And this was the place they chose to be rather than celebrate their victory.
Mitch sat with an assistant coach, two single men comforting each other by saying nothing, just staring straight ahead.
A normally self-absorbed Tyler pressed his forehead against the opposite wall and softly pounded his fist on it, lost in grief. He chanted, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” over and over. Derek didn’t have the energy to tell him to shut up. Hell, these teenagers heard worse and said worse every day. Maybe tonight fuck said it all when it came to the unfairness of a young man with the world at his feet dying before his time.
Maybe only the good did die young.
Cass appeared from nowhere and stood behind Tyler, wrapping her arms around his waist. He turned in her arms, held her to him, and buried his face in her hair.
A black hole of emptiness overwhelmed Derek. He turned away from Tyler and sought out Rachel. She only looked at the floor. He couldn’t blame her, even though he wished she’d hold him like Cass held Tyler and fill this gaping hole in his heart.
He looked out the window at the stars. Was Ryan up there already, grinning down at them? Wishing he could tell them he was in a better place? Was he standing on a perfect green field with all the football greats, having the game of his life? The thought warmed Derek a little. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
An eerie stillness permeated the room. It didn’t seem right because it wasn’t the way Ryan would have wanted it. Even the wailer had gone silent. Pushing his own grief aside, Derek cleared his throat. It was like dropping a bowling ball in the midst of a library. Tear-stained faces gazed up at him from around the room.
“Ryan would want us to celebrate his life, not mourn his death. Let’s get pizza, sing, and remember our buddy and teammate the way he’d want to be remembered.” He glanced at Rachel. She stood near her brother, rubbing his shoulder.
Mitch rose to his feet. “Derek’s right. Let’s go, guys.”
Pushing away from the wall and plastering a smile on his face that didn’t reach his eyes, Tyler nodded. “Pizza on me.”
“What, that cheap-assed bastard is paying? Holy turd on the asphalt, has the world ended? Good thing you got a big bankbook, buddy, ’cause I got a big gut.” Ernie, a huge lineman, patted his stomach. A small spatter of laughter spread across the room and broke some of the tension.
Together they shuffled out of the hospital and into the windy, rainy night. Derek paused and waited near the doorway. He caught Rachel’s eye as she stood several feet away as if waiting for him. “Rae?”
She hesitated, then crossed to stand in front of him. Her green eyes mirrored the genuine concern and compassion in her soul. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll survive. We all will.” He cupped her elbow and shielded her from the rest of the group with his big body. “We have so much to discuss.”
“Not tonight.” She attempted to skirt around him, but he blocked her escape.
“Okay. Not tonight.” He reached for her hand and squeezed it. She didn’t pull away but squeezed back. Then, true to her forgiving nature, she put her arms around him. He held tight, like she was the only real thing in his crazy chaotic world, because she was. She laid her head on his chest. He inhaled the scent of lavender so uniquely her. Rachel healed that emptiness in his soul, filled in the cracks and broken places.
Maybe there was a chance, a way to make it work.
~ ~ ~ ~
They filed out of the pizza place, sad, tired, but somehow feeling better than when they’d walked in. As everyone went their separate ways, Derek hung back. He waited for Rachel and volunteered to drive her home.
“I don’t mind driving you, sis,” Mitch intervened and tossed a threatening look in Derek’s direction, though it lacked conviction. Damned if the guy wasn’t softening.
“It’s out of your way, Mitch. I’ll catch a ride with Derek.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. Will you be okay?” She directed that last question to her brother.
“As good as I can be.” He pointed at his friend and assistant coach. “Mike is coming home with me. We’re probably going to get shit-faced and pass out.”
Rachel almost smiled. She hugged him and followed Derek to his truck, which one of his teammates had driven there for him. They rode in silence until he turned in the driveway.
“Rae. I know I have no right asking this, but can I stay tonight?” Holding his breath, he waited for her answer.
She opened her mouth. Then shut it. Tamping down his disappointment, he slowed down in front of her house and turned to look at her.
“Yes.” She touched his arm.
“Okay.” Grateful for her company, he took her home.
They stripped their clothes and stripped their defenses. He stared into her eyes and saw the truth written there. A truth that should’ve scared the hell out of him. Instead, it doused the loneliness, connected him to another soul, and gave him hope for the future, even in the face of such devastating loss.
He entered her body as if in slow motion. The rawness of his emotions thickened his responses, slowed time, and made him savor every second, drawing out the act until it formed an eternity of memories. She clung to him as if he was her lifeline. He was certain she was his.
He made love to her like he’d never made love before. Slow, tender, and deep, feelings exposed, no longer buried beneath protective layers. She held his face in her hands and gazed into his eyes, past all his carefully erected barricades.
His resistance to her particular brand of sexual magic shattered at her feet. An easy desire swept over him like a warm wind on the Palouse hills and banished the numbness of grief.
He closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel. No thinking. No analyzing. No pretending. Just feeling. Her softness hugged his hardness and surrounded him, sheathing him, giving him a place to call home. He slid out of her and back in, grasping for the tender thread between them, unwilling to shatter it by hurrying the process. In. Out. Easy. Gentle. Achingly tender.
