But I wasn’t going to man up for our mother, not if she wasn’t going to get her head on straight and be the loving woman we knew again. Nope, I’d take care of my brothers. Protect them always and wish her straight to Hell.
As the minister went on, the rain started falling from the sky. The dark clouds were quickly approaching, dropping lower, and becoming thick and turning a grayish black. Thunder and lightning cracked the sky wide open, and the rain got heavier, soaking through my clothes and skin.
It made me feel alive when everything inside me was filling with something I couldn’t quite figure out. It felt a lot like fear. I stood there wondering who I had to be afraid of as I took a look around at the people as the rain showered my skin. I recognized several from when they stopped over to drop off food. I couldn’t for the life of me remember their names or why the women looked at me like I was as delicious as the meal they left behind. Not one of them made me feel fear. Their looks sure wigged me the hell out though.
“Here, you boys need this more than I do. It’ll protect you.”
I didn’t have to glance behind me to know the low whispering voice was coming from my dad’s good friend Gabe. He and his wife, Lena, had been coming around our house more often than usual the last couple of days. Lena with her motherly smile and loving touch. Gabe, with his shield of protection, was what got my brothers and me through this past week. Fuck all if our mother gave a shit. Bitch was standing there with a black veil over her face, an umbrella over her head while Lane and I are getting soaked to the bone.
I should trip her when we leave. Maybe if she smacked her head, it would knock the sense back into her.
God, I hated her for deserting us when we needed her more than anything right now, especially what it was doing to Lane and Seth.
“Thanks.” I took the umbrella that was in front of me and held most of it over Lane from the sudden storm. He needed it more than me. It had only been raining for a couple of minutes, and already, he was shaking like a leaf.
“I get you are grieving, woman, as are these boys standing by you. You do remember them, right? Your kids? They need you as much as you do them. Straighten the fuck out, or you’ll have me crawling up your ass,” Gabe says in my mom’s ear. I inwardly snicker.
“I’m sorry, boys, it’s just, well, I loved your father so much, and now I’m lost. I’ll find my way back soon,” she says, not attempting to look at us. She wasn’t sorry, not in the slightest. She wasn’t lost either. Whatever the hell she meant by that, I hadn’t a clue.
Bitch was higher than a kite right now too. I might be young, but I wasn’t stupid. I smelled weed trailing through the house last night and this morning. Caught her snorting white powder up her nose when I went to tell her the car was here. It’s either cocaine or heroin.
She didn’t even make sure Seth was bathed and dressed for today. Hasn’t fed us any of the food people left, hasn’t done anything to make sure her children are okay. No hugs, no kisses, no tucking us in bed. All she’s done this past week is stay in her bedroom with a man named Angelo. The only time she’s come out is to go into Dad’s office.
I shake off caring about her anymore and look down to my baby brother Seth to make sure he wasn’t getting wet. Seth was dry and clinging to our mother’s leg with one hand, his other still gripping hold of mine. Good, that was good. I didn’t want him catching a cold.
My big brother instincts had been kicking in ever since we got the call that our dad was dead. I knew it would change our lives forever. I knew it would be up to me to protect my brothers. I didn’t mind because I loved them more than I loved myself. I’d do whatever it took to make sure they had everything they needed. I’d protect them until the day I died.
What I didn’t know was, I’d become both brother and parentless less than twenty-four hours after Dad was gone.
I squeezed Seth’s hand, and he looked up at me with tears in his eyes. Seth was too young to understand what today meant. I think he’s sad because Lane and I are, but in a way, I think he’s happy that our mother is paying attention to him just like she used to before tragedy struck our world, taking the one person who held our family together. It wouldn’t last past us walking through our front door though. I knew this with certainty.
Lifting my head, I blinked away the tears and focused on the casket decorated with flowers. I wasn’t a fan of funerals, pretty sure no one on earth was. Death was final. It meant you’d see your loved one no more. You’d never hear their voice again, and there’d come a day when that sound would fade away. To me, that was the hardest part of death. The being afraid I won’t remember.
