by S. M. Shade
He sighs and shakes his head. “Jon was there, in that room before we showed up, when that asshole had Abby’s pants down.”
“What?”
“He left her there after suggesting her ass was a better choice.”
This motherfucker is dead. “We’re going to find him, and I swear I’ll kill him slowly.”
Joseph nods. “Why didn’t she tell us?”
“I don’t know, but we’re sure as hell going to find out.”
“Tomorrow,” he insists. “I want to hear her explanation. I’m sick of these fucking secrets.”
“I never should’ve left that letter at his place.” I got all this shit started.
“She should’ve told you what he was like. I’m going to bed.”
Before he walks away, my arms wrap around his middle, pulling him against me. “Are you okay, Joey?”
His shoulders slump, and the hopelessness I hear in his voice makes my heart ache. “It’s all falling apart. The distance between the three of us just gets wider, filled with all the shit you and Abby won’t share. There’s not enough trust here for us to make it.”
“Joey…”
“I know. It’s not a good time. Tell our girl I love her.”
“I will. You know where we are if you change your mind.”
“Good night.”
It takes Joseph a whole two hours before he returns, slipping quietly through the RV door. He pauses at the sound of my chuckle. “I knew you couldn’t stay away.”
“Fuck you. Abby asleep?”
“Yeah, she’s out.”
Joseph pours a shot of whiskey and takes a seat on the couch. “Want one?”
“Might as well.” He shakes his head when I reach past the shot glass to grab the bottle and take a drink.
“Barbarian.”
“You know you like it.”
“I miss you,” Joseph blurts, sliding his hand behind my neck.
Shit. After another long swallow of whiskey burns down my esophagus, heating my insides almost as much as his touch, I confess, “I miss you too.”
“Then stop pushing me away.”
“I’m not trying to. I…”
“Are you still having nightmares?” I can feel the heat of his body as he scoots closer.
“Yeah.”
“Even though we’re apart. It’s not me or what we do together causing them, can’t you see that? It started when you heard what happened to Sammy, and got worse when you met him. That was your trigger, not me.”
“It doesn’t matter. I can’t. You don’t understand.”
“I love you.”
“You shouldn’t. You wouldn’t if…” Damn it. The alcohol’s loosened my tongue.
“If I knew what he did? Do you hear yourself? It’s the same fear Abby has. Is there anything she could say that would make you stop loving her?”
“Of course not, but she…”
“No. No more excuses. What happened to you didn’t determine your sexual orientation. You know that. Rationally, you know it. But the reasons don’t matter. It doesn’t change how you feel, who you are, what you need. I love you, and you love me. If that’s not reason enough to stop thinking of yourself as damaged, to stop seeing your love for me as an affliction, then we’re done. Am I less of a man because I love the feel of you inside me?”
“No, but…” He continues, the words pouring out of him.
“You, me and Abby have something special, rare, if you can man up and accept it. It’s your call to make. I’ve been patient, tried to understand and let you deal, but you’re tearing me apart. One day you love me, the next I can’t touch you, but there’s hell to pay if I touch someone else. I can’t take anymore. I’m sick of being the only one fighting for this relationship while you and Abby hide and deny. So decide, because the next time you push me away I’m not coming back.”
Anger streaks through me, blood pounding in my ears. Does he think I enjoy being like this? “You don’t know shit,” I snarl, shoving him against the couch. My hand squeezes his jaw hard, forcing him to look at me. “You want to know it all, Joey? Huh? Think that’ll make you happy? Solve all our problems, and we’ll skip off into the sunset, shitting butterflies?”
“You want to know about a kid so disgusting that he liked it? I liked it. When an old man with nasty yellow fingers shoved them inside me, I always came. What does it matter if I said no, or begged him not to? Part of me obviously fucking liked it. Wanted it. Because I was a dirty fucking brat just like he said. And now with you, I still like it. That should make it easier for you. Stay away from me, and if you tell Abby, I swear…”
He lays a hand over the one still squeezing his jaw. “Have you told anyone?” His voice is soft, and I feel my anger dissipate, shame pouring into the space.
