by Jessica Dall
“You haven’t talked to me in over a week.”
“And?”
“I don’t know how men settle fights, but women don’t generally just ‘move on’ like nothing’s happened.”
“Are we fighting?”
“It’s what I’d call it.” The fire caught and she put on some dry wood before standing. “I mean, neither of us has given the other a black eye, but...”
“That was his fault for sneaking up on me like that.”
“Since when have you ever not heard someone coming up behind you?” She cocked an eyebrow. “You aren’t me and Jack doesn’t exactly walk softly. If you need someone to sneak around I’d be a better candidate. I don’t stomp like the rest of you do, and you’ve always heard me.”
“Maybe that’s because I was listening for you.”
She didn’t respond for a moment. “What?”
“Well, it’s my fault you’re out here, even if you deny that, and you’re the one who came out here without many survival skills...”
She poured some water into the pot and set up a crude spit on which to hang the bucket.
“I don’t mean anything by it,” he clarified. “It’s just that, in all likelihood, if anyone was going to get hurt, it would most likely be you.”
“I’m a completely rational human being, Ben. I’ve managed to keep myself alive this long. Besides, it isn’t your fault. If you had listened to me—”
“It’s not the point of me not intellectually grasping that, Lia,” he said. “It doesn’t stop the fact that there’s that lingering voice in the back of my head that says ‘If you hadn’t needed to be rescued. If you hadn’t been caught. If she hadn’t gone to the hospital before getting us...’”
“It wasn’t your choice, it was mine. I hardly see how you made me go to the hospital.”
He dropped his gaze.
“What’s that?” Dahlia frowned. “Why do you feel guilty about that?”
He didn’t look up, “You needed supplies before you came to help us. If I hadn’t taken some of your things...”
“You...you stole my medical supplies?” Her eyebrows furrowed.
“Well, you were so upset and I figured I was never going to see you again. We didn’t have any other place to get supplies...”
“So you were spying and stealing.”
“Just that once.” He looked up at last. “Well, and those maps I took from your desk, but—”
She shook her head, seeming less than involved in the conversation. “You’re sort of despicable, you know that?”
“I came to that realization a while ago, actually,” Ben said.
“Could you stop treating this like a joke and have a normal conversation for once?”
“I was completely serious,” he said. “Did you want a yes or no answer? Or was that just rhetorical and I didn’t actually have to answer at all?”
She opened her mouth, closed it, released a breath, and then finally started again. “Just...you know, I don’t think I’ve ever understood you. I’m really starting to think I never will. There’s just always another layer when it comes to you, isn’t there? There’s always something else that you won’t or maybe just can’t let other people know about. Or maybe you just can’t let me know about.”
“Dahlia...” He sighed.
“No, Ben.” She sat back down. “I can’t do this anymore. This constant lying and fighting. All these secrets... Perhaps the past week has been for the best. Maybe if things were different, this could have been something, something would have worked itself out, but you have greater goals you need to focus on and I...I need someone who will actually think of me first once in a while.”
“I—”
“You are a great leader, Ben,” she cut him off. “You’re just a lousy friend.”
“Dahlia, I...”
She let out a tense breath, closing her eyes for a long moment. “You know what you have to do, and I understand. I can admire you for that even. I just can’t keep thinking that somewhere at some point in the future that I’m finally going to figure out who you are. You’ve got that buried down away from everyone else in the world deeper than I have the energy to try to force out of you. Let’s just stop pretending like....like whatever this is, is going to find its way to being something even remotely stable. I think it’s time to step back and accept things the way they are. Stop fighting, stop lying, stop...hurting one another, and just accept what we are.”
“And that is?” Ben waited.
“We’re acquaintances. We have the ability to get along for short stretches of time. We can be congenial when we have to be, and we can get along with our lives.”
Ben bit the inside of his lip. “That’s what you want? To be acquaintances?”
“That’s all I think we can handle if we want to get through this without killing each other,” she said.
He nodded slowly, turning to go before pausing again. “Stable?”
“What?” Her voice shook slightly.
“You said stable,” he repeated. “Is that what Jack is? Stable?”
The silence hung uncomfortably between them.
“I know where I stand with him from one day to the next,” she said at last.
Ben nodded, turning to leave again. “Don’t stay out here too long. Heather will worry.”
* * * *
“All right.” Des looked around the circle of almost fifty men and women who had pushed in enough to see each other around the trees.
No one in the circle spoke.
“Now,” Des continued. “We have a good number of people here, but not nearly enough to take the capital head on." Thanks to Maria and the other wonderful new guards’ information, “There’s a ‘secret service’ of sorts who protects Patience.”
“From what?” Dahlia said.
“Assassination, I would imagine,” Ben answered. “I mean, Patience came to power through assassination. It’s understandable that whoever replaced her is worried about losing power because of an assassination.”
“Replaced her?” Dahlia frowned.
“It isn’t the original Patience over there, Lia,” Heather said. “She’d be three, four hundred years old.”
“Then what about her birthday addresses?” Dahlia said. “People have seen her.”
