I squeezed my eyes shut. I couldn’t do this. Ping-ponging between emotions, switching between love and hate. Was this part of the act to get me in the right frame of mind for what came next?
“You don’t believe me, do you?” his voice was quiet, almost as if he was scared to question me.
“Do you blame me?”
“No.” He shook his head slowly. “I don’t blame you for any of this.” He waved his arms around to accentuate his point. “You’ve been thrust into a world that you have no desire to be in. You deserve better.”
I was about to tell him that whilst I had no desire to be in the media spot light, or rub shoulders with any of the stars of the silver screen, I was more than happy to be with him, but he continued speaking.
“I’m sorry for practically forcing you into doing these scenes with me. I just, I . . . well—”
“Then, why did you?”
He pulled his fingers through his hair, the movement distracting me from his eyes. “I was still angry that Amy hadn’t turned up this morning. I was reacting to her absence. She continually fucks things up for me.”
I snorted. That was the biggest understatement he’d ever made.
“You know, the other night I was so worried about you. I tried to find you after filming. I wanted to talk to you, but I couldn’t find you. I didn’t think I’d see you again. You’d said you wouldn’t be on set for the sex scenes.”
“So then why were you so horrid this morning? You said some very cruel things, Alex.”
“I know. But I don’t know why I said what I did. Everything came out wrong. I wanted to apologise for my behaviour, but I was just so angry with Amy. I was angry with you for walking away, and I was angry with myself for reacting how I was. I just couldn’t break the circle. And then I wanted you to do the scenes with me. I needed you to be angry.” He was unable to meet my questioning gaze.
I placed my hand on his arm. I hated seeing him like this.
“I’m so sorry, Ella,” he said, resting his hand over mine. “I hate myself for the way I’ve behaved. Can I even dare to hope that you can forgive me?”
“We need to talk properly,” I explained, squeezing his arm. “And I need to apologise as well. I shouldn’t have reacted how I did yesterday. I need to explain why I did. Perhaps, then you’ll understand me a little better.”
He nodded. “Do you think we can sort this out?” he asked.
“If we both want it, then I think we can.”
“I want it,” he said as his fingers slid down my arm and he laced them with mine. My tender, loving Alex was back. My heart felt like it was bursting with happiness all over again.
“I want it as well.” I managed a smile, the tears starting once again.
Alex saw my tears. “I think I’ve caused you more than enough tears over the past few days. Well, actually, since I met you.” His spare hand reached forward to wipe the wetness away.
I sniffled, trying to halt their watery escape, but it wasn’t easy. I was so relieved that he’d managed to calm enough to be honest. My tears were tears of relief.
“Come here,” he suggested releasing my hand and holding his arms to his sides. I immediately shuffled across the bed into his welcome embrace, and rested my head on his shoulder as the tears continued to flow. Alex’s arms tightened around me and he rocked me gently from side to side, rubbing my back with his hand. He gave me time to compose myself before kissing the top of my head.
“We need to get things sorted,” he said. “If we don’t do it now, then we’ll have to wait until I get back from LA. I don’t want it hanging over us until then.”
I nodded. We needed to clear the air, explain things to each other. Just as we both should have done to start with.
He slowly pushed me away from him, his eyes searching mine for reassurance. I smiled weakly. I wanted to talk, I just wasn’t sure about what he was going to say, and I was concerned about how he would react to my explanation.
“Put your robe on,” he said. “We’ll go and sit in the chairs over there. Get out of these bright lights.”
I slipped my arms into the robe and followed Alex over to the chairs.
“What happened just before you came to my dressing room?” he asked as I sat down in the chair next to him. “I’m pretty confident that Amy is behind all this. She said that she wanted to talk to me before following me to my dressing room, remember?”
I nodded, remembering the moment clearly.
Alex continued. “She was such a cow. She told me that you were only with me because I was famous and that you’d been flirting with Rowan whenever I wasn’t around to witness it.”
I sighed, struggling to understand her hate toward me.
