by Jason Alters
I could tell that Anton and mom were having a rough time lifting her along. The more she cried, the heavier she became and the more mom’s legs looked as though they couldn’t keep up. Although there was no understanding how she felt, I couldn’t help but to wish she’d just forget for a moment. She was putting us all in danger. The loudness of her screams carried through the woods and I could only imagine the way it stung the ears of the zombie, teasing it and willing it to find us. For a minute, I tried to recollect what this thing looked like. I wanted to ask her if she’d managed to get a glimpse of it. The memories of its face was something I had tried hard to forget, but not something easily forgotten. Nonetheless, I needed to know what she saw. I wanted to be able to determine whether or not it was the same one that had latched onto my leg and sunk its scaly fingers into my calves. The possibility that it had followed us was there. Could it be that I was the one it was after? I shook the thought from my head. Positivity was what I needed. Positivity and optimism. Asking Opal about this creature would only allow for more tears to stream down her face. How it looked was more than likely the last thing she cared about and asking her would simply be a stab in a wound that already had a knife lodged in it.
A couple more steps and we’d be skipping over booby traps to get to our tents. Just a couple more steps. I focused my eyes in front of me, wanting to take a good leap to get to safety but something pulled me back.
Chapter 9
It wasn’t a hand that had latched on to mine. It wasn’t fingers that dug into my flesh. I’d heard this cry only once in my life and it’s a cry I could never forget. Dad had taken his last breath and the doctor informed us with a deep sadness in his eyes that father was ‘no longer with us.’ I remembered the sound of mom’s suffocated cries. The look of agony that removed all happiness and all hope from her face. But that wasn’t the sound or the vision that shot rounds through my heart. My brother, strong and opinionated but drenched in a love for his father that was thicker than anything imaginable, his reaction was purely unforgettable. A loud and deafening ‘no’ pierced my ears for seconds without end. And that night, I heard his cries again. Loud and clear, ‘no’s’ rang through my ears.
I looked behind me to see him being dragged away by a face I’d previously wanted to envision; a face that looked less like a human and more like a monster. Brandon was wrapped in its arms, his screams still sounding through the night. On the floor in front of me was his gun and there was only one thing to be done. I reached down, took hold of the cold metal handle and charged at the beast who had taken my brother. I’d kill it, if it was the last thing I did. There was no allowing it to do this again. ‘Travel in groups,’ the reporter had said. But here we were, traveling together and it still had the gall to take one of our own. One of us was too many and two of us in one night was something it wouldn’t get away with. I could hear my heart pounding loudly in my chest as I tried hard to steady my hands while the motion of running insisted on moving the gun in unfavorable directions. I needed a clear shot. If I missed, then instead of taking out the zombie I’d be removing my brother from this earth.
‘I’ve got him, Liz,’ I heard Anton yell from behind me.
His voice didn’t stop me. I ran faster gaining more energy the closer I came. The zombie turned around and glared at me with the same yellowish eyes that I’d dreamt about prior to my encounter with him. The question of whether or not this thing had been following me was answered. It was him- the one I’d seen in the bushes on the way from Anton’s house; the one who’d attacked me when I was taking out the trash. At that moment, there was no time to care why it had followed me. All that concerned me, was getting Brandon back.
Bang. Anton’s gun went off. The zombie twitched but continued to run. Bang I fired a shot right into his back. He slowed down this time, allowing me to shorten the distance between us. Bang. Bang. Bang. I don’t know how many shots I’d fired. I don’t know how many had left Anton’s gun. I could hear Anton’s heavy breathing as he ran right past me and let off a few more rounds. I was closer to this thing than I ever wanted to be again. Anton shot at it again, this time ripping off a side of its head, only noticeable because the light from someone’s flashlight made him more visible than ever. Brandon rolled on the floor, having been released from the zombie’s grasp. A few more steps and I was there, holding my older brother in my arms. Tightly, I held on to him and he allowed. His tough exterior was broken down and my embrace was wholly welcomed.
