Suddenly March seemed like it was going to come much too soon.
Chapter Fourteen
Benny’s breakthrough during the basketball game had been enormous for him. While it hadn’t created a flood, the little trickles of information he revealed over the past three weeks since then had been the foundation of a major change in his outlook. He seemed like a different person than the boy she’d met on New Year’s Day.
Where Benny thrived, Teresa only felt more confusion over her own feelings. Dennis hadn’t pressed her again about what had happened in Hartford to make her run to Stockington Falls. He seemed content to sit in the evenings by the fire or watch a comedy on television together.
But she knew he was far from content. Even though the words were unspoken, she knew Dennis wanted more than she was ready to give. He wanted a relationship, and she had to admit they’d been moving in that direction from the start. But he also wanted to talk about Hartford. She’d offered him general information but nothing that brought the conversation anywhere near Mariah and Teresa’s reason for leaving. Every so often Teresa wondered if his frustration over her silence on that one point would bubble over and ruin the budding relationship they shared. Their relationship had grown into a somewhat comfortable groove that she enjoyed. No longer needing to weigh their words, they spent long evenings talking about everything except what was on both their minds. When was she leaving Stockington Falls?
Today’s news had solidified a date and left Teresa with some decisions she hadn’t wanted to make just yet. The coworker who had been subletting her apartment had called to let her know that she was moving out the third week of February, having been successful in bumping up the closing date on her new house. That meant Teresa could go back to Hartford in as little as next week.
It had been easy to push away the mistakes of her past when she was tucked away in a remote mountain community that seemed light-years away from her existence in Hartford. No one was tearing into her office. There were no late-night calls. Her only concern was Benny and convincing him that the course of his life lay with his decisions and not with his father’s words. She continued to urge him to look to what the future could mean if he sought continued professional help.
Now that Benny’s friend was out of his coma, Chuck had come back strong, surprising everyone as his condition continued to improve on a daily basis. Weekly visits to St. Johnsbury to visit Chuck and seeing Drew bouncing back when Benny happened to catch him with Cammie at the clinic had helped lift some of the guilt from Benny’s conscience. That was a blessing.
When Teresa had seen Benny today, he’d actually looked like a normal everyday seventeen-year-old. He’d begun talking about the future. Knowing the concept of having a future didn’t mean that his thoughts of despair or suicide were necessarily gone for good, Teresa was guarded. But it was a clear step in the right direction toward recovery. Still, it was easy to feel good about the work she’d done with him.
Teresa couldn’t be Benny’s recovery, though. And Dennis couldn’t be hers, no matter how much he tried to help her open up about Mariah.
However easy it was to stay cocooned in Dennis’s world, pushing away the pain of what happened in Hartford aside, it would do no good. She could only move forward if she was ready to deal with the past.
Lord, that’s a lot easier said than done.
As she drove back to Dennis’s cottage, she mulled her next step in her mind. It was snowing again, and the snapping of the windshield wipers seemed to echo her thoughts. She hated psychoanalyzing herself. She wondered if all the kids who came to see her felt the same way.
As she pulled onto Abbey Road toward the bridge, she turned up the speed on the windshield wipers against the increasing snow and ice crystals that impaired her view. When was it ever not snowing in Stockington Falls? Her midsize sedan, while completely tuned and winterized for driving in Hartford, was all but useless on the snowy mountain roads of Stockington Falls.
Dennis had warned her that February was a brutal month in this part of Vermont. On more than one occasion, he checked the antifreeze in her car. It had become a ritual, really. Before she left the house each day, he would always ask if her cell phone was charged and if she still had an extra wool blanket, mittens and scarf in the car, just in case she slid into a snowbank and couldn’t get the car out.
Teresa smiled remembering it. She liked someone taking care of her. Never having married, she’d spent her postcollege years either living with a female roommate or, these last years, alone. She liked the feel of having a man around. And the idea of having a longterm relationship with Dennis was appealing. She’d even caught herself daydreaming about one day leaving this little cottage and moving into his house. She’d thought of things she hadn’t allowed herself to think of before. Marriage and children were all at the heart of it, along with Dennis Harrington.
But she was getting ahead of herself. Although nights sitting by the fire sharing a bowl of popcorn and some conversation were comforting, Dennis hadn’t asked her to stay in Stockington Falls and he certainly hadn’t asked her to marry him.
She had a quick lunch at the lodge with Vanessa Kaufmann for the first time in weeks. She listened to the latest bit of gossip, but even Vanessa could tell her mind was not on the conversation. She was somewhere else.
Maybe Dennis was right. I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Teresa hadn’t stepped back into church since the first day she’d gone to the community center. It was time she mustered up some courage and sought counsel where she knew she’d find strength. With the Lord.
Slow days at the clinic were an unexpected gift during the winter months, Dennis thought. Ski season was still going strong and would be for a few more weeks before the weather started turning. Through the spring and the summer, the clinic would cater mostly to the locals and the occasional tourist. It would give him more time to spend with his family and with Teresa.
