by Romes, Jan
Her hands flew to her tousled mop and she glanced down at the shabby robe. Last night she’d wanted to fill him with regret by looking like a million bucks. Tonight the regret part would come into play, only in reverse. He’d take one look and wonder what the heck he was doing there.
When she didn’t answer the door right away, Alex fell into a series of persistent knocks. “I know you’re in there.”
“Oh well,” she mumbled. This was the real Stella, uncluttered and unbeautiful. He might as well see her for who she really was. It would probably make whatever he had to say a little easier. She took a deep breath and unlocked the dead-bolt.
Even though the take-me-as-I-am attitude sounded good, her heart was still pumping erratically. She plastered on a congenial smile, braced for a frown and opened the door.
Amazingly, Alex smiled instead of frowned and cautious joy danced its way through her.
“Bet you weren’t expecting me so soon, were you?”
She cinched her robe tighter and shuttered her eyes suspiciously. “How’d you get here so fast?”
“You obviously didn’t catch it when I asked if I could come up. I was in your parking lot when I called.”
Stella held back a smile. “Yeah. Missed that. As you can see, I thought I had some primp-time. Since you’re Johnny-on-the-spot, what you see is what you get.” When he grinned, she realized she shouldn’t have used the word get. It was clearly suggestive, like the tub invitation.
Alex was still technically in the hallway. “Can I come in?”
Stella took him by the hand and tugged him in.
Once the door was closed, he swung her around so they were chest to chest and he kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ve been driving around for half an hour trying to figure out if I should call or stop by, or what. The car seems to have a mind of its own and pulled into your parking lot.”
His words made her insecurities kick in and her thoughts went into overdrive. He was going to slam the door on them. In the twelve or so hours they were apart, he must’ve had a change of heart.
A firestorm of emotion burned its way through her. She’d done it again. She’d given herself freely because she foolishly thought he was the one. He obviously wasn’t.
The heavy cynicism continued. Was Alex going to go off to find himself too? Was she still too inhibited? What lame excuse would he offer up? Argh! Her heart wasn’t ready to be snapped in half again.
“I’ll be right back.” She rushed to the bedroom and wilted against the closed door. So what if he slows things down, or breaks things off completely. Nothing should’ve happened in the first place. That rationalization didn’t help.
Salty tears rimmed her eyes, she blinked them away. She’d been an idiot. Actually, they’d both been idiots, but he was going to step up to the plate and fix things. He was going to make her listen to the voice of reason; the one her heart chose to ignore all day, the voice she should’ve been listening to all along.
Shaky legs took her to the dresser. She shed the robe and gave it an anxious toss across the room, where it landed just below her window. In a fit of turmoil, she tore through her lingerie drawer until she found a boring bra and an equally boring pair of cotton panties and slipped into them. With one fluid movement, she scooped up the sexy ones and pitched them into the same heap as the robe. She did not need anything sexy…ever again.
She slid down beside the bed and shot the lingerie a disdainful glance as though they were part of the problem. Then came a moment of clarity. She was thirty years old, partially-naked, throwing underwear and fretting over a guy, the same scenario as a year ago.
A stray tear fell down her cheek. She gave it a harsh swipe. “This is your own fault.”
Alex peeked around the bedroom door. “What’s taking so long, Matson?”
Stella thought she’d conquered the beast of emotion. When Alex walked over and slid down beside her, the tears she’d held in check, leaked out.
A muscled arm found her shoulders and pulled her to him. With extreme tenderness, he lifted her chin. “What’s wrong?”
Nothing a pitcher of margaritas and a time-machine won’t fix, she thought tearfully. “I’m fine,” she insisted, and squirmed out of his embrace. There’s no way she could rein in on anything with him touching her.
“Hmm.” He didn’t sound convinced.
She couldn’t tell him what was really going on because men didn’t understand panic. They also didn’t understand how one night of lovemaking could rearrange a woman’s way of thinking. There was no way she could start a dialogue of feelings. Instead, she hopped up, pulled a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt from her drawer and hurried into them. Let’s get something to drink.”
Stella rushed from the bedroom with Alex following close behind.
“Are you angry that I showed up so soon?”
Stella wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. “No.” She covered up her weird behavior with a fib. “It’s hormones.” The h-word invoked fear in most men and she imagined Alex was no exception. In fact, he was probably already devising his exit-strategy.
“Ohhh,” he said, as if her explanation had a bead of truth.
It’s not hormones, doofus. A strong moment of discomfort made her move to the kitchen. Again, he followed. “Care for a beer or cup of coffee?”
“No thank you.” He sat at the kitchen table, looking confused.
Stella started a pot of coffee and sat in the chair across from him, waiting for the bomb to drop.
Alex remained silent, his eyes full of question.
A minute of heavy noiselessness made Stella crazy. “What did you want to discuss?” She grabbed the underside of the table and held on for dear life.
Alex laid a hand on her free arm, his warm fingers curled around it. “Us.”
Uh-oh. Stella wanted to close her eyes to hide from what he had to say, but that really wasn’t an option with him right there.