His heart filled with compassion while his cock filled her physically. His measured thrusts, so agonizing and heartfelt, affected his body as much as wild, out-of-control passion. Rachel shifted underneath him and maximized his ability to go deeper. Her mouth sought his. Her lips nibbled on his lower lip. Her tongue stole into his mouth and mated with his tongue, as slow and easy as she mated with his body.
The passion, the need built inside him. Not the frenzy of fevered lust or the raging of hungry desire, but a craving for something undefined, something almost within his grasp, something so much more important than winning Super Bowls or making money.
He thrust deep with an unexpected fierceness. She was his. No one else’s. She needed to know that. He needed to sear it on her body, write it across her emotions. His mouth sealed the deal with a deep, aching kiss at the same time her body took him to heaven. Better than anything they’d ever had. With one final thrust, he emptied his essence into her and joined her body and soul. Derek clung to her and cried out her name.
He held her afterward in a possessive embrace. A sense of peace enveloped him. His bones melted into the mattress.
They lay together, just being for a long time until Rachel broke the silence. “Congratulations. You’re going to the Super Bowl.”
His brain took a moment to slog through the events of the past twenty-four hours. “Yeah. Thanks. It seems surreal right now. I’m sure it’ll sink in later this week.”
“I have news too.”
He stiffened. “Really?” A sense of foreboding filled him.
“I’ve been offered a full-time job by the team.”
With those words, she sealed their fate. They had no future. This affair had to end. The sooner, the better. He’d thought watching his mother walk away had been the worst pain he’d ever feel, but it didn’t come close to this feeling of hopelessness and heartbreak. His chest had been cracked open and destroyed. Even worse, he’d be forced to see her every si
ngle day.
“Well, congratulations to you too.” He forced false cheer into his voice.
“I haven’t accepted the job yet.” She ran her fingers over his abs.
“You haven’t?” He bit back the words on the tip of his tongue, words that would beg her to turn down the offer and make their relationship official and public. He couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t wipe out her dreams. He had to stay strong, even though he was the weakest man on earth right now.
“I wanted to think about it.” She didn’t sound any more excited than he felt. Even though Ryan’s death put a damper on things, he sensed it was more than that.
“Rae?” He stroked her hair back from her beautiful face.
“Yes?”
He hesitated and blundered on. “Don’t turn it down for me.”
“I won’t. I promise. I thought this was my dream, but I’m not sure of anything anymore.”
“Neither am I, baby, neither am I.” Nothing made sense in his life but the sweet, giving woman lying next to him.
She snuggled her soft, naked body against his bare chest. It felt so right, so perfect. He wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of his life, just like this. He didn’t care if they had to live through a few years of being separated. Rachel wasn’t his mother. She’d be faithful to him.
The realization slammed the air from his lungs faster than a shot to the groin.
He’d always had loved Rachel. Always would.
The question was whether or not he was going to fight for her.
Chapter 30—Everything on the Line
The next couple of days passed in a whirlwind. Rachel attended Ryan’s memorial service with Derek. The cousins sang one of Ryan’s favorite songs, not leaving a dry eye in the packed house, including hers and theirs.
Derek, his teammates, and the coaching staff flew out the next day for the week of practice and festivities leading up to the game.
Rachel was settling into the hotel when there was a knock at her door. Expecting Derek, she opened it quickly.
“Mind if I crash with you?” Cass pushed past her, lugging three suitcases. Her blonde hair boasted streaks of blue and green.
“What are you doing here?”
“Ty invited me to the pregame festivities.”
“Ty? What about your boyfriend?”
“He left town with a masseuse.”
Boy, was Rachel ever in the dark. She’d been so busy wallowing in her own self-pity she hadn’t spent much time with Cass.
“I was so through with him anyway when he suggested a threesome with another woman. Now another man…maybe.” Cass, typical flake, didn’t seem the least bit affected by the loss of a man she’d professed to love a few months ago.
Rachel kept her opinions to herself. Cass and Tyler. Together again. Two flakes who deserved each other, though lately, she wondered if Cass deserved Tyler.
Another knock at the door. Cass peered through the peephole. “Hey, are you expecting a delivery?”
“Delivery?”
“There’s a guy standing outside with flowers.”
“Tyler probably tracked you down.” Rachel opened the door for the deliveryman and gasped.
Cass came up behind her. She stared in amazement. “Holy shit.”
“They have to be for you.” Rachel shook her head. The Steelheads’ flashy quarterback never did anything halfway.
Four deliverymen marched into the room with dozens of red roses in blue and green vases. They placed them on her kitchen counter. As they filed out, the last man handed her a white envelope with her name—not Cass’s—on it.
Holding her breath, Rachel pulled out a card with a Steelheads logo on the front. She opened it and recognized Derek’s illegible scrawl.
Rae, playing in the big game means everything, but you mean more. Derek
Simple and to the point.
She pulled out several airline tickets, room reservations, and tickets for fifty-yard-line seats—one for each member of her immediate family, even her father.
