“For what?”
“He and Ronnie were working with Carter; they were the other suppliers. When Carter got arrested, he made a deal, turning Jeremy over to the police.” I am stunned. I’m trying to find words to say, but nothing comes to mind. I don’t know what to tell Jake.
There’s stillness across the other end. The only noise is the sound of light rain falling outside. I know he’s there because I can hear him breathing, however nothing is being said. I can’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t be damaging, but I don’t want to let him go. Although I can’t see his eyes, I can feel the burning intensity and the sensation they give me whenever he looks at me. Jake has an open door to my soul and the weeks we’ve spent apart have not changed that. He still lives in my heart.
“It’s all been impossible… impossible to deal with beca—”
“Because why, Jake?”
“Never mind, I’ll… a… talk to you later.”
The line disconnects and my heart follows suit. The family is understandably hurting and there’s nothing I can do about it. After weeks, I’ve finally gotten to speak to him again, but my heart is broken. Why? What was I expecting? I’m the one who left him. I’ve deserted him when he needed me the most, and now, when his voice tells me he needs me, his words cut me short. I roll to my side, trying to fall back asleep, but as predicted, the task is impossible.
***
The rain hasn’t stopped falling since last night. The droplets tap against the glass as the sky is lit up from the random flashes of lightning. Since last week, I’ve been in a blur, a walking zombie trying to allow the reality of marrying Emerson Knox to sink in. This is what I’ve always been told to do, been raised to do. My mind has been engrained—from the time I was born—to be attached to a man who my parents approve of; a man who comes from money and whose family is affluent in society. I am to become a Stepford wife. I’m to become my mother.
The church’s library has been transformed into a makeshift dressing room. The table is covered in make-up, combs, hair spray and everything else a woman needs to make herself beautiful on the day that’s supposed to be the best day of her life. I feel anything but beautiful; actually, I don’t feel anything except what I feel for Jake.
Last night’s phone call has left me missing him tremendously and the heartache of our separation deepens with every breath I take. Sleep did not find me until six in the morning, and from what my mother has implied, I look awful. Every time I closed my eyes to sleep, he’s who I saw behind my eyelids—the most intriguing brown eyes ignited by fire.
I kept thinking about the last night I saw him.
For a little while, what we had was perfect and as perfect as our moment was, I let everything fall apart when I told him we had to be over.
It’s been six excruciating weeks without him. How am I supposed to make it a lifetime when six weeks is nearly impossible?
Here I sit, in the middle of the church’s library, the last of the bobby pins have been secured in my hair and I can barely hear anything going on around me. My body obeys, like the trained robot it’s become, while my mind is screaming to run and my heart is bleeding in agony, but my body abides with every demand from my mother.
I stand to my feet and allow my mother and Aunt Laura to secure the hundreds of buttons of my wedding dress. It is a strapless, white gown that fits tightly through my chest, waist and hips then bells into flowing tulle and lace. The cathedral veil substitutes the lack of train and the entire gown has been handmade especially for my big day. The sweetheart neckline dips perfectly toward the swell of my breasts, careful not to reveal too much cleavage. The stunning part of my gown is the delicate lace sewn into the bodice. It’s the exact same lace used on my mother’s wedding dress as well as my grandmother’s. It’s absolutely breathtaking and suffocating all at the same time.
When I get a glimpse in the mirror, I feel like I am looking at someone else. The person I used to be before the summer I met Jake Evans. The tears begin to pool in my eyes, but I can’t allow them to fall. I just need a minute to get myself together. I can do this. I’ve been planning to marry Emerson for the last year and he’s the man I… love?
Why am I questioning this? I’ve been convincing myself for the past few weeks that this is what I need to do, what I have to do, but after the phone call last night, all my confidence has vanished.
I just need a moment to myself, I have to get it together and I only have minutes before it’s time to walk down the aisle.
My mother is bustling around the room, acting like a complete lunatic as she critiques everyone’s hair, makeup and dresses. I get her attention as she’s fluffing the back of my veil.
“Mom, I need a moment alone… to catch my breath.” The fakest smile spreads across my face and I move to the reading nook just off the library.
I pull the pocket door closed and glance around the tiny room, which holds two oversized brown leather chairs with a small reading light affixed to a table, and has an incredible view of the garden through the patio doors located behind the church. I allow my legs to go weak and collapse in the chair. My mind is racing and my hands won’t stop shaking.
Stop it!
Why are my hands so shaky?
I sit on the edge of the chair, leaning my head down and start to take deep breaths in and out with my chest rising and falling from every inhale and exhale. I can’t get him out of my mind. Jake has always been in the forefront of my mind. From the day I met him, he’s always been there.
Stop it! I scream in my head. This is how it’s supposed to be. I have to be with Emerson. We have an entire church full of people who want to see us happily married. My mother and father have spent all this money to give me the wedding of my dreams and Emerson Knox will be a great husband. Life as I know it will be just how I’ve always imagined before Jake Evans came stomping in.
I don’t even have time to assess what I really want before I am ushered from the small nook into the library and then standing in the narthex just behind the closed wooden doors of the church’s sanctuary. The sound of the rain is deafening when it lands against the stained glass. Thunder is rolling in the distance, producing a low rumble, vibrating the windows.
