by Jen Wylie
She did, tripping and stuttering over her words in her haste and panic.
It was her fault. She knew it was her fault. But it wasn't only hers. It had been a mistake, an accident.
When she finished, silence filled her mind and she wondered if that was it. If he'd say anything at all. I…I suppose I should speak with the king, she finally said quietly.
No. His angry voice snapped out, startling her. I will speak with him. I will tell him what you've done. Perhaps he will see some sense now.
She didn't argue. Taking a shuddering breath, she opened her eyes. One thing for certain, Rhee-En's voice was not as beautiful when he was furious.
A relieved sigh slipped out when he said nothing else. From his anger, she assumed he also had been friends with the Elf. She rubbed at her face, wishing she could rub the guilt away.
"What's wrong?"
"Rhee-En is not happy," she answered Kei.
He frowned, but then shrugged. "He will have to deal with it." Gesturing to the map on the ground before them, he continued, "Let's finish."
With Terris gone, they'd lost their forward scout. They debated sending Garen ahead, but decided it wasn't worth it. They had the map, which was fairly accurate. The loss of the four young Were caused more problems. They were left with no choice but to shorten their line, spreading Kei and Garen between the Fey of the group so they could still all communicate.
Aro's leg bounced as she sat on a fallen log, waiting for dinner to finish cooking. Guilt still clung to her insides and the thought of food made her nauseous. Despite that, panic and restlessness kept creeping up on her. Too much time wasted.
Kei kept her busy with plans, going over their supplies, checking their gear. He even sent her off to the nearest stream to get cleaned up.
Thump thump thump. Her foot just wouldn't stop.
"Baelan, watch the food."
"Of course."
She looked up at Kei, then at his hand held out to her. He wiggled his fingers and a small smile curved her lips as she took his hand and let him pull her up. He led her away from camp, not letting go of her hand. Somehow, it made her feel better.
When he stopped and turned to her she squeezed his hand, not wanting to let go.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, his eyes searching her face.
"Did you know? That this would happen?"
He looked away, his brows drawing together, before shaking his head. "No."
She let out a slow breath and nodded.
"It will get easier."
Lips pressed together, it was her turn to look away.
"It will, Aro. I promise."
Clenching her teeth, she jerked her head back around, angry words on her tongue. The look on his face stopped her cold. The guilt. The pain.
"You…" Words failed her, but she didn't need them anyway. Sometimes she forgot about Kei's past, how he'd spent years wild before her father found him.
Kei nodded, and then pulled her close. "Unfortunately, it's something I have remembered," he murmured. They held each other tightly, heads pressed together. Understanding.
Eventually he pulled back. "After you eat, try to get some rest."
"I don't think I could sleep." She didn't want to imagine what her nightmares would contain now.
He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "You need to slow down, Aro." When she shook her head, he grasped her face, holding her still. "I'm serious."
"Kei, I can't."
"Use the arrow to heal the Fey. Push too hard and it will break. Not enough and be too late. Understand?"
Rotting prophecy. "I understand," she whispered.
He rested his forehead against hers. "I can't lose you, Aro. Don't break."
Her breath caught in her throat as she wrapped her arms around him again. Warmth filled her. Even though the guilt wasn't gone, or the fear of Damon, she still had Kei. Though she worried a little, that she'd already broken.
∞ ∞ ∞
Insects chirped away as she stared up through branches, watching the odd star she could see. The fire popped and crackled, and murmured voices rose and fell, too quiet for her to make out any words. She wondered if the Fey spoke of her. Of what happened. What did they think of her now?
It didn't matter, really. After healing, she didn't have much to do with them all. The others, Kei and Garen, and even Baelan, dealt with their growing group of Fey. She was usually too exhausted to wander through the camp to speak with them. That was her excuse, anyway. She thought it a rather good one, and partially true. The looks they gave, awe and adoration…they made her so uncomfortable she just wanted to hide.
She pulled her cloak closer and shifted on the hard ground. Once the sun set, it took the day's warmth with it. Her eyes burned with fatigue. Tired, so tired.
She rubbed at her forehead. She should contact Roan, he'd worry if she didn't, but dreaded doing so. Dealing with a lecture, or worse, would be more than she could handle. Rot, he might even have known the Elf she killed. Her hand moved to her stomach as another wave of nausea rolled through her.
A wet nose nudged her hand. You think too much.
I know.
Talk to Roan. He makes you feel better. Then you can get some sleep.
She couldn't disagree with Garen. It's irritating when you're right.
He chuckled. I'll be here.
As the large Were settled down beside her, she took a deep breath to calm her nerves and closed her eyes. Maybe the pirate wouldn't notice how early it was. Are you busy?
After a brief wait he replied, I'm never too busy for you, Arowyn.
His words made her smile.
What's wrong?
Her smile faded. She should have known. She struggled to find words. I suppose you already know.
I've heard some things.
That was unexpected. She'd only been teasing. Also, a bit unnerving. So, he did have spies within the Were? She'd considered it a possibility, but for him to have already heard… either he had more than she thought, or the news spread quite quickly through the pack. Then I don't have to tell you and we can leave it that I had a rotting awful day.
