by Mignon Mykel
“He’s a cop. A detective!” I kept my hands pressed to Sawyer’s stomach. God, couldn’t these people move any faster? I knew I was crying, but when a tear hit my hand, falling over the slope and intermixing with the red seeping below and around my hands, my breath hitched and the tears came faster.
He was so still under my hands. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow and steady. Too slow. But it was steady. That said something, right?
I tuned out everything around me. I was aware of the flurry of activity as the cops checked Sawyer, others checking the house. A pair of medics made their way into the room and thankfully didn’t push me out of the way, letting me sit next to Sawyer as they did what they could do before getting him ready for transport.
I leaned down into the man who held every fantasy of mine in his hands—the man who brought so much promise to my life—bringing my mouth close to his ear as I closed my eyes, squeezing them tight. “Don’t you leave me, Sawyer Meadows. Don’t you fucking leave me,” I whispered, my voice shaking.
I wasn’t expecting an answer, but when I did, his voice rough as if he’d been sleeping for a long time, fresh tears fell. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetness.”
When Sydney and Caleb arrived at the hospital, Sydney took one look at my shell-shocked face and put her sisterly worry aside, pulling me into a bathroom to help clean me up. Prior to leaving with the ambulance, I managed to pull on a pair of pants but my shirt was still Sawyer’s and had his blood on it.
I had stopped crying some time ago, but watching the red swirl down the sink brought on another batch. Sydney comforted me, yet I felt like a terrible friend because she had yet to shed a single tear for her brother in front of me.
Once Sawyer made it out of surgery, Caleb headed back home to relieve their neighbor from watching the kids, making Sydney promise to call if anything changed. The rest of the Meadows family showed up within the last thirty minutes and while I knew every one of them, I felt oddly out of place. Susan and Sam returned from sitting with Sawyer and now it was mine and Sydney’s turn but…
I just…
I couldn’t do it.
Every single one of my fears had been realized tonight.
And I couldn’t do it.
“I can’t…” I whispered to Sydney, shaking my head as my voice wavered.
Screw states apart; this was the very reason why I couldn’t pursue a relationship with Sawyer. Dangerous situations, gunshot wounds…
I couldn’t do it.
Sydney hugged me tight. “Oh but Grace, you can.” Her own voice was wet with her tears, having finally shed them when her parents arrived. “He needs you right now, Gracie,” she said, pulling back from the hug only to hold both of my hands in hers. Her use of Sawyer’s name for me further twisted the dagger in my chest.
I shook my head again. “I can’t.”
“Give her time, Chief,” Caleb said from behind Sydney. I glanced up to see him standing behind Sydney with his hands on her shoulders, squeezing supportively. I wasn’t sure when he’d come back. Where were the kids?
Sydney stayed there, holding my hands, after Caleb kissed her temple and stepped away. When it was just the two of us in the sea of Sawyer’s family, I confessed on a choked whisper, “I love him, Sydney. But I can’t… This. I can’t do this.”
I shook my head again and pulled my hands from hers. A look of hurt passed over Sydney’s features but was quickly replaced with what I believed to be understanding.
I could only hope that Sawyer would get there someday himself.
Sawyer
I hadn’t seen Grace since right after being frisked away from the ambulance upon arrival at the hospital.
That was four days ago.
When I asked, Sydney just shook her head with a sad smile, saying Grace needed time.
Fuck that.
She had had five years’ worth of “time” and I wasn’t about to let some psycho-ex and a GSW pull her from me.
I should have been more adamant about my opinion of Jeremy when I first met him. Fuck, I should have decided Grace was more fucking important than staying in my home state, back when I first met her. San Diego had decent departments. I could easily find a position in one of their precincts and if not, I’d work the beat just to be able to be with Grace.
Besides, being shot when off the clock didn’t sit very well with the higher ups, especially when there were plenty of cases that could have used my attention this week. SLCPD wasn’t going to fire me, but this being laid up in a hospital in San Diego definitely didn’t do much for my file.
After some arguing on my part, I was going to be released from this place tomorrow, much to my sister’s displeasure. She was currently sitting on the chair next to my bed, one leg thrown over the other and her arms crossed over her chest. She looked pissed but so was I.
The woman I loved, the one I had wanted for years, was nowhere to be found and if what Sydney wasn’t saying was true, I probably had lost out on Grace for good.
Well fuck that shit.
I was getting out of here tomorrow, heading home, putting in my resignation, and begging Grace to love me, to keep me. I’d find a new department; it wasn’t like I was a bad detective. I had a number of cases under my belt and could easily find a new position somewhere. I’d enjoy being closer to Syd and her family, too. Bonus.
“Well don’t you two just look like a bunch of fucking roses,” Smith said, walking into the room. “I swear you two could be twins.”
Sydney said nothing, but she did kick out her top leg, setting it into a jerky swing.
“Don’t you have things to do at home?” I asked my eldest brother. “You know, like…work.”
“When you have accident prone siblings, that’s where your paid time off goes,” Smith answered, plopping down in the only other vacant chair in the room. Soon enough, our parents and other brother would likely storm the room but while I enjoyed seeing all of their faces, the face I wanted to see was nowhere to be found.
