I needed to get out more.
Back on the deck, I immediately noticed the still water in the far lane. Kayla was gone. Momentarily discouraged, I blew my whistle, calling my swimmers in. Then I saw her, lowering herself into the hot tub. I watched, willing her to look my way and make eye contact, but she kept her back to me.
“Coach?” Bridget said from the water. “We’re all here.”
“Right. Sorry. Great practice, guys. We’re in the pool late tomorrow, so remember dry land practice right after school in the weight room. Then back here at 8 p.m.”
“What time is the meet on Saturday?” someone asked from the back of the group.
“11 a.m.,” I said. “But we’re traveling, so meet at the school at 9:30, and not a second later.”
I watched until all but the last few stragglers had filed into the locker rooms, then walked towards Kayla. She’d moved to the edge, only her feet still dangling in the water. I kicked off my flip flops and sat down across from her, lowering my feet into the steaming hot tub. “You gave my swimmers quite a show out there.”
She looked up and smiled. “Sorry. I hope I didn’t interfere with practice. That wasn’t my intent.”
“Nah, it’s fine,” I said. “The club makes us keep the far lane open for members, celebrity guests, and the occasional California dignitary. We’re used to ignoring them.”
“I’m not sure I fit into any of those categories.”
“Maybe they’ve amended their policy to include Olympic athletes.”
She squeezed water out of the ends of her hair then leaned back onto her hands. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m not one of those yet.”
“Are you kidding? I’ve seen your times. You’re killing it this season. I don’t think anyone will touch you at the trials.”
She held my gaze. “I didn’t think you’d remember me.”
I chuckled. “Oh, I remember.”
She looked at her hands, as if I’d made her feel uncomfortable.
“But I wondered the same thing,” I quickly added. “If you’d know who I was.”
She huffed out a laugh. “Was it all that long ago that we were in high school? Plus, Bridget told me you were her coach. This is your first year?”
I ran a hand through my hair. “Yeah. Just trying to figure it out as I go, I guess.”
“Oh, Bridget says you’re great. Harder than Davenport, but that’s good for swimmers like Bridg.”
“Good old Davenport. He was a great coach.”
“You know, I saw you swim at the trials four years ago,” she said. “I was there.”
“Really? Did you swim? I feel like I would have noticed seeing your name.”
She shook her head, still not making eye contact. “I didn’t do well. Didn’t advance to any finals. It… wasn’t good.”
“Oh.”
“How is Bridget doing?” she asked, apparently anxious to change the subject.
“She’s great. Best swimmer on the team. I expect she’ll take state this year, at least in the IM.”
“There’s only one flip turn in the IM. That’s why. Her turns slow her down.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed. It’s on my list of things to work on with her.”
“She holds back. Like she’s afraid of the wall or something. I think I could help her, if you don’t mind me coaching her a little.”
I held up my hands. “By all means. You’ve got the skill set. I don’t mind.”
“You’re talking like I’m capable of something you aren’t. You really are an Olympic athlete,” she said. “I haven’t made it yet.”
My jaw tensed, the same knot forming in my gut that showed up whenever I thought about the Olympics that I didn’t swim in.
Kayla must have sensed my discomfort. “Sorry. That was… I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s fine,” I told her. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“Right. I, um…” She stood up. “I should get going.”
I tried not to stare as she stepped out of the water, but her long legs and toned arms and freckle-covered shoulders were tough to ignore. Eyes up, dude. Eyes. Up. I swallowed. She gave me a small smile then turned to walk away.
“Kayla.”
She looked back, and I panicked. I had no idea what I wanted to say to her. “I, um, it’s good to see you.”
She smiled again, a real one this time. “Yeah. You, too.”
Once she was out of sight, I leaned back onto the concrete deck and covered my face with my hands. I, um, it’s good to see you.
Definitely not my best work.
Chapter Three
KAYLA
“I was ridiculous.” I paced outside my house, not wanting to take my phone conversation inside with Mom and Bridget in hearing range.
“It doesn’t sound like it was that bad,” Ranee said. Though her opinion didn’t hold much water. As my oldest friend, she was obligated to always find the positive.
“I brought up what was probably the worst event in the history of his entire life. What was I trying to prove?”
“Nothing. You were making conversation,” Ranee said. “It’s what people do. Besides, I’m not sure why it even matters. You’re not interested in dating him, so who cares? You’re only in town for a couple of weeks. You probably won’t even see him again.”
“I’ll see him Saturday at Bridget’s swim meet.”
“Oh. Right. You don’t have to talk to him, though, do you?”
‘No. I guess I don’t, but…” I hesitated. Ranee was right. I didn’t want to date Nate. At least the practical side of me didn’t. After my epically awful swim at the last Olympic trials, there was no way I was setting myself up for the same kind of potential distraction just because I was attracted to a guy. But this was Nate we were talking about. Nate, the star of every high school daydream I’d ever had. Was it so surprising I wanted him to find me attractive?
“That is a very heavy but,” Ranee said. “Tell me you aren’t reconsidering your stance.”
“No. Of course I’m not.”