You know that's not how it works. Tell me what happened.
She opened her eyes, startled at the anger in his voice, and cursed out loud.
Garen raised his head, his ears flicking toward her.
She grimaced but closed her eyes again. Sometimes she wondered if this was his own form of torture for her, always making her speak again of the horrible things that befell her. Gritting her teeth, she did as he asked, letting it all out in a jumble of quick words as he listened silently.
By the time she finished, she'd clenched her teeth so hard her head hurt. Keep control. If she broke down now she would never survive it.
She lay there, eyes closed in the dark, waiting for him to speak.
To say something. Anything.
Finally, It was not entirely your fault.
She had no response to that. His words certainly did nothing to lessen the guilt still clawing within her. He said nothing else and she wondered if that was it. His tone had been matter-of-fact. Neutral. Perhaps he'd finally had enough of her and her stupid mistakes. She couldn't blame him.
It hurt her heart though, because lately he'd lost his coldness. He comforted her when she needed it, and a part of her hoped for that again tonight.
The silence dragged on and finally she couldn't take it anymore. Goodnight, then, she said hesitantly.
I'm not done with you yet, his voice snapped out. You said Baelan knew the Elf. Did he recognize him before or after he was dead?
I…have no idea. Confusion filled her from his question, his tone of voice.
Details are important, he admonished. Heshel has not been back to Rivenward for decades. He could not have been sent by the Elven queen. He is also well known as a gentle soul. He would not hunt outcasts. Baelan would have known all of this, so why did he kill him?
I don't know, she began, flustered. Maybe he didn't recognize him. Or maybe
he saw me attack and thought I was in danger.
Or perhaps he killed him intentionally.
Why would he do that?
To cause problems. To become closer to you. There are many possible reasons. Do not fall for his trickery. He is old, and smart, and a survivor.
You said I could trust him. You insisted. It took a while, but now that I do, you're saying I shouldn't?
He is your servant. He will not harm you and will protect your life, that you can trust in. Anything else is not real, Arowyn. He does not care for you. You are his master and stand between him and freedom.
Everything he said made her more and more confused. Worry knotted her stomach. She had been getting closer to the Elf lately. Was it all a lie? She didn't know what to believe.
I swear I can hear you disagreeing with me. You never see the bad in people. Always so trusting, he said, irritation evident in his voice.
It's not a bad thing, she said defensively.
For you it is. You are destined for more, Arowyn. Do you understand?
No. Because no one told her anything. She wanted to throttle the man.
I don't know why I bother sometimes, he muttered. You are such a frustrating child.
His words were like a smack to the face. A punch to the gut. The fury within her rose quickly, protectively. Don't bother then. I don't need you! Obviously, you don't care about me either.
Don't be ridiculous. After all I've done for you–
Oh yes, I know, she interrupted scathingly. You remind me often enough.
What is that supposed to mean?
You have no problem keeping me in the dark, not telling me things, but telling me what to do, what to say, how to rotting feel! Maybe I shouldn't trust you either!
The silence echoed in her ears after their shouted words. How can you say that? His tone was softer now, but still cold, angry. A relationship is built on trust. I thought we had that.
What relationship? You're just a friend, if that, she snapped out, still furious with him.
A friend? A friend? Is that still all I am? The disbelief, the absolute anger in his words, shocked her silent.
He let out a frustrated yell, startling her. She easily imagined him stomping around his room, maybe throwing or hitting something in his anger.
I can't deal with you right now, he spat out.
Then there was once again, only silence.
Aro flung herself at the Fey, pinning her body to the ground as Kei grabbed the girl's hands, preventing the Fey from slashing her into pieces.
Hand on the girl's chest, she pulled, and pulled, and pulled. Her vision swam with black and red. Raw, wild fury vibrated within her so strongly she needed to clench her teeth to keep them from knocking together.
She should have let go of what she'd taken from the other two first, but there hadn't been time…
Finally, there was nothing more to pull, and she collapsed onto the Fey, breaths coming in fast pants as her entire body trembled. "Kei…"
Hands rolled her to the side, off the Fey, and she closed her eyes. She needed to get up, to let it all out, but couldn't find the strength to move. "Rot, she was strong," she muttered.
The girl started sobbing.
"Shh, you're safe," Kei whispered. "What's your name?"
"A-ava."
"You'll be just fine now, Ava. Cano!"
Hands pressed against her cheeks and she opened her eyes to Kei's worried face. "Come." He helped her up and hooked his arm around her waist as she stumbled through the trees away from the chaos of the new Fey being helped by those she'd already healed.
She stumbled and fell to her knees. Leaning forward and bracing her hands on the ground, she started to dry heave.
"Rot, Aro," Kei whispered, running a hand over her back. "Let it out, you'll feel better."
Opening her eyes, she stared at her hands. Blinked. Faint smokey tendrils slid around her fingers. Were they really there? She was going rotting insane. Insaner? Wonderful.
Sucking in a deep breath, she closed her eyes, harnessing the wild power ricocheting through her. Curling her fingers into the dirt, she pushed it out.
The force of it threw her backward, landing awkwardly on Kei as dirt rained down on them.