“She then told me that she still loved me. That she wanted us to get back together.”
I looked straight at him, willing him to have not listened.
“I told her that I now realise that I never loved her. Since I’ve met you, I’ve understood what love is, what it truly means.”
My breathing sped up.
“She accused me of only wanting you because of the sex. Apparently, it’s all people think about when they get together. According to her, she thinks we’re at it like rabbits, and I’ll get bored of you. I told her that I didn’t remember it being like that between her and me.” His fingers raked though his hair. “She wasn’t happy when I told her to get out and stop causing trouble. I told her I’d never loved her, and I never would. I wasn’t interested.”
“She came back into the studio with her skirt ripped,” I told him. “She said that you’d forced her—”
“Forced her?” he exclaimed. “My skin crawls at the thought of being near her.” He shuddered. “I never touched her, Ella. Please, believe me.”
“I believe you,” I confirmed.
“So what happened when she turned up in the studio with her skirt ripped?” He spoke through gritted teeth.
“I immediately came to see you. I wanted to know what had happened. I didn’t believe her at all, but I needed you to confirm it.”
“And she knew you’d come to talk to me. I thought as much. She set it all up with Tessa.” He shook his head and rubbed his temple.
I reached for his hand, just as I had so many other times. “I know that what I saw wasn’t what it looked like, but how on earth . . . I mean, you had your trousers off.” I glanced at him nervously, wanting his explanation, but dreading it at the same time.
“As soon as Amy left, I began to get changed for the afternoon scenes. Tessa just walked in, and stood in front of me. I’d just asked her why she was in my dressing room, and about to ask her to leave, when you knocked on my door. She just sank to her knees. I swear to God, I had no idea what she was doing.”
I nodded, repeating my earlier words. “I believe you.”
“Ella, I know you do now, but why didn’t you give me the chance to explain everything at the time?”
I drew in a deep breath before letting it slowly shudder from me. “Sam,” I said. The one word summed it all up for me. My eyes lowered to the floor.
“Sam?” Alex pushed, obviously wanting more information. He gently lifted my chin so I had to look at him.
“My ex.”
“What did he do, Ella?” His spoke slowly, his voice edged with a simmering anger I guessed he was struggling to control.
“He was unfaithful. I opened our bedroom door to find him and . . . well, let’s just say that a woman was on her knees in front of him. Both of them were naked.”
“Fuck! Ella, I’m sorry.”
“He grabbed me, threw me out of the room. He told me to wait until he’d finished, and then went back into the room, slamming the door behind him.”
Alex’s eyes narrowed at my revelation.
“I know you’re nothing like him, but when I saw you and Tessa like that, all I could think of was him. I just bolted.”
His angry expression melted away before he leaned forward, lightly kissing me on the lips.
He rested his forehead against mine. “Are you still in touch with this Sam?”
“No!” I exclaimed. “Why on earth would I want to be?”
“Because if you were, I think I may have had to pay him a visit.”
I rubbed my nose against his before searching for his lips with my own. “I’ll try to find out where he lives for you,” I whispered.
“You do that,” he said before kissing me with a growing force.
It felt like an enormous weight had been lifted. All the worry and anxiety that I’d felt since our argument had disappeared. It was as though it had never happened. I welcomed the feeling back into my life. Alex was kissing me again. We were back together.
“Remember, we have some sex scenes to finish,” I said, breaking away from his eager lips.
“You ready?” he asked.
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Alex stood up, and pulled me from my chair and into his arms. Rowan appeared through the studio doors, followed by the camera operators who were with us earlier.
“All sorted?” Rowan asked.
“Yes,” Alex said. “No thanks to Amy. I’ll tell you now, just so you know. I guessed that Amy and Tessa set this whole stupid thing up. Ella has just confirmed it. I’ve already told them that I will never work with either of them again. If you’re going to produce the next film, I suggest you start looking for someone else to star alongside me. I will not do it with Amy.”
