by Anne Mather
The words rang in Alessandro’s head, pounding in time with the heavy rush of blood surging through his temples.
No! She had that wrong. Must have.
Yet the words resonated, shocking him with their familiarity.
Love? Romantic love?
He tried to reject the notion, as he’d rejected it all his life. But the emotions Carys evoked lodged deep inside and wouldn’t be removed.
The fact remained that he’d gone after Carys. He’d been wildeyed and desperate if his former housekeeper was to be believed. Though clearly she had a romantic disposition. No doubt her memory embroidered the event.
That wasn’t important. What mattered was knowing if he’d changed his mind because he’d realised he’d been wrong about Carys, or whether he’d decided he didn’t care what she’d done—simply had to have her back.
Either option revealed him as emotional, too strongly affected by his lover to think straight.
He didn’t want to believe it.
Yet here he was, tied in knots because of this same woman. Feeling so much because of her. Even now her fresh cinnamon scent tangled in his senses, a heady distraction.
He thought through the few concrete facts he’d pieced together about her infidelity. He’d come home to find Stefano Manzoni, a man he’d never trusted, accelerating recklessly down the driveway. He’d found Carys with her blouse undone, her hair down and a fresh love bite on her neck. She’d admitted meeting Manzoni in town and letting him bring her home. Then she’d tried to deflect Alessandro’s anger by accusing him instead of infidelity with Carlotta.
What else had there been that he couldn’t recall? Was there any more? Had his accusation been as misguided as her belief he’d planned to marry Carlotta?
That didn’t seem believable. Yet honesty made him face the possibility he’d jumped to conclusions.
Had Alessandro subconsciously waited for Carys to prove it was his money that really attracted her? That she would dump him for a man who could give her more once the going got tough? As his mother had left his father years before, hooking up with a man whose bank account made the Mattani wealth at that time look insipid by comparison.
Had Alessandro primed himself to expect Carys’ betrayal?
He drew a steadying breath, tightening his hold on her, feeling her rapid heartbeat near his, the way her soft form moulded so perfectly to his.
Reluctantly he faced the truth he’d been avoiding.
Despite those few wisps of memory, the gap in his mind was as real as ever. Intimacy with Carys hadn’t restored it. He could no longer kid himself that would happen.
He would never remember that part of his past. Never have his memory as absolute proof about her behaviour. He had only the comments of those, like his housekeeper and Carys, who’d been there.
He had logic.
Above all he had his own gut instinct.
What did they tell him?
Carys felt the heavy thud of Alessandro’s heart, strong and steady, against her. The way he held her, as if welded to her, made her heart sing, but couldn’t blot out her distress.
‘I’m sorry,’ she murmured at last, clutching his shirt as if to stop him retreating.
‘Pardon?’ He stepped back a fraction so her voice wasn’t muffled against his chest. Carys only just resisted the impulse to burrow back into him, seeking comfort.
‘I’m sorry.’ Finally she lifted her face. ‘If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have crashed. You wouldn’t have…’ Even now the thought of him in a coma paralysed her larynx.
‘You blame yourself?’ He tilted his head.
‘Don’t you?’ She remembered the steady rain that day—that was why she’d accepted a man’s offer of a lift rather than waiting for a bus. That and the fact that the evening before she’d seen Alessandro with Carlotta. He’d spent the night in town rather than return home, and Carys had finally grown tired of waiting meekly for him to appear. No wonder she’d been distracted enough to fall into Stefano’s clutches.
If only she hadn’t been so gullible, so ready to believe Livia’s plausible lies.
‘Of course I don’t. Don’t be absurd.’ Alessandro’s eyes flashed dark fire. ‘How could you be to blame? I was the one speeding, and the driver that forced me off the road was on the wrong side. It had nothing to do with you.’ His gaze held hers so long Carys felt his certainty pulse through her.
‘Don’t take that upon your conscience, tesoro,’ he said more gently and cupped her chin in one warm palm. Her heart squeezed tight at such tenderness. It reminded her of how he’d looked, and sounded, so long ago.