“That man loves you, especially if he’s willing to tolerate your asshole brothers.” Cass grinned as she sniffed the roses.
Rachel laughed. “I can’t believe this.”
“Honey, the roses are red. Not white. Not yellow. Not pink. Red. You know what that means.”
“I doubt it means the same to Derek. Roses don’t come in blue.” Rachel sank into the armchair and put her head in her hands. “I’m so confused. I want Derek, but this is an incredible opportunity for anyone, especially a female.”
“Which do you want more?” Cass said and reapplied her lipstick.
“I’m pursuing my dreams.”
“Your dreams or your father’s? Pursue them with Derek.” Cass’s gaze flicked over her face. “I know this is the job of a lifetime, especially for a female, but is it worth giving up the love of your life? There will be other jobs. Even with the team. How about scouting? You’ve always talked about being a scout.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“What do you want to do? What’s your passion? One thing Ryan has shown all of us is that you never know how long you have. You have to live your life and follow your passion.” Cass looked pointedly at the roses and back to Rachel.
“I don’t think coaching is my passion.”
“So, are you going through with this?”
Rachel shrugged and tucked her hair behind her ears. Charlie climbed into her lap. Purrs rumbled in his chest. She stroked his soft fur.
Cass’s skeptical expression said it all. “I need to go. I’m meeting Tyler.”
Rachel nodded.
Cass shot one last zinger at her as she disappeared out the door. “Just remember, what about Rachel? What do you really want?”
What did she want? Weren’t the toughest decisions always the right ones?
She thought about her future. Really thought about it. Ever since Ryan’s death, she’d spent a lot of time examining her life, her priorities, her needs and wants.
She mourned for Ryan and for the loss of her relationship with Derek.
She hadn’t seen much of Derek outside of practice except for the funeral. How did he feel? What was the real message behind all these red roses? Did she dare hope? Would she be willing to walk away from the chance of a lifetime to marry the man of a lifetime? Did she love him enough? Even more, did he love her enough?
Rachel teetered on the edge of a cliff, water rushing through the canyon below. She could jump and pray she’d swim to safety. Or she could back away and take the safe route. Her heart knew the answer, even as her head argued against it.
What advice would her mother have given?
She almost smiled as the answer came to her. Jump in with both feet, don’t look back, and hold on with all you’ve got.
~ ~ ~ ~
Sneaking past the Secret Service to see the president would have been easier. Getting near Derek prior to the game was nearly impossible.
Throughout the next few days, she had fleeting personal glimpses of him. Once he caught her eye, waved, and winked as a crowd of reporters and team officials swept him into the hotel elevator. She attended the Super Bowl festivities with the coaching staff and spent time with her family.
Derek called her late every night, talking slow and quiet so he didn’t wake Tyler. His sexy voice was tinged with weariness. She begged him to get lots of sleep. He promised he would. He wanted to win the Lombardi trophy for Ryan. The whole team did.
If she’d been confused before, being here in the midst of all the hype and chaos didn’t clarify her future. In fact, it clouded it.
~ ~ ~ ~
Derek flopped on the bed in the hotel room. “Shit, I’m wiped. I had no idea the league would own us all week long.” Wearing nothing but sweats, he threw his hand over his head and squinted at the overhead light, nursing a brain burner of a headache.
“I’m fucking loving it.” Tyler stretched on the opposite bed and grinned. His eyes sparkled wi
th excitement. He flipped through the channels, looking for clips from the day’s events.
“I’m sure you are.” The limelight energized Tyler, while it wore Derek down.
“Hey, what time is it?” Tyler sat up and swung his feet to the floor in one swift, fluid motion.
“Why do you keep asking me that?”
“Because I’m sneaking downstairs to meet Cass.”
“Whatever happened to the boyfriend?”
“I’m the boyfriend. So cover for me; I need to ease a little tension.”
“This isn’t high school. If you sneak out, you’re on your own. HughJack will have your head.” Derek could use a little tension relief himself.
“He won’t know, just snore loud enough for both of us. She’s sharing a room with Rae.”
“So now you’re into exhibitionism?”
“Nope, I’m sending Rachel up here.” Tyler winked at him.
“Then what are you waiting for? Get your ass out of here.” Derek lobbed a pillow at Tyler’s head, and it came zipping back at him. He ducked.
A couple of minutes later, a knock sounded at the door. He yanked it open and pulled Rachel inside. Plastering her against the door, he kissed her with every bit of passion and feeling he possessed.
~ ~ ~ ~
“Wow. Have you missed me?” Rachel drew back, hands on Derek’s broad shoulders, and took a moment to admire his naked body, a hobby she’d never get tired of.
“You have no idea. It’s been one weird-assed week.” He nibbled on her earlobe. “Damn, I need to lose myself inside you.”
“Well, Alice, how are things down the rabbit hole?” She massaged his tight neck.
“Strange and getting stranger.”
“Hmmm. Thanks for the tickets, the roses, everything. My brothers might even rescind the bounty on your head.”
Kickoff Page 23
