At the front of the room
Smiling and laughing
“What are you doing after this?” Cody asks
Taking the ballot from my hand
I have to run to the feed store to pick up some vaccinations.
“Do you want me to go with you? We could get something to eat afterward.”
I sift through his words
wondering what he means by that
do I look like I need to
want to
eat?
I wish. I should get home. Dad’s hauling cattle tonight, so I have to feed.
“All right. Your loss. I was thinking ice cream.”
Cody stands and walks to the front of the room
Where Micah is collecting the ballots
“Want to go get something to eat after this?” Cody asks him.
“Sure.” Micah grabs our ballots and shoves them into the shoe box
With the slit on top
“Want to come?” Micah asks Asia.
“Of course,” Asia says. “Kierra, you should come too.”
“I can’t. I rode in with Morgan today and—”
“Come on. We can start brainstorming ideas for our fund-raiser,” Asia says.
“I’ll give you a ride home,” Cody volunteers. “It’s not like we live that far apart.”
Leaner
Lighter
Faster
Mr. Welcome-to-the-Neighborhood is back
“You’re sure you don’t want to come, Raesha?” Cody asks.
I stand
Grab my bag
Well, I—
“What?” Asia says. “You don’t want something to eat? That’s a shocker.”
In that tone reserved
For inside jokes
About girls we just don’t
Couldn’t possibly understand
What with them being
So vapid and dull
“I can’t imagine you’re not hungry,” Asia continues.
It’s not that—
Asia turns away
From the crater
I have created
Between her and me
By not needing
Wanting
To eat
So I remind myself
Of the promise I made
Not to be the person
Who breaks this friendship
This team
In half
It’s fine. I can go. I’ll just feed a little late.
“Then let’s go,” Asia says.
The gauntlet is thrown
I follow her out the door
Toward her truck
Cody, Micah, and Kierra
Right behind
Better Left Unsaid
There’s a spreadsheet in my head
With columns for calories
Type of food eaten
And when
Now it’s completely askew
Because I have no idea
How much lemonade
I drank
I know it’s crazy
Obsessing like this
Over an ounce
Maybe four
I wish I could reach through the space
Between Asia and I
And say
Just that
But instead we walk out to her truck
Side by side
Not talking about the comments she made
The ones I’m choosing to ignore
Knowing I can’t explain
All of this crazy
Going on
In my head
Tiny’s Hardware and More
Cody and Micah pull up to the curb
Asia parks
Her truck close behind
Close enough for me to see that Cody is driving
With one hand on the steering wheel
The other arm draped across the back of the seat
His hand behind
Around?
Kierra’s shoulder
I tell myself that last part is only my mind
Playing tricks on me
Because Cody wouldn’t
Couldn’t do that
To me
“What are you getting?” Asia asks
As she turns off the ignition
Tucks her keys into the visor
I don’t know.
“It better be something.”
Asia slams her door
Harder than she needs to
“It’s the hardware store, but they have the best ice cream in town,” Cody is saying,
As he offers his hand to Kierra
Helping her out of the truck
That really isn’t jacked up enough
To warrant
This chivalrous gesture
But I’m not going to get mad
The last thing I need
Is to look as crazy on the outside
As I feel
On the inside
What are you buying me?
I ask as I catch up to Cody
Sliding my hand into his back pocket
He wraps his arm around my waist
“Whatever you want,” he says and lays a kiss on my cheek. “As long as you’re willing to share.”
I’m willing to share ice cream
But that’s it
I think
Cutting my eyes at Kierra
As I step through the door
Cody is holding
For me
Asia and Micah are already inside
Side by side
In front of the freezer case
Debating
Toffee Mocha Crunch
Versus
Salted Carmel Swirl
We step into line behind them
Two plus two
And then there was one
Which makes it easier to forget
His hand on her shoulder
When she’s standing
Behind us
Alone
The front door clanks open
Asia’s uncle Bud steps into the store
“Now here’s trouble,” he says.
Giving Asia’s shoulder a quick squeeze
“Hi, Uncle Bud.”
“After-school ice cream?” he asks.
“Of course,” Asia says.
“Well, if anyone wants to help fix fence afterward, I can put you to work,” Bud offers.
“No thanks,” Cody says.
“I’m good,” Micah seconds.
“Don’t say I didn’t ask.”
Bud laughs
Continues on his way
Heads straight to the back of the store
Where the tools
That are the biggest part of the “More”
Are kept
I was hoping there would be more talk
More back and forth
Giving me time to think
About how to handle this ice cream
Situation
My fingertips tap
tap
tap
Against my sternum
As Cody guides me toward the freezer case
Arm still around my waist
“I’m a purist,” he’s explaining over his shoulder to Kierra.
Because I’m sure she cares
“Dutch chocolate. No toppings. The only thing I ever get,” he says.
I scan my choices
As he talks
Wishing I knew which flavors have the most calories
; Which ones have the least
I’m guessing vanilla
Hope I’m right
As I make my way to the end of the rainbow of ice cream
There are two new
“Check us out!” flavors
Raspberry and marionberry sorbet
One hundred percent fruit juice
Meaning no milk
No fat
I feel like I’m going to cry
So happy that my decision
Is made
Easy Out
Bud emerges from the back
Fence stretcher in one hand
Wallet in the other
Pings the silver bell on the counter
Smiling toward the back door
As he lays his purchase
Next to the cash register
“What’s somebody got to do to get some service around here?”
“Now what’s all the commotion about?” Tiny calls
Coming in through the stockroom door behind the counter with Sniffles
His little red terrier
Tucked under one arm
Just as small
As Tiny is huge
“Bud. What you making all this noise for? You’re going to run off all my customers.”