‘Carys.’ He bent his head and touched his lips to hers. Instantly she melted into him, her body alive with the tingle of magic only Alessandro could create. ‘Sweet Carys.’
Kisses, soft yet fervent, covered her cheeks, brow, even her nose. Large hands cupped her head, holding her still. Her heart rose in her mouth. These weren’t the caresses of a man desperate to bed her. They weren’t about sex. They were about emotion. The sort of emotion she’d nurtured so long.
‘Forgive me, Carys?’
The kisses stopped, though he didn’t release her. Dazedly Carys opened her eyes. The look on her husband’s face stole her breath right away. It would have claimed her heart too, if she hadn’t already given that to him.
She blinked. ‘What are you talking about?’
He didn’t speak immediately and she had the bizarre feeling he was gathering his courage. He, the man who felt no qualms about anything, not billion-dollar deals or handling a hungry media scrum.
He breathed deep, his chest expanding so mightily it brushed hers, sparking inevitable flickers of awareness in every erogenous zone.
‘These past years have been hard for you,’ he murmured, his voice a suede caress that unravelled the ribbon of tension in her stomach. ‘I sent you away, and because of that you were alone through your pregnancy and Leo’s birth. Alone bringing up our son and making a home for him.’ He paused and squeezed his eyes shut as if in pain.
Carys reached out, sliding her trembling fingers over his shoulders, feeling the tension vibrate within him.
‘We survived.’
‘I deprived myself of you and Leo.’ Alessandro’s mouth twisted up in a mirthless smile, and when he opened his eyes they were darker than she’d ever seen them. So dark it felt as if she looked right into his soul.
‘I should never have let you go. Never have doubted.’
‘Sorry?’ His admission struck Carys dumb. She read the remorse in his face, felt the powerful energy hum through his body as if he kept a lid on a force too great to be released. But still she couldn’t believe.
Long fingers slid round to cradle her face. His gentle touch set a thousand butterflies dancing inside her. A sense of something precious, something miraculous, filled her.
‘I’m to blame, Carys. It’s my fault. I should never have accused you of betraying me.’
She looked into his eyes and read emotion there, bare and powerful. Remorse. Guilt. Pain. And hope.
The shock of it, of having him reveal such depth of feelings rocked her on her heels. She clung to his shoulders, trying to marshal stunned thoughts.
‘You weren’t to know,’ she found herself saying tentatively, not even questioning her need to ease his pain. ‘After all, I believed Livia when she told me you were getting married.’
He shook his head abruptly. ‘You weren’t to know Livia had her own agenda. Whereas I…I have no one but myself to blame for leaping to conclusions.’
Carys’ heart accelerated. ‘Rosina told you on the boat? Told you there was nothing between me and Stefano Manzoni?’
Once more Alessandro shook his head. ‘No.’
‘But then…?’
‘How do I know?’ Again that raw, self-deprecating smile.
He reached up and took her hand, slid it from his shoulder, past the spot where his heart thundered, then pressed it down against his abdomen. ‘I feel
it here. Gut instinct, if you like.’ He shrugged, still holding her palm against his belly. ‘My sixth sense has been telling me all along that you weren’t the woman I thought, but I ignored it.’
His eyes glowed emerald fire that melted the last of her defences.
‘Two years ago I was wrapped up in saving the company, fixing the mess my father had left behind. I know that much, at least. Plus I’d decided all women were treacherous. I was probably waiting for you to slip up and prove me right.’ He shook his head in obvious self-disgust.
Carys remembered the speed with which he’d put two and two together and made five, assuming infidelity where there was none. It had seemed as if he’d been all too ready to believe the worst.
She felt as if she’d whirled into an alternate universe, where nothing made sense. For a crazy instant, as he’d dragged her palm down his chest, she’d thought he was going to say it was his heart dictating this change in him. That he loved her.
Now she battled a queasy sensation of burgeoning hope and fear roiling together inside her.
‘I don’t understand.’
