“You have to talk to Daniel.” My tone was urgent. “Or maybe Brandon can. Or both of you can.” I sucked in a breath, then rushed on. “I overheard Kiya and Georgette talking. Kiya doesn’t like Daniel. She just wants a date to the dance. She’s using him.”
“And?” Elle cocked an eyebrow at me, like this was no surprise at all. “What am I supposed to do about it?”
“Elle!” I threw up my hands. “We can’t let him go to the dance with her! She’ll break his heart. And I’m not speaking to him, so you have to be the one to tell him.”
Elle thought for a minute, then shook her head. “Nope. Not going to do it this time.”
I gaped at her. “What do you mean? He’s walking into a trap and you have to warn him.”
“Nadi.” She sighed. “Brandon and I have been waiting for you two to come to your senses for months now. It boggles the mind that you can’t see what’s plain as day to us.”
I blinked in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
“Okay … I’m going to say it.” She took a deep breath and reached for my hands. “It’s time for you and Daniel to wake up and smell the latte. You two are perfect for each other. Have been since kindergarten.” She smiled into my shocked face. “It’s true.”
“Wha—?” I stuttered as my pulse thudded. “I don’t know wh—”
“You do know.” She squeezed my hands. “In your heart, you’ve known all along. You and Daniel can practically read each other’s minds. Up until the last couple of weeks, you’ve been inseparable. And”—she shot me a pointed look—“haven’t you ever wondered why you’ve been so upset about the whole Operation Kiya thing? It’s not because you hate Kiya. She’s annoyingly perfect, but she’s not hate material.”
“It’s because …” I racked my brain for the many reasons I had for finding Kiya intolerable. But I only found one: Because Daniel had fallen for her. The realization was a thunderbolt striking my brain, and suddenly everything became clear. All of the weird, inexplicable emotions I’d had over the last few weeks, my annoyance over Operation Kiya, the thrill I had whenever Daniel brushed my hand with his. “Omigod …” I sucked in a breath and stared at Elle, whose own face lit up at the dawning of realization on mine.
“Yes.” She nodded encouragingly. “You like him.”
“I do!” I blurted out, blushing. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t admitted it to myself before.
I liked Daniel.
“But … I can’t,” I added the next second. “He likes Kiya!” I slumped against the lockers. “And he’s my best friend—was my best friend.”
“Hello?” Elle singsonged. “Best friends make the best boyfriends. For example, me and Brandon.” She grinned proudly, as if she were sharing great wisdom. “And, FYI, Daniel doesn’t like Kiya. He’s been starstruck by her, the same as everybody else. He doesn’t even know her. Not like he knows you.”
“I guess that’s true,” I admitted. “But we’re not even speaking to each other right now!”
“So … ?” Her eyes widened as she waited for me to come to the obvious conclusion. I knew it, but couldn’t say it, so she finally said, “That’s why you have to be the one to tell him about Kiya.”
“But …” Panic constricted my throat. “I have no idea how he’ll react.”
Elle gave me a knowing look. “For once, all the planning in the world isn’t going to guarantee you one hundred percent certainty that things are going to work out. You’re the most organized person I know, but you can’t schedule a perfect time for love. So, forget about your calendar and all the what-if scenarios and go for it.”
“You’re right,” I muttered, more to myself than to her. Then I glanced at her as she nodded fervently. “You’re totally right!”
She beamed, and bowed gleefully. “My job here is done. Thank you very much.”
For the first time in days, I found myself smiling. It wasn’t a full-blown, life-is-perfect smile. It couldn’t be, when I’d blown my chance at Interlochen. It was a smile of uncertainty and fear, but also of possibility. The bell rang, and Elle and I shouldered our bags.
“We have to get to class.” Elle hugged me. “You’ve got this.” She headed down the hallway, waving and smiling. “Call me later. I won’t say a word until I hear from you.”
I nodded, then pulled out my phone, texting Daniel as I walked.
Meet me at the Snug Mug after school, I wrote with trembling fingers. Code Red. We need to talk.