Rowan frowned.
“I mean it, Rowan.”
He nodded at Alex before looking down at the script in his hand. “Are you two ready to crawl into bed together?”
I shot him a warning glance. I didn’t want him aggravating Alex again. He’d only just calmed down. Unfortunately, as I had expected, Alex scowled at Rowan.
“I don’t want any titillation that’s not necessary,” Alex said. “And don’t perve at Ella’s nakedness. Understand?”
“Alex, Alex, please calm down. I’m directing here. If I wanted that sort of action, I’d direct porn!”
“But it’s Ella.”
“And your point is?”
Alex strode over to Rowan, jabbing his finger in his chest. “My point is that you know this is going to be very, very personal, very heated, and we will both be very naked! I may be acting a role alongside Ella, but we are together as a couple. It’s going to be very easy for us to get lost in the moment. I’m trusting you with a fucking shit load of stuff here, Rowan.”
“I know, Alex. That’s why it’ll work. You two have amazing chemistry. The footage I already have is far beyond what you would have achieved with Amy. If you carry on that way, the stuff I’m about to see now will set the cinema screens on fire.”
Alex ran his hand through his hair. “I mean it though, I’m trusting you, not just with me, but with Ella as well. Don’t let me down.”
“I won’t, I promise. Look, I’ll shout a few directions to stay true to the script, but honestly, I’m quite happy to just let you get on with it. Do what comes naturally. I’ll make sure the editing matches only what it needs to. I’m not here to take advantage, despite what you may think.”
Alex wandered back over to me. He bent his head to catch my gaze. “Just go with the flow, Ella. But let me lead. Ryan is quite a dominant character, remember?”
“I remember,” I said before swallowing nervously. My earlier bravado about these scenes being easy had suddenly disappeared.
Alex chuckled as he reached forward and placed a slow tender kiss on my lips. “And also remember, for future reference of course, that I am not Ryan, and at times I’d quite like you to take charge.”
My eyes widened at his admission. I’d always presumed that he would be quite forceful in bed. A passionate, but incredibly dominant character. It suited his personality perfectly. Then I remembered what Erin had told me about him being a sensitive man wanting reassurance, cuddles and kisses. I couldn’t help but wonder what sort of sex life he’d had with Amy.
Rowan wandered over to us, thankfully stopping me from having to respond to Alex’s confession. “I know you won’t need much direction, but Ella, your character at some point needs to kiss down Alex’s body. One of the major parts of the Starshine book is based on that scene. It’s the one that everyone is waiting for.”
I knew exactly what he was referring to. “The blow job,” I said, my voice shaking.
“You don’t have to actually do it.” Rowan said as Alex raised his eyes heavenwards. “But it needs to look like you are about to give him a blow job. I’ll fade the camera out at that part and we’ll pick up straight after on Alex’s face.”
I nodded, completely overwhelmed by what I was about to do.
Alex’s arm snaked around my waist before he addressed Rowan and the camera operators. “I need to apologise to all of you for the state I’ll get into. These scenes are going to be very intense for me and Ella, very true to our feelings for each other. I’m pretty sure my arousal will be evident for all of you to see, and for that, I apologise.” He brought his lips to my ear. “I’m sorry about this,” he whispered. “But there’s no way I can act these scenes with you, and not be affected. Let’s call it our dress rehearsal for when I get back from Los Angeles.”
I was even more shocked at what he’d just admitted than I was about the being in charge statement he’d made. And I couldn’t believe that he’d told the camera crew about how his body would react. Was it going to be that obvious?
“I’ll try to ignore it,” I reassured him. He pulled me into another hug as Rowan started ordering the cameras into position.
“Right, you two.” Rowan called. “Let’s get going. On the bed, so we can start this scene.”
Alex guided me to the bed.
“This needs to come off again,” he said softly as he slipped his hand to the belt on my robe. “I can’t make love to you whilst you’re wearing it, can I now?”