When he heard the knock on his door, his heart lifted just a notch.
“I know you love me, Dennis. But I know that smile isn’t for me,” Karen said, giving him a teasing glare.
“Come on in. I’m happy to see you.” And he was. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his sister looking like she’d actually slept through the night without worry.
“I just wanted to pop in and thank you.”
Confused, he said, “For what? I didn’t do anything.”
Karen rolled her eyes. “Teresa? I know it was you who got her to stay on in Stockington Falls for Benny’s sake. He’s like a different kid.”
“I know. I’m thrilled at how well he’s done.”
“Frank is coming around. I think he finally sees how much Benny was in crisis, and he’s agreed that we should begin having Benny see a counselor in St. Johnsbury. My only worry is he won’t have the same rapport with the new counselor as he’s had with Teresa. I’m going to miss her when she leaves next week.”
He frowned. “Next week? Did she tell you she was leaving?”
By the look on his sister’s face, he knew it was true. But why hadn’t Teresa told him?
“She said the person staying in her condo has moved out. With Benny doing so well, there really isn’t a reason for her to stay in Stockington Falls anymore.” Karen eyed him knowingly.
His insides burned. Lord, I’m not prepared to lose this woman. Not yet. Deep down Dennis knew that Teresa would go back to Hartford and that she even needed to go back there. But that didn’t mean he was prepared for it.
“Is there, Dennis? Is there a reason she should stay?”
His sister wasn’t a stupid woman. No doubt she knew exactly how strong his feelings were for Teresa. But she never said a word or gave any hint of curiosity about it until today.
Teresa hadn’t told him she was leaving.
“Apparently there isn’t,” he answered.
“You’re angry, Dennis. What’s going on?”
When Dennis had pulled in
to the driveway tonight, Teresa had been waiting for him on the deck of the cottage. Like normal. Dennis was starting to question what normal was for them.
Had he only been a convenient distraction? His head ached just thinking about how Karen had told him Teresa was leaving next week. It was something he should have heard from her.
Dennis turned to her, his body tall and rigid.
“I don’t know. You tell me.”
“How could I possibly know if you don’t tell me?”
She didn’t know? How could she possibly not know that Karen would have told him about the change in Benny’s treatment? And the reason behind it.
Taking one step forward, the words he’d wanted to say were on the tip of his tongue, but he stopped himself. He’d given her the room she needed all along. He’d opened up his heart. Now it was her move.
Frustrated with his silence, she sighed. “You asked me to stay and help, Dennis. Well, I’m here.”
“For how long?”
She shook her head as if confused, then her eyes widened with awareness. “You spoke to Karen today?”
He sighed. “Yes. When were you planning on telling me?”
Teresa looked at him directly. It gave him hope.
“In a few days. I wasn’t exactly sure when I could wrap everything up at the clinic.”
He nodded and grabbed his duffel bag from the backseat of the SUV.
“My staying was never about me treating Benny longterm, Dennis. You know that.”
“No. But I thought our relationship had reached the point where I would, at least, hear the news from you.” He turned away, wanting to walk to the house and stop this game playing. “I thought things had changed between us.”
“You always knew I’d be leaving eventually, Dennis.”
Anger bubbled its way up his throat. “I expected you to tell me yourself!” he lashed out, louder than he’d intended, making Teresa jump. “My mistake.”
Her eyes widened. “What is upsetting you so much? Is this really just because I didn’t tell you about my leaving next week? Is that it?”
“Yes,” he said, his anger showing for the first time.
“But you knew I was never going to stay in Stockington Falls. I never lied to you.”
He nodded in agreement. “You’re right. You did tell me you were only going to stay to help Benny. I guess I was the one who foolishly misread your feelings all these weeks when we were together, while I thought we were building a relationship.”
“You didn’t misread me. You know I care for you.”
“But not enough to tell me yourself about your plans to leave town. Has our relationship become another thing that you’re running away from?”
“Dennis, what do you want from me?” Teresa balled her fists and stood rigid.
“I want you to be honest with me.” He shrugged. “Honest about how you feel, honest about whether you want us to even try to make this work. Honest about what happened in Hartford that made you so afraid to trust yourself—as a therapist and as a woman.”
She folded her arms across her chest, closing herself off again. “I’m fine. I just don’t want to talk about it.”
“So you say. And when you leave here you’ll be able to forget about me and go on being fine. I guess there really isn’t anything for us to talk about, now is there?”
She put her hands to her face and gave her head a quick shake and started to walk away. “This isn’t going well. We’re both a little stressed right now. Maybe I should just—”
He swung around, his frustration getting the better of him. “What? Run back to Hartford? You’re good at running, Teresa, but do you really think that’s going to help?”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Dennis regretted saying them. It wasn’t going to make either of them feel better if he allowed his frustration over Teresa’s silence to build a bigger gap. When she turned back and looked at him, he saw the hurt in her eyes. But she lifted her chin and kept her emotions in check.
