longer than a few months.’
‘I lived in Melbourne for nearly two years.’
‘But how many houses did you live in? Every six months you seem to have a new address.’ Margot chuckled. ‘I had to buy a new address book because I’d crossed out your address so many times.’
‘It’s all because of Mum and Dad.’
‘Don’t put the blame on somebody else, Hope. You’re an adult now.’
‘But I like change.’
‘Change isn’t the issue. Running away is.’
‘I’m not running.’
‘And you’re running out of excuses.’
Hope sighed.
‘You’re running from the idea of settling down,’ Margot said.
‘I don’t want to become dependent on someone and live my life through them.’
Margot took o
ff her glasses and gave them a quick rub before resting them back on her nose. ‘Is that how you see your mum?’
Hope nodded. ‘Mum does everything that Dad wants.’
‘Have you ever talked to her about that? Told her that’s how you see it?’
‘No.’ It wasn’t the kind of conversation Hope could have with her mother. They’d never been close.
‘Perhaps you need to. I think you’d find that isn’t the case. Your mum has her own dreams.’
‘Then why isn’t she pursuing them?’ Hope asked.
‘Maybe she is.’
Hope stilled. ‘You think Mum’s dreams are the same as Dad’s?’ She’d always thought her mum was a doormat.
Margot nodded. ‘I know they are. Pam is as passionate as Enzo about the work they do.’
Was Margot right?
‘Have you ever considered your dad is the one living your mum’s dreams, not the other way around?’
Hope chewed her bottom lip. She’d never thought about it that way.
‘It’s important to follow your dreams, Hope, but sometimes life can be just as wonderful if you get to work alongside someone else and follow their dreams.’
‘You sound like you’re speaking from experience.’
‘I was unsure of myself when I married John and moved here from Melbourne. Your mum and I were city girls, not country girls, or beach girls. In those days, going south of Geelong was like going to a foreign land. I didn’t know if I would fit in here. I had no idea whether or not I would love living in a small town, or if I would even find friends.’
‘Did you?’
‘As it turned out, yes. I found my whole life here, all I ever wanted, and many things I didn’t know I even needed.’
‘How did you know Uncle John was the one? I mean, you had your whole life in Melbourne. Your family and friends. And then you met a farmer ... He must have seemed so different from everyone you knew.’
‘He was. And that’s what made it wonderful. He opened my eyes to a new way of living. Making a life with John seemed so unlikely for a city girl like me, but it worked.’
Holding onto Hope Page 16