“So they’re replaying tapes,” Ben suggested. “That or replaced her with someone who looks a lot like her. A daughter maybe.”
“Anyway.” Des looked at the trio. “Back to the point. We can’t just march up there and ask to see Patience. However, with the proper force, if we’re already in, we could take over.”
“Do we have weapons?” Abel looked around. “Last I knew we had the guns the guards had and some shivs.”
“There’s a weapons store not far from here,” Christina, a redheaded guard, said. “We’re going to send some people to see if we can get them.”
“Some people,” Ben repeated.
“Well, the others need to focus on Wellington.”
Ben frowned. “Are we going to have to force it out of you? Let’s get moving.”
“Okay.” Des sighed. “Basically we have a three part plan of attack. We need about half of us heading out for the weapons cache. People who can fight well enough to, well, not die when or if we come up against resistance and who are strong enough to carry back what supplies we get.”
“You can just say ‘not Dahlia’.” She rolled her eyes.
“Or some of the younger guys,” Heather said.
“Anyway.” Des looked at Dahlia. “We know what we need you to do.”
“Do tell.”
“We’re going to get you another ID card and get you into the capital.”
“What?” Ben’s face changed into some show of emotion for the first time in days.
Des kept looking at Dahlia. “You don’t have to talk to anyone there, you just need to walk in and find exactly where Patience is.”
“Oh, that simple?” she scoffed.
“We’
ll make it as safe as we can,” Heather said, “I promise.”
“And how safe is that?” Ben stared at Des.
“How safe are any of us?” Dahlia said before looking back at Des. “What am I supposed to do when I find her?”
“We’ll leave some of the guards nearby so you can give them a message.”
Dahlia nodded. “So, as long as no one figures out I’m not supposed to be there...”
“You’ll be fine,” Des said. “It’s not the trickiest job.”
“I’m scared to ask.” Dahlia waited for Des to continue.
“We need someone to find more of a following.”
“For what?” Jack crossed his arms.
“We want a complete uprising. We need to get word around to every camp in the area, in the country. We create an uprising.”
“How did you do it last time?” Dahlia asked. “That’s what all that smoke was, wasn’t it?”
“Me,” Ben said. “Sounds like my specialty.”
“You mean what ended up with you in prison?” Dahlia frowned.
“Only because Eli sold me out.” Ben met her eyes. “You said it yourself. I’m a good leader.”
“If you run into someone...if I had just found you on the street I would have had guards on you before you could have said a word to me. If you get caught this time—”
“If you’re caught wondering around the capital with a fake ID?”
“Not fake.” Des nodded at Heather, taking the card Heather pulled out of her pocket, the name Mia emblazoned on it. “Mia, she’s a legislator, twenty-two, brunette, a little shorter than you, but that’ll be easy enough to cover. Best of all, she has a room inside the capital complex. That card should get you around with no problem.”
“Okay.” Dahlia looked at it. “One question.”
“Yeah?” Des asked.
“What happened to ‘Mia’?”
“She was camping,” Heather said, “and now is very, very lost in the woods. That should give you a good while before she finds her way home.”
“You dropped her off in the woods?” Dahlia frowned.
“She was camping. She obviously likes the great outdoors.”
“Rather serendipitous.” Dahlia looked at the card, cautious. “A legislator who looks like me out in the woods?”
“We’ve got some higher power looking out for us,” Des said.
“We can only hope.” Dahlia sighed, praying Des was right.
“We looked into it,” Maria said. “She’s quiet, keeps to herself mostly. You should be able to slip in her place with none the wiser.”
“When’d you get all this intel?” Jack placed his hand near Dahlia’s leg, not touching, but close enough.”
“We needed a plan,” Des said. “We got what we needed done.”
“It’s as good a plan as any,” Dahlia said. “I made it all the way here impersonating other women. I think I can do it once more.”
“But you were impersonating people the people around you didn’t know,” Ben said.
“We’re all probably living on borrowed time as it is, Ben,” she said. “No reason to do things halfway.”
“It doesn’t have to be her.” He looked at Des. “Heather looks pretty much just like Dahlia.”
“Not just like.” Dahlia shook her head. “Similar maybe.”
“Well, you aren’t exactly this Mia girl’s twin.”
“Heather can shoot a gun,” Dahlia said. “If I don’t do this, what am I supposed to do?”
“Dahlia knows how to act in adult society. I haven’t dealt with straight women since I left school,” Heather said. “We have to play to our strengths.”
“It’s why you want to risk your life putting out a call to arms.” Dahlia focused on Ben.
He released a breath and then looked away from her.
“Okay then,” Des said. “Tomorrow Dahlia goes to the capital. Two of the guards will stay in the forest to wait for a signal from her. Ben will head out to convert people to the cause, and the rest of us are going to the weapons store.”
“Tomorrow?” Dahlia frowned.
“No point in waiting,” Des said. “We’re going to run out of food soon.”
“Okay then.” Dahlia squeezed Jack’s hand and then stretched. “I’m going to bed. You know, try to pretend like I’m not terrified.”
“You’ll do great, Lia,” Heather said.
“You don’t know that,” Dahlia responded.