‘Thank you.’ He hugged me back.
‘Are you hurt?’ I asked, panting heavily.
‘Antooon!’ Brandon yelled, ignoring my question.
I looked up, wondering why he was screaming. Did the zombie get Anton? Would this thing ever accept defeat?
‘Anton,’ I yelled. ‘Get back. Get back. Anton!’
Chapter 10
He disappeared right in front of my eyes. I didn’t know whether or not he’d turned right or left and thus, following him wasn’t an option. I felt my heart sink to the bottom of my chest and for a moment, I thought it had stopped beating.
‘No. No. No.’ Tears streamed down my own cheeks.
If anything happened to him, it would have been my fault. Understanding how Opal felt wasn’t hard. Just like she felt the need to carry some of the blame, I couldn’t help but to think I carried some fault in Anton disappearing into trouble. I was the one who introduced him to the idea of running away with us. I was the reason he came here. Watching your love vanish right before your eyes was a feeling unlike anything else. Knowing there was nothing I could do about it was debilitating.
‘Mom,’ I cried, wanting her to do something but knowing there was nothing she could do. ‘Anton!’ I screamed from the top of my lungs, hoping his face would be lit up by the light from my flashlight. But there was nothing, just trees and darkness. A million and one questions flooded my mind. How could he be so stupid? How could he chase this thing, not knowing what else was out there? We had Brandon and nothing else mattered.
‘Do something,’ I turned around and yelled at mom who had her arms wrapped around a weeping Opal. ‘We can’t just fucking stand here, we have to do something.’
‘He’ll come back,’ mom replied with the slightest bit of confidence in her tone.
‘We need to find him,’ I cried, blowing my whistle repeatedly and hoping to hear his whistle tone back. But there was nothing.
‘We need to get to our camp,’ mom said softly.
Brandon placed his hand upon my shoulder, trying to offer me some form of consolation. ‘I’m sorry, Liz. I’m so sorry.’
‘No. You don’t get to apologize like you think he’s dead. You don’t get to do that?’
I broke down, not wanting to move from the spot where I was; not caring if I made it back to camp. Love is a funny thing, a sad thing, a crippling thing. I didn’t care what happened to me and if it weren’t for Brandon mustering up the strength to drag me by the arm and mom latching onto my other arm to prevent me from running, I would have left. I would have searched each crease and crevice for Anton.
‘He’ll come back,’ mom said again.
‘He won’t,’ I barked at her. ‘He won’t fucking come back because no one comes back from these things. No one wins. We all lose. We’ve all already lost. They’ll pluck us away one by one and there is nothing that you can do about it. I just don’t know why it didn’t take me first. Not Anton. It was here for me. It should have just taken me.’
Determing who to be angry at was difficult. Was it Brandon’s fault? Or maybe moms? Was it Opals fault? Or maybe mine? Not knowing who to throw the blame at made me angry towards everyone including myself.
***
Back in my tent, mom pulled my head down onto her lap and stroked my hair the way she did when I was a little girl. We’d been in the same position for over an hour and there was no sign of Anton. There was no talking, just rounds of sobs and wails. Everyone felt it. It wasn’t only a thing that had almost happened to me or
a thing that had happened to a stranger’s husband. This was a pain that we were all dealing with. Who was next? Would this thing come back and rip each and every one of us to threads. Had we made the unwise decision of turning ourselves into easy prey by leaving our homes for the woods?
‘You need to get some rest,’ mom whispered.
If it weren’t for the sobs that prevented me from sleeping, I would have barked at her about how inconsiderate it was to think that I’d be able to shut my eyes and forget about the world while my boyfriend was being devoured by zombies. But I couldn’t muster up the strength to be mad at her.
‘We’ve got to head out early in the morning, Liz. I know this is a great loss for you. I know how much you cared about Anton but he would want you to be safe. He would want you to do everything possible to get back to safety.’
I sat up, removing her hand from my head and looked her deep in the eyes. ‘Is this what we’re doing now, mom. We’re just accepting that he’s dead? Is this really what we’re doing?’