My father holds out his arm, inviting me to take it. So I do. I’m starting to feel faint and at any moment I’m sure I will pass out. “You know, pumpkin, your happiness is all I’ve ever wanted for you.” I nod my head, not really listening to what he’s saying, only focusing on keeping myself upright. “But I suppose the last couple of months it’s been nearly impossible to pretend you’re happy.”
My head snaps in his direction and I stare at one of the most important men in my life. He looks dashing in his black tux and neatly combed salt and pepper hair. My dad is not much taller than me, but what he lacks in size he makes up for with his intimidating presence. He’s an accomplished man, who’s done wonderful things in medicine, and he’s always been my buffer when my mother gets a little overwhelming, but this… it’s completely out of character for him.
“What?” I whisper.
“Happiness doesn’t equate to you being with the richest, most successful person. It only means there is nothing you would change, or regret, in life. Emerson is a fine boy, and I know he can provide well for you, but is that what will make you happy?” He’s not looking at me, only speaking his words out into the open, and I find them suffocating, more so than my dress.
“What are you saying, Daddy?” I ask, praying he will tell me what to do. I pull on his arm slightly, making his eyes connect with mine. “Daddy?”
He leans down, planting a kiss on my forehead. As the wooden doors open, he says, “Nothing at all, pumpkin. I’ve said nothing at all.” Then we start to step toward my future.
The traditional wedding march begins to play and I am greeted by a church filled with people. Everyone is staring at me with huge smiles on their faces and at the end of the aisle is Emerson. He looks handsome in his black suit and white silk tie. H
e stands confident with his hands to his sides and not a single hair out of place.
As my dad guides me up the aisle, my brain begins to run wild with thoughts. Is this what I really want? Will I be happy with Emerson or will I spend my life regretting that I haven’t taken the risk into the blind unknown with Jake? Do I really want to live like my mother in this pre-manufactured world where everything is planned, perfect and boring? Do I really want to lose the greatest friend I’ve ever had because he’s not like everyone else; he’s not the perfect man by society’s standards? Can I really live my life without him in it? Of course I love him. From the moment we met, Jake and I have always been in each other’s lives one way or another.
Before I can finish my thought, my dad is kissing me on the cheek before he whispers in my ear, “Happy, pumpkin, that’s all I want you to be.” He kisses me again and then he hands me over to Emerson.
We are standing in front of the minister, but I hear nothing. All I can do is see. And what I see is disturbing. Everyone sitting in the audience, including my family, is fake. The smiles plastered on their faces show how plastic everyone really is and how I will be exactly like them if I choose to follow through with this marriage.
Then I close my eyes and the only thing I want to see, want to feel, is Jake. That’s when I know he’s holding the best parts of me. He is my happiness. There would be no regrets because I can feel from every part of my soul he’s the man I’m supposed to be with—the only person I want to be with. I want to be the girl who’s adventurous and spontaneous and worshipped. The only person who’s ever made me feel that way is Jake.
Jake.
Dammit! I’m such a fool!
What the hell am I doing?
Before my mind can register another thought, my feet are moving toward the exit. I don’t bother to look at anyone as the appalled gasps fill the church. I keep myself running toward my destiny, toward my happiness. I push open the heavy door when the rain connects with my skin, chilling it instantly. It’s raining so hard that the water is drowning the sidewalk, but I step onto the concrete, taking that first step into the blind future with the man I am destined to be with. The man I love and the man who will always be my now and forever.
Chapter 29
Jake
I’m standing in the garage, staring at a grease stained couch with a fresh twenty-four pack by my side. With the garage door open, I can hear thunder rolling in the distance and I anticipate the rain. Ever since my childhood, I’ve loved rainstorms and would look at the sky for hours as the lightning and thunder would pass over our house. It’s always fascinated me.
I find an old lawn chair and set it behind the Challenger, but keep myself under the overhang of the garage roof. The Challenger isn’t the same now that Jeremy is not here standing behind it. This car is as much a part of him as his own heart, and to sit here and stare at it, pisses me off.
Earlier today, Reggie and I went to the courthouse to attend Jeremy’s sentencing. Since Jeremy had plead guilty to the felony drug charges, there was no trial and the system skipped right to the punishment. Tom Willington warned us that the state was pushing for the maximum punishment because Jeremy had refused to snitch on his business partners. We were bracing ourselves for the worst—ready to hear twenty years imprisonment—but the judge came back to give Jeremy a ten year maximum sentence with the chance for parole after three years. Reggie and I were pleased with the result even though it’s still a long fucking time to be without your brother, but the judge took Jeremy’s clean record into account and took it easy on him.
Drake’s Chevelle comes barreling up the driveway and then he pulls it over to the other side of the garage, parking it alongside the Challenger inside. I look over at my brother and recognize the transformation that has taken over. Before, Drake was a content, optimistic guy who would have been always smiling and happy. The evil of this place has finally gotten to him, making him hard and cold. He rarely smiles, and when he does, it’s because Mia has asked for it. His muscles are always tense and the weight of the world is burdening his shoulders. Not even Presley’s drug situation transformed him this much, he still held onto hope and forgiveness. Now all of that is gone.