Alessandro was silent so long her nerves screamed with tension. Eventually he shrugged, a tense movement that only reinforced her awareness of his pain.
‘Let’s just say I’ve spent too many years as a target for women interested in acquiring wealth and prestige.’
Carys stared. Was it possible Alessandro thought women threw themselves at him for material things they could get from him? Didn’t he understand the pull of a devastatingly sexy, macho man? She’d been a sucker for him the moment she saw him, and she’d known nothing of his wealth or position.
‘And earlier…’ He paused a moment before continuing. She watched his nostrils flare as if he stole a sustaining breath. ‘My mother left when I was five. Dumped my father and went off to become the partner of a man whose fortune and prestige was even greater than his. I never saw her again.’
‘Your father kept you apart?’ Despite the rift between man and wife, to deprive a son of his mother was—
Alessandro snorted. ‘My dear mama wasn’t interested in me. She’d palmed me off to nannies from the first. In some ways it wasn’t such a blow when she left.’
Despite his tight smile, Carys read the lie in his words. Her heart turned inside out, recognising the ancient scars he hid: the knowledge that his mother hadn’t wanted him. How devastating that must have been.
Fellow feeling stirred. She felt his hurt deep in her psyche.
‘After that it was a succession of nannies, most of them more interested in snaring a man with a title than looking after his son.’ Alessandro didn’t hide his bitterness for all that his words were clipped. ‘I learned not to trust anyone.’
Carys wanted to soothe away the years of built up pain and distrust. To cradle him in her arms as if he were still that little boy distressed at losing his mother.
‘But that’s no excuse for my behaviour.’
Alessandro lifted her hand and pressed a kiss on her wrist. Another on her palm. Heat juddered through her and suddenly her need to comfort turned into something else. The familiar electrical current flowed from him to her and back again.
His smouldering eyes held her fast.
‘Carys. I can’t remember what happened between us. I probably never will. But I understand now that I jumped to conclusions and acted rashly.’
Her pulse leapt at the admission.
‘Living with you these past couple of months, I realise I misjudged you. I should never have ended it the way I did.’
Her heart swelled as if it would burst as she read the warmth in his gaze.
‘Sandro!’ It was what she used to call him. The name she’d kept locked away in her heart for so long. Now it slipped out easily. ‘Sandro, I—’
He pressed his index finger to her mouth. The male musk scent of his skin teased her. ‘Let me say this first, Carys.’
He drew a deep breath and, stunned, she read hesitancy in his expression. Instinct told her this was serious. Her muscles tightened and she almost stopped breathing.
Was it possible her secret hopes were coming true?
‘I never expected to feel like this about any woman. You’re honest, direct, caring.’ He smiled and the impact scrambled her brain. ‘And we’re good together. Aren’t we?’
He looked so serious as he watched for her reaction, almost vulnerable, despite his innate strength.
Carys nodded carefully, trying to remain calm as a highoctane mix of excitement, love and desire ignited inside.
She tugged his hand from her mouth and squeezed it, willing him to say the words she’d waited so long to hear. The words she wanted to share with him.
I love you.
His face was sober as he pulled her close.
‘I…trust you, Carys.’
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
‘DID you hear me, Carys?’ Carlotta tilted her head to one side, looking like an inquisitive little bird.
‘Of course I heard.’ Carys mustered a smile for her friend, trying to drag her mind back to the conversation.
She spent too much time fretting over what couldn’t be changed. Life with Alessandro was good. More than good. He was a great father to Leo, a stupendous lover. Even now the memory of his hands and mouth on her body quickened her pulse. He was kind, attentive.
And he trusted her. Her lips twisted, remembering his words and the depths of her disappointment.
He gave her more than he’d given any other woman. All he had to give.
It wasn’t Alessandro’s fault he’d never learned what love was. That he couldn’t offer it to her.
She would learn, one day, to be content. It didn’t matter that she’d craved love all her life. Or that she bestowed it on him unstintingly. She was thankful for what she had, and soon she’d stop wishing for the moon.