“Because you barely have four months to the trials, Kayla. Four. That’s a blink of time.”
“I know.”
“But?”
“If you could just see him. He’s even more gorgeous now than he was in high school. And listening to him coach the team and give them pointers and encourage them and… Seriously. It was maybe the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Oh, boy. This does not sound good.”
“Don’t say that. It’s only an observation. Besides, what could really happen in two weeks?”
“Didn’t your parents get engaged in two weeks?”
“That’s a totally ridiculous example. They are outliers. Crazy, unheard of outliers.”
“Hmm. Fine. Just be good, all right? Don’t let him get under your swim cap.”
I laughed. “Under my what?”
“I’m just trying to speak your language.”
“I love you, Ranee.”
“Back at you, babe. And I’m going to see you next weekend, right?”
“I’ve saved my Saturday night for you. Unless you have other Valentine’s Day plans.” I shivered. My hair was still wet from my swim, and the cool night air was getting to me.
“You know me. Men lined up for miles to take me out.”
Ranee’s boyfriend would be on the other side of the country for a business conference on Valentine’s Day. Sucky for them, but otherwise fantastic. Because it meant Ranee could ditch Seattle and come see me.
“Men should be lined up,” I told her. “Tell Adam I said he’s a lucky man and a complete fool for leaving you. No, wait. Don’t tell him that. I don’t want him to change his mind and cancel his trip.”
“No trip cancelling. I promise. His boss is calling the shots on this one. Okay. I gotta go. Keep me updated, yeah?”
“Of course. But there won’t be anything to update you on. Because nothing is going on.”
Nothing.
The look Nate had given me when he mentioned remembering me. The way my heart had literally hammered inside my chest when he sat down across from me.
Okay. Maybe there had been something there.
It had been circumstance, I reasoned. Old feelings. Childish high school infatuation that didn’t warrant a second thought. Except I was already on to third or fourth thoughts. I grumbled at the driveway and stomped onto the front porch, channeling my frustrations into the ground beneath me. Of all the things to deal with. Why? Why Nate? Why now?
Later that week, I stopped in the foyer on my way out and studied my reflection for a quick second before grabbing my keys off the hook by the door. I spent so much time in the water, I hardly recognized myself with dry hair and a little make up. I leaned forward and studied my reflection, suddenly wondering if I’d tried too hard. All I was doing was driving to the club to pick up Bridget from practice. I probably wouldn’t even need to get out of the car. If Ranee were around, she would have called me out the second I got out my blow dryer. I could hear her voice in my head. “You’re trying to impress him. Admit it. You know you are.”
So, fine. Maybe I was. But it didn’t mean anything.
Which is why it didn’t make any sense that I was a nervous wreck waiting for Bridget. She’d texted just after practice ended, saying she was going to shower and she hoped I had a good book with me. I was thoroughly annoyed for the 2.6 seconds that passed before I saw Nate walking out of the clubhouse, a duffel bag flung over his shoulder and a bike helmet in his hands.
I opened my car door and climbed out before realizing I needed a reason to be getting out of the car. I walked to my trunk, knowing I was directly in Nate’s line of sight, but did my best to avoid eye contact. Because I didn’t get out to see him. I got out to get something out of my trunk. A… banana peel? Set of weighted wrist bands? Tennis shoes with missing laces? A magazine! I grabbed it and closed the trunk with a satisfied grunt.
“Find anything good?”
I spun around. Nate stood a few paces away from my car.
I held up the magazine. “Just getting something to read. Bridget said she may be a while.”
“Doesn’t she usually drive to practice?”
“Yeah. But her car is in the shop. Some weird airbag recall thing that needs to be fixed.”
He nodded. “Gotcha.” He peered at the magazine I still held in my hands. “So, J. Crew, huh? That’s good reading material?”
Crap. I smiled. I could play this off. “Absolutely. Their product descriptions are riveting.”
“I’m sure they are.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. I’m in the market for a new scarf. Maybe there’s something in here.”
His eyes twinkled, his smile creating deep creases in the sides of his face. “I’m glad I ran into you.”
I froze, my heart picking up speed. “Yeah? Why is that?”
“Well, I was thinking it might be awkward if I had to ask your little sister to ask you out for me.”
Oh my word oh my word oh my word. “You’re asking me out?”
“Dinner tomorrow night?”
“Dinner.” I realized I was repeating everything he said, but my brain was still five steps behind. I needed at least a few more seconds to process. Nate asking me out was just so… unprecedented. I’d imagined the scenario a million different times, but that had been so long ago. I never actually thought it would happen.
“It’s the meal that comes after lunch, but before bedtime? I know you’re only in town a couple of weeks, but…” He shrugged. “It might be fun.”
I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath. I’d hoped to see him. Even hoped to flirt a little. Make up for my insensitivity when we’d talked that first day at the pool. But he’d just asked me out. No pretense. No games. Just, “Hey, let’s have dinner.” It felt refreshingly… grown up.