“I’m not accident prone.”
“You’ve been shot twice in the last five months,” he deadpanned, a brow raised.
Ignoring him, I countered, “Surely you can return to the classroom now that you know I’m fine.”
Smith shrugged. “I had time off piling up. I took next week off too.”
“You didn’t,” I groaned.
“No one said I had to spend the time with your ass.”
“You two are ridiculous,” Sydney finally offered the room. She pushed to a stand. “I’m going to make a phone call.”
“Grace?” I asked, my brows up and my excitement unable to be tampered down, which only caused Smith to chuckle under his breath.
“No. Not Grace,” Sydney said, a pissed off frown on her face. “My husband.”
Since Caleb came home from his road trip, he’d been at home with the kids so Sydney could sit vigil at my bedside, as if I needed her watching over me. She could have gone home at any time.
Just as she stepped out of the room, Smith opened his mouth to say something but the rest of the clan walked in.
“How are you feeling?” Dad asked, nodding toward my covered midsection.
“I’m fine. I just am ready to get out.”
You would think I had a major surgery, with everyone standing in this room. I was fine! It was a clean shot, nothing hit, nothing nicked. In and, well… not out, but it was an easy surgery.
“You really should stay until they say,” Mom added, sitting in the chair Sydney vacated.
“It’s two days. I’ll be fine,” I grumbled. With my hands beside my hips, I pushed myself up to sit back further in the bed, hiding the grimace of pain at the tightening and stretch of my abdominal muscles.
“Good. I have to get back to work,” Sean said, leaning against the wall across from my bed.
“Why is it he,” I nodded toward Smith, “can stick around, but you have to head back to work? You’re both teachers.” I looked to Smith. “See, Se
an is levelheaded. Go. Home.”
“First, I’d love to hang out with your cheery ass—”
“Sean!” Mom interrupted, but he continued, paying her no mind, “but my sub’s having problems with some of my students.”
“That, and I promised Syd I’d watch the kids while she and Cael had trips this week,” Smith added.
I squeezed the bridge of my nose. “At least you won’t be hounding me at home, then.”
“You really shouldn’t take a plane home, Soy,” Mom worried.
“I will be fine.” God, why wouldn’t anyone get that? “Guys, I love that you’re here—”
Sean snickered and I glared at him.
“—but really. I will be fine. Go home. I’ll be home tomorrow.”
After more discussion from my family members that I really thought were unnecessary, they eventually all moved out of the room, leaving with goodbyes. I reached for the hospital-supplied laptop, ignoring the tightness in my stomach as I did so, and placed it on the bedside table, rolling it toward me. Before I had it situated though, Sydney walked back in.
“You really just kicked everyone out?” she asked incredulously.
“I didn’t kick anyone out,” I huffed. “I just told them they didn’t need to be here. I’m fine. Sydney, I. Am. Fine. Go home to your husband and kids.” I pushed open the top of the laptop, powering it on.
This beast was easily ten years old and bulky as all get out, but it served its purpose.
Instead of leaving, Sydney sat in what I had deemed her chair, leaning forward and studying me.
“So. How long have you and Grace been more than just friends?”
I groaned, falling back into my flat, plastic pillows. “Sydney…”
“Well?”
“We’ve been friends since before your wedding.”
“Well I know that, dumbass,” she told me, surprising me with her choice of nickname. “She told me she loved you. She did not break down in the waiting room because she loved someone who was just a friend. Someone she had just slept with the one time. Which is what I’m assuming happened before the whole…debacle.”
My chest got all warm and tight at the same time as hearing that Grace loved me. That meant I had a chance. Slim, I was sure, but the chance was still there.
“Syd…” I shook my head, closing my eyes and letting my head rest on the pillow behind me. “That’s really none of your business.”
“Sawyer!”
I groaned and lifted my head, eyeing my little sister. “Look. We were friends, we had a moment of more, decided friends was best for our situation. That’s the end of it.”
“And then you got jealous about Jeremy, who was jealous of you, and bam. Shot in the tummy,” she filled in.
“I don’t have a tummy.”
“If that’s all you’re taking from that comment…”
I sighed again. “Sydney, just... Look. I care about her. I have for a very long time. I need to figure some things out and then I’m fixing whatever it is that’s keeping her away.”
She made a face now. “It probably won’t be that easy.”
“I know she’s not a fan of my job.”
“Understatement of the year.”
“Thanks, Sydney bean. Thanks for that vote of confidence.”
“You said it!”
“I know, but some support would be nice.”
“I support you. I support her. You know I want you two together, however it ends up being.”
“It’s going to happen.” When Sydney’s face didn’t change, I repeated it—as much for myself as for her. “It’s going to happen.”
Sawyer
I’d been back in my boring apartment for two days and hadn’t gotten anywhere. Grace didn’t answer my calls, respond to my texts, nor did she return my emails. It was like a week ago hadn’t ever happened, that we were still at the impasse from before my trip to San Diego.
More than that though, I wasn’t any further in my department search. I had my list of precincts and departments in the immediate area of Grace, but so far no one had an opening.
