by Diann Hunt
The very idea seemed somewhat overwhelming to Abigail. She supposed it took years of service and maturity to get to that place. Like Gramma.
She shook her head and stood up, pulling out her dress for the wedding. What had made her think such deep thoughts this morning, she couldn’t imagine. After all, her only problem was to choose between two handsome suitors. Thankfully, it wasn’t as though she had any overwhelming concerns in her life. When she grew old like Gramma, then she’d be strong.
Until then …
The wedding was beautiful, and Abigail couldn’t have been happier for Christopher and Mary. Mary’s face glowed with joy, and Katie looked cute enough to squeeze. Christopher stood strong and confident beside his new bride, and Abigail knew they would have a bright future together.
Titus was unusually quiet as they made their way back to the O’Connor homestead. She wondered if Jonathan’s return to town bothered him. But of course it didn’t. It wasn’t as though she and Titus had any type of arrangement between them. They were friends. Maybe a little more than friends. After all, he had kissed her.
She rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on. Titus looked at her.
“You feeling all right?”
She nodded.
“Christopher and Mary look very happy.”
“Yes, they do,” she agreed, knowing he was struggling to make small talk. She decided to help. “How is Jenny getting along?”
Talk of Jenny always made him smile. “She’s doing well. Saying more words every day. I haven’t seen Ma this happy in a long time.” He turned to her, a look of gratitude on his face.
“I’m happy for Jenny … and thankful for you.”
Abigail felt his gaze on her. He seemed to study her a moment. She shifted in her seat.
“When is Jonathan leaving?” he asked.
She turned to him. “He’s leaving next Saturday.”
Titus nodded.
“Why do you ask?”
“No reason.”
They lapsed into silence once again. Since Jonathan’s arrival, things had definitely grown strained between them. Abigail didn’t know how to fix things just yet. How could she, when she couldn’t untangle her own emotions? She didn’t know how she felt about anyone these days and grew tired of thinking about it.
Titus pulled the wagon into their yard.
“We have time to eat lunch before going to Gramma’s. You hungry?” Abigail asked.
He shook his head. “Don’t have much of an appetite today.”
With the way he looked at her, Abigail felt somehow responsible. “I won’t be long.”
After lunch, Eliza had decided to join Abigail on her trip to Gramma’s, which surprised Abigail. Eliza always seemed bored, so Abigail assumed she’d stay home and work on her needlepoint. But today she was different. Almost perky. Abigail couldn’t help but wonder what she was up to this time.
Gramma waited with open arms when they arrived. Abigail knew Gramma looked forward to these visits as much as she did. When she and Eliza stepped through the door, Abigail could smell the tea, the aroma lifting from the teapot on the table.
In no time they had settled into their chairs and talked of the wedding and the Doyle family’s future together. Once Eliza finished her tea, she excused herself to Gramma’s room to read Little Women. It seemed she liked sitting in there on the rocking chair, away from the noise of discussion. Gramma consented.
“I don’t know how to reach her,” Abigail finally whispered to Gramma after Eliza left the room.
“She is hurting, she is. I’m afraid me son has put his child through a lot.” Gramma shook her head. “His rebellion against the Lord has brought grief to his family.”
“I want to care about her, Gramma, but sometimes she isn’t easy to love,” Abigail confessed.
Gramma shrugged. “The Lord, He must feel that way about us at times,” she said thoughtfully.
Abigail felt chastised. Once again, Gramma was right.
“Any decision yet on ye handsome suitors?”
Abigail shook her head. “Jonathan is still pressuring me. Titus has withdrawn, so I’m not sure of his feelings at all anymore. Maybe he’s not interested.”
Gramma took a swallow of tea and shook her head. “I’m not thinking so. He probably feels a trifle displaced with Jonathan here and all.” She stirred more sugar into her tea. “’Tis hard to see the competition at work.” Gramma winked.
“Please keep praying. I want to do the right thing. I just don’t know what that is.”
“I think ye mind is made up already.”
“You do?” Gramma’s wisdom tickled Abigail. “And just what have I decided?”