Dad dying has not only shocked me; it scares the hell out of me for what’s to become too, because our mother is not only spending time with this Angelo guy, she’s also been on the phone in Dad’s office with someone quite a bit talking about me. I’ve never been able to make out all of what she says, but I know it has something to do with the family business. One I understand, yet I’m too young that I shouldn’t be worrying about it. Even my dad told me that not long ago when I asked him what exactly went on at Behind Closed Doors. Was it a secretive place? Like the saying, “No one knows what happens behind closed doors?”
I about shit myself when he sat me down a while back and told me what went on inside his club. One of the many reasons why I’ll never go into business with Shadow, let alone by myself. No way, I’ll sell the place and move my brothers far away from this town.
I let out a sigh, thanking God I’m still able to hear my dad’s voice. “There’s more to owning a sex club, Logan, than owning it. You aren’t old enough for that to make sense yet, nor to talk about the family business. I suppose you are old enough to talk about sex. Hell, I thought I had a few more years until we’d have this discussion. Then you are growing up on me quickly, aren’t you? When the time comes, and you want to be involved, that’s up to you. If you don’t, then you don’t. I want what’s best for you and your brothers. Happiness and health and love. Someday, you’ll be a father, and you’ll understand.”
I shook my head and held up my hands and told him I wasn’t having any kids.
I also told him that his lifestyle was screwed up. He said it was if it wasn’t something you were into. I shrugged it off and vowed that shit wasn’t for me. Hell, I hadn’t thought much about sex at all before that day.
“I’m sorry for your loss. Give me a call when you decide to go out. The sooner, the better.” A deep voice that makes me cringe brings me out of my thoughts.
I look up into the seedy eyes of Angelo as Lane stiffens at my side.
And that fear. It creeps up my spine.
Weird how I hadn’t noticed it before. It’s there though. Little tiny tendrils of it telling me to beware. I didn’t like him, didn’t like the way he was looking at my mother. Just like being too young to worry about the business, I shouldn’t be worrying about what his gaze meant. I did, though. It wasn’t how my dad looked at her; it was filled with something my young brain couldn’t pick up on. I just knew I didn’t like it, and when Angelo reached for her hand, he didn’t hold it and rub her skin as my dad would sometimes do. He squeezed it, and a satisfied smile formed on his lips.
This son of a bitch was a thug. A user and he wanted the family business. I know it.
It was then I noticed everyone was walking to their cars. The minister and the five of us were the only ones left standing out here in the rain.
Gabe? Where is he? I search the cars until I find him closing Lena’s door and moving back this way.
“Pick me up Friday night, Angelo. I’ll be ready by then. I want to go to Behind Closed Doors. I need to settle some things first. I need these next few days to talk to my oldest son about what I expect of him.”
The heck is she talking about; I was just a kid? A kid who had just lost his father. A big brother who had to protect his younger brothers from this man Angelo. She can fuck off if she thinks I’ll be talking to her about anything.
�
��He’s a little young for expectations,” he said with a deep chuckle. “Although he is his father’s son. Give him some time to at least grow hair on his balls.”
Sickness crawled through me — what a fucking asshole.
“It won’t be long until he has to take over the family business, Angelo. Logan needs to know that when the time comes, it’s his responsibility. Thank you for this, it’ll get me through the next couple of days.”
I watched as my mother took a small bag of white powder and placed it in her purse. I wasn’t stupid, that was more drugs. I wasn’t too young to know what she was expecting of me either. What I was too young for, was sex.
“He’s old enough to take care of his brothers while you and I go out, isn’t he? I’ll handle the business until he’s of age.”
“No, you won’t. Gabe is handling it. Ask him,” I blurted out and jerked my chin to the right where Gabe was quickly approaching. I only knew Gabe was helping out because he told my mother not to worry about anything except my brothers and me for at least six months. She wasn’t going to listen to Gabe any more than she was going to be our mother. She could do whatever the hell she wanted, but there was no way I was going to stand by and have someone else take over, especially a creep like Angelo. He’d run it to the ground. Probably take off with all our money and leave us with nothing. No, I’d make sure Gabe knew about this and the damn drugs. But I wouldn’t do it here and dishonor my father.