I swallowed down the last sip of my mournfully plain cappuccino and checked my phone again. No text from Daniel yet, and no sign of him, either. I set down the paper cup, my hands trembling.
What if he didn’t come? I peered through the open slats of the loft’s banister. The afternoon crowd at the Snug Mug was down by half, and I guessed it was because of Mr. Renaud’s new menu. While I’d been waiting for Daniel, I’d watched a half dozen regulars wander into the shop and then leave just as quickly. Disappointment and discontented mutterings abounded.
Kiya was behind the counter with her dad. She had glanced my way when I’d walked in, her happy-to-help-you barista smile slipping from her face.
Her guilty look meant that she hadn’t told Daniel how she really felt. After my talk with Elle, though, I was actually okay with that.
I wanted to be the one to break it to Daniel, for better or for worse. I was ready. Or—I checked my vibrato pulse and burning cheeks—if I wasn’t exactly ready, at least I was getting there.
As soon as that thought crossed my mind, there was Daniel walking in the front door. My heart pounded out allegro sixteenth notes in quick succession. It was as if I were seeing Daniel for the thousandth time and for the first time. There was the wavy black hair, broad shoulders, and sparkling brown eyes. His expression—full of kindness, and a laugh that always seemed to be waiting beneath the surface—was familiar, but it affected me in ways it never had before. I felt myself go a little weak at his handsomeness. It was something I’d never openly acknowledged—or maybe never let myself appreciate—until now.
I expected him to stop at the counter to offer a smitten smile to Kiya, but he climbed the stairs two steps at a time without even glancing her way. I stood, then sat, then stood again, at a loss as to the best position to be in to share the news.
The moment he crossed the stairs’ threshold, though, I stopped thinking and rushed toward him, and he did the same.
“I’m so sorry!” we both blurted, and then our arms were wrapped around each other, the way they had been so many other times throughout our lives. I wasn’t even sure what I was apologizing for. It might’ve been for taking so long to realize what I should’ve seen ages ago—that Daniel was the first and only boy I’d ever fallen for.
My skin prickled as his hands cupped my waist. When I lifted my head from his shoulder, I saw in his eyes a surprise and momentary confusion, as if maybe he’d felt something in our hug, too. My heart pounded. Then he took a step back, his hands slipping away.
“I’m the one who needs to apologize,” he said. “I should never have gotten involved in the situation between your mom and you. I got carried away.” He smiled sheepishly. “Like I always do.”
I met his gaze, and nearly lost my train of thought. I’d always thought that Daniel had nice eyes, but now they cast a spell on me with their welcoming warmth. I mentally shook myself … I had to focus.
“I know you meant well,” I said softly. “But being blindsided wasn’t great. I wanted to be the one to decide when, or if, I was ready to see Mom.”
He nodded. “I wanted to give you what I’d always wanted to have.”
“What do you mean?”
“A chance to see my dad again.” His voice was so quiet, I had to lean toward him to hear it. “I thought it would be great for you to get to know your mom, in ways that I never got to know Appa …”
I felt my heart squeeze. “Oh, Daniel. I’m sorry. I never thought about that …”
“That’s okay.” He smiled
sadly at me. “You didn’t need to think about it because your mom is still around. She’s not gone forever. I guess I was a little annoyed with you for ignoring her. It was tough for me to see you being so nonchalant about her, like you didn’t appreciate what you had.”
I thought this over. “In some ways, it seems easier to pretend like she’s gone forever. Safer. Because if she’s already gone …” My voice broke. “She can’t leave me all over again.”
“But your mom’s here and she wants you in her life. That seems too important to ignore.”
I stared at my toes, wanting to argue with that and finding I couldn’t.
“Safe isn’t always perfect, Nadi. It can make you miss out on things.” Daniel ran a hand through his hair. “I actually talked to my mom about that this week, too. You know, about how she drowns herself in work so she can pretend Appa never existed at all. That’s her safety net.”
“Wow. What did she say?”