“Ye will choose Titus.”
Abigail laughed. “How do you know?”
Gramma lifted a gnarled finger. “I’ve been around a good many days.” She tapped the side of her temple with her finger. “’Tis ye heart that tells me.”
Abigail stared at her, considering her words. “I wish it would tell me,” she said with a halfhearted laugh.
“Would ye be listening?”
Abigail sat in silence. After a little while, she could finally see the truth. “You’re right, Gramma. Why couldn’t I see it before?”
“Perhaps ye are afraid of Titus’s feelings now, since he has pulled away. Perhaps ye think if ye let Jonathan go, ye will be alone.”
Abigail looked down, nodding her head. “Yes, I hadn’t realized that until this very moment.”
Gramma got up from her place and hobbled over to sit by Abigail. She clutched Abigail’s hands with her own. “Then ye know what ye must do, Abigail.”
Tears spilled onto her dress. She nodded once more.
“Me prayers will cover ye, wee one.” Gramma placed a kiss on Abigail’s temple. “He will give ye strength.”
Huddled together, Gramma led in a prayer for direction and strength. Once she finished, Abigail’s heart felt lighter. Though she didn’t know how she would tell Jonathan her decision, she knew it’s what she had to do.
With the matter settled, Abigail stood. “Thank you, Gramma, once again, for showing me things I don’t know myself.”
Gramma smiled.
Abigail headed to Gramma’s room and found Eliza reading a newspaper. She jumped. Abigail wondered why Eliza appeared nervous lately. “You ready to go?”
Eliza nodded. Abigail noticed Eliza slipped two books into her bag. She wondered why Eliza needed two books. They would be back before long; she could pick the second one up then. She shrugged it off. Maybe Eliza wasn’t coming the next time. Oh well, Abigail felt weary from the day’s discussions. “Let’s go.”
Friday morning after breakfast, Abigail took one more look out her window. A thin mist of frost covered rooftops. The air was white with falling snow. It seemed a perfect day for ice-skating. She wished Jonathan hadn’t invited Eliza and Titus to go along. With her mind made up to say good-bye to Jonathan, seeing Titus and Eliza together would be all the harder. Pulling on her winter woolens, she glanced once more around her bedroom to make sure she had everything she needed. She did. With that, she turned and walked out of the room, setting out for the stairway.
Eliza left her room at the same time, both arriving at the stairway together. “Good morning, Eliza.”
“Abigail.”
They walked the wooden stairs together, the wood creaking beneath their feet. Eliza adjusted the gloves on her hands. “So you must be unhappy with Jonathan’s soon departure.”
Abigail knew Eliza well enough to know she was digging for information.
“I will miss him, but he has to return to work.”
Eliza nodded. “And you will not return with him?”
Abigail looked at her in surprise. “Of course not. What made you think so?”
“Oh, I just assumed.”
“It’s not like that between us.”
“Oh?” She stopped a moment. “Pity,” Eliza finally said, skipping down the last two stairs and movin
g toward the door as if to avoid further conversation now that she’d found out what she wanted to know.
The very idea annoyed Abigail to no end. She knew Eliza’s plan. To win Titus’s affections. Period. The thought threw Abigail into a huff. It’s not as though he were a toy to be tossed about between the two of them.
“Good-bye,” Abigail called toward her mother, who sat reading the newspaper at her chair in front of the fireplace. Folding the paper, she walked over to Abigail and kissed her cheek.
“You children have a wonderful time.”
Eliza smiled, and Abigail hugged her mother good-bye. Eliza and Abigail then slipped through the door into a winter wonderland.
Jonathan and Titus both greeted them. Abigail detected a hint of tension, though she wondered if she imagined it. “You ready to go?” Jonathan’s face sparkled. He reached toward Abigail almost possessively to assist her into the carriage he had borrowed from a friend. She felt a little embarrassed by his behavior. The morning was perfect, though, and she didn’t want to spoil it. She kept her thoughts light.
Titus helped Eliza in the backseat. Everyone settled in for a pleasant ride.