The coffee pot gurgled. She pulled loose. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like some?”
“On second thought, I’ll have a cup.”
Her thoughts swung back to the word us. “What about us?” She poured two cups of coffee. Before he could break her heart into a thousand tiny pieces, she interrupted his answer. “How do you take it?”
Alex smiled. “One question at a time. Straight up, no sugar.”
Her hand trembled when she placed the cup in front of him and growled inwardly at the noticeable sign of distress.
“Why so jittery?”
Oh let’s see, maybe because I’ve gone insane. She tried to act casual by taking a slow sip, but she spilled half the cup in the process.
Alex tore a wad of paper towels from the roll on the counter and began sopping up the mess.
Without eye contact, she said, “I’m clumsy, not jittery.”
He tilted his head down to force her to meet his eyes. “I see.” He studied her for a few long seconds. “Now about us …” He cleared his throat and reached for her hand.
She grabbed her coffee cup to prevent the warmth of his touch.
“I should’ve told you this sooner, but I have a previous commitment for the holidays. I’ll get out of it if you want me to.”
Her anxieties shifted from first gear to fifth and her mouth reacted before her brain did. “That’s what this is about?”
Alex gave her a weird look. “What did you think it was?”
Relief washed over her and she felt like an instant fool for letting her mind’s eye see the wrong thing – and for thinking he was a doofus. “I thought you were having second thoughts about us.” That sounded completely weird and possessive. Technically, they hadn’t crossed the threshold of being a couple.
Alex’s eyes sparkled with what appeared to be surprise. “Is that why you’re acting so strange?”
She could downplay her behavior or come clean. “I’m afraid so.” Admitting it made her feel vulnerable and exposed. As long as she was being truthful maybe she should also tell him h
ow wonderful it was to be with him, that he was the right choice for her and how her world would crumble without him. She quickly decided if the h-word didn’t scare him off, giving him all that information would, so she clamped her mouth shut before it gushed out.
He ran a finger along her chin. “I can understand why you’d think that, especially if your thoughts were like mine all day. One minute it made sense to put a stop to us – because of our work circumstances – but the next, I told myself to stop being stupid. I came up with a hundred reasons why we shouldn’t be together, but a hundred and one why we should be.”
His words melted her and she sniffed back tears while her insides quivered.
“I should’ve told you that on the phone instead of making you …” He jabbed her with a grin. “…hormonal.” Alex fiddled with a lock of her hair. “A person is supposed to spend Christmas with …”
He hesitated and she hoped he would say ‘with someone you love’.
“…with the people they care about.”
Stella sighed inwardly. He fell short of saying love and he said people instead of the one, but she could live with it. While she wanted to spend Christmas with him, she wasn’t about to ask him to cancel his plans when she had some of her own to fulfill. Guilt poked her hard. But she was still going because she and Trish made a pact to go no matter what.
She idly ran a thumb across his knuckles and trailed the length of his fingers, while letting everything sink in. “I have to spend Christmas Day with my folks, but I’m free Christmas Eve.”
“Same here.” Alex sounded relieved and clutched her hand. He brought it to his lips; kissing it on the outside first, then turning it over and planting warm, wet kisses on the palm. “I’m leaving the day after Christmas and won’t be back until the second day of January. What do you think?”
Perfect.
Chapter Nineteen
There was no way he could tell her she was right. He did come to put a halt to them before things grew more complicated than they already were. Those weepy, green eyes stopped him. Thank God.
His Christmas commitment came from out of nowhere and saved the moment. It did something else too. It bothered him big time.
He’d started something with Blonde1 and didn’t want to break her heart either. Although the last time they talked, it was awkward. Completely his fault. He’d purposely held back, which confused them both. The kicker was that she still excited him. Blonde1 stirred the basics of lust, but Stella took that need, tweaked it and made it her own. Stella also took his heart in the process; which meant he had nothing left to give Blonde1. So he did what he did best – acted like a jerk and hoped things would fall apart. It was the wrong way to go about things, since early on he’d told her he was a straight-forward guy. He wasn’t being straight forward at all. He no longer wanted to go to Florida.
His cock-eyed plan was to still go. Once he got there and got a feel for things, hopefully he could gently sever the relationship.
Stella brought his thoughts back by asking the same question from the night before. “Music or TV?”
Alex arched a brow. “Music, definitely.”
She gave him a beguiling look and he wrapped his arms around her waist. “On second thought, let’s keep talking. I love talking to you, Stella.”
Stella surprised him by grabbing a handful of his shirt, tugging him to the couch and straddling him. “Talking is overrated.” She teased his mouth with playful kisses and unbuttoned his shirt.
She was in complete control. Working his senses to a fevered pitch, sending excitement racing through him like a 747 at takeoff.
Alex wanted to rip her clothes off and take what she was offering.
Her lavish smile slashed his last thread of willpower.
She’d brought him to the brink and he couldn’t help himself. He needed her; not just the soft, sweet flesh at his fingertips, but the whole heart-and-soul package that made up Stella Matson. He crushed his mouth to hers in fierce possession.