“About the abuse, yes. About my part in it? No.”
“It’s been eating at you all these years. How old were you?”
“Ten. He was my modeling manager. He traveled with me when my mom couldn’t.”
“Listen to me.” His hand slips into mine. “I’m so sorry for what happened to you, but you didn’t do anything wrong. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
I shove him away from me and get to my feet. “Didn’t you hear a damn word I said?”
“Every word. It’s a physical response that you can’t control. Did you want him to touch you? Did you look forward to it?”
“No!”
Joseph steps in front of me, bringing his hands down on my shoulders. His eyes look dark as they peer into mine. “You stroke a guy’s dick or prostate, he’s going to come, especially a teenager. He wanted to justify his actions. You aren’t dirty. You were a goddamn kid, Airen, with a predator who knew how to keep you quiet. By making you believe it was your fault.”
Thank fuck it’s dark in here because tears spill down my cheeks. “He…I…” My choked voice can’t force out the words.
“Shh.” I’m pulled into his arms. “It’s not your fault. It never was. Tell me the rest. Get rid of it. You never have to tell another soul if you don’t want to. What finally stopped it?”
“He started in on another boy. He was only eight. When I confronted him, he said I was jealous. I wasn’t fucking jealous.”
“I know.” Joseph’s thumb sweeps across my wet face. Shit. “Who’d you tell?”
“My mom. She was a mess. She forbade me from talking about it, so afraid people would find out. It’d put a damper on her book club and ladies tea group.”
He tugs me down to sit on the couch, his arm still around me. “Fuck. Did he go to jail?”
“No. The lawyers got together and made a deal. He couldn’t work with underage kids anymore, and he had to go to therapy.”
“That’s it?”
“The lives of the rich and blameless,” I reply, dryly. “He also got a shitload of money to sign a non-disclosure agreement. They fucking rewarded him.”
His warm hand squeezes the back of my neck. “Oh, Airen, no.”
“What was I going to say? I’d just turned fourteen. At that age, I could’ve resisted, put a stop to it.”
“Did they say that?” he demands, anger lining his voice.
“It was implied. If I agreed never to talk about it, I could go back to my career, and things would go back to normal. Or the whole thing could get dragged through a public trial, plaster our faces across the tabloids, and he’d tell the world that I liked it.”
“Christ, Airen, between you, me, and Abby, I’m not sure who wins the worst parents award.” He holds me tighter. “Tell me about the nightmares.”
There’s no point in resisting. He knows everything else, and I owe him an explanation why we can’t be together. “He’s touching me, but he turns into you and I get confused.”
“I get it.”
“I love you, but I don’t know what to do. When we’re together, his face comes back to me, his voice, calling me dirty.”
“Do you trust me?”
I nod. Abby and Joseph
are the only two people in the world I trust.
“Then don’t give up on us.” His soft lips land on mine, his tongue slipping in for a slow taste. God, I’ve missed him, missed this. He pulls my shirt off, and then his own before diving into my mouth again. When his hand slips under my waistband, a groan escapes my lips.
“I don’t know if I…”
“Look at me, Dark Eyes. Say my name. Who’s touching you?”
“Joey, but…”
His pace increases, his fist tightening around me. “Does it feel good?”
“Yes,” I groan. My body sure as hell wants him.
“Well, stop. Stop letting it feel good.” His other hand shoves my shorts and boxers off. “Ignore it.”
“I can’t.” He slaps my hand away from his crotch while shoving me back onto the couch. He’s spooned up behind me, his arm dropped over my waist, his hand teasing with long firm strokes.
“Of course you can’t.” Hot breath raises goosebumps on my neck. “It’s supposed to feel good, beautiful. We’re just animals, full of nerve endings that are meant to be fired up. We’re made that way.”
