by Rosie Praks
I didn’t say anything, couldn’t say anything else. At that moment, action spoke louder than words. So I rested my head on his chest, listening to that heartbeat drumming in his ribcage. He wound his arms around me, embracing me, drawing all the comfort I could give him.
My Julian, my dark prince. Here you’re blaming yourself for what happened in the past. Let it go. Please let it go.
I peeked at his face. His eyes were slightly obscured with his long fringe. He was avoiding eye contact with me again. But I could see the slight glistening of tears at the corners of his eyes. I pulled myself up until I was resting at the crook of his neck. Then I kissed those eyes.
“Let it go, Julian. Don’t blame yourself. She loves you. That’s why she did that.”
“I wish I would have been braver. Then I could have protected her. Then we’d be together again. I wish I could turn back time and live a normal life with her, not a life that’s so fucked up. I killed her, Kimberly. I killed her.
“Oh, Julian. Julian. Please, don’t say that.” I hugged him fiercely, not letting him go. In times like this, what he needed was my support. And so I gave it to him. I tugged his head to the curve of my shoulder and smoothed his hair. “You were so young. You didn’t kill her. She was trying to save you. She loved you. Please stop blaming yourself.
“But I could have protected her somehow.”
“How could you, Julian? You were a child. Please stop thinking about it. Let it go. Please.”
Julian didn’t move. He just rested in my arms, holding me so tight I could hardly breathe. He dug his head farther, burying his face deeper at the junction of my neck, craving the comfort I offered.
“Don’t let me go, Kimberly,” he murmured. “Please don’t let me go. I don’t know what to do if you leave me.”
“I won’t let you go, Julian. I won’t ever let you go. I love you.”
Julian had suffered so much. To lose a mother at such a young age. And to take the blame for her death too. How heartbreaking. This incident must have haunted him his whole life. I understood why he behaved this way now.
“How did the fire start?” I found myself asking, fingers still soothing his hair.
“Someone burned our house that night. But no one knew. All the evidence had been abolished.”
“Oh, Julian. Maybe it’s a sign for you to stop thinking about your past. Stop blaming yourself.”
“If I knew who did it, I wouldn't ever forgive them. I’d destroy them, just like they did to Mother and me.”
His pain was prominent through his voice. He hugged me so tight, like I was his only safety net. I hugged him back, stroking his black locks.
“Oh, Julian.” That was all I could say. The hurt. The pain. The revenge. He had so much anger within him. I wished I could erase all those negative emotions, suck them out with my kisses, destroy them with my love.
So I kissed him, hugged him, and said over and over again that I loved him, until he stayed quiet, embracing me within his arms.
I remained like this in his arms, wanting to bathe in this moment a bit longer. This moment was so intimate. We were bonding on a spiritual level, unlike most times where we were only connected through our carnal needs.
Julian had offered me a little something about his past. Maybe today he was generous. Or maybe I was just being greedy. So I asked him more. “Who is that woman?”
But Julian was back to his dominant self again. His fingers started caressing my cheek. Leaning closer to me, he asked, his voice dripping with sex, “Why, are you jealous?” His eyes teased me, his lips snarling.
Now we were back to our obnoxious, stubborn ways again.
“Me, jealous?” I pulled back, playing the provocative woman again. “Do you think I would be jealous of you? Julian, I’m a highly sexual woman. With a snap of my fingers, I can have any guy I want. Why would I limit myself to you?”
Julian brought his face forward until we were eye to eye. He smiled. His eyes lit up like he was having fun with our playful game. “Maybe because you love me and you want my body,” he spoke seductively.
“Who said?” I teased back.
“You said. Just moments before. Confessing to me you loved me, over and over.” He taunted me, kissing my cheek.
“I was having one of my moments. Don’t take it too seriously.” I kissed him back on his rough cheek.
“Really?” He quirked his eyebrow at me, teasing me with those kissable lips.
“Really.” I nodded my head, patting his jaw twice to show I wasn’t the least bit intimidated by him. “I’ll have you know, Julian, I’m no longer that stupid girl you played with before. I have a brain. I’m not going to be easily manipulated with anymore.”
“You say that, Kimberly, yet your other lips are begging me to manipulate them.” He flicked his eyes down my body and then back to my face. A big grin spreading his lips.
I felt his fingers then, playing at my sex. It was already swollen and throbbing again. I bought my lips to meet his, sucking at his soft flesh, ignoring that deep, insatiable need within me, because I knew soon enough, he’d make love to me.
And he did. This time he took me slow. So slow I almost pulled out his hair.
After our sated mating, I laid on his chest, a warm glowing feeling enveloping me.
“Please wait for me. All shall be revealed soon. And then I’ll tell you everything.”
“Please not too long. I don’t think I can carry on too long.”
Julian gently caressed my hair. “Not too long now. I promise.”
I smiled, relishing the feeling of being in his arms, reminding myself it wouldn’t be long now before Julian revealed to me more of his past and his secret. Especially the identity of the woman he was with.
* * * * *
“Yes. Yes. I’ll meet you there.”
“Where are you now?”