"Haven't done that in a while," she wheezed out, wondering how big a hole she'd left in the ground this time.
Kei grunted and shifted out from under her until he rested beside her instead. "Better now?" His golden eyes searched hers until she nodded. He let out a faint sigh and a small smile curved his lips. He leaned forward, pressing a light kiss to her dirty forehead. "Good."
Smiling, she closed her eyes, feeling giddy. He was back. Her Kei was back. She could handle anything now that she had him with her once more.
He brushed hair and dirt from her face, until laughing, she smacked his hand away.
"Rest a bit. I'll send the Elf over to deal with the hole."
Staring up through the trees, she saw not much of the day remained. "I'll have Garen look ahead for a good campsite."
"Good." He sprang to his feet and ran off as she contacted the Were.
"My lovely, what a delightful mess you've made."
Craning her head, she looked over to see Baelan standing with his hands on his hips, head tilted to one side as he looked at the ground before them.
She pushed herself up and walked over to him, brushing dirt from her clothes. Her nose wrinkled at the size of the hole. "Can you fix it?"
He flashed her a saucy smile. "Of course."
She stepped away, crossing her arms and leaning against a tree as she watched him send out runes, pushing dirt back into the large hole.
"What happened the other night?"
She glanced over at him and then away. "Nothing."
"Something did," he disagreed cautiously. "You've been acting…different toward me the last few days."
Had she? Roan's words bounced around in her head again. He confused her so much, she didn't know what to think anymore. "Did you know Heshel?"
He paused for a moment before continuing to work. "We had never met. I'd known of him."
She remained quiet, thinking his reply over. He walked up to her, his brows drawn together. "So, it does have something to do with the Elf. I'd thought so at first, that you were angry I killed him, but…something wasn't quite right. What is it?" He awaited her reply, gray eyes regarding her calmly.
She met his gaze. "Did you know who he was, before you killed him?"
"No." When she continued to stare at him he continued, "I saw his hand rise. I saw you attack. I killed him."
"Why did you wait until then? You were gone a while."
He frowned. "I wanted to see if he was a threat. I do understand not every Elf is trying to kill us," he ground out.
Looking away, she nodded. His words made sense. But then they would. If he was playing with her, he'd have this sort of conversation already planned out.
He huffed in irritation. "You don't believe me. You think I did this on purpose."
"Roan said–"
"Roan doesn't know anything," he snapped. "I cannot cause you harm, Arowyn. This whole rotting disaster has put you in distress. It's slowed us down, causing you worry. The Were are now an issue. There is no way I would have intentionally caused this. It is impossible."
She rubbed her forehead. Her brain was going to explode. His words made sense, but Roan's had, too. Maybe Baelan hadn't done this on purpose, but what else might he have done? Or do?
Turning on his heel, he walked over to her hole, now covered in loose dirt. He began stomping it down angrily. "You don't trust me now. That is the issue."
It wasn't a question, but she whispered her response anyway. "No, I don't."
He shook his head, silver hair flying from side to side. "That Roan causes you more problems…" He didn't finish, just kept stomping out his anger.
"Well, we had a fight. I don't think we're talking right now." Maybe. She hadn't heard back from him since that night. P
erhaps she'd hear from him tonight? She wasn't sure if she wanted to or not.
"Speaking of someone not to trust," he muttered, putting his hands on his hips and looking away. He suddenly clapped his hands together once. "They will still be a bit. Lesson time."
Her mouth opened and closed in surprise at his sudden change. "What?"
"We need to talk." He strode over to her and then dropped to the ground. "Sit."
Still confused, she sat in front of him. He held out a hand, palm up. She ignored it.
With a weary sigh, he shook his head. But left his hand out. "When you invite someone into your mind, or go into another's, it is a form of intimacy. You are vulnerable." He leaned forward slightly. "Which is why you don't ever do either if you don't trust them. Really trust them. Or know you are way more powerful than they are. Understand?" She nodded quickly. "Good. One reason, is that if you pay attention, if you know how, you'll find that you can know if they are lying. You can feel it here." He tapped his chest with his other hand. "So…come."
Still, she hesitated. She'd just said she didn't trust him. He said not to do this if she didn't.
"Arowyn," he said in exasperation. "I can't hurt you. Trust that at least."
She looked down at his outstretched hand, his fingers wiggled, urging her to take it. She supposed it didn't really matter. How many times had she gone into his mind, and him into hers, already?
Setting her hand in his, she noted the blood-stained bandages around his wrist. Had she been causing him pain again somehow?
"When you're ready."
Entering his mind, she immediately froze. Where was the little field of flowers? She spun around, finding herself surrounded by dark dead trees with grasping limbs. "Baelan?"
Spinning again, she suddenly spotted him between the trees and ran toward him.
He turned around as she approached, and she froze, her voice catching in her throat. The scar on his cheek bled. Bruises darkened his face and eyes. And his eyes… they were so empty. Yet, most horrifying of all were the runes on his neck and wrists slowly dripping blood.
"Have you come to punish me?"
His voice startled her as much as his words. Low and raspy, as if he'd been screaming for hours, days.