Oh shit, he cups my balls, rolling them between his fingers before resuming his slow torturous strokes. “Cocks, balls, nipples, and assholes full of sensitive nerves waiting to be set on fire. No matter who does the touching. It’s natural.”
My entire body stiffens and bucks against him when he slips a finger between my cheeks, into my ass. No one’s touched me there but him. My childhood nightmare. Fuck, I can smell him, hear his raspy chuckle. “Stop, Airen. Listen to me. Who’s touching you right now?” The hand wrapped around my cock speeds up while his finger works in and out of me, slow and steady. It feels so good. I shouldn’t…fuck. “It’s okay,” he reassures me when a sob escapes. “Say my name, beautiful.”
“Joey.”
A warm palm clamps my jaw, turning my head until our eyes meet. “Who’s making you feel so good?”
“Joey…shit.” The flashback of Craig begins to fade.
“Why am I doing this? To hurt you? Demean you? Control or abuse you? Why is my finger in you, Airen? Tell me, and I’ll make you come like you’ve never came before.”
“To make me feel good!”
“Why?”
“Because…you love me.”
“Yes, Dark Eyes. I love you. Every inch of you, inside and out. I love seeing you like this, putting that look on your face.” His lips press against my ear as he whispers, “I’m going to blow your mind now, beautiful. Are you ready?” He takes my groan as an affirmative.
There’s a quick pinch and burn when he slips a second finger inside me, and I try to pull away. “Easy, let it happen. Take it, Airen,” he orders, his voice steady. The slight pain fades almost instantly, and I’m filled with an indescribable sensation. Pleasure doesn’t begin to describe it.
“Right there,” he teases, stroking over my prostate again, nearly sending me through the wall. “See how amazing it feels. This is how you make me feel when you fuck me.”
“Joey.” My voice squeaks.
“I know,” he soothes as I squirm and writhe against him. He’s let go of my cock at some point, and I didn’t even notice. My whole world is the size of that gland deep inside me.
“Please.” Christ, did I just say that?
With a soft growl, he rubs firmly with both fingers, and I’m lost. My entire body jerks and convulses. Sensation explodes from the base of my spine to every cell I own. And it doesn’t stop. Over and over, the heat and pleasure streaks through my veins until I’m wrung dry. Fuck me, what was that?
“That was a prostate orgasm,” Joseph replies with a chuckle. Shit. I guess I said that out loud. He slides his fingers out of me and rests his head on my shoulder.
“Goddamn it, Joey. That’s what it feels like when I fuck you?”
“Mmm Hmm.”
“You’re a lucky son of a bitch.” Our laughter makes the aftermath a little less awkward.
“Are you okay, Airen? Are we okay?”
“Yes. You’re mine Joey. So no more late nights with Troy and Nic.”
“I love it when you’re jealous.”
“I love you.”
“Me too.”
“Let’s get cleaned up and get some sleep. We’ve got a stubborn, broken hearted girl to straighten out tomorrow.” He crawls in bed beside Abby and plants a light kiss on her forehead. “I gave her your goodnight kiss on the head,” I tease. “She probably wouldn’t have gone to sleep otherwise.”
His eyes soften as he gazes at her with a mixture of fondness and amusement. “How can one woman be so sweet and so infuriating?”
“Maybe ask her,” I reply with a grin when Abby’s eyes flutter open.
“Joseph?”
“Hey, ladybug.”
“You still mad?”
“Uh-huh.”
She rolls onto her side, facing us. “I’m sorry.”
“I know.” A small smile tilts her lips and she lays her head on Joseph’s chest when he wraps his arms around her. “Guess what? I made Airen beg.” Abby giggles, glancing over Joseph’s chest at me.
“Ignore him. He’s dreaming.”
“He said please. It was awesome.”
* * * *
They wake before me in the morning and I hear their low voiced conversation as they sit on the couch. “You can’t do this to me, Abby. You can’t put yourself at risk like that. I’ve lost too much, Tim, Mason, my parents. I can’t lose the only woman I’ve ever loved.”