Stella inched her supple body closer and his brain urged him to slow down. He wasn’t capable. His hands roamed over her like he was on a fact-finding expedition, leaving nothing untouched or undiscovered. He filled his hands with her breasts and whispered that she was the most exquisite creature in the world.
She was as hot and eager as he was, and it wasn’t in his power to exercise one more second of restraint. He scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom.
He laid her across the patchwork quilt and her eyes sparkled with achievement. “You little minx.”
“What?” she asked coyly.
“You use those eyes to weaken even the strongest of men, don’t you?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Uh-huh.” Alex began a slow process of undressing her, even though his body said hurry. When her t-shirt was history, he feathered soft kisses under her chin, working his way down the hollow of her neck and into the cherished valley between her breasts. His thumb teased her nipples until she arched her back, filling his hands with her breasts. He moved up slightly so he could see the passion that matched her movements. When he found desire raw and evident in those magnificent eyes, it took his breath away and he deemed that dark-green would be his favorite color forever.
Stella ran a tongue over her pink, kiss-swollen lips and his need became unruly. He hurried to her mouth and pried her lips apart. His tongue dipped in for a taste of honey and she thrashed and bucked wildly against him. The soft resonance of her voice vocalizing her enjoyment was his undoing. He moved over her and gazed into those man-snaring eyes. One look and he was a goner.
* * * *
Stella sighed with happy exhaustion. The last forty-eight hours had been incredible, and if it was possible to fall in love in such a meager amount of time, then she was head over heels in it.
Alex had found the key to remove the shackles from the past. Although, his touches, kisses and lovemaking imprisoned her all over again – to be his alone. She marveled at how effortlessly he’d done it. All it took for her surrender was sweet, gentle attention; hot, greedy possession sealed the deal. The bread-crumbs she’d dropped to find her way back to the safety-zone…gone. Alex devoured them, and her.
Because of this amazing man, she was different now. Not completely, but there’d been a substantial renovation. She was light and happy. Everything looked better, tasted better, smelled better. When they made love, it was unprecedented. Neither of them held anything back. They were like two clumsy teenagers getting their first taste of desire. At the same time, they were skillful lovers gifting each other with paradise.
Alex snored and rolled to his side. Stella carefully leaned over him to check the time. The small movement made his eyes pop open. His gaze followed hers to the clock on the nightstand. “Is it really two o’clock?”
“I’m afraid so.”
He sat up, bringing her with him. “I didn’t plan on falling asleep.” A smile graced his generous mouth. “I guess you wore me out.”
“That was the plan,” she said boldly.
Alex dipped his head to give her a strong, urgent kiss.
Stella molded against him.
He ran a hand through her curls. “Your hair fits you, Stella. Magnificent and wild.”
She hugged his chest. In the last few days, he’d called her sweetheart, a freak and now magnificent and wild. It was amazing. And surreal.
Alex arched a dark, sexy brow. “Sweet, wild Stella, I’ve got to go.” He released her and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
“You could stay,” she offered hopefully. Ending the day with him had been great. Beginning tomorrow the same way would be even better.
“I’d love to. But we have to work in the morning. Next time, I’ll pack a bag so I won’t have to leave.”
She hissed with a smile on her face.
Alex pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Wednesday night is Christmas Eve, want to do supper?”
&nbs
p; Stella smoothed a lock of hair across his forehead. “I’d love to.”
He cinched her tighter. “Don’t think I’m waiting until Wednesday to do this again.” He gave her a powerful kiss that she felt down to her toes.
Visions of kissing him in the elevator or behind a row of file cabinets made her heart do a series of somersaults.
His hands found the small of her back, like they always did, and he touched her forehead with his, which was also becoming a great habit. “Sometime we really need to have a heart to heart talk to sort everything out. You’ll need to wear sunglasses so you won’t distract me.”
“Sunglasses?”
“Actually, you better dress in layers, too. And skip the perfume.”
Stella poked him in the ribs. “Cute.”
Alex gave her a solid lip-lock. “I’m thinking sunglasses won’t be enough. You’re going to have to wear a mask.”
She giggled against him and he squeezed her tight. One last peck and he pulled away. “See you at work, wild one.”
* * * *
Stella was happy and smiled despite the blonde fiend glowering at her in the elevator.
She and Belinda reached for the button for the twenty-sixth floor at the same time.
Belinda shouldered Stella out of the way and turned her snippy little nose up like it was a major imposition to share the airspace.
Stella merely giggled. Get a life. She wasn’t going to let anyone or anything mess with her good mood.
Before the elevator dinged open, Belinda gave it another stab. “Why are you so darn happy?”
There was no way she was tossing the vulture anything she could sink her teeth into. Stella stretched her smile wider and rattled off the obvious. “It’s Christmas. The season of love, peace and happiness.”
Belinda rolled her eyes. “Give me a break.”
Stella kept her smile intact, but her thoughts took a wicked turn. If the woman wanted a break, she’d give her one involving a limb. She scoffed impiously. Falling into the same sludge pit Belinda was wading in, required little effort. She recognized she had one foot in the mire and pulled it out with an even bigger smile.