“Come on.” Heather stood and nodded for Dahlia to follow her. She glanced at Jack. “I’ll bring her right back.”
Dahlia didn’t question Heather’s directions, letting her sister lead her a little ways from camp. She waited for her to stop before speaking. “Aren’t you scared?”
“Of course I’m scared.” Heather forced a smile. “We all are.”
Dahlia nodded. “I’m terrified.”
“You don’t have to do this, just so you know,” Heather said. “If you don’t think you can, you can choose not to do it. We’re not going to twist your arm or tie you up and throw you into town.”
“If I didn’t go.” Dahlia frowned. “What would I do then?”
“Stay here.” Heather shrugged. “Wait.”
“You need my help.”
“We’d figure something out.”
Dahlia sighed. “I think the waiting would drive me more insane than the fear in town. I can do it. I just feel like, well frankly, like I’m going to lose my mind.”
“It’s understandable.” Heather nodded. “You know I wouldn’t send you in there, Lia, if I didn’t think that there was a chance that you’d find your way back out.”
“I love that word.” Dahlia laughed tersely. “Chance.”
“Lia—”
“I don’t need a cheerleader.” She waved her off. “I’ve had more than enough of the drawn out name thing. You need to be worried about yourself too.”
“I know,” Heather said. “I feel some sort of biological duty to make sure you’re okay. I am your big sister.”
“Doesn’t mean anything.” Dahlia shook her head. “I’ve never talked to my...our mother or siblings. We don’t have—”
“It might mean jack squat,” Heather said. “Doesn’t mean that it’s impossible to feel a connection to someone on biological grounds. Family isn’t a bad thing.”
“I suppose,” Dahlia agreed.
* * * *
Ben knelt carefully, glancing at the man sprawled out on the pallet before touching Dahlia’s shoulder lightly.
She stirred, unfurling from the tight ball she had curled into to look at him. She squinted in the darkness. “Be—?”
He placed a finger on her lips to stop her from speaking only removing it when he was sure she’d remain quiet. He motioned for her to follow him.
Dahlia glanced at Jack before rising. She grabbed a blanket, slinging it over her shoulders rather than bothering with clothes, and followed him out of the tent and into the trees. She followed in silence with only a muffled yelp when a raised root caught her foot and made her stumble.
“Where are we going, Ben? It’s pitch black out.”
He took her hand, leading her to a break in the trees where what little light from the waxing crescent moon wasn’t blocked out by the leaves. He turned to face her.
She pulled the blanket tighter around her. It wasn’t cold, but the air chilled. “Yes?”
He didn’t say anything.
She sighed. “Ben, we should be asleep.”
He stepped closer, taking the edge of the blanket and pulled her closer to him. He kissed her. They were silent for a long moment until they broke apart.
He sighed. “Dahlia, I know you don’t...you know, we’re probably both going to die soon. I couldn’t just...I couldn’t...I needed to talk to you.”
“About what?”
“It wasn’t all lies.” He held her against him.
She frowned. “What?”
“Back home,” he said. “Your home. I lied
, yes. I lied out of my ass most of the time. But everything...not everything I said was a lie.”
“How am I supposed to know the difference, Ben?” She shook her head. “You’ve made your life lying to people.”
“You...” He touched her face gently, following her jaw line down in the darkness. “You are beautiful. That wasn’t a lie. You should know that, you’ve had enough men after you this month.”
“I could be a cow and that would still probably be true,” she said. “I’m the only woman here who is willing to have sex with men.”
He pushed the blanket out of the way, touching her waist. He could feel her ribs under her skin, each one a distinct bump from the other. “You’ve lost weight.”
“So have you,” she said. “Your pants have barely been staying on as you walk.”
“You noticed that?”
“It’s a little hard to miss with you pulling them up every three steps,” she said. “I don’t know why you haven’t changed into a smaller size.
The pockets at the bottom of his pants felt heavier. “Superstition I suppose.”
“Superstition about what?” Dahlia frowned.
“Change,” he said. “Promise me that when you’re in town tomorrow you’ll eat a big meal.”
She smiled to herself. “I think food is going to be one of the lesser things on my mind tomorrow.”
“Just promise me?” He ran his hands up her back along her spine. “Give me that piece of mind at least?”
She shivered, unsure if it was from his touch or from the cold. “If we’re both going to die anyway, why does food matter?”
“Better to die on a full stomach, I imagine.”
She shook her head. “I’ll order something large and hearty. Is that all you brought me out here for? I had to knock myself out to sleep in the first place. I doubt I’ll get much more of it tonight.”
He continued to run his hands over her, smiling when her body began to react against him.
She swallowed. “What are you doing, Ben?”
He kissed her. “Please, Lia. Can we just stop....everything? Just for tonight. No thinking. No questions. Just...tonight.”
She opened her mouth and then shut it just as fast, settling on nodding.
Ben pushed the blanket fully off her shoulders, letting it drop on the ground behind her. She didn’t move, the faint blue light didn’t do much to illuminate her. He moved, shaking out the blanket and laying it in a relatively rock free area. He stood again, seemingly unable to force himself forward.