“I’m sorry. I am. I saw those kids and…”
“I know.” He sighs. “I understand why Airen’s such a control freak with you, why he’s so overprotective. It’s not just you he’s protecting. If something happened to you, we’d never survive it.”
I couldn’t have said it better. I peek at them and see her nod, biting her lip.
“Now, my girl, I want the truth about something.” He tilts her chin up to look her in the eye. “What happened in that hotel room before we got there? And don’t lie to me.”
“I got pulled inside. It happened so fast. He slammed me against the wall and…pulled my pants down.” Her voice drops to a near whisper. “Jon came in and I thought I was saved, but, he just left me there.”
“He just left?” Joseph presses.
“After he told him to fuck me in the ass.” Her face glows and the shame is clear in her voice. As if she did something wrong.
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“I was afraid. I am afraid of what you’ll do. What Airen will do.”
“Do you trust me? Or Airen?”
“Yes! Of course I do!” Wide brown eyes beg him to believe her.
“Then you have to start letting us in on what’s going on in your head. We’re flying blind here. Has it occurred to you that if you’d told Airen what Jon was really like, he’d never have looked for him, never led him here?”
She nods again, chagrined. No arguing or defending herself. She must feel bad. It’s not like her to sit there while he chews her out.
“Abby, one more thing.” He pulls her into his lap. “I’m so sorry I smacked you. I didn’t mean to do that. I’d never hurt you.”
His face relaxes at the sound of her chuckle. “I know that. It’s okay. Are we good, Joseph?”
“Always, baby.”
She cuddles into him, and he presses a soft kiss on her lips. “I really want to go home.”
“We’ll say our goodbye’s this evening and leave first thing tomorrow.”
“Good. You and Air are back together. The rescue is over. Jon’s gone. We can go home and get back to normal. I need it.”
“Me too, ladybug.”
They both look at me when I flop beside them on the couch. “I think you should put her over your knee. Make sure she learned her lesson.” Joseph swats me on the back of the head.
“Quit instigating. Everything’s forgiven. Besides, when I spank this sweet little ass again, she’s going to like it.”
Sammy grins up at me. “Wanna go fishin?”
I spend the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon on the pond with Sammy. He’s not happy we’re leaving, but he’s getting along with Troy and Nic, so he’ll have someone to fish with when I’m gone. Plus, I gave Troy my silver pole to give him after we leave. It’s a load off his mind now that the other kids are safe, and he seems happier.
In the evening, Mac and Diane stop by our RV to say goodbye, along with a few of the women we rescued. Ever have a room full of people thank you for saving their lives? I recommend it.
Troy and Nic invite us to a farewell dinner. Abby, Eric, and Joseph squeeze in on one side of the tiny dining table while Gary and I take up the other. Troy and Nic sit at either end, grinning at their overflowing kitchen. “Told you we’d fit,” Troy says.
“As long as no one needs to breathe out,” Nic grumbles. “So, how early are you off?”
“As soon as it’s light,” I reply.
“I’d like to camp at that same park if we can,” Abby says. “Do you think we can find it?”
“Gary’s the one that’s good at directions,” Joseph remarks.
Nic and Troy both give him a pointed look, and a sheepish grin crosses his face as he glances around the table. “About that. I’m not going back. I’m gonna stay at Diane’s for awhile.”
Abby chuckles. “You can’t stay in one place long, can you?”
“Ah, there’s a whole world out there honey. I ain’t seen half of it.”
“That’s not what you’re trying to see,” Joseph teases, and Gary winks at him.
“Emma’s gonna shit,” Eric blurts. Oh, hell yeah, she is.
“Well that’s another thing. I need someone to give this to Emma.” A sealed envelope lies in his large dark hand.
“Not it,” Joseph says, laying two fingers on the side of his nose. The childish game makes everyone laugh as they imitate him.
“Thanks a shitload, Gary,” I reply, taking the envelope. “I’m going to switch your damn Dear John letter for directions to Diane’s and an engagement ring.”