I was going to have to do the traffic cop thing again, but fuck if I cared. I had one more call out to a department that was about an hour north of Grace, but if they had an opening, I would jump on it. An hour was far more doable than what we were currently doing.
Or not doing, if not hearing from Grace was any indication.
Still, job or no job, I was getting ready for the move and had boxes set to be filled.
Jake had stopped by earlier and we shared a beer. He pretended not to notice the packing boxes lined up against the wall, waiting to be put together and filled. On his way out to leave, he tapped one of the still flat boxes and shook his head.
We hadn’t talked about Grace, not about my weekend in San Diego. Sure, he gave me shit for getting shot and being put on medical, but really, we just bullshitted about football and some of the guys in the department.
I was going to have to talk to him. The guy was my partner and deserved to hear it from me. But I’d hold off until I knew what was happening.
There was a knock at my door and, expecting a pizza, I grabbed the twenty I laid out on the coffee table and made my way to the front. I wasn’t all that hungry but I had to eat something.
Ready for the taste of peppers and sausage in my mouth, I swung open the door with the twenty ready—and nearly swallowed my tongue.
Not the pizza guy.
Nope.
Standing outside my door in the hallway that was my complex, stood Grace all wrapped up in a heavy sweater, leggings, and a pair of Ugg boots.
“Grace.” I blinked.
Her smile was timid. “Can I come in?”
I shook my head from my funk. “Yeah. Yeah, come in.” I stepped to the side and she walked through the door, the familiar smell of her coconut and hemp lotion wafting up at me. Fuck, I missed her. How the hell had I gone months without talking to her before?
I watched as Grace looked around my place from where she stood. She had never been here and I found myself slightly embarrassed at its bareness. There was no life in my place, where hers simply screamed with it.
Finally she turned toward me, her face sad and her blue eyes filling with tears. That couldn’t be good. Any hope I had upon seeing her started to drop.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t handle seeing you in the hospital and I didn’t handle the entire situation very well,” she admitted.
“It’s ok.” I didn’t think I would handle her in a hospital very well myself. Some things just had to be forgiven and I was more than willing for that to be one of them.
She shook her head. “No, it’s not ok. I should have been in that room with you.” Her eyes were still wet but she refused to let the tears fall.
“It maybe took you a couple of days but hey, you’re here now,” I said, always reaching for the lighter moment if it meant cheering Grace up. Grace didn’t deserve sad days. I only wanted her happy. I stepped closer to her, thankful she didn’t step back, and took her hands in mine. Looking in her eyes, I told her, “You’re here now and already my day has gotten so much brighter. Grace…” I thought about what I wanted to say. “You told me that I calm you and I told you that you grounded me.” I squeezed her hands. “You always have, Grace. Let me be your calm always.
“I’m tired of coming home and being tired.” I was going to push through this. I was going to lay it all out on the table. She came all the way out here without my knowing; she wasn’t leaving her until she knew I loved her and that I would do anything to ensure we could find a future together. I was done trying to be just her friend. She was my best friend, and I wanted her for life. “I want to see your face when I walk in the door. I want you to be the reason my day gets bright again because you do that for me,” I told her. “If that means moving to San Diego, hell, I’m set. I’m ready.”
Her blue gaze traveled behind me to the start of my packing before she looked back at me.
&nb
sp; “I know that what you do is important,” she told me, thankfully not pulling away. She took a careful breath and when her eyes started to water again, I worried about what she was going to tell me.
But shit.
She flew out to Salt Lake City. Surely if what she had to say was negative, she could have done it in e-mail or text, right?
“What you do scares me, Sawyer,” she whispered before taking a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “But not being with you scares me more.”
Words to balm a man’s heart. I tried pulling her in but she stood firm, having more to say.
“I love you, Sawyer, and it terrifies me that someday I may get a call that you were badly hurt on the job. But I’d rather hear it knowing I’ve spent hours and days, moments, with the man I love, than being miles away and having a few e-mails between us.” She took another shaky breath and when a tear crested and fell down her cheek, she let me release her hand and cup her cheek, my thumb brushing at the trail. God, I had so much I wanted to tell her but I was going to let her speak.
“I don’t want you to move to San Diego.”
I opened my mouth to interrupt her. Not move to San Diego? Did she not just say—
“Sweet Grace doesn’t need to be in San Diego.” She nodded as she spoke, her eyes not leaving mine. “It will probably be better for my anxiety anyway,” she said with a watery laugh. “Being near you,” she added quietly.
This time, she let me pull her in and I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, her cheek pressed to my chest. “You worked so hard for that place though, Gracie. Even if it’s just a place, if it’s not an actual store front, it could be again someday. The place is good for you.”
She lifted her head, her chin resting on my chest as she looked up at me. Her blue eyes were a bright aquamarine right now, and they still held a watery ridge, but she smiled all the same. “You’re better for me, Sawyer Meadows.”
“You’re pretty good for me, too, Gracelyn Dewey,” I whispered as I bent my head toward hers, my lips brushing hers lightly. She sighed against my mouth and we stood there, her eyes closed and our lips hardly a breath apart.