‘Sweetheart,’ she placed a hand on my shoulder. ‘It’s been over an hour.’
The truth, even though I knew it, was incredibly hard to hear. I wanted hope. I wanted something to hold onto and she was taking all of that away with a reality I didn’t ever want to face.
‘Liz, don’t beat yourself up about this. Anton was brave and he loved you so much. Just remember that. Draw comfort from knowing just how much he loved you.’
Though I knew exactly what she was saying and that her intensions were to bring me even a smidgen of comfort, it wasn’t easy to take her words for what they were. Instead, I felt as though she was saying bravery was what had killed Anton. In a sense, she was right. It was his bravery. It was his need to go above and beyond to protect us. But, if being a coward meant that he’d still be here with me, then I would have much preferred that.
‘I think I just need to be alone, mom,’ I finally managed to speak through the sobs.
‘Are you sure, sweetheart?’ her gentle hand met the side of my face, dampening her fingers as she stroked my cheek.
I nodded.
‘Liz, don’t do anything crazy,’ she said before crawling out of my tent and heading to hers.
Being alone didn’t change anything except for the fact that rather than crying to mom, I was crying to myself. I replayed the events that had taken place, over and over in my head, trying to will a favorable outcome into existence. Accepting that Anton was gone wasn’t possible. I could still hear his voice. I could feel his breath on my lips. And not being able to have any of that was hell. I’d thought about it- the stupid thing mom warned me not to do before she left my tent. Unfortunately, venturing out into the wild wouldn’t do much more than provoke the zombies into making me their prey.
***
Sleep was hard to come by. I felt myself drifting in and out of something that felt like it, only to have my eyes jerked wide open by images of Anton being devoured by the yellow eyed creature. I turned to my side, hugged the sweater that had been repurposed as a pillow and buried my face into it. Stopping the tears was unmanageable and I at least hoped that crying as hard as possible would eventually cause my tear ducts to dry up. ‘He was brave and he loved me. He was brave and he loved me,’ I whispered over and over again, trying to soothe the pain.
***
My mind wandered to the first time we said those three special words to each other. I had been hiding out at his place, trying to avoid the reality of dad’s death. It was Valentine’s Day; a day I hadn’t cared much about until Anton. But with all that was going on, it felt wrong to celebrate. Tucked under his sheets, I could smell the scent of his cologne clinging onto each centimeter of the fabric. He’d gone to the market to get us something fresh to eat and I stayed home, admiring the scent he’d left behind. Being stuck in a day dream, I hadn’t realized that he was standing at the door watching me with a smile as wide as the Atlantic Ocean stretched across his face. His hands were filled with two large bouquets; the scent of the roses replacing the scent of him. My eyes shimmered with tears as I watched him watch me. Knowing how to feel was difficult. Forgetting to feel the pain of my father’s death felt wrong but he’d made it possible. He’d made it okay to combine tears of happiness with tears of grief. I remembered the way my heart fluttered and butterflies did summersaults in my stomach as he placed the roses on the bed before me and graced my lips with the presence of his own. I remembered the way it sounded and the way it felt when he said, ‘Elizabeth White, I’m going to love you forever.’ The countless times he’d told me, ‘Elizabeth White, I’m going to love you forever,’ ensured that I’d never forget. Unfortunately, forever wasn’t long enough.
‘Elizabeth White, I’m going to love you forever,’ I could almost hear him say it as I laid with my head buried deep into my sweater. ‘Elizabeth White,’ it felt so real. He was watching over me. I just knew that he was watching over me.
‘Mom,’ I pushed her hand away from my shoulder, not wanting to be taken away from my memories of him. ‘Just leave me alone,’ I said softly as she shook me gently.
‘It’s me,’ a voice that wasn’t hers filled my ears.
Chapter 11
A burst of energy entered my body and I leapt to my feet. It was all a dream, I knew that, but it didn’t matter. If loving me forever meant that I’d get to see him in my dreams, then I was okay with that. I moved closer, wrapped my arms around him and squeezed tightly.
