“I’m sorry.” His voice was soft and quiet, full of regret.
She sniffled and raised her head. “I know you are.” She paused and let out a long sigh. “I have to go.”
She stood suddenly and snatched the letter from his grasp before running from the room.
“Maggie,” Elijah called behind her.
She looked back at him to see the tears pooling in his beautiful chocolate eyes. It broke her heart to see him cry.
“Let me help you,” he pleaded. “I want to be there for you.”
“Not this time, Elijah.”
He reached out, and she let him take her hands in his.
She looked down at their entwined hands and watched as a tear hit them and slid down the back of his rough hand. Trust is easily broken, and nearly impossible to fix. She’d forgive Elijah. She knew that. But there was something bigger she had to do, and he couldn’t be a part of it this time. She’d also broken someone’s trust, and hurt someone she loved. It was time to face the decision she made all those years ago. She just hoped Jason could forgive her.
Maggie released her grip and slid her hand out of Elijah’s.
“This is something I have to do alone,” she said, turning away from him.
“I love you,” Elijah said as she walked out.
“I know,” Maggie whispered, shutting the door behind her. She rested her back against the door for a few moments longer and sucked in a deep breath.
It was time to keep her family from falling apart.
Chapter Seventeen
Michaela was leaving Jason’s place when Maggie got there. They practically ran into each other as Maggie rounded the corner next to the bar.
“Oh, Maggie. Hey!” Michaela was chipper, but it was obviously forced. She was trying to act like there weren’t big things in their lives that were crumbling to dust.
She must have read the letter. She knew what Maggie had done.
“Are you okay?” Michaela asked after Maggie didn’t say anything.
Maggie shook her head to keep from crying again. This wasn’t about her. It was about Jason. “Where are you off to?” She tried to force a smile, but it just turned into a grimace.
“Josh is leaving today. Apparently, the team starts skating together like a month before training camp.”
“Oh, well, tell him I said goodbye. It was good to have him here this summer.”
“Yeah,” Michaela’s laugh came out as a bark. “I’m sure Elijah was glad for the free labor.” Her eyes said she was joking, but Maggie blanched at the sound of Elijah’s name.
She didn’t want to think about him. Her heart was breaking into pieces, and it physically hurt.
“You sure you’re okay?” Michaela asked again.
“I need to see Jason.”
Michaela’s fake smile fell, but she nodded in understanding. “You read it?”
“I did.”
“It’s going to be okay, Mags.” She put a hand on Maggie’s shoulder. “I just wish I could get dumb-butt up there to see that.” Her attempt at lightening the mood failed.
“I don’t know what to say to him,” Maggie confessed. “I tried to come up with something on the way over here, but there’s nothing that can make it any better.”
“The truth would be a start.” Michaela stared at her for a moment before continuing. “I know neither of you talk about your families much, but I also know there has to be a reason you did what you did all those years ago. It’s Jason. He loves you. Just tell him why.”
“The truth,” Maggie repeated.
“The truth.” Michaela gave her a hug and then pulled out her keys, reaching them towards Maggie. “Here, he won’t open the door for you. Use my keys.”
Maggie took them slowly and nodded before turning towards Jason’s door.
The Truth. About her father and everything that happened to her growing up. She’d never had to tell anyone what she went through. She didn’t know if she could find the words. There was an unspoken agreement between Maggie and Jason that they’d leave the past in the past. It was an agreement she was about to break.
She rapped her knuckles against the solid door three times. No answer. Putting her ear to the door, she heard someone moving around inside. An ice machine groaned, and then she heard ice clink into a glass.
“Jason?” she said, knowing he wouldn’t answer her. She knocked again. The sounds inside disappeared. Everything went still. “Please, Jason.” Still no movement.
Using the keys Michaela gave her, she unlocked the door and pushed it open slowly. Gathering all her will, she stepped across the threshold, and her eyes scanned the apartment. She pulled the door shut behind her and jumped when a figure appeared in the kitchen.
“Jason,” she said, taking a step towards him.
He regarded her with wary eyes and stepped back. “How’d you get in?”
Maggie held up the keys. “Michaela.”
“She needs to stop meddling.”
“No, you need to talk to me.” She took in his appearance with sad eyes. He wore a loose pair of running shorts and a New York Rangers t-shirt. His hair looked like he’d just gotten out of bed, even though it was evening. Blond stubble coated his cheeks, the start of a beard. Jason hated beards. As if feeling her eyes on it, he scratched his chin. There were dark circles under his eyes.
I caused all of this, Maggie thought, pushing away the tears.
“I read the letter, or part of it anyway.” Maggie walked further into the apartment and sat on the couch. She couldn’t stand his searing gaze any longer.
“Good for you.” There was no anger in his words, but they were laced with pain, and Maggie suddenly felt the breath leave her.
He hesitated before taking a seat across from her. They sat in a silent standoff for what felt like hours, but was really only minutes. Finally, Maggie had had enough.
“The letter was telling the truth,” she said.
Jason leaned forward in his chair, putting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
“Do you remember when I came to New York after your parents died?” she asked.