“How is Jenny doing, Titus?” Abigail turned back to him in time to see Eliza snuggle close beside him. Eliza tossed a victory smile.
“Doing better every day. She misses you, though. Wants to know if you’re coming over today.” He shifted an inch away from Eliza. She scooted closer. “I wasn’t sure since we were going ice-skating.”
Jonathan shot Abigail a look of disapproval.
“Well, I guess we’ll have to wait and see how tired we all are after this morning,” she said with a forced chuckle. She turned back around. With a slight attitude, she smoothed her skirts. After all, she did not appreciate Jonathan’s pushiness. Perhaps he had forgotten, but he had walked out on her, not the other way around.
She would not be pushed.
Once they arrived, they all climbed out of the carriage and headed toward a bench to put on their skates. The pond was full of people once again. It was the most popular place to skate when the water iced over. It seemed to freeze faster than the other spots in town. Much safer.
Though frustrated with the men in her life, Abigail had to admit she was excited about ice-skating. She hadn’t gone in quite some time and looked forward to it. While she waited for Eliza to finish strapping her iceskates over her shoes, Abigail glanced up to watch the other skaters. A light snow drifted all around, adding the perfect touch to the scene. Bundled in heavy wraps, the crowd gracefully moved along, the sounds of their blades cutting into the ice, leaving iced shavings behind. Childish squeals and laughter filled the air as one or more spilled upon the frozen ground, causing others to pile one on the other.
Abigail laughed.
“You ready to give it a try?” Titus asked, surprising her. He reached out a hand. She dared not look at Jonathan but rather grabbed Titus’s waiting hand. Before Eliza or Jonathan could protest, Titus helped her onto the pond, and they were soon drifting around the sidelines with the greatest of ease.
“They’ll never forgive you, you know,” Abigail said, daring to give him a sideways glance.
He looked her full in the face and laughed. “I know.”
She bit her lip and couldn’t help the excitement bubbling up inside her. For now, she wouldn’t care about what they thought. She would enjoy the pure pleasure of the moment. “I didn’t know you were such a good skater,” she said.
He shrugged. “I came here a lot as a kid.” He looked at her. “I wanted to say the same thing about you.”
“I came here, too. You were probably the boy who always bumped into me when I was little, forcing me to get up and try again.”
Titus chuckled. “I knew you weren’t a quitter. Even then.”
They laughed together. He put his arm around her back and escorted her around the pond at a fast pace. She wondered if Titus did that so Jonathan couldn’t catch them. The sides of her bonnet flipped back with the breeze. The cold air pricked her skin, filling her with delight. Their laughter joined the others’ and mingled into the air. For the moment, Abigail forgot all problems and responsibilities. She was a little girl again, caught in the rapture of the moment.
After a while, Titus slowed his pace and pulled her aside to rest. He looked into her face, his eyes twinkling. “You all right?”
Quite out of breath, she stopped laughing a moment and tried to calm herself. Her teeth smarting from the cold, she closed her mouth and breathed through her nose. “It was wonderful!” she said finally. Truth was, she hadn’t felt so alive in a very long time.
“Good,” he said, staring into her eyes.
Just then, Eliza and Jonathan skated up to them, neither looking quite happy.
“Well, I trust you had a nice lap or two around the pond, Abigail,” Jonathan said, his glare evident to all. Titus cleared his throat and glanced at Abigail. For some reason, she wanted to giggle. Suddenly, Jonathan seemed the harsh taskmaster, and she and Titus had been like two schoolkids sneaking away for a moment of mischief.
She caught Titus’s gaze. He winked at her then turned to Eliza. “So, Eliza, do you care to go around?”
Eliza lifted her chin and threw a triumphant look to Abigail. “Certainly, Titus,” she said to him then glanced once more at Abigail before disappearing into the crowd.
Abigail watched them a moment, still smiling in spite of herself.
“Well, I don’t see what is so funny, Abigail.” Jonathan looked as mad as a March hare.
“What, Jonathan?”
“After all, you came here with me.”
“I came here with everyone, Jonathan,” she said, giving his tirade little notice.