I placed my hand over his as he began to slowly undo the belt. His eyes were intent on the front of the gown, but widened as the material became unfastened. I couldn’t take my eyes off his as he nudged the gown open. I shrugged, allowing the white robe to slip from my body. I was about to reach forward and kiss him when Rowan’s voice interrupted.
“Oy! We don’t have all day. Alex, may I remind you that you need to leave the studio in a couple of hours? Chop, chop!”
I snapped back to reality. We had both drifted into our own little private bubble. This was going to be impossible. Rather than just think about Alex, I kept reminding myself that there were four other people in the studio. And even though I didn’t want to think about it, it would keep my mind on the reality of what I was doing. This wasn’t a private moment.
I climbed onto the bed, immediately pulling the top sheet over me, covering my nakedness. Alex quickly rid himself of his own robe before joining me. I laid on my back, and closed my eyes, trying to calm my rapidly beating heart.
I understood what Alex had meant about baring his soul for the camera, that it would be too real. How much of what we were about to do was going to be acting?
“You okay?” Alex asked, his voice full of concern. I nodded, still not opening my eyes.
Rowan started shouting directions.
“Alex, Ella, let’s start where we left off please. Alex, on top of Ella. Hold her hands above her head. Ella, turn your face to the right. Alex, you know your lines here to shift the mood, yes?”
“Yes,” Alex called back. He kissed my cheek. “You need to open your eyes, Ella. I want you to keep eye contact with me throughout this. It’s the only way we’ll both get through it.”
He shuffled next to me and lifted the sheet. Moments later he laid on top of me, and I opened my eyes.
“You can do this, Ella,” he reassured me. “We both can.”
I wondered who he was trying to convince more—me or himself?
His hand reached under the sheet for mine before he brought our joined hands out, lifting them above my head. He then repe
ated the action with my other hand. All the while he was placing us in position, he watched me. A small grin pulled at his lips as his other hand pushed the sheet down his back. “I’ll let you do this to me in a few days. You can sit astride me and hold my hands above my head.”
I immediately relaxed. “You’re just kinky, Alex Denton.”
“You’d better believe it.”
We both sniggered.
“Oy!” Rowan yelled. “Get in character. There’ll be plenty of time for giggling later.”
We both quietened instantly. I was about to pretend to make love to him. It was what I had imagined in my dreams for years. It was what could have happened if my body hadn’t decided to remind me I was a woman. And it was something that was going to happen for real when Alex got back from Los Angeles.
I let my body relax, my legs moving to the sides. Alex widened his eyes before wriggling his hips. I bent my knees upwards, letting him rest comfortably between my thighs.
“Ready?” Rowan shouted.
Alex nodded.
I nodded.
“And . . . Action!”
The cameras were filming.
“Evelyn,” Alex whispered. “I’m so sorry.” His hand released mine from above my head, and I turned my head from my side to look at him. He had slipped into character so easily.
“Forgive me?” he continued as his hand touched my cheek, seconds before his lips kissed the same spot.
I swallowed nervously. I had to remind myself I was acting.
“I forgive you,” I whispered.
It was like we were solidifying our earlier conversation.
When we had been acting the angry scenes, this had all seemed so much easier. Now, with Alex touching me and kissing me tenderly, it was all very real, too real. He must have sensed my hesitation as he bent his head down to the pillow. “Don’t think about it,” he whispered. His hot breath warmed my already over-heated skin. “Just feel it.”
He shifted his hips, circling them against me as a low groan escaped both of us simultaneously. His lips moved back to mine.
I blocked out the quiet whirring of the camera at my side and lifted one of my hands onto the back of his neck. Caressing the soft hair that grew there, I continued to lose myself in kissing him. My other hand rested on his back, gently stroking his skin. He slowly broke away, rolling us over so that he was beneath me. I remained on top of him as he gazed at me. His eyes conveyed nothing but his affection and true feelings. He wasn’t acting, he was behaving just as I imagined he would if we were locked away together—alone.
Starshine Page 23