It was the worst kind of test. There wasn’t a right answer, just two wrong ones. I couldn’t say yes. The timing of getting tangled up in a guy, even temporarily, was awful, and I couldn’t afford the distraction. But I didn’t want to say no, either. This was Nate we were talking about. That’s all the reason I’d ever needed. My shoulders dropped, my eyes locked on the catalog in my hands.
“I think,” he said, “we just officially crossed into awkward pause territory.”
I met his gaze. “I’m sorry. You just caught me by surprise.”
“A good surprise?”
So this was it. My moment of decision. “I’m only going to be in town a couple weeks, Nate.”
He nodded. “I think I already said that.”
“And I’ve just got so much going on right now; I don’t think it would be a good idea.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not you, though. I swear.” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, wishing I wasn’t still holding the stupid J. Crew catalog. “I feel like I have to focus on my training right now.”
He fiddled with the straps of his bag. “I guess that’s a reason I can’t argue with.”
“I’m sorry. If the circumstances were different…”
He pulled on his bike helmet, fastening it under his chin. His slightly scruffy, sexy dimpled chin. “It’s really okay. I get it.”
He didn’t get it. He sounded hurt, maybe even a little embarrassed. I wanted to scream. Grab him by the shoulders and shake him. Did he have any idea how much I’d always wanted this very moment to happen?
“Can I call you in August?” I blurted out.
He raised his eyebrows. “August as in, post-Olympics?”
I wrinkled my nose. “It’s kind of a long time away, huh?”
He shook his head and smiled, and took a few backward steps across the parking lot. “I’ll be around in August. We’ll see what happens.”
I watched him as he unlocked his bike from the rack just in front of the club. The night before, Bridget had told me he rode his bike from the high school to practice every afternoon, and then back to the high school to get his car. It only added to his appeal. He pulled out a pair of toeclips from his duffle and slipped them on, then shoved his flip-flops into his bag and pulled it over his head so it hung on him cross-body style.
As I watched him ride away, I almost called after him. I had just said no to a date with Nate Hanson. What kind of a lunatic was I? I climbed back into my car and leaned my head against the steering wheel. Part of me wanted to cry. It had felt awful, saying no. Like I was betraying my old self. But somewhere inside, my new grown up self also felt a tiny spark of victory. Like I was in control. Stronger than my emotions. Committed to something bigger.
And that was a good a thing.
My resolve hardened.
It was the right decision. The best decision.
The kind of decision a champion would make.
Chapter Four
NATE
I’d always wanted to go away to college, so it had been hilarious to my Oakland born and bred parents that I wound up at Stanford, less than an hour away from home. But in the six months that immediately followed my accident, after I’d returned to Oakland to recover, the short distance between my life at college and my home life had saved me. My parents had been great when it came to all the medical stuff, but my Stanford friends had kept me human.
Four years later, not everybody had stuck around the area. But there was still enough of the gang left to warrant getting together every once in a while. Chase, my college roommate and best friend from high school. His little sister, Natalie, who’d also gone to Stanford. Bryson. Trey. James and his girlfriend, Rebecca. It was a good group.
Friday night was a pretty typical gathering. My house. The grill going. James and Rebecca in the kitchen making a dinner. But then Natalie showed up. With Kayla. Across the living room, Kayla and I made eye contact, and she immediately blushed, then looked back at the door. She whispered something to Natalie, but Natalie waved her hand dismissively and dragged Kayla farther into the house. Once she was settled on the couc
h, I crossed the room and sat on the ottoman, offering her a drink.
She took it. “Thanks.”
“You know,” I said with a grin, “as determined as you were to not go out with me, showing up at my house might not have been the smartest decision.”
She rolled her eyes. “I had no idea we were coming to your house.”
“No?”
“No! I ran into Natalie this afternoon, which was a total fluke, because I haven’t seen her since high school. She thought it would be nice to catch up and invited me out, but only to hang out with nameless friends. I swear I didn’t know.”
I smiled. She was cute when she was defensive. “Whether you’re glad to be here or not, I’m glad to see you.”
She dropped her gaze. “Thanks.”
“How was your swim today?” I’d seen her finishing up as my team started their last practice of the week.
“Good, I think. It’s hard to feel in the groove training on my own, but I’m hitting my distance and my times, so I can’t complain.”
I leaned back, my hands resting on the ottoman behind me. “Your fly looked great.”
She nodded. “Thanks. It’s my weakest stroke in the IM. It’s been my focus the past few months.”
“I’m sure you’ll kill it.”
She perked up. “What about you? Are you ever in the water anymore?”
Just then, Rebecca appeared in the archway between the living room and dining room. “Dinner’s on, guys. Let’s eat.”
I was grateful for the distraction. I wasn’t quite ready to talk about my swimming yet. Because, there was some. More than therapy swimming. More than just working with my team. Every morning before school, I was in the water by 5 a.m. At first I’d told myself it was just for recuperation. I’d never imagined I might compete again. But then I’d started getting faster. And faster.
Still, I hadn’t told anyone. I was a long way off from where I’d been before my accident. I was older now. With a full-time job and an almost full-time swim team. There was no way I could ever put in the training hours I’d need to, especially without a coach or team to keep me on target. But that didn’t mean I hadn’t thought about it.
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