Drake pulls over a chair and sits next to me as we wait for the storm to come. “Park and rise?”
I smile for the first time in weeks and toss him a beer. “Hell, yeah.” The air is quiet between us and I try to muster up an appropriate conversation starter. I chug the first beer down before I open my mouth to speak. “So, how’s work going?”
Drake rolls his eyes and takes a big swig from his beer. “Really? Of all the shit we can talk about you want to know how work’s going?”
“Jesus, I was trying to be considerate,” I snap back.
“Well, don’t be. So much has changed for the worse, the last thing I want is for you to go soft on me because of my situation.” Drake empties his beer and I reach into the carton, pulling out another for the both of us.
“Thank fucking God. I’m not used to this sugarcoating shit.” I pop the tab and take a large gulp of ale. It’s ice cold and burns with every sip, but damn does it taste good.
“Jeremy got sentenced today.” Drake’s jaw tightens and he squeezes his half empty beer can until it starts to wrinkle. “He got ten years, possibility of parole after three.”
“Well, that’s good, I guess, for him, but he could rot in hell for all I care.” The disdain laces his voice and the hurt flashes in his eyes.
“Look, man, I know you hate Jeremy and you have every right to. What’s happened with him is fucked up, but you have to know it was never his intention for Presley to get killed. He loved her like we all did.”
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t make me hate him less.” Drake’s murderous eyes connect with mine and I take my cue to drop the subject. He’s been a ticking time bomb and the day he’s rubbed the wrong way is the day someone will feel all the pain he has inside.
Several minutes go by and the rain we’ve been waiting for finally starts to fall. I take a deep breath in, smelling the rain and soon I’m reminded of easier times. Times where Jeremy and I would run through the puddles on the street while flashes of lightning light up the night sky.
Times where the pain from all the bruises my mother had put on my body had been suppressed and I momentarily was taken away from everything.
Drake and I drink two more beers when he finally breaks the silence. “Talk to Delilah lately?”
It’s a question I’m not prepared for. Like the fucking idiot I am, I’ve called her when I succumbed to the weakness of my family’s situation and the need to hear her voice. “Yeah, I talked to her last night. Told her about Carter’s arrest.”
“You’re a goddamn moron. You know that, right?” Drake tosses his empty beer can at me and I toss him another. Our case is dwindling down to nothing. “Just because I’ve been going through some heavy shit doesn’t mean I’m completely out of it. What the fuck happened between you guys?”
“What happens when I’m always with women, I fuck them and leave. I fucked her, then she left.”
When I called her last night, I knew she was getting married today. A small ounce of hope I was hanging onto told me she was going to come back to me. That she would drop everything in her life to find her way back to mine.
I look down at my watch and realize it’s eleven o’clock at night. She’s been married for seven hours and is probably on her way to fuck her new husband on their honeymoon. In a bout of rage I take the full can of beer in my hand and chuck it as hard as possible against the side of the house, denting the siding. It connects with a loud thump and explodes with white foam.
Drake stares at me for a moment then grabs another beer out of the carton. “Like I said, a goddamn moron. You’ve had her hooked the first night you met, and now look at you, torn up over a woman you can’t have.”
“Fuck off, man. You don’t think I know that? She got married today and any shred of hope we could have of being to
gether is gone.” I crack open my sixth beer and chug it down. I’m feeling slightly buzzed, but nothing like my whiskey buzz. “Now I’m a sorry, pathetic fuck like you. No offense.”
Drake claps me on the back and laughs slightly, something we haven’t done in weeks. The sound is nice and gives me hope of happiness for him. “None taken, brother.”
We continue to shoot the shit for another few minutes, steering clear of the heavy topics, and choose to talk about the boring, mundane shit. When a car pulls into the street, parking right in front of our driveway, blocking anyone from coming or going, Drake and I stand immediately. The feeling in our gut must be the same as we set down our beers and get ready for a battle.
When the driver’s door opens, white fabric catches in the wind and I’m nearly brought to my knees when a goddess in white comes floating up the driveway.
Delilah
All I have to say is thank freaking God for technology.
After I left Emerson at the altar, I pulled out my phone and activated the Priceline app on my iPhone. When Presley was pregnant with Mia, I added the app, checking constantly on the flights. In the fifteen minute cab ride, I was able to secure the last flight from Memphis to Detroit, which included a rental car. My plane departed in less than an hour. I had the cab driver make a quick detour at the hotel so I could get my purse and overnight bag. I didn’t bother changing my clothes, it took two people to get me in this dress, I’m sure it will take just as many to get me out and I don’t have time for that. I stopped by the ATM in the hotel lobby, pulling out some cash, then I whisked away to the airport.
I barely made it through security when I heard the final boarding call for my flight. I ran as fast as I could, my veil and dress flowing behind me. When the plane took off, I took the opportunity to rehearse what I would say to Jake. For the first time in my life, I ignored the looks I was getting from strangers and smiled, knowing this was the start of my life and I had no idea if it would even turn out.
Blind Love (Sulfur Heights Series) Page 29