“Well, after a lot of ranting in Kugo, Omma admitted that maybe she works too much and can cut back on her hours at the hospital. She also got out some of the old photo albums. She’s never going to be the huggy, mushy-mom type, and she still has a hard time talking about Appa, but”—he grinned—“it’s progress.”
“That’s great.” I smiled, feeling relieved for him. “And I understand why you did what you did with me and my mom. You went overboard, but … I get it.”
“So we’re okay?” He stepped closer, peering into my eyes. “I need to make sure, because if anything ever came between us … if I lost our friendship …” His voice faltered.
“You won’t.” A warm energy hummed in the small space between us, and my heart strummed a happy arpeggio. “I promise.”
Daniel wiped his brow theatrically. “Phew! Because I’m going to need your help with Fall Formal. I mean, what do you wear on a date with a goddess—”
“Daniel,” I interrupted, taking a step back, “about the formal and Kiya.” My stomach knotted with dread. The two of us had just gotten on good terms again, and now I was potentially about to ruin it all with what I had to tell him. I drew a deep breath. “I heard Kiya talking to Georgette earlier today.” I swallowed thickly. “Kiya doesn’t like you. Not in that way. She only agreed to go to the dance with you so that she’d have a date.”
Daniel’s eyes widened. “No.” He shook his head. “She loved the Operation Kiya surprises. And she said yes right away …”
“I know you don’t want it to be true,” I said gently. “Believe me, I wish we weren’t even having the conversation right now. But … at least talk to Kiya and find out for yourself.”
He was still shaking his head, but there was a shift in his expression, as if, somewhere deep down inside, he already sensed that what I told him was right.
“You could still go with her,” I suggested, even though my heart panged at the idea. “If she really means that much to you.”
“And compromise my integrity?” His tone was reaching toward joking but falling short. “Nah. A guy has to have standards. But, man, this is embarrassing. I’ve been a total goner, haven’t I?”
“It’s understandable,” I conceded. “She’s pretty perfect.”
He tilted his head at me. “Maybe not like I thought.” He sighed. “I guess my romantic gestures could only do so much.”
I laughed softly. “Hey …” I nudged his arm with mine. “You’re going to find a girl who likes you, romantic gestures and all.” Maybe like me, I thought hopefully.
He nodded reluctantly, then brightened. “So maybe I’m not going to Fall Formal after all …” He shrugged. “I’ll survive, as long as you can at least tell me that I can still go with you to your Interlochen audition Thursday.”
My insides shriveled, and I dropped my eyes. I’d promised Daniel ages ago that he could come along for moral support. “About that …” My voice was barely a whisper. “I’m not going.”
“What?” Daniel hollered, and for a moment the customers in the shop below stilled.
I shushed him. “I canceled my audition, but I haven’t told anyone else.”
Daniel frowned. “Why would you do that? What were you thinking?”
“I’m not even close to ready. I haven’t been able to practice since …” Since you fell for Kiya, I realized. But I couldn’t admit that, so instead said, “Since the whole thing happened with Mom. My playing sounds like croaking frogs. It’s awful. And I haven’t finished my composition piece—”
“So finish it.” Daniel’s words were matter-of-fact, like there was no other option. “You fix the problem, and you go to the audition—”
“I’ll never make it in. I don’t have enough time to fix everything. Besides …” I straightened my shoulders even as my spirit drooped. “I’ve made up my mind.”
“Nadi.” His expression was pleading. “You’ve wanted this for so long.”
“Please,” I whispered as my eyes filled with tears. “Let it go.”
He opened his mouth like he wanted to argue more, then stopped himself. Instead, he stepped toward me, his arms outstretched for a hug.
I longed to feel his arms around me again, but froze, backing away. He still had things to work out with Kiya. Maybe he needed time to get over her. Plus, even if my feelings for him had grown into something new, his might not have changed at all. If I let myself get close to him now, and he caught on to my feelings for him and freaked, I wasn’t sure I’d ever recover.
“I’ve got to go,” I choked out as my tears threatened to spill over.