‘I don’t want to wake up,’ I whispered.
‘You’re not sleeping,’ he replied.
I pinched myself, certain that I was indeed stuck in a dream.
‘Liz, you’re not sleeping. I’m here. I’m really here.’
Without thinking, my hand opened and I found myself landing smack after smack across Anton’s face. I could feel my palm stinging and if that didn’t wake me then I knew there was no way I was dreaming.
‘If you’re here,’ I yelled, ‘if you’re really here, then you’re a fucking asshole. You’re the biggest kind of fucking assholes that I have ever met in my life. How could you? How could you do this to me? Do you know what I’ve been through in the past few hours, thinking that your insides are being fucking digested by those goddamned creatures? What kind of man leaves his girlfriend behind? What kind of man runs to danger? What kind of man leaves me?’
My hands pounded against his chest and he allowed it to happen.
‘I’m sorry, Liz. I’m sorry if you thought…’
‘You’re sorry if I thought you were dead. You’re sorry that you spent hours out there, not worrying about how I would feel. Not worrying about your life. What if they’d ripped you apart? What if you’d been captured? What then?’
I was furious. Yes, I should have been happy that he was there, in front of me. I should have wrapped my arms around him and covered him in kisses, but all I felt was anger.
‘Liz,’ he tried to bargain with me, but the sweetness of his tone wouldn’t stop me.
‘I can’t believe you did this to me, Anton. You have no idea what it felt like trying to prevent myself from running out there and looking for you- how it felt to think you were dead.’
‘I’m sorry, Liz,’ he tried again to offer me an apology I wasn’t ready to accept.
Just as I was about to pound my fist against whatever parts of his body was closest to me, my mom intervened, pulling me to the side and holding my hands firmly. ‘Are you going nuts?’ She yelled. ‘Are you losing it, Liz? He’s here. That’s all that matters right now. Be happy that he’s here.’
‘Mom,’ I sobbed. ‘He made me think…’
‘Miss Sherry,’ Anton said to my mother.
Mom let go of my hands, ‘you’ve got another one coming for you Anton but tonight’s not the night for it. I’m happy that you’re safe. I’m really, really happy that you’re safe, but don’t you ever, try to pull something like this again. What were you thinking running after it like that? And what the hell took you so long to get back?�
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‘I caught it,’ he mumbled.
My heart stopped.
‘Did you say you caught it?’ mother asked puzzled.
‘Yes ma’am.’
My heart refused to beat. I stared at him, then glared at him, then wanted to punch him over and over again.
Mom couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘You mean, you caught the zombie?’
‘Yes ma’am. I chased it, caught it and tied it up with the paracord bracelet Liz made me. But I…’
‘But you what?’ I asked. My fury was slowly slipping away.
‘I lost my gun,’ he hung his head as though too embarrassed to want to say it out loud.
‘Oh, well,’ mom threw her hands in the air, that’s the least of our worries. You lost your gun but you’ve got your life. Now, if I may hug you.’ She made her way over to Anton -who was only standing a few feet from her- and squeezed him tightly. ‘This thing that you said you caught. Did you tie it up good?’
‘Yes ma’am,’ he replied.
‘Good, then I’d say we get some rest and hopefully everyone will sleep a little better knowing that there’s one less of those bastards waiting to attack us.’
Brandon poked his head inside the tent. He’d obviously been waiting for the tension to die down. ‘Glad to see you’re back,’ he said to Anton, ‘and thanks man. What you did, that’s some brave shit. Crazy, but brave.’
Anton nodded and smiled.
‘Elizabeth,’ mother took hold of my shoulders, ‘if you keep yelling at that boy, you’ll be sharing a tent with me instead.’
‘Yes mother,’ I swept a tear from my eye.
‘Goodnight guys,’ she said before leaving.
Anton didn’t make his way closer to me. Instead, he stood, observing my face, my demeanor, my level of anger.
‘I’m not going to punch you again,’ I said.