“I see. Are you giving me your answer this way, Abigail?”
She looked at him with a start. His eyes had softened, sadness replacing his angry stare. As much as she hated to do so, she decided this was as good a time as any.
“I’m sorry, Jonathan.”
“I thought as much.” He stared at the pond’s floor. “I brought it on myself. I should never have left.”
Her hand touched his arm. “No, Jonathan, it was right that you left. It’s better we know now how things really are between us so we can move on with our lives.”
His proud jaw lifted. “I see you certainly have.” His words were biting, but she understood. She had felt the very same when he went back east. “I hope you and Titus have a happy life together.”
His words jolted her. Would they have a life together?
She could only hope.
Chapter 15
After talking with Jonathan, Abigail felt the ice-skating was pretty much ruined. She loved Jonathan in a special way and didn’t want to hurt him for the world, yet she couldn’t deny her feelings. What they had shared was a wonderful friendship, not love. She could see that now. Though she didn’t know what the future held for her and Titus, she knew her future was not with Jonathan. Still, she didn’t want to hurt him.
After a quiet drive home, Titus and Eliza got out of the carriage, and Jonathan stayed with Abigail. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Abigail.”
Tears sprang to her eyes. “Me, too, Jonathan.”
“You’re sure?” He lifted her chin, causing their eyes to meet.
She swallowed hard, tears trailing down her cheeks. “I’m sure,” she said.
“If I thought I could change your mind, I’d stick around, you know. Give up my job, everything.”
She looked at him. “Please, Jonathan, don’t do that.”
He shook his head. “No, I won’t. We both know there’s no future.” He looked toward the barn. “I wonder if Titus Matthews knows what a lucky man he is.”
Her breath stuck in her throat.
“I will never forget you, Abigail O’Connor.” His finger wiped the tears from her cheeks. Like the quick brush of the wind, his lips lit softly upon where the tears had been; then he got down and helped her from the carriage. Once they
arrived at the door, Abigail turned to him.
“Thank you, Jonathan, for being a wonderful friend. For understanding.”
“Good-bye, Abigail.”
“Good-bye.” Abigail turned and pushed through the front door. Her parents and Eliza stood just inside, as if waiting for her. She lifted tearstained cheeks and knew she didn’t have to offer an explanation just yet. “Good night, Mother, Father.” She turned to her cousin. “Eliza.”
Before they could answer, her legs carried her hastily up the stairway and into her room. Barnabas followed closely behind. Abigail dropped onto her bed and buried her face in her hands. Barnabas seemed to sense her sorrow. He whined as his cold nose nudged her arm, as if wanting to comfort her. When she didn’t respond, he gave up and curled up at her feet.
After a little while, she fell back against her pillow. “Good-bye, Jonathan Clark. I’m sorry,” she whispered into the air before falling asleep with her tears.
Titus finished feeding the horses and heard a sound at the barn door. He turned around to see Eliza standing there holding a book. Inwardly, he cringed. Hadn’t he had enough of her for one day? Right now all he wanted was time to think. Alone.
She lifted an eyebrow as she waved the book in front of him. “I’ve found what I’ve been looking for.”
He didn’t like the look on her face. It spelled trouble. Something he didn’t need right now. He had enough confusion going on in his life.
“Look, Eliza, I’m tired and—”
She would not be put off. “You don’t understand. I’ve discovered a family secret. A secret no one knew but Gramma and Thomas O’Connor.”
Titus knew he shouldn’t listen further, yet curiosity got the better of him. “All right, what is it?”
She smacked her lips like one with the juiciest bit of gossip. “Let’s go over there.” She pointed toward a secluded corner in the barn. Once they settled in, she pulled open the pages of Gramma’s journal and began to read:
“Thomas left me house a moment ago. Me heart is heavier than ’Tis ever been. What shall we do? With Lavina unable to have children, the baby on their doorstep had seemed such a miracle. Never would I have guessed such deception in me son. I knew the past year had brought ill health to him, but I hadn’t realized it stemmed from guilt.