“Wait,” he started. “Can I come over for dinner tonight? We can talk about it—”
I shook my head. “I’ll see you tomorrow at school, okay?” I tried to muster a smile, but it crumpled at the edges. “I’ll be fine.”
I felt his eyes on me as I ran down the stairs and out the shop’s door. No matter how much he might want to, this was one problem Daniel couldn’t magic away with balloons or flowers. No one could fix this, and the sooner I came to terms with that, the better.
“Nadi!” Dad’s voice called from the family room. “I’ve got to go. You’ll get yourself off to school okay?”
I was still in bed, in pajamas, not even close to being ready for school. Dad didn’t know that, though. If I could pull a Ferris Bueller—this one time—Dad would leave without ever figuring out that I had no intention of going to school today. I reached down deep and rallied my cheeriest voice. “No problem! I’ll see you later.”
I’d spent all of last night in my room, not even coming downstairs to eat. My talk with Daniel stuck like syrup to every thought I had. It wasn’t just the reaction he’d had to my news about Interlochen, either. It was what he’d said about Mom.
Your mom’s here and she wants you in her life, he’d said. That seems too important to ignore.
Those words echoed in my mind until they blocked everything else out. Everything, that is, except the audition I was missing in just over twenty-four hours.
“I’m nervous about the audition, that’s all” was what I told Dad when I’d said I wasn’t hungry. It didn’t really matter what excuse I offered, because since our fight, Dad and I had barely exchanged more than a sentence or two. Dad had been even more remote than usual, making phone calls in his room with the door closed and spending hours on his laptop. And he was acting strange, snapping his laptop shut the second I walked into the room.
“I’ll see you this afternoon, then.” Dad’s voice sounded uncertain now. “Remember I’m not in Woodburn today. I’m doing fieldwork outside of Rutland. Call my cell if you need me.”
“Sounds good!” The fact that Dad wasn’t in town today only worked in my favor. The farther away he was, the smaller the chance he’d find out my plan.
I waited for the sound of the front door closing. As soon as I heard it, I threw off my covers and reached for my phone. My heart was racing.
I stared at the number on the screen. Once I called, there’d be no turning back. I took a do-or-die breath
and hit call. My phone didn’t even make it through the first ring before a nervous but familiar voice picked up.
“Nadi?” Mom’s tone was happy and terrified all at once. “Is it you?”
I gripped the phone so tightly that my fingertips went numb. “It’s me. I was wondering … I mean, if you’re not too busy …” My voice was warbling, and I fought to steady it. “I’d like to see you,” I blurted at last. “I was thinking … today would be good?”
“Oh, Nadi.” Mom’s voice broke, and I didn’t know if it was with relief or regret. Was she about to tell me that she was too busy? Or that she’d decided Boston was too boring a place to settle down? Or that she was leaving for Timbuktu—or wherever—in a few minutes? “I’d love to see you. But … don’t you have school today?”
I braced myself for the words I was about to say next. They were words that went against every ounce of my organized, rule-following self. “Actually, I was wondering if you could call me in sick.”
“I don’t know,” she said slowly. “I’m not sure your dad would be too happy about that, but … maybe give me some background?”
I blew out a breath. Where to even begin? “I messed up something that was really important to me. Dad doesn’t know about it yet. And …” My voice warbled again, this time from the rush of tears flooding down my face. “I don’t ever lie to him. About anything.” I sniffed into the phone, choking on a sob. “I’m sad. I’m just really sad, and—”
“I’m already in my car,” Mom interrupted. In the background, I heard an engine starting. “Hang tight. It’s going to be a couple of hours, but I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
When the doorbell finally rang, I froze, thinking that one of two things was about to happen. One, I was going to be sick. Two, I was going to open the front door to find my mom on the other side of it. I waited for a solid ten seconds, but then my nausea passed, and I was able to walk to the door and open it.
I wasn’t shocked by the sight of Mom’s face like I’d been last time at the Snug Mug. But I was still so nervous that my hand shook when I lifted it to give Mom a wave.
Pumpkin Spice Up Your Life Page 11