He nodded but didn’t speak.
“When I got back to Boston, I found my dad and stepmother talking about taking you in. They were giddy with excitement over the money they’d get for your care.” She breathed out slowly.
Jason lifted his head to look at her. His eyes were glassy. He was waiting for her to continue. She gave him a reassuring smile, a smile he didn’t return.
“I told them if they took you in, I’d go to Children’s Services with proof of child abuse.”
She was crying now, and she couldn’t stop it. The memories flowed into her. Memories she had never expected to share with her little cousin who she’d always protected. The truth is a burden. One that she was now putting on his shoulders.
Her body shook as she unfolded her legs and stood from the couch. As she crossed the living room to where he’d positioned himself apart from her, she lifted the hem of her shirt. Her scar had never truly healed like all the bruises had. The skin was fused together to create a raised, rough patch on her side.
Jason stared at it, and then up at her. “Tell me,” he said, his voice thick.
When she went back to the couch, he followed and sat next to her as she began. She told him everything and was surprised how relieved she felt. Her secret was out. There was no longer this big, imaginary thing hanging between her and Jason.
When she started convulsing with sobs, he wrapped his arms around her. She laid her head on his chest, his heart beating slowly beneath her cheek.
“I’m so sorry,” she cried.
Jason’s tears dampened her hair as he rested his head against it.
They were both broken, and yet, both here. They’d made it through.
“Do you hate me?” she asked.
“I could never hate you, Cuz.” He stroked her hair. “You’ve always looked out for me, even when I didn’t know it.”
&
nbsp; “It destroyed me, Jason,” she confessed. “When I left you in that hospital.”
“I forgive you.” His voice was quiet, but it was exactly what she needed to hear.
“Thank you.”
They sat, soaking in the quiet comfort each other offered.
“I didn’t finish the letter,” Maggie finally said.
“I didn’t either,” Jason chuckled softly.
She sat up slowly and pulled out the letter, staring at it for a long moment.
“I’m here.” Jason put his hand over hers. “Whatever it says, it’ll be okay. We’re family, Mags. You and I. Don’t let him have power over you anymore.”
Jason was right. Gathering her courage, she nodded and then unfolded the letter once again. She started right where she had let off, reading out loud.
It should’ve been a wake-up call for me when you moved out at sixteen. I know the years that followed were hard. Jake filled me in on his part in your unhappiness. I wasn’t strong enough. I wish I had been. Every day I pray I could have a do-over. But that’s not how it works. We do things and say things and then live with the consequences.
I can’t remember the last time I told you I loved you. I know it’s a little late now, but I do. Your stepmother has left, so here I am, dying alone. No one should die alone. They should be surrounded by family.
I hope you’re not alone. I hope my actions haven’t caused you any lasting harm. Let yourself love the people in your life. Let yourself trust them. I am a coward. You, my daughter, are not a coward. You’ve always been the strong one. I’ll tell your mother you said hi when I reach her - assuming I’m not rotting in that other place.
That was how he left it. No signature, no official goodbye. A line about Hell. A sound escaped Maggie’s throat that was something between a laugh and a sob. To her ears, she sounded like a strangled cat.
Jason didn’t say anything as he took the letter from her hands and set it on the coffee table. She didn’t realize she was shaking until he grabbed her hands to still them.
“My dad is dead,” she whispered, her shoulders sagging.
“He is,” Jason affirmed, pulling her against his side.
Her father’s words ran through her mind, stopping on one word: alone. He was alone in the end. Sure, Jake was around - but a sober buddy isn’t family.
Maggie rested her palm against her stomach, knowing she’d never have a family of her own.
“I don’t want to be alone.” A tear slid across the bridge of her nose. Jason wiped it away before it could fall to the ground.
“You’ll never be alone, Mags.” He bumped his shoulder against hers. “You’re never getting rid of me.”
She laughed despite the knot in her stomach. “Wouldn’t dream of it,” she said.
A sudden urge started with a thought. The letter had opened up a pit within Maggie, and she suddenly felt as if she’d been hollowed out. Her father was wrong about one thing. If she’d known he was dying, she would’ve gone to him.
“I need to go to Boston,” she said.
Jason didn’t argue; he just pulled out his phone to look at the time. “Let me call Aaron, he can manage the bar for a few days. We can leave tonight.”
Maggie watched him walk into the other room, already speaking into his phone, thankful she hadn’t even had to ask him to come. He just knew she needed him.
Chapter Eighteen
Four hours and eleven minutes. That’s how much time Maggie had to think before they reached Boston. And think she did - about all the reasons she left there in the first place. Four years ago she’d had no intention of going back. It’s not that there wasn’t anything there for her, there was. It was just that the memories were too strong.
But there were things she missed. Most notably, Mama Lugo. Since Maggie barely knew her own mother, Elijah’s mom had filled that hole in her life.
It was three hours into the drive when Jason finally asked it.
“You going to call Elijah and let him know where you are?”
“No.” She gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white.