Angelo ignored me while my mother slapped me in the back of the head. I didn’t say anything, but I felt the anger coming off of Lane.
Angelo glanced down at Seth, who had his face buried into Mom’s long black dress. He shook his head, then jerked it quickly toward me. I scowled when Angelo smirked and tilted his head, a strange smile forming on his thin lips. He was going to try to drug my mother up to steal the business. That would happen over my dead body.
There was something about that look, something else my little brain couldn’t grasp. I knew it wasn’t the look of feeling sorry for a kid who lost his father; it was an evil look that made me scoot closer to Lane.
And then it struck me; it was the look of lust — the look of a crazy man. I’d watched it enough on television.
He best have eyes in the back of his head. He touches a hair on either of my brothers’ heads, and I’ll kill him.
I didn’t say a word. I dropped the umbrella, grabbed both my brothers’ hands, and walked toward Gabe while feeling Angelo’s sinister gaze on me.
That was the same kind of smile Shadow had, I’d decided later that night. It wasn’t lust-filled; it was jealousy, and it was me who was going to have to watch my back.
For years I watched my back and my brothers. Took beating after beating from our mother because I was afraid she’d kick me out and what was happening to me, would happen to them. I did what she asked of me when it came to the business out of fear. I kept my mouth shut and never told Gabe about what went on at home out of fear.
But the fear back then, it’s nothing compared to what it is now.
I protected my brothers, and I failed to protect the woman I love.
Chapter Three
Ellie
Once when I was a little girl, I dreamt that my dad painted our house pink because he wanted the whole city to know that inside the castle, lived his princess and his queen. There were thick vines covered in bluebonnets that rose up from the ground and went past my bedroom window ending somewhere in the bright blue sky. Below on the green grass stood my prince. I couldn’t see his face; I only knew he was someday going to climb up, and we were going to live happily ever after just like all the movies I watched with my mom and dad.
When I woke, I knew our house wasn’t pink, and I knew the man that stood there waiting for me wasn’t real. I pretended he was, and even though I thought boys were yucky, I remember telling my mom about the dream. She didn’t laugh and tell me it wasn’t real. She told me seeing was believing. She said children have a vibrant imagination and mine could be whatever I wanted it to be.
I wasn’t sure what I wanted to be.
I only knew someday I wanted to be a mother. I wanted someone to love me the way my dad loved my mom. So, I used my imagination, and I pretended and daydreamed as most little girls do. Sometimes, my dreams came vividly alive while I slept. Others would occur at random, like the times when my parents and I would lie in the field, surrounded by bluebonnets and gaze at the stars.
In this dream I’m having now, I’m hopelessly in love with a man with dark brown hair and the greenest eyes. A love like ours wasn’t a conventional type of love, but it’s our love, and it came on quickly. Beautiful to me, and everlasting.
In my dream, I’m holding a baby, and this man was holding me as we stared down at our unexpected miracle. I couldn’t tell if it was a girl or a boy. I couldn’t even see its face. I only knew it was a part of me and a part of him. Its heartbeat vibrant and steady. It has ten fingers, ten toes, and a head full of hair the same color as the man. It was perfect, it was healthy, and it was very much alive.
In my dream, there wasn’t a monster holding a gun; there were only beauty and peace and a whispering breeze of calm.
In my dream, my parents are alive. My mother knew who I was, and my father, he wasn’t lost in his sea of pain.
I gasp, choking on my saliva, spitting it out and feeling it dribble down my chin as my dream switches directions. The gears start shifting. They grind making an awful noise, and my life swerves, spinning out of control. I come to a dead stop, ending with my worst nightmare in front of me.
A hallucination that can’t be real.
Unpredictable and volatile.