Just once, Dennis wished she’d allow herself to let go of her emotions. To get mad. To break down and cry. Anything to show him she’d let him in. But she didn’t.
“I was going to say go back to the guesthouse to get my things. I have dinner plans with Vanessa tonight.”
It was another slap in the face, and Dennis hated the jealousy he felt because of it. Teresa and Vanessa had become good friends. It was only fitting that they’d spend some time together before Teresa went home. But he and Teresa had been sharing dinner every evening for the past few weeks. The fact that Teresa hadn’t told him about her change of plans today of all days just showed him that she was pushing farther away.
And it hurt more than he could handle.
“When is it going to stop, Teresa?” he said. “There’s going to come a time when there will be no place for you to run to and you’re going to have to confront your feelings about what happened. I’d like to be there when it happens. I want to be there for you.”
Tears filled her eyes. “When I stop running, I’ll let you know.” She did an about-face and walked to the guesthouse without looking back at him.
Looking up at the big sky above, Dennis closed his eyes. In truth, he wanted to ball his fist and give a good hit to the punching bag like he used to do in the military when he’d had a hard day.
She was leaving. He hadn’t been fair at all to her just now. He knew she was still afraid, and he’d pushed her too hard. That wasn’t her fault.
Shooting some baskets down at the community center was sure to burn off the growing anxiety he felt, but he didn’t really want the company. His mood was foul enough that it wouldn’t do to subject anyone to what he was feeling. Not right now anyway. Especially when the one person he wanted to talk to, to be with, had just walked away.
He grabbed his duffel bag from the ground and headed for the house. Guilt over his actions stabbed at him. As he turned back and gazed at the closed cottage door and the drawn curtains, he chided himself for his stupidity.
She wasn’t ready. Just because he longed for her to open up to him didn’t mean it was something she wanted. Patience had never been his strong suit, and he was proving it now.
He loved her. He was sure of it. But he feared that love would never grow unless Teresa had it in her to open up her heart to him.
Once inside the house, Dennis dropped his bag to the floor and shrugged out of his warm jacket. Teresa had a wall up that he couldn’t penetrate, and he hated it. Why was she so determined to block him out? He couldn’t have been misreading her feelings for him. Was he so out of touch with women that he couldn’t tell when a woman was interested?
No, he knew. When Teresa looked at him, he saw the genuine emotion in her eyes. He couldn’t have been wrong about that. Did she love him? He couldn’t say that for sure. But she did genuinely care for him.
And she was very good at keeping herself at arm’s length. That was what drove him crazy. For a relationship to survive, they needed to trust each other with the painful parts of their lives, not just the laughter.
Teresa was a loving woman. He could see her compassion right from the start and had been drawn to it. She could talk openly and warmly about everyone else in Stockington Falls. She could ask him question after question about his deepest feelings about Benny, Donna and all the problems in his family. And truth be told, he wanted to share those feelings with her. That type of openness had been missing in his relationships in the past. It had been a shocking revelation for him as well to have someone he could share everything with.
But as their time together stretched on, it became painfully evident that she couldn’t or wouldn’t do the same in return.
Dennis wanted to believe it was because she was the healer and was having a hard time allowing someone else to step into that role for her. Being a doctor, he understood that well. Nurses and doctors were notorious for being lousy patients for just that reason.
Still, he knew she was hurting, even if sh
e didn’t want to admit it. She could see pain in everyone else, but he saw hers. And it pained him as much as it pained her.
What upset Dennis more was that he knew their relationship couldn’t grow if that wall Teresa had erected around her heart wasn’t broken down enough to let him in.
His house had always been quiet, and now it suddenly screamed silence to him. He could smell Teresa’s perfume in the kitchen, still lingering in the air from when she’d been there last night. His heart ached. He already missed being with Teresa, but he’d give her some space.
Abandoning all thoughts of eating dinner, he climbed the stairs and decided to shower and busy himself with paperwork from the clinic. As he walked each step, he said a silent prayer that God would lead him in the direction he needed to go to reach Teresa or give him the strength to let her go when the time came.
He knew one thing for sure: whichever path He decided was right for Dennis wasn’t going to be easy.
Chapter Fifteen
Teresa slammed the car door shut and walked up the path toward where Dennis stood. He’d been cutting wood. No doubt he’d put all his effort into it, too, judging by the look of all the wood chips and the stacked pile of logs that now sat next to him in the cart.
After yesterday’s argument, nerves skittered up her spine at the thought of having another discussion about her leaving. But after rolling things over in her mind last night and praying on what the right course of action was, she finally understood why Dennis was so upset.
He placed the ax against a wide log and bent down to pick up the pieces he’d already cut. With little effort, he tossed them into a cart that already had wood stacked.
She waited until he glanced up at her.
“Back from meeting with Karen and Frank already?” Dennis asked. “How’d things go?” To anyone on the outside, Dennis looked normal and calm. But Teresa knew he was still bothered by their argument.
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