Jason raised an eyebrow in question, looking sideways at her. “Want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Mags -”
“Leave it alone, Jason.”
“But -”
“I’ll talk about it when I’m ready.”
“Fair enough.” He nodded, reaching forward to change the radio station. “We’re staying with his parents, right?”
“Yeah, I called them before we left.” She laughed softly. “I could practically hear Mama Lugo cleaning in excitement.”
“Cleaning is exciting?” Amusement laced through his voice.
“For her it is.” Maggie felt herself smiling as she thought of the woman. “Their house isn’t much, and the neighborhood is terrible - but there’s no place that feels homier. It’s clean to the point of obsessiveness and always smells nice from whatever is cooking. Mama is a fantastic cook.”
“I’m glad you had a place like that to go to growing up.” He put his hand on her arm, squeezed, and let go.
“Me too.” Her voice trailed away as her thoughts engulfed her. Thoughts of Elijah.
Maggie had hesitated before calling Mama Lugo, looking for a place to stay. She wasn’t sure it was okay with the way things stood between her and Elijah. They could’ve stayed in a hotel, but that would’ve felt wrong. Elijah’s family felt like family to her.
The sting of what he did was fading. It had been a shock at first, and she’d said some things she probably shouldn’t have. But dammit, she couldn’t let anyone pull controlling bullshit on her ever again. That’s when things started to go to hell with Jake.
It wasn’t fair to compare the two. Elijah was a much better person than Jake had ever been. She’d always known that.
They pulled off the highway and made their way through the familiar streets. It was almost as if she’d never left. She’d spent all but the last four years of her life in the same neighborhood. When she left her parents at sixteen, she moved in next door. Then, when she got married, she lived two streets over. So many people here never leave.
As Maggie’s hand reached down to put the car in park, her eyes lifted and scanned the row of houses. It was late, and they were dark, but the Lugo’s porch light let her see the house next door in small detail.
It looked almost abandoned, but she was sure it wasn’t. Many of the houses in the area were in a similar condition. The faded blue paint was peeling and flaking off. The front porch that she’d spent so much time sitting on to avoid being inside the house was in disrepair. Upstairs, a window had been broken and boarded up. She wondered if her father had done that. It wouldn’t have been the first window he threw a liquor bottle through.
Sensing her mood, Jason walked around the car to help her out. He held onto her elbow to steady her as they walked up the front walkway to the house that stood in contrast to the mess next door. The Lugo’s house looked inviting. Mr. Lugo was a firm believer in painting every other summer, so the yellow shone bright where the light touched it. The grass was perfectly cut, and baskets of flowers hung along the porch. It wasn’t much, but in her life it had been everything.
Jason left her at the steps and went back to grab their bags, rejoining her a moment later. She stepped up slowly, but before she could knock, the door swung open and a plump woman with a wide smile stood in the doorway, hands on hips.
“Get in here, sweetheart,” she said, opening her arms.
Maggie fell against the woman and held on tight as soon as her arms came around her.
“There there,” Mama Lugo rubbed her back. “It’s going to be okay.”
After a few moments, Mama released Maggie. “And this must be Jason.” She reached her arms towards him and he dropped the bags. You didn’t refuse a hug from Mama. “I’ve been hearing about you since you were a kid. It’s wonderful to finally meet you.”
“Mi corazón,” a thick Cuban a
ccent came from the living room. “Let them breathe.”
Maggie practically ran to Mr. Lugo, and he enveloped her in a hug just as good as his wife’s. She pulled back, and he looked at her closely. He was so very much like Elijah that she wanted to laugh - or cry again. The same dark looks and kind eyes. They both had smiles that held a hint of humor in them.
Mr. Lugo shook Jason’s hand. “It’s late. I’ll bet you two are exhausted.”
Maggie looked at the clock on the wall, not realizing how late it was until right then. The Lugos had stayed up to wait for them.
“Can I get you anything to eat or drink?” Mama asked.
“I think we’ll let you get some sleep,” Maggie said, putting an arm around Mama’s shoulders. “We’ve kept you up late enough.”
“If you’re sure,” Mama replied. “You’re in your old room. We’ve got Elijah’s room set up for Jason. You know where everything is.”
“I do.” She smiled at the older woman. “Thanks. Both of you.”
Mama squeezed her hand before Maggie and Jason turned and headed up the stairs.
Elijah was going crazy worrying about Maggie. After leaving him in the apartment, she hadn’t returned. She didn’t answer her phone.
He had an idea of where she went, but Jason wasn’t answering his phone either.
It killed him that she wasn’t letting him be there for her as he always had. He knew he’d gone too far with the letter, but he hadn’t known what the consequences would be.
At first, he wondered if she no longer trusted him enough to help her, but then he realized how ridiculous that was. Maggie wasn’t about to throw away one of the few things that made sense in either of their lives.
He needed to keep busy. He was in his car, heading over to his house, when his phone rang. He quickly snatched it out of the cup holder, letting out a frustrated breath when he saw it wasn’t Maggie.
Promises: A friends to lovers romance. (New Beginnings Book 2) Page 13