“I’m taking the stairs.” I huffed a little.
“Why not the lift?”
“Because I want to exercise.”
“Kimberly, just take the lift next time. It’s taking you too long.”
“Would you be patient? I’m coming down now.”
I was on the ninth floor. Julian was waiting for me down in main reception on the ground floor of the Devereux building. He'd just finished his meeting and came back early for our lunch date. He called me while I was still packing up my things. And now we were still talking while I was walking to meet him.
“Kimberly, say something.” His voice woke me from my thoughts.
“What do you want me to say? Do you want me to narrate all my movements? I’m now on the eighth floor. Now going on the seventh.”
“Just keep talking.” He sounded quite irritated, like something wasn’t sitting right with him today.
“What’s wrong, Julian? What’s the matter?”
“No. I just… I need to see you.”
I giggled into the phone. “Miss me already?”
“Yes. So come down now. If not, I’m coming to get you.”
“Gee. Just hold your horses, Mr. Devereux.”
Since we reached an understanding a few days back, I’d become accustomed to his ever-changing moods. Today his mood was sweet, wanting to see me urgently. Yesterday, he was mad at me because the clothes I wore were too revealing. What mood would I encounter tomorrow?
“Kimberly, talk to me.” His baritone voice rocked my heart awake again.
“Why are you so impatient today?” I shook my head, hearing the urgency in his voice.
“I don’t know. I don’t feel right. I need to see you.”
I felt a warm glow in my heart. So he was afraid I might be in trouble and wanted to make sure I was fine.
“Don’t worry too much.” I reassured him, taking another step down. “I’m on the fifth floor now. See you in a—”
I didn’t finish my sentence. A hard force pushed onto my back, and I fell forward, stumbling down the stairs. I landed on the floor in a crumpled mess. Pain shot up my leg in
stantly. And when I was about to yell out for help, darkness descended upon me and I lost consciousness.
* * * * *
CHAPTER 15
“How are you doing, child?” The soft, melodic voice floated into my semiconscious mind.
I fluttered my eyes open and saw a beautiful lady with midnight-black hair sitting next to my bed. She was picking at the fluffy blanket covering me, tugging it into place like Mama always did—before she passed away when I was younger.
Who is this woman? And where am I?
I glanced around the room. I was in the hospital. The memory from my fall came back with a vengeance. I panicked and restlessly tried to sit up. But the kind lady held me back down.
“Rest for now,” she said softly, her hand running along my hair, calming me.
Her voice really did soothe me. But her identity was still a mystery.
“Who are you?”
“You’ll get to know me soon enough.” She smiled.
And then my eyes closed again and I was lured to the land of slumber.
By the time I woke up again, Julian was sitting beside me, his head resting on my bed. He was asleep.
I ran my fingers through his black strands. How long had I been out? Had he been sleeping like this for a while?
“Julian,” I called to him.
Julian immediately woke up. His eyes registered me. He immediately enveloped me within his strong arms.
“Kimberly, oh God, Kimberly.” His voice was hoarse and dry, like he hadn’t had a good night's sleep.
I was trying to get up, but he braced me down again, his head hugging at my chest. His shoulders trembled; his grip was hard on my bare arms.
“Are you okay? Tell me you’re okay.”
His face was stark white. His eyes were bloodshot, red, raw, possibly from not getting enough sleep.
I felt pain in my leg. I didn’t think I was hurt anywhere else. It was only around my ankle. Possibly a sprain.
“Kimberly, tell me. You’re killing me here with your silence. Talk to me.”
I gazed up at him. “You don’t have to worry. I’m fine. Possibly just a sprained ankle.”
His eyes flared. “A sprained ankle?” he growled, bunching my shoulders in his aggressive grip and shaking me. “You’ve got a broken leg, Kimberly. A broken leg. That means you’re going to be in a wheelchair until you get better.”
“A broken leg.” I couldn’t believe my one small fall could result in such an outcome. “But still—”
Julian carried on with his berating, cutting me right off. “Why didn’t you listen to me when I said to take the lift? Why are you so stubborn?”
Julian started pacing around the room, growling and swearing like a mad man. He was violent and aggressive when he was angry. Which made me worry why he was so coiled up over this small incident.
“Look, if you’re worried we can’t have sex, I can still perform with a broken leg.”
Julian snapped his eyes at me, unbalancing my equilibrium for a split second. His gaze was so sharp and dangerous, like he didn’t want anyone questioning his authority or assuming he thought lightly of this situation.
“It’s not about the sex,” Julian growled again. “I can make love to you even when you’re asleep.”
I gulped, remembering that time in his yacht when he woke me by fucking me senseless at the crack of dawn.
“It’s about your safety, Kimberly. I worry about you. Your father has entrusted me to look after you, and I breached his trust.”
“So you only worry about what Papa thinks, then?”
“God, Kimberly, you’ve got it all wrong.” He came back to me and tried to shake this silly thought from my head. “I worry about you, got that? I’m freaking out right now. I can’t even think straight anymore. What can I do to make you safe? I’m not always here to look after you. I have work. But goddamn, I worry about you every single minute of the day when I’m not here next to you. So don’t you think it’s best if you go home, to Australia?”