I blink and close my eyes several times to clear the fog. I need to see my baby’s face instead of the monster. I open them slowly, to find my baby is gone. Sweat drips down my temples; dread surrounds me because as my hands frantically search for my child, it’s then I realize the man holding me isn’t the man I love, it’s the monster.
I scream. It’s a bloody-murder, toe-curling scream that has panic rippling goosebumps across my skin.
“Fuck, I love it when she shows me fear. It makes my dick hard.”
Oh, God, no, no, no.
That voice. I hate it with a passion.
My heart starts racing, pulse-pounding out of control, and my head feels like someone has hammered nails right through my eyes. They burn badly. I try closing them; I try moving my arms to swing, but I can’t. Someone seems to be holding them back, attaching something rough and scratchy around my wrists and hoisting my body into the air.
Rope. It holds me up. It drags me down.
Panic and paranoia. I feel them winding and winding around my brain as I dangle in the air.
Sobs tear through me, but I choke them down along with the panic, keeping my thoughts and fears in check.
Shadow has found me like I knew he would. He has me. He shot Logan. He touched me, and I have no idea where I am or how long I’ve been out.
Logan. God, please let someone get to him. Is he still alive? Did Gabe find him? Will they find me? How many hours have passed since Shadow took me? I can’t stop the questions that I might never have answers too. The thoughts are speeding up inside my head. I want them to slow so I can suck in air but they won’t.
You will not die, Logan Mitchell. We haven’t even started our lives yet. We haven’t fully grieved, and you never told me what you wanted to do with your life.
Somebody. Anyone, please make all of this chaos inside of me stop.
“Having dreams about me again or nightmares?” Shadow stands before me, baring his teeth, brows angled to a pissed-off scowl and veins popping out of his neck, and jutting his tongue out to swipe across his lips like the evil serpent he is.
My chest tightens. My bones rattle. I can’t go through this again. I can’t.
“Only in your dreams do I think about you, Shadow.” I lift my chin, feigning strength, and wondering how in the hell life could twist my fate twice wi
th this raping savage who deserves to rot in Hell.
“You aren’t prepared to talk about my dreams. You will be soon, though, sweetheart. You aren’t a good liar, either. You forget I studied you, Ellie. The outside might have changed and Christ, did it ever, but—”
A yelp flies out of my mouth when he runs his hands through my hair, twists it and jerks my head to the side. “The inside is still scared to death of me. I live inside your head the same as you do mine. If only back then you would have spared the time for me the way you did Whitney, I wouldn’t be in your nightmares. I’d be in your sweet dreams. Now that I am in your nightmares, I’m going to make them living hell until I’ve had my fill. Until you flat line and there’s no more of you left.” His tone is murderous, his words revolting.
I freeze when he leans in and sucks on my neck.
Oh, God. I want to scrub my skin off.
“None of this would have happened if you had shown me the kindness you did to others. If you would have looked at me like I meant something instead of right through me as if I wasn’t there. You treated me like I was nothing; in doing so, you possessed my mind. It’s time that you understand who owns you and controls you. Possession is nine-tenths of the law. Meaning, I own you, Ellie Mae. You will submit to me and do everything I say, or you’ll die painfully.”
Anger surges, bumping up alongside the terror darting through my veins.
“Fine by me. I’d rather die than do a damn thing you want. If I were to have anyone in my dreams, it sure the hell wouldn’t be you, and I wouldn’t have nightmares if it weren’t for what you did to me,” I want to say. My voice though is stuck between the dream and nightmare.
“Logan,” I manage to get out through the cotton-like feeling in my mouth.
“Isn’t coming to save you. I warned you about saying his name, do it again, and you’ll be punished.”
My heart plummets as I recall the way I saw Logan laying there like he was dead.
“You shot him because you are scared of him. That was mistake number one. Number two was taking me. You better run for your pathetic life, Shadow. Your days on the outside are numbered.” That’s all I’m allowed to say before Shadow cuffs me across the face, sending a flickering of white anger behind my lids.
Unbound Trilogy Boxset Page 42