Tiny hands Asia a container
Of freshly cut strawberries
“Well hello, darlin’.”
“Hi, Grandpa,” Asia says as she puts the container
In the empty space
On the toppings bar
Between the Oreo crumbles and the sprinkles
Tiny sets down his dog
Pulls his apron off the hook on the wall
Washes his hands in the sink opposite the freezer case
Asking after our families
As he grabs an ice cream scoop
Reminding us to keep up our grades
As he fills our cups and cones
With more ice cream
Then he should
Go ahead, Kierra, I say
Acting as if I’m still deciding
Watching as she orders not one flavor
But two
Wondering how
Why
Anyone would want to eat
All that
May I have the raspberry?
Acting like the decision is no big deal
Excited to try a new flavor
“The sorbet?” Tiny says. “Excellent choice.”
Bud yawns
Stretches his arms
Cracks his back
“Keep your shirt on, Ornery!” Tiny chides
As he hands me my cup of sorbet
And ambles over to the cash register
Where Bud is drumming his fingers on the counter
I stop at the toppings bar
Loading my cup with strawberries
The part of the treat
I might actually eat
Before going out to the front porch
That wraps around the store
Where everyone sits
In wrought-iron chairs
Around a glass chip mosaic table
Sniffles has followed me out
Wiggling his way between my feet
As I sit down next to Cody
I lean down and
Rub Sniffles around the ears
Catching the tip of his tail with the ends of my fingers
As he makes his way over to Asia
Asia scoops up Sniffles
Sets him on the table
“Asia! Why do you have to put him up here like that?” Micah complains.
“Don’t be a baby. Everyone is holding their ice cream anyway,” Asia says.
Which is lucky
Because just as she says it
Sniffles wrinkles his nose
Lets loose with a sneeze
That nearly knocks him off the table
“Poor little guy. Who ever heard of a dog with hay fever?” Asia croons
As she runs her hands up and down Sniffles’s sides
“Perfect. Now there’s a sneezing dog on the table,” Micah groans.
“Such a drama queen,” Asia sighs
Giving Sniffles one last scratch on his back.
He makes his way over to me
For more attention
I pull a napkin
From the dispenser in the middle of the table
Thinking I’ll be funny
And pretend to wipe his nose
But I’m too slow
To catch the second sneeze that comes
Complete with a shower of doggie slobber
That sprays my sorbet and the table
Sniffles’s tail goes into overdrive
He clamors into my lap
Rubbing his whiskery face against my chest
Cody is laughing
Micah and Kierra are too
As I push my away sorbet
If I wasn’t so grateful
To this little dog
The fact that Asia isn’t laughing
At all
Would bother me
More
Broken Bales
Dad loaded the hay before he left
Squaring the bales
On the bed of the truck
Making it easy for me
And Blue
Riding tall in the passenger seat
To find the perfect spot
On the crest of the hill
At the top of the pasture
Where I can put the truck into neutral
So Blue and I can run around
Hop on the bed
As the truck rolls forward
Slow enough for me to cut the twine
Kick the bales
Into the pasture
Where they break apart
For the cattle trailing along behind
First one bale
Then the next
Until they’re gone
Save three
I jump over the side of the bed
Sliding back into the driver’s seat
Catching a glimpse of Blue in the rearview mirror
Dashing back and forth
In the truck bed
Barking at the cattle
Reminding them that he’ll be back
To head
To heel
To pen them
Next time need be
I swing the door shut
Pop the truck
Back into gear
Making my way toward
The horses
Already gathering at the gate
In front of the barn
Knowing that the bales with the sweetest hay
Have been stashed against the cab
Saved
Just for them
I count the horses down
Six
Five
Four
Coming up short
Just before
One
Scanning the fence line
For a break in the wire
I see something worse
Than an hour or two
Of fixing fence
The silhouette of a roan
Head down
In the shadow of a tree
Rocky
The one horse
The only horse
Neither Dad or I
Ride
Knowing we should
But not having the heart
To climb on this gelding
With the rose red
mane
Who went off his feed
After my mom
Died
Dad said he would eat
Eventually
But I wasn’t sure
Couldn’t take watching
Another body
Whittled
Down to bones
So I filled buckets with bran mash
Cut up apples
Mixed them with molasses and cob grain
Put alfalfa cubes dusted with brown sugar
In a black rubber feeder
And sat in the glow of the harvest moon
With him
Night after night
As first I just sat
On the gate
With the bucket of feed
First one type
Then the next
In my lap
Running my fingertips
Over his muzzle
As the crickets strummed their legs
In a serenade
But Rocky wouldn’t eat
Just stared
Past me
At the house
Wishing
Waiting for
Her
To come out
He didn’t know
Couldn’t understand
That she was gone
In a never-coming-back sort of way
How do you explain
That to a horse?
Maybe it was
Being locked into the silence
That comes with grief
But one night
I began to talk
Telling Rocky stories
About my mom
Before she got sick
Asking him questions
What it felt like
When she wrapped her arms around his neck
In a cowgirl hug
After they won Nationals
Her senior year
What she whispered to him
When she pressed her cheek against his
Before she swung into the saddle
And he carried her down the aisle
To marry
My dad
Had he been nervous
When my mom carried me
Nine days new
Out to the pasture
To meet him?
At first it was one ear
Twitching toward me
The other trained
On the house
Still waiting
Still wanting
To see her
But eventually
His head turned
His lips began to nibble
At the treats
In the bucket
In my hands
So that’s what I did
Night after night
Talking
Sometimes even laughing
With Rocky
Remembering
Her
But now
His head is down
Hoof pawing the ground
The Sky Between You and Me Page 7