I pushed out of his hug and stared at him accusingly. “So this is what it’s all about? You just want me to go back to Australia so you and that woman can cuddle up while I’m not here to watch you. Fuck you, Julian. If you want me to leave so much just say so. Just say it’s over between us.”
“Agh. For fuck's sake,” Julian growled, grabbing my hair and smashing our lips together. He kissed me hungrily, like he’d been starving for my mouth for centuries. He thrust in, drowning out my protests, drinking his desire, filling all his need, until I could feel the powerful urging deep within me. But still he didn’t stop there. He ploughed forward with his tongue down my throat, sizzling and drowning all my senses, until I was panting and out of breath. Then reluctantly, he pulled back.
“Was that enough to show I fucking want you?” His eyes flared open, his pupils filled with unbridled desire.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, panting slightly from the exertion.
Julian let me go and rested his head on my lap. He clenched his fists together, his whole demeanor changing to the softer, gentler Julian I knew.
“When I saw you lying there unconscious…” He started, his voice threaded with anxiety. “I thought I was going to die. I thought my life was over. I don’t know what to do if you’re not beside me, waking up next to me every morning.” He grasped my hand, entwining my fingers with his, then bringing it forward to rest against his chest, his heart. “Kimberly, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared. I’m so scared I might lose you.”
I knew then he loved me. Unconditional love. Despite it being a little abnormal at times, he loved me, just as I loved him.
“Julian.” I smoothed his hair, hoping to pacify him. “I’m sorry, Julian. I won’t ever talk about that woman again. I trust you. You won’t lose me. That I can promise you.”
Julian didn’t respond to me. I could only feel his heavy breath as he took in air. I continued to smooth back his black hair. I knew I should stop being selfish and put myself in his shoes. He must have been having a hard time dealing with everything. And now I was one of his responsibilities.
Suddenly, thoughts of Papa shifted through my mind.
“Did you call Papa already?” I asked, rousing him.
Julian sat up. “Yes. I called him. He’ll be on his way soon.”
“What? Why would you do that?”
Julian, who looked all worried before, suddenly changed expressions. “Why do you ask that? He’s your father. He should know.”
“It’s not that. Of course he should know, but I don’t want him coming over to visit me just because of one broken leg. Get me my phone.”
Julian complied, going through my bag to get my cell phone.
I called Papa immediately. “Look, you don’t have to come over,” I told him when he picked up the call. “Yes, I’m in hospital, but don’t freak out. It was only a little fall.”
“But, Kimmy-berry—”
“Papa, I said I’m fine. Julian’s here to look after me. You just look after yourself at home. Don’t worry about me. I should be out of hospital soon.”
“But you had a fall. Julian said you were unconscious and had to be taken to the emergency room.”
“Yes. I get that, but please…” I tried to reassure Papa again. “I’ll try not to be clumsy and fall…”
Something was triggered inside me. A distant memory. A missing piece of information I neglected before. There was a hard push. On my back. Making me fall. Leading to my broken leg.
I caught Julian’s gaze and locked eyes with him. He seemed to understand what was going through my head. He held my hand. I grasped his in return, drawing on his courage and strength. With my other hand, I held the phone, eyes still glued to Julian's.
“Papa, please don’t come over.” My voice trembled slightly, but I remained strong, pushing away that fear for now. “I’ll… when I get better, I’ll go home. We’ll Skype tonight, okay?”
I waited, my heart drumming in my chest
, for Papa to relent. Finally, he did.
I dropped the phone, unable to speak another word. I lunged into Julian’s embrace.
He reciprocated my movements. He took me into his loving arms, folding around me, protecting me. I took hold of his hands again and grasped them tight, allowing my fear to resurface.
“Julian, I… I didn’t fall.” My voice trembled as I said this. I watched him as he eyed me.
“I know,” he said quietly, running his fingers along my long chestnut tresses. “But it’s okay now, Kimberly. You have me. I won’t let anything happen to you again. I promise.”
Those words should have washed away the fear in my heart, but they didn’t. Because I knew my life was in danger. Someone was after me.
* * * * *
Chapter 16
I was drugged high on morphine for the next few days. Julian visited me morning and night. He made sure to eat breakfast with me, then came back after work to have dinner. Most nights he slept with me in the hospital bed, often making love to me until I was sated. Even with my broken leg, our sex life didn’t stop.
I also Skyped Papa every night, outlining my progress and telling him not to come to America. This was for his safety. I could go back to Australia if I wanted, but I didn’t. I wanted to know what the heck was going on here. And who planned to harm me. Although, I wasn’t sure yet if someone really was after me.
Today marked my second week in hospital. I was starting to get bored with the whole routine of waking up and sleeping again without any form of exercise or fresh air. Later on that afternoon, when the sun was at its highest, I ventured down to the garden next door to the hospital.
Apparently, it was this garden where I came to see Julian and that woman together. A little sting pierced my heart. Julian still hadn’t told me who that woman was. But I'd given him my trust. I couldn’t go back and ask him until he was ready to divulge.