The best way to do that was to keep herself busy, as she had these past couple of months.
‘Yes, the tutor is terrific. I’m so glad I took your advice about hiring him.’ This time her smile was more convincing. If she was going to live here, she had to master the language, which was why she and Carlotta spoke Italian when they were alone. ‘I’m improving, don’t you think?’
‘You’re a marvel,’ Carlotta said with a smile. ‘Your pronunciation is great, even if your vocab has a way to go. You’ll be a hit when Alessandro starts entertaining on a large scale again. With that cute hint of an accent everyone will find you enchanting.’
‘You think?’ Carys glanced around the exclusive hotel restaurant Carlotta had chosen for lunch. Despite her new clothes and her determination to fit into Alessandro’s life, she felt a ripple of unease sometimes, as if she didn’t belong and everyone knew it.
The fact that Alessandro seemed to keep her apart from the demands of his social schedule didn’t help either. Yes, they went out, even had friends to dine occasionally, but it was obvious he turned down a lot of invitations he would normally accept. Because he wasn’t sure she’d cope?
‘I know, Carys. According to the grapevine, the young contessa is charming, refreshing and beautifully dressed.’ Carlotta laughed. It was she who’d steered Carys through the acquisition of a new wardrobe.
Carys smiled. ‘You can take a lot of credit there.’
‘Don’t be so modest. Now, tell me, how are you going with your speech for the annual charity lunch? Any ideas?’
Carys nodded. ‘A few.’ In truth, she’d been thinking of little else since she’d heard about it. Each year the Contessa Mattani hosted a charity luncheon in the ballroom of the Mattani villa. Proceeds, along with a sizeable donation from Mattani Enterprises, went to a charity of her choosing, a different one each year. It was a tradition dating back to the time of Alessandro’s grandmother.
Now it was a major event on the calendar of Italy’s social elite. Anxiety skipped down her spine as she thought of hosting it and delivering a speech to a throng of the country’s rich and famous.
‘Y
ou will be there, won’t you?’
‘I wouldn’t miss it for the world. And you’ll have Alessandro by your side too.’
Alessandro hadn’t spoken to her about it yet. Instead she’d learned about it from Carlotta, then had the date confirmed by the housekeeper. Tonight she’d finally remember to ask him for more details. She’d been meaning to for weeks, but somehow she often found herself…distracted around him.
Carlotta signalled for the bill. ‘I’m afraid I have to rush off. Special meeting with a special client.’
‘Then you go and I’ll pay.’
‘Sure?’
‘Of course. Don’t be late. I’ll just sit here a little longer.’ Because it was back again, that slight queasiness she’d experienced on and off lately.
‘Ciao, bella.’ Carlotta kissed her on both cheeks. ‘I’ll call when I’m back from Paris.’
Carys said goodbye and sat back, willing her stomach to settle. She paid the bill, sipping water, trying to stifle excitement that rose even stronger than the nausea.
She’d only felt like this once before. When she’d been pregnant with Leo. Her breasts were tender too. Or was that from Alessandro’s thorough loving last night?
A ripple of pleasure tingled through her as she remembered their passion. And at the possibility she could no longer ignore. Was she pregnant?
A brother or sister for Leo. Another child to love and cherish. Only this time with Alessandro at her side from the start. Would he be happy? They hadn’t taken precautions, so presumably he wasn’t averse to the idea.
Surreptitiously she rubbed her palm over her stomach, wonder growing at the possibility.
Eventually she pushed her chair back and made for the foyer, only to falter as she saw a group of well-dressed older women in a group ahead of her.
A familiar voice spoke; a familiar elegantly tall figure blocked her path.
‘Of course, I expected it. Poor Alessandro, what choice did he have? The girl was the mother of his child. But now he’s stuck with the consequences.’ A shrug of bony shoulders emphasised the point.
Carys put her hand to the door jamb, clinging tight as nausea hit again, stronger this time, preventing her from turning and walking away. Besides, her feet were welded to the spot by the scalding venom in Livia’s voice